A long sleep of many dreams and such languid laziness interrupted by spurts of waking. I became sad and worried about the toothache which has been with me for about two weeks, knowing I have no NHS dentist.
I listened to a moving and inspiring radio programme about Lancashire artist Michael Ashcroft. It made me somewhat melancholy and feeling like a failure as an artist, yet I was being romantic. I've had ups and downs, won prizes and now have work in two museums, counting the music from the Salomé project. I've never managed to find an art gallery interested in selling my work, and rarely sell a painting; yet I am able to continue to live and work as I do. I regularly exhibit, passing the jury in open competitions; have received the occasional commendation and exhibited in a few venues of prestige, though I usually feel that my best work is not selected and that the most mainstream and pretty works are favoured over the powerful paintings I feel convey something new and arresting.
Yet, I keep trying without compromise. My many artworks vary hugely in style and depth. The 'Will You Be My Snowflake?' song is a world away from the painting 'The Angels Musing Over All That Is Left Of Rachel Hudson', yet I try to make both the best they can be in their fields. Artists can only make what our passions instruct, and we can only pursue those passions and interests, whether good or bad. We grip the rope and must hold on until the journey ends, whether it pulls us under the waves or to heaven.
After such musing I started work on the list of the day, and today's rope pulled my limbs a little upwards.
I sang new vocals for 'All The Broken Flowers', and these were instantly better than the 2018 vocals. I mixed them and the album was complete. The rest of the day has been spent working on the huge job of preparing the album for release; breaking up the tracks, submitting the music for distribution, listing on Bandcamp, burning archive CD copies, compiling the final videos, archiving the Argus and Prometheus files, registering the music with some of the many different music authorities, and lots of other paperwork, half of which is still pending.
I have a sore throat and upper chest. Deb is ill with a cold and I probably have the same virus.
I started The Modern Game remaster on Nov 3rd, and now it's complete. I'm pleased with it, and pleased to complete it. Once done, I can work a bit on the Will You Be My Snowflake? videos, and prepare for next week's live events.
So many ropes pull me in different ways... which will win?
