John Deaconitis, All Things Bright And Beautiful Plans

Felt a little lost yesterday and over the weekend, darting from one thing to another in an unconstructive way. This was partly due to the circumstance of needing to visit Cotebrook on three consecutive days, that plus charging into developing 12 paintings at once, and aiming to write bits of my book - scattergun plans.

Last night I listened to my latest music purchase, Queen's The Miracle, an album which was (when it was released) our first CD purchase for our new and amazing CD player when I was 16 years old. Oddly, my memory of this event takes place in our old house in Culland Street, even though we left there in 1985 or so. Anyway, I've had Queen's albums up to The Game for years, but have recently decided to buy the rest as a reward for different milestones. I've bought the Deluxe Version, which comes in rubbishy cardboard packaging which went immediately into the bin; but the music is brilliant, especially the second CD. I didn't like the album much in the 1980s, but now I love it.

Last night I sang along, and have even jammed along on guitar, which is always great fun. At night though, I fell into a despair, and today too.

Today I think this is a new disease: John Deaconitis. I used to think that John, the so-called 'quiet member' of the band, somehow let the band down by leaving Brian and Roger to tirelessly (in every sense) perform and promote Queen since Freddie Mercury's death. Queen are uniquely a band with a fixed canon (we must discount the Queen and Paul Rodgers album); and Brian and Roger have promoted their legacy and performed their past works for longer, now, than the band itself was active.

John wrote 'I Want To Break Free', and I felt this was a not-so-hidden message. I suddenly felt that he was the most emotional member of the band, perhaps the most fragile. I thought of Anthony Phillips, the original guitarist from Genesis who couldn't cope with the pressure of being in a band and quit after one or two gigs. I, with Deaconitis, was hit again with the devastation of Freddie Mercury's death, and suddenly felt unable to continue in art. I thought of the desperate quest for financial security, which is an ever-present trap for art; nobody is secure, the engine of success is to charge forwards aflame. For an artist, art or death must be the only options, and only in death can an artist succeed.

In the morning I wrote a few more words to my oil painting book, then investigated plans for making some new stands for art photography, though these were distractions from my main plans of painting; these unwelcome distractions due to my searching brain. Then, at last, I felt cured and started to work on one of the new painting ideas. One way to limit being overwhelmed is to plan works in group of 4. Here's the original idea:

The painting is as much a mood as anything, perhaps a quest for love or recognition. I expanded this a little, using a dandelion as a visual theme. Now the figure in repose, perhaps like the woman in The Untouchable Strawberry, is a monolith and monument. I changed the title to 'All Things Bright And Beautiful'.

In my mind, it's a funerary monument, yet organic and beset with weeds, a monument to art. It's not so much personal as heroic and romantic. I'll complete the drawing transfer this evening. Tomorrow I aim to paint Kafka. Onwards we charge.

Deserted Party Dream, Cotebrook Collection

I dreamt of a party. It was night, downstairs in a house somewhat like this one. My parents were present, and I think Deborah. I was looking at a picture frame, examining the gold and dusted edge, a finish like the God Being Killed frame from Cotebrook. Derren Brown arrived and wanted to show us a trick. I went upstairs to drop off the frame, my mind focused on my art work. I came down to find the house dark and empty, I was alone. In distress I searched and cried for the others to no avail. I'd never felt so alone.

The dream woke me for many hours, hunger was perhaps a factor as I'd eaten perhaps 1000 calories yesterday due to strange food times. Slept accidentally until late and woke feeling exhausted, a feeling which persisted for most of the day.

I followed Mark Eaton on Instagram, an oil painter and excellent portrait artist whom I met at the Cotebrook opening. Wrote a few hundred words of my painting book, and prepared the frame for the Claire Luce portrait, which I must photograph before Friday. Then, the trip to Cotebrook to collect my paintings. I felt that my work stood out but my works had no response from public votes; this is normal.

Discounting speaking with my darling Deborah, I perhaps speak more words when singing on my albums than I speak to most humans in other ways in a typical year. I've had more social, more isolated times; and recent years have been the latter. I noted that we've had no Fall in Green performances or engagements so far in 2026.

This evening, working on a painting drawing. Only after the meal at 17:30 do I have any energy.

Onwards we roll our heavy rock. Nature's sun welcomes us, a new day of art beckons.

Art Choices, Cotebrook Drop

Spent much of yesterday checking competition dates and organising. I may enter the Stockport Open next week, and checked my RWA entries. I didn't enter the RWA last year, so I could enter those planned pieces this year (only on my first attempt in 2016 did I have a painting selected for the RWA; 10 years, I tried again in 2017, 2018, 2023, 2024).

Wrote about brushes in my How to Paint book in the afternoon, before the drop-off to Cotebrook Village Hall near Tarporley, of which the launch is later today.

Also scanned many painting ideas which I thought were good, that deserved to be painted. Idea after idea seem brilliant, deserving of being seen, being painted. Almost tearful at them and the huge lack of visibility for these. I sized the ideas and marked the paper. I needed criteria of which to paint. Many are distinctively mine, many have pathos - these are two key criteria; but what will be their destination? Most of my art over the years has simply say here, unseen or rarely seen. I enter competitions and exhibitions, and now have a gallery to sell works, but much of my work isn't commercial in the decorative sense. Some would suit museums, the Kafka portrait for the Kafka Museum, 'Self Inspection At Theresienstadt' for the Jewish Museum, or in Israel, with Fritta's. The Dadd painting should be in the Tate; yet most of my work would really need a Mark Sheeky Museum because it barely fits anywhere else.

I can charge into painting, I can paint faster than ever, and this year my plans are for larger paintings. This means that each painting takes longer, costs more in materials and resources, and takes up more storage space, but large works are more easily sold and more impressive in any event, so perhaps larger is better, except that it limits quantity of art because larger paintings take more time.

It's interesting that my work largely emulates Dali's in size; a huge variety from tiny to large, though I rarely paint over 1M (The Invisible Woman is 69x120, Revelation 120x74). Most competitions now limit size to under 1M, and these are hard to show or transport anywhere. The new gallery will be my first chance in years to show and sell these large works. Revelation, for example, is unframed and have only been shown for one day during our first Fall in Green performance, 14 Jul 2017

Benatar Layer, Song Of Innocence Glazing

Hopes to glaze the Pat Benatar painting today, but the eyes needed adjustment, so did with a secondary opaque layer, a post-underpainting.

Then added a second glaze layer (and the signature) to the simple portrait of beauty 'Song of Innocence'. I rarely add more than one glaze layer, but I felt that this painting, destined to be and be defined by its smoothness, would benefit from another glaze. No quicker was the brilliant glaze finished than it looked again unstarted. So it is with glazing. The painting looks rough, glazing makes it smooth, and at the end seems to look no better; an illusion, the smoothness and colour changes become homogenised in your eye's psyche. This is, so far, my most Mona Lisa of paintings. Prettier than any, smoother than any.

The Daisy and Kafka paintings (and now Benatar) are the only ones left to glaze, so new ideas are needed. But what? I have too many, each with different appeal, and crucially none appeal more than others. Prize-winning appeal is different from commercial sale appeal, and 'artistic' power, for for certain types of contemporary art prize, is often totally uncommercial, and may not win a prize either. Personal delight or personal solace in an idea is different too. Are we making a point, sending a message; or merely making something pretty, or interesting?

How To Paint Book, Banana Surprise Glazing, Love And Fragility Complete

Spent most of yesterday working on my 'How to Paint' book, which is already my biggest book in word-count and it doesn't feel so much as half written. There are many issues, chiefly the overall structure and adding more personality and verve over the dry technical points. It is ultimately a technical manual, but needs more than this, it needs to inspire more than inform. I realised, when writing, that this era of free and instant access to technically correct information makes personality and opinion much more important than mere fact. Perhaps this is why opinion is valued; it's the humanity among the dry data. The phenomenon of Populism is the worship of opinion over academic fact; perhaps this is why.

My painting has technically improved a lot this year, partly due to the analysis in this book. My own book has helped codify elements which were before esoteric.

Most of the today was too slow and too tired. I awoke after a long sleep of many dreams. It took hours to feel awake, and at 16:50, I still feel half dazed. Despite this I pushed on with painting and have glazed 'Beware Of The Banana Surprise', and then a glazing of the new ear and neckline of the male figure in 'Love And Fragility In The Age Of Perfection'. The neck and ear were, before this, poor in tone and finish but now almost stand out as the best part of the painting. If there is an error to correct the key steps are wait for everything to dry, then glaze with opaque underpainting colours, then re-glaze. This worked on The Starcrossed Escape too.

H Beam Piper Glazing 2, Art Filing, New Canvas Stretching Method

Second and final day of glazing the H Beam Piper portrait yesterday, but I'm unhappy with some aspects and will consider options. Much of the afternoon was spent re-organising my art catalogue, ensuring that I have an image filed correctly for as much as possible, and a shortcut image for everything that does have an image. A few artworks have no images, when I have the artwork and am able to add one, so I scanned and added a few of these. This is still the case for some artworks, mostly for sculptures and items I've filed as artworks, like my piano stand or router table, which aren't really artworks, but still need documenting, to learn from.

Backups today, and singing training. This afternoon, stretched a canvas with a new method.

These metal clamps grip the canvas lip at each opposite, then I pull the canvas taut with the Irwin bar clamp. The canvas is then held taut, so I staple each end. This is a very slow process, two opposite staples at a time, creeping from the canvas centre to the edge on alternating sides, but it's much better than the exhausting attempts at gripping this slippery canvas with pliers, and trying to staple with one hand while holding the tension with the other. This method also centres the tension correctly, as both sides are held taut before stapling.

One 24x34 inch canvas, the same size at the Mechanauts, has just taken me 90 minutes to stretch in this way, and it was still very tiring, as each clamp needed to be screwed (and released) very tightly, but the results are excellent, better than I've ever achieved before; and this method is more foolproof, a procedure that doesn't require trained skills or strength. With everything I do I think, how can I do it better? Only by asking this can things actually become better.

I have another canvas to stretch, but I'm out of 10mm staples, so must wait.

H Beam Piper Glazing Day 1, Replacement Cap For Blockx Oil Paints

Painting today. Day 1 of glazing the H Beam Piper Portrait. Hard to believe the underpainting was on 26th of April. I was looking forward to this glaze. It went well, although there are still several technical aspects of the painting I'm unhappy with, but will learn. He certainly has a 1950s look, and I keep being reminded of Tamara de Lempicka's chemist portrait.

Two of my Blockx oil paints have split caps so I decided to try and make a replacement using Polymorph. I heated up 2.43g and formed the transparent grains into a line, then dabbed them dry them before spiralling this hot snake around the cleaned tube thread, then formed the top into a 'T' shape. It seems to work, now cool I can see that the thread has been cast in this plastic. The shape is instantly better than the tops the oils come with.

I can't be sure if my caps are sufficiently air tight without a long wait. As an alternative, I clamped the split cap and filled its rim with hot-melt glue to effectively fix the old cap too. I rather prefer my new T-top design though, so will give this a try first.

Art Filing

Bah to a long day of feeling like I've hardly done a thing! Started by releasing War And Nuclear Love on Bandcamp.

Much of the work of the day was going through my full art catalogue to check that I have sample images of every artwork. I have a folder for each artwork which contains the full scan and all of the necessary materials used during creating it, but also a second folder with big thumbnails, images of every artwork for quick access. This doesn't have all of the artworks however, and there are a few, like colour variations or deleted works that weren't in my artwork spreadsheet either, so have done a lot of work today tidying and correcting this. This will ultimately, one day, assist in large scale batch conversion of my artwork; if this is ever needed.

The filing tasks are endless, but I must aspire to creating actual art.