Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Paedo Paranoia

A tiring day of working on a big underdrawing to Christ In The Garden Of Gethsemane, and also preparing paintings for my forthcoming exhibition. But a worrying day, which is odd considering that this is the third day in a row I've had a love dream and awoke in bliss.

Two things play on my mind; a relationship conundrum (yet my dreams are at peace). The other thing was a casual insult on Thursday evening when a passer by shouted "peado!" at me.

Today there are few worse insults. At the time the event didn't affect me at all, in fact I was smiling and full of happiness after meeting Emma that night, but later this voice concerned me. My paranoia suspects that the instigator of the insult was a neighbour whom I avoid. His children, about my age, used to cast insults my way. Of course, the call might be a cry from a casual drunkard.

Fortunately my thoughts, my mind, my life, my "love life", and perhaps especially my sexuality, pathetic and empty though it is, is clearly displayed in my paintings, my poems, these words, and myself. I suspect that 99% of the population of the Earth don't understand my art, and perhaps the neighbour would think me yet more insane should he see it, but I don't care. I try to be the best person I can, and the best man, and the best artist. That is all.

The other thing on my mind can wait for another day. I might blog it. I might not.

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