Panels, Silver Diver

A slow day, wanted to take the day a bit easier. Toned the panels and traced over the drawings for the Pat Benatar paintings. Then got to work repairing a sculpture which Paul gave us a few years ago. It was bought second hand, and pardon the pun that it was sold without a right hand. It had broken off in its earlier life. I decided to model a new one.

First I filled the arm hole with Sculptamold, a mix of plaster and paper fragments which is a wonderful material to use. Its only downside is that it has a rough, oat-porridge-like texture, it can't be perfectly smoothed. As a gap filler it's wonderful, and it's very tactile and easy to model with. Then, modelled a hand from grey Milliput. I remember buying a pile of it cheaply, but it's rubbish stuff. The only good Milliput is the fine white, and even that isn't very good. Milliput is often flaky and dry, and a nightmare to mix. It remains flaky and stiff, and can crack and behave in generally horrible ways when using it. It sticks to everything , except itself, and stains everything badly, so it ruins gloves and tools, while falling off the sculpture that it is supposed to grip. I may throw away the lot I have.

Air-dry water-based clay is a little easier to handle but shrinks badly. This doesn't stick to itself (and will fall apart when dry) and has far too many other flaws to be useful professionally - but I use it for lighting models because it is cheap. Oil plasticine (or other oil-based clays) are by far the best thing to model with, but they don't dry. I'd love an oil-based clay which dries very slowly like oil paint. Perhaps a mix of clay, a linseed oil (stand oil?) and a resin, like Laropal A81 in some solvent, might make an interesting material. Would Laropal alone make a clay? It may be too sticky, and this would set by evaporation so may also shrink.

Anyway, the hand was modelled over a few hours to an adequate degree.

It's impossible to match the mirror silver finish, so I've painted it with oil size mixed with mars black, then applied artificial silver leaf. This gives a wrinkled, tin-foil type of finish, but may look better when all dry and cleaned up. While working on it, I pressed too hard and the hand came off (proof that Milliput doesn't stick well, it's also rather weak as a material; almost every other epoxy clay I've tried has been smoother, stronger, and stickier). I glued the hand back with viscous superglue. Now it's all drying.

Banana Pat Benatar Sisyphus, Philosophy of Drawing

A somewhat slow day. I've developed the ideas for the paintings for the two small frames I bought last Wednesday. I'm unsure if they are good ideas or not, or, if good, are worthy of larger compositions, and if not are worth painting at all. The eternal choices. My original vision was a pair, this pair, and the aim was to develop them for the two new frames. I still need ideas for them - if the ideas become 'too good' and so worthy of larger frames, that process could continue forever! So I'll stick to the original plan. If an idea is good, it is good at every scale. Small means, at least, faster work, and the small panel completed yesterday (a similar size to today's ideas) is beautiful and no worse for its size.

So, an hour or two drawing out the paintings, and this evening sawing two panels, as the small size would suit a smooth panel better than canvas. The portrait of Pat Benatar is tricky due to the flat lighting in the photo. Painting from a photograph is no easier than painting from life, and when harder it is because details one knows are there (like the edge of a nose...) are invisible. In this case, the eyes, nose, and lips float in white space, making placement of these features triply difficult.

Andy Warhol would trace this, but the aim of painting a portrait isn't to duplicate a likeness, just as the aim of singing isn't to hit each note for the correct duration - the aim is expressiveness. An artist like Bryan Ferry or David Bowie is great due to expressiveness, not technical accuracy. Freddie Mercury was highly accurate in pitch and timing, yet (even setting aside his brilliance at composition and piano playing) it was his expressiveness which made him a star singer. The same is true in drawing, which is why it must be done by hand.

I feel I should have done more today but have felt tired and lazy at times.

Love And Fragility, Don't Talk To Me Glazing

My mouth seems to be healing correctly. I must hope that it does so. I can't wait to be able to eat and clean my mouth normally.

Painted today, the final bit of glazing Love and Fragility, then later the glazing layer to 'Don't Talk To Me About Love'.

I added more to Love and Fragility. The smoothness of some areas made them a little too flat and boring. I referred to the idea sketch and tried to move the painting towards its mood, I think I did.

I'm no longer a surrealist, although I was this only rarely. At first I'd design paintings carefully, then at some point developed instant unconscious ideas as sketches. These were and remain the root of my paintings. At some point I aimed to stick to those ideas explicitly, as in 'Malformed Phoenix Embryo' for example, which was the idea sketch blown up and nothing more. In a way, this is the pure expression of surrealism, that unconscious idea without consideration or filtering.

I don't do this now, but compose paintings carefully with thought, in the same way as I compose poetry and music. This is because creating 'any old thing' as instantly as you think it is too easy; it especially makes bad poems. In painting, there is the skill of execution, but it's still easy compared to a well planned artwork. Now, my paintings are crafted, with visual themes or other symbols or elements, each carefully considered. This takes longer, but hopefully produces better works. The new H Beam Piper painting, and 'The Howl Quakes The Empty House', are better for having been thought of and considered over several days, and I've done this with Love and Fragility too. After pre-planning paintings for years I'm now adding elements and making adjustments as I paint, and today I did this.

There is a balance of smoothness and detail, and I think the male face in that painting would technically benefit from another layer. The source image was/is so poor that it defies an ideal. It may suffice.

'Don't Talk To Me About Love' is definitely prettier after a second layer, a work on smooth panel really benefits from layers.

Apart from smoothing and enhancement to elements like the sea, I've changed the second cross a little to look more dagger-like, as this was ambiguous in the idea sketch.

Goodbye Tooth, Painting Works

A terrible night of stomach disturbances, awake for much of it. In the morning, made a dental appointment, then performed monthly backups. The appointment was at noon, and by 12:20 the tooth which had caused 5 months of troubles was gone, so I am now in recovery from this operation.

I managed to glaze a little on Love and Fragility, in better spirits despite the soreness. I mixed magenta with transparent mars red to create the most beautiful shades of transparent scarlets, and every red between. These hues became the 'tie' in the painting. I've sketched a few ideas. Two new frames bought on Wednesday were beautiful, although small. I plan on painting a series of two for them, also inspired by Pat Benatar, whose music I also purchased on the day; 80s power-rock, just my style. The two paintings, if I decide to paint them, will be feminist scherzi.

Love And Fragility Glazing

A strangely horrible and miserable day glazing 'Love And Fragility In The Age Of Perfection'. I awoke feeling tired, lacklustre and unmotivated, but pushed myself to paint. The painting process was slow, the results largely on track, but my mood remained persistently poor. Perhaps my swollen mouth is contributing to this, perhaps this is an abscess not a mere gum injury.

The painting is about half complete. Unsure if I should paint under these circumstances again, as I'm sure the quality if affected, but I must do something. Backups tomorrow, but may paint later.

Music Pages, Hope and Death, Painting Thoughts

Today, updated the music pages of my website to include a Spotify embed, and removed the smaller booklet page images, and track list except for albums not on Spotify. This simplifies the look and the logic of the page's code:

Also submitted a track to Tom of Aldora Britain Records for a 50p promotional album to be distributed with other artists. I sent an image of my 'Abandoning Someone' painting for use as the cover. Later, glazed the small 'Hope and Death' painting. It's much better looking now and only took about 60 to 90 mins to glaze, but it took about an hour to become enthused for this necessary job.

I'm still reading Kafka and wonder if I'm like Kafka or being bent towards him with his words. At times I feel squeezed out artistically, but and yet perhaps don't. I'm eternally creative and eternally busy; it is Kafka who writes about being squeezed and when I feel these slight periods of stoppage, I recall his words and being. I tend to pause only for a short time before darting on a new and more alluring tangent, like the router table. Today I thought of darting out for wood to make the inner bevel, the insert, for one of the frames I have - yet I have no painting for that frame, so it would be a waste of time and money in the short term.

Perhaps even the router table is or was a waste of time, yet my instincts seem to work well, and many follies or diversions tend to become invaluable over time. My painting abilities, my music abilities have grown because of a drip drip of hundreds or thousands of little innovations, many fractions-of-percent's of improvement over many years.

As I age I find I have less solid focus on one thing. Years ago I would work on one game for months or years (The Heart of Aorkhan, Arcangel, both multi-year projects on which I did nothing else - to my detriment, I should have given up or expanded on other bow-strings). Now I dart between more jobs, yet this darting leads to more refinement. The process is like adding the fringes on a fern, or the last stages of evolution, compared to the solidness of the leaf and core design. Ageing itself and evolution seems to echo this. Animals from millions of years past seem to look smoother, be less detailed, somehow. The universe too, older stars are more crude and chunky, the newer ones with a wider range of elements, more detail. I am struck by these links between the micro and macro, the body and universe.

So what must I focus upon? What should my goals be?

Music Animations, Exhibition Entries

Spent this morning making 24-second vertical format videos for every music track on The Myth Of Sisyphus and War And Nuclear Love. In the afternoon, entered the next RBSA open exhibition, and prepared labels and details for the other three local exhibitions I'm taking part in; Bunbury, Tarporley, Bickerton. My mouth remains swollen and in bad shape. I felt too tired and somewhat dopey after 3pm to do much.

I should ideally prepare a study for the Telepathic Daisy painting, and start to glaze existing works now. The Good Vibrations event on Wednesday means I can't paint, then so can't paint tomorrow on a big work either.

H Beam Underpainting Complete

Completed the H Beam Piper underpainting today. Challenging due to the glazing of the text areas but I'm hopeful that challenges can be overcome.

H Beam Piper Painting Day 1, Tooth Pain Returns

Started early today by cleaning the gilding on the H Beam Piper portrait, then began the underpainting. Painting oil portraits is challenging, made more difficult by painting on a smooth panel. This was made more difficult still by being larger than life, and by having a poor resolution black and white photograph as the primary source, and made yet more difficult by the need to change the expression from mild delight into to worry. I met this challenge.

A good day of painting but tainted by tooth/gum pain, seemingly a recurrence of my problem from February. The pain has grown after lunch into an unblockable ache at time of writing. Back then, my dentist could do nothing except offer a mouth shield, which I've worn diligently each night. It has had absolutely no effect. My only choice is to cope with the pain. I pray that it will subside soon.

Cat Bat Nightmare, H Beam Piper Transfer, Framing Descartes Again

A sleepless night. Awoke at 2am and remained awake until about 7am, then slept into a nightmare. I was pursued and tormented by two witches who were perhaps my mother and another relative (both young however). They were undead and chasing me around a house and laughing. Our cat, Cat, back from the dead was there, now malevolent, and could transform into a long thin bat which had a sharp claw at the lower end, which would flick out to attack a victim. I knew this this sting was deadly and had to dodge its whip many times. I spent much of the dream running a hiding, being discovered and running again.

Cat was perhaps in my mind as it was recently the 6th anniversary of her death; she once caught a bat in out garden. The bat in my dream was primarily inspired by an object in the Telepathic Daisy painting I drew out yesterday, a shape representing the spectre of death inspired by a rag of clothing in the wind in Wyeth's 'Christina's World'.

I worked today as I could. First, tracing over the H Beam Piper drawing to the new panel. This time I transferred the book text using a laser print on newsprint. This thin paper jammed the printer every time (I tried thrice) but perhaps because of this, the toner was not set and remained loose and dusty on the paper - perfect. I pasted GAC100 on the substrate and stuck the (mirror image) paper down. Once dry, it was easy to wet and rub away the paper for a very good transfer of the image, and archival, flat, and suitable for oil painting over. When drying I applied gold size and new gilding, so the panel is now ready to paint.

Then, work on a new frame. I've decided to enter the Descartes painting into the next RBSA exhibition (my first attempt at an entry there since 2019 - I say attempt, but I've been lucky in getting something in every time I had tried at that liked gallery - I can only hope for this again). Its frame is shared between three paintings of the same size, including the Cromwell portrait which will be in Nantwich Museum at the time, so I need to prepare a new frame. An ideal time to test my new router one my think - but no; I have no money for wood, yet do have some old framing wood in stock, so have decided to use the last couple of lengths to create a new frame. Two 2.4M lengths are needed for this big frame, so I started the first step of gluing the decorative flat front piece to one behind, leaving a 10mm recess.

After that, tracing over the Telepathic Daisy drawing. I'll paint some portraits for next years RBSA Portrait Prize. I wonder if this Descartes painting would have counted? Perhaps. Many of my portrait ideas will be surrealistic looking, of course, such as the Kafka.

Painting Struggles

Something of a frustrating day. I didn't want to charge into painting as the last few days have been tiring and long. I started with simple admin, documenting the router table, then looking at a few art ideas. Suddenly enthused, I scanned two: the Kafka portrait and one called 'The Earthly Concerns Of A Telepathic Daisy':

I prepared and drew this out but the composition had problems. The square shape and central face made it too flat and unexciting. I needed to add more, so did this and have referenced Wyeth and Van Gogh - both relate to the subject. I've sized it for 400x400mm, a little larger than in the past few years. I'm starting to size things larger this year.

At times I don't know why I'm painting what I'm painting. I seem to walk the line between too arty to be decorative, too arty to be 'liked' or imagine placed in the middle of a stylish wall; yet not arty enough to win a contemporary art award or attract serious collectors or critics. This said, the 'contemporary art awards' I see favour pretty decoration anyway. I look at some of my works, like the long awaited, long dreamed of, Rachael Hudson painting and wonder who would like such a thing? Only me perhaps. I don't feel it would win an award, or even be selected for a competition, despite its uniqueness. Indeed it hasn't yet been chosen to be displayed. I have similar issues with the Kratos cabinet, the AI Vermeer. Too arty? Not decorative enough? Not arty enough? Perhaps I could add more to the Hudson painting, make it all better. I have plans, had plans, for a whole Rachael Hudson installation. It would take my pointless, uncommercial, undecorative art to an extreme.

So, I'm starting to imagine a setting, a wall, a competition. I've not done this much, I chiefly consider how 'good' the idea is to me, and that's all. One offshoot of this thought is the desire to paint larger. I now have a few exhibitions and competitions in mind, so can think of what to create for those.

After lunch I started work on the text element of the H Beam Piper portrait (a painting ideal for such a competition). I stuck some collaged book pages to the panel and didn't like the texture. I became more seriously worried about the archival stability of the old and scented newsprint of this ancient yellowed book. I felt sure it would have become browner and browner, and ruined the painting. So, I scraped it off and decided to try an image transfer of the text instead, in the more permanent medium of laser print.

My test transfer on a piece of wood worked, but alas the actual transfer didn't - it melted the acrylic priming, and worse, heated the glue of the surrounding masking tape so much that it became permanently gluey and mixed with the acrylic priming. Essentially, the panel was ruined; and with it, two days work of preparation and gilding.

So after that, I found more more MDF, and sawed a new panel. I've just prepared that. I am unsure, however what to do about the image transfer.

The RBSA Prize Exhibition has a deadline of the start of May. Could some new work be finished? I fear that most of the competitions have deadlines that are so close that I can barely make any. I started my painting year in April. Most competitions need work in May - hopeless.

We can but try our best in the forlorn trudge of life. Let us roll our rock, eye on the horizon. We have far to go before the eternal sundown.

Life and Dreams, Router Table Day 3

One brilliant thing about the film Midnight Cowboy is how it shows one truth; that we spend much of our lives aiming for a dream, in Rizzo's case a warm place of comfort and peace by the sea, but how that, in reality, we end up dying before this dream becomes a reality. In my case my dream is a house of my own, a place to live and to work. A house with an art studio, a workshop to create my inventions, devices, picture frames and sculptures, a music room, a garden to enjoy with Deborah and our dream cats. It can seem at times that this dream is getting closer, even just at our fingertips reach, but a certain critical moments it vanishes in a puff of reality.

Felix Mendelssohn spent his life trying to please his disapproving father, and died failing to do so. Kafka wrote about 'the eternal torments of dying', a description of the general job of living. The tragedy of life is that all things are dying, everything in the universe. The cruelty of entropy to those aware of the transience of data integrity. Dying is data loss; loss, loss. Losing grip of what once was. Life melts into mist like one's dreams.

It's now shortly after 3pm and I've just completed the bulk of the work on the router table. The cradle and it's holder drilled, and rivnuts fitted. The main guide bolts fitted, the table tested, then a 36mm hole drilled in a pile of wood for the vacuum cleaner holder. This is the last remaining step before the initial plans are complete. I may need to add some wheels to hold the wood down, or make other modifications.

Anniversary, Router Table Continues

Yesterday marked 10 years since I first met and interviewed Deborah on Artslab. We spent the day together to commemorate the day. I managed to enter a new exhibition in Cotebrook near Tarporley.

Today, charging into a list of jobs. Entered the Morecambe Poetry Anthology competition, but most of the day was spent working on the router table. First, marking verticals, and some thoughts about a hoover attachment. For this I decided to cut a 100x21mm slot in the lower wood, and I'll make a box (which will fit the hoover pipe) which will slot into this.

Then, drilling the ends, and recesses for fixed nut ends. Then, glueing the rollers. These need to be precisely placed, so are best glued then drilled and screwed. The 21mm ends were then glued to the base, and the right and lower bars glued to the router cradle. I might need to design some sort of firmer clamp for this to hold the router solidly.

I've glued the wood with the hoover attachment slot partly cut so that it can be placed accurately. Once set I'll make the final cut.

Router Table Plans

I mused at the possibility of a 'day off' for a few minutes last night, but no, this can wait until old age and infirmity! I started the day with my regular exercises. For more than a year I'd performed a sit-up for each year of my age every other day or so. Yet, today, I hardly need have.

I started the final planning work on a router table. It will be a fixed slab of wood with two channels with rollers facing inwards to guide a length of wood down. These sit 35mm (later amended to 36mm) below the baseplate of a router fixed into a cradle. This cradle will be removable, so that future tools can be used. In mid-morning, the little wheels arrived in the post, so only the wood remained, so I dashed a mile to B&Q and picked this up; then sawed the main parts, including precision cutting an oval for the router base-plate.

There are a few key part. The first is the cradle. For this I've cut a hole in 6mm MDF to match the router base plate. This will hold it firm, and will have taller edges glued to it to give a snug fit. The router will sit on a 10mm wide and 15mm deep shelf to float in the right place, 300mm down the 400mm long track.

The second consideration is the mechanism to move these tracks in and out, the adjustment for exact placement and width of the wood to tool. I'll use long M6 bolts. I couldn't decide the best option. Screwing them to fit may be easier, but there's always some looseness in that, so the blots will slide instead and use two nuts, one each side to exactly clamp it into place. There are 4 bolts for the 2 tracks, so I expect setting up will take some time, but many jigs and tables like this take time to set up.

The wood parts are cut:
1x 12mm MDF base, 280x500m.
2x 15x15mm pine track lengths, 400mm.
2x 36x21mm pine lengths, 400mm.
2x 70x15mm pine lengths for the router shelf, 230mm (this doesn't extend the full 400mm length of the track, only needs to be long enough to hold the router (or future tool) cradle. 230mm is generous, only 146mm is actually used here.
1x 6mm MDF plate for the router cradle, 252x146mm, with hole cut to exact fit the router base plate.
2x 15x15mm pine lengths for the cradle top/bottom edges, 210mm.
2x 46x15mm pine lengths for the cradle sides. These are wider than 15mm to fit the bolts which will make this cradle removable (you can glimpse the cradle so far in the top of the third photo).

Plus: 10x draw casters/rollers.
4x long M6 bolts.
And several nuts, rivnuts, and screws. Much will be glued to an exact place first, then drilled and screwed for extra strength.

I may need a vertical roller or two to gently press the wood down, but this may be overkill. There's room in the design for some.

The Blood of Winter Underpainting, Laropal Wood Stain Ideas

Three steady days. Added gold leaf to the H Beam Piper painting on Thursday. Yesterday and today underpainted 'The Blood of Winter':

Last night, after the step above, went to the Hopes and Beams poetry and short story open mic. This event is unusual in that about half of the readings are stories rather than poems; last night more than half. Awoke a little dopey, but completed the Blood underpainting this morning.

Detailed though this is (the skull eyes are perhaps 10x10mm), I'll probably glaze everything. Also today, the H Beam Piper novel has arrived, which I may use on the painting. Text can distract the viewer, so I need to consider this carefully.

I've ordered £90 of oil paint, but annoyingly have a rogues-gallery of colours I've bought to test but won't use. I'm thinking that these may be useful for making wood stain. I think a mix of oil paint, alcohol, and Laropal A81 will be a good formula for wood stain. It seems that only a tiny amount of Laropal is needed to form a glossy layer, most of the cost is the alcohol. Today I'll perform the density calculations so that I can produce some test recipes in tiny amounts.

Miners Of Economic Worries Forging A Path Through H Beam Piper

A night of fantastic dreams. In one, I had the ashes of Deborah's father, Ernest, who was a painter (among other things, but I think it was in this context that he was in my dream). These were in a cylinder, like a pencil perhaps, though a little wider (a magic wand?). I had to launch them into space, into low Earth orbit for some special action, exposure to certain rays. I recall trying to work out how to do this. A second dream involved a huge building of silver and glass in the sky, like a futuristic library with echoes of Birmingham Library. I managed to fly up to it, and in through the closed window (in my spectral dream state). It was busy with business people or administrators. At one point an ensemble practiced Beethoven's 9th Symphony and I, working nearby (or pretending to, knowing that I was imposter), sang a key note which was rather loud and slightly flat, to the amusement of those rehearsing.

Today, a full day of work on the new painting: 'Miners Of Economic Worries Forging A Path Through H Beam Piper'. I've decided on a somewhat large format of 337x437mm, the face larger than life size. I'd thought of 335x435, and by chance found an MDF panel of 357mm wide, so ideal for this. I started the day by sawing the panel, then drew out the portrait and general plan.

In the afternoon I sealed and primed the panel with ridiculously expensive Lascaux Primer, but it only needed about 3 teaspoons of paint for two coats. By this evening, this complex composition was finished, although I've not checked the likeness of my hand-drawn outlines. Perhaps this matters less. Like hitting a note in a song, this isn't the most important factor; the correct expressiveness is what matters. I have to modify the facial expression to one of worry anyway.

It's somewhat, in style and genus, like my Charlie Chaplin painting, or 'Escape', the Nazimova one, or others like it ('Five Thousand Years Of Tears'); a modification of an extant image in a sort of hand-painted collage. I'm considering underpainting it in greys, it would make the process easier as the source photo is grey. It'll probably take 4 hours to trace over the drawing.

Empty House Underpainting Complete, H Beam Piper

Completed the underpainting to the Empty House painting, then went to grab a few art supplies from Alexander Paper Supplies. Developed an idea about H Beam Piper, which I may enter the Three Counties Open with (portraits are always good for competitions), but I'd need to rush, there is only 5 or 6 weeks until the end of the deadline. With oils, drying time between layers is a big factor. I want to paint it on a smooth panel, inspired by medieval and Renaissance (Northern and Italian) portraits; plus it needs text from one of his books, so I've ordered the cheapest I could find on eBay (the more tatty the better, I want it to look and be old). It was Gunpowder God - perfect for this idea. It will include gold leaf too.

I've also ordered more pieces for the router jig, will build this soon.

Tomorrow, drawing out this portrait idea. On we charge.

Empty House Underpainting Day 1

A good day underpainting 'The Howl Quakes The Empty House'.

A Joyous Refuge Glazing

A huge and joyous contrast of painting experience to yesterday! Awake since about 1am and hardly any sleep, yet the first hour of glazing was almost miraculous, I loved the experience and felt in complete command of the colours and process. How these strange contrasts emerge. I must remember that the glaze should, or at least can happily, appear too intense; but that at the end, that intensity will seem to magically fade away once the entire surface is glazed. Also, that the colour and a compliment (not necessarily an exact compliment, any other hue) should be around to dart between the two at whim, including the raw tube colours.

Occasional highlights in an opposite hue are the key to local drama. I listened to Jean-Michel Jarre's 'Rarities' from his album Essentials & Rarities and noticed a link between these shocks of colour and minor-chord dramatic hits with filter-sweeping sounds.

Here is my updated double-dipper, complete with watch-glass. Already a useful item:

In the night I designed a new jig for my router. I had designed one with two tracks of wood on which the router can slide, but in the night thought it was more efficient to keep the router stationary and slide the wood. This will need lots of little wheels, like drawer wheels, to guide the wood and help it slide, plus some springs to gently hold one train of wheels against the wood (the other is locked into the correct place). The whole thing will only be about 250x500mm, and could support other tools (jigsaw?) for other work on these long lengths.

I'm in the mood to do a lot and make a lot. I'd like to publish all of my remaining old games later in the year, and complete the sheet music to the last three vocal albums, then I can start to work on the electronic instrumental albums.

For now, I can celebrate the signing and end of 'Can There Be A Refuge From The Terror?'. Some of yesterday's elements, the sky, the central eye, were brightened up today, to good effect. It's now certainly better than when merely underpainted.

Nantwich Open Exhibition, Glazing Can There Be A Refuge Day 1

A tedious and joyless day glazing 'Can There Be A Refuge From The Terror?'. I find it hard to get motivated to glaze. It always improves a painting in smoothness and appearance, brightness of colours, and the tiny details, but it's more like polishing than creating, and there's often little joy of discovery. It can take many hours to make only a few percent of improvement. I was also a little tired after a nice day and evening at the opening event for the Nantwich Open. I'm honoured that 'The Unexpected Return Of Oliver Cromwell In 2020' has been given a prime hanging spot in the middle of a wall.

Yes, I wore my cavalier hat. Of all places and occasions, at Nantwich Museum to see my Oliver Cromwell portrait seems to be the best for a cavalier hat.

Anyway today began with one innovation. I sawed off one dipper of the metal double-dipper I used for solvent. I only ever use one anyway, so thought that in the space of the other I could fit a holder for the 55mm watch-glass I use for oil media. I'll fix this later.

Most of today was glazing the green sky, tiny amounts in viridian, raw umber, transparent yellow ochre; and a delicate blue glow around the angel. Painting the cat and distant eye-sun. Painting the small copper butterfly, and some flesh glazes on the angel, although I'll generally leave her be, as she is smooth enough. All of this still took all day, perhaps at the same speed as the underpainting. The painting is rather dull in colour terms, actually less bright than the underpainting as the amber eye-sun was a little too bright, so I dulled it a little. I may brighten up the sandy parts tomorrow.

The Blood Of Winter Starts

A general health check yesterday, passed with a slight deterioration which I must aspire to reverse. After that, composition work and main drawing for a painting idea called The Blood Of Winter. Here is the idea sketch:

These ideas are often more of a mnemonic, but here (because it was made so long ago I can't remember the spark of concept) a seed of a feeling. It needed more poetry and linkage. If surrealism is adding 'any old thing', this is not sufficient, it needs links of expectation rewarded or thwarted; a comprehensible structure of its own. Objects build on their relations to each other.

The painting was drawn out at 448mm across and today I'll work on the colours and surfaces. Last night I dreamt of a painting, an image and a title. I think the title was 'The Science of Sleep'. It was a hollow black isosceles triangle with one section on fire, burning into blue sky. The background had no colour. I'll paint this too.

Claire Luce Returns

A night of nightmares about my future and anxious insomnia.

A day of painting; the second Claire Luce portrait, underpainted last year more successfully than the other version, yet still today was a struggle and I remain dissatisfied with the results. These paintings are tests, training, for good reason.

The finish is smooth, the colours adequate, although the hair stands out, not natural, this is partly due to the black and white source image where the hair can be hard to locate - a monochrome copy would solve this. The result perhaps looks like a colourised photograph for this reason. The likeness is not good, though on par with, perhaps a little better than, the accuracy of several other similar portraits of the past; annoying, but not a certain step backwards. The colouration is on par with previous works too, perhaps better than average. These works are always difficult, and are thus rewarding as training. The poor quality of the blurry and black and white source image is a key problem, I have less trouble with good source images, several are better and it's best to know the sitter - one can't determine a likeness from one photograph. I strive to add detail and crisp outlines where there are none, so perhaps an exact likeness is impossible in such circumstances. I could easily copy the blur, though this may defeat the object of the exercise.

There are some steps I can take to improve the accuracy. The face shape itself must be the first consideration; the face here is slightly long. The eyes are slightly out of place, but all is relatively close. Contrast could be improved perhaps. The hair is lacking in many details, I don't care so much, this today was a secondary concern.

I will work on it more perhaps.

New Tax Year, Assassinated Strawberry

A new tax year begins today, so spent the morning filing my annual accounts. For years I've stored business income, personal income, investment income (like bank interest) as separate columns, and the same for expenditure. As an artist I am my business, so separating these isn't always easy (last year I had zero 'personal' income, my income is what I can make, sell, do). Personal expenditure however can be things like my internet or phone, which, although important, perhaps vital, for what I do, is personal too... it's mine as much as a business expense. I also divide all income and expenditure based on where it comes from: visual art, performance, books, music, games and sound effects, freelance services, other; then I can calculate the relative strength of each of these bow-strings. It can massively vary each year depending on my whims, the stochastic flows of the economy, how much work I put into each area etc.

From this year I'll have slightly different columns to help make everything easier for future filing, as the government seems keen to make everything digital. I'm far from the threshold to be required to do this, even reaching the basic income tax allowance is a pipe dream, but I should do things correctly to be prepared for future success.

After this, the shredding of the documents from 7 years ago, which for me this involves a lot of memories. I rarely reminisce or ever think of the past, we should always be looking forwards, but I do this once on April 6th, to glimpse 7 years ago. In my accounts I file birthday and Christmas cards, memories of trips, holidays, art exhibitions etc., so this day is one of happy memories.

After all of this, I did a little painting, the 'Assassinated Strawberry' painting. I thought about making this into a sculpture which hangs from a gallows-tree, but I've changed my mind. For now, it can simply be a small painting, complete with hole to hang by.

Pine Frame Underpainting, Argus v1.66, Paint Brands

A slow day. Painted red over the four pine frames I have. The red, mars violet, caput mortuum, is a base coat for future spraying (or gilding) as spraying into recesses or deep parts can be difficult, so it's good to have a base which is designed to show through these areas. This only took an hour or two. Also, updated Argus to v1.66 a little, mostly cosmetic neatening to thee menu items.

It's hard to focus today as tomorrow is the first day of a new tax year, thus I'm preparing for that full day.

Have been looking at some paint brands new to me, with horror! I knew from testing how Michael Harding paints are outstandingly yellowing. Anyone who proudly grinds delicate ultramarine in linseed oil is committing a crime against art. Some of these so-called rare and artisan oil brands would, I can tell, be hugely inferior to staple brands like Winsor and Newton. Of course, none can touch the subline Blockx, which is by far the best paint I've used, a clean step better than the next best.

Love and Fragility Underpainting Day 2, Roxy Music and New Frontiers

Underpainting of Love and Fragility complete. During painting yesterday and today I listened to the first five Roxy Music albums, which have a surprising similarity, though each gets a little better. Bryan Ferry's latest album Loose Talk is spoken word over music. Not as good as Fall in Green, so at least here we have leapt over that great artist. I'd like to capture something of early Roxy.

At times I feel at a false artistic peak, in that new things seem harder to discover and become excited about. This feeling lasts only a day or so before I discover some new insight or challenge. Every artist, it seems, stops growing, stops getting better, but I hope, by force of will and careful and constant analysis, by seeking new frontiers with new binoculars, to keep getting better. Now I see my past work as think how bad it is, and how much better I can now do, how much better new work in paint and music can be. My enthusiasm and excitement for these new brilliant things, these new ideas and aesthetics, these new skills, is greater than ever. My primary limit is my health, and of course the eternal angst of money.

I've been gifted lots of chocolate for Easter but I don't want it. I fear its fat. I'd much prefer a luxury gift of olives, or olive oil, or sun dried tomatoes, or cocoa powder, or even sparkling water. There are so many healthy luxuries.

Hope and Death, Love and Fragility Underpainting

A day of painting. Started with a small idea called 'Hope and Death'. It needed a little work as the idea was initially too simple. Some people write any old words, improvised, and call it a poem, but a poem requires more (sorry bad poets, sorry Duchamp!). A poem must have structure, linked rhymes or themes which can subvert or reward expectations, or some special imagery which sets it apart from the prose of ordinary reality. In short it must be crafted, and have the depth and intensity of artistic command. This is the difference between a work of art and just 'any old thing'.

The same is true in visual art, which, after modernism, is now (joyfully) mature as an artform, like poetry. Any painting of a scene or thing which can be seen by a person or photographed is not good enough; this is no different from a poem of 'any old words'. Art must be crafted, given more. It could have repeating visual themes in different areas, such that the thematic copies (shapes, objects) reinforce the ultimate object, the key one which the viewer will ponder (in a poem or piece of music, this is the ending or start - either way, the 'thema'). It could subvert expectations in other ways, with a surprise or unreal element. It could also include bioforms. Humans are very receptive to faces, more than any other pattern, then figures, finally other organic forms such as animals or plants, or biological shapes which look living. Even with a lifeless scene of rocks or mountains, for example, the rocks must have some element of being alive applied to them, the rocks made into a face or figure, or somehow imbued with an organic or biological reality. Lifeless painting of rocks are rare. Most landscapes include figures, or trees, or animals; perhaps for this reason.

I pondered on this philosophy and added more to 'Hope and Death'. Here is the initial idea sketch:

At first I imagined a simple scene; the distant sun, and somewhat misty mountains, rather like my 'Infinite Tiredness of Ageing', but the idea too simple and twee, a first draft needing refinement. More was needed. Here's my underpainting:

The sun is black, but not just black, is has become an eye, the clouds partly a face, the mountains partly a mouth. Expectations subverted, and bioforms included. I also noted the coincidence of painting a crucifix scene on Good Friday.

This took only an hour or two. After this, began the underpainting to the Love and Fragility painting, a painting of sufficient complexity already. Here it is so far:

Backups, Good Vibes, Frame Filling, Router Jig Plans

Quarterly backups on the 31st, a day early as it was the Good Vibrations event in Congleton Library on the 1st. Then traced over the underdrawing for 'The Empty House'.

A nice Good Vibrations day yesterday, and a relaxing visit to Sandbach for some supplies on the way back. These 4-weekly events are our social breaks, my only day off, although I aim to practice performance skills, of course. No activity is, or should ever be, a rest. While alive and able, we must do.

Today, slowly trying to enter painting mode, trying to inspire enthusiasm. I launched The Myth Of Sisyphus pre-sale on Bandcamp, a week before the album is released. I started work tidying up four solid wood frames which have a few dents and blemishes. I tidied up these with a little chalk, water, and acrylic paint to made a very sandable filler, which does the job well. I aim to spray these black, although I feel I'm distracting myself a little with excessive focus on frames.

More distractions too as I developed plans for a 2.4M long router jig to allow me to cut rebates, or make other router cuts in long lengths of wood. This is a simple design: two long L tracks of wood, like a slot, to hold the router. Beneath, a few slats, like the planks in a railway track, which will hold to wood to cut. This will be held by M6 bolts from the side. Not difficult to make, but at 2.4M and about 20cm wide, it might be difficult to store. This, however, will allow me to cut rebates into any length of solid wood, or even apply bevels or other decoration to the outside with fancy router bits. With my other skills of applying gesso and angle cutting, this seems like a logical step to making better frames, although I do now enjoy finding old existing frames.

Plus I need to remember that the paintings, not the frames, are the important thing. Why do new ideas feel exciting and alluring, and old, if superior skills seem less attractive?

I've drawn out a little idea today too called 'Hope and Death', an old design from Scrapbook #3.

Gilding, Colour Studies, First Day Of Painting 2026

Two days of painting preparation. More re-gilding of the frames yesterday. This helped, but the bevelled inner frame still looks inadequate. It may be easier to cut a new one.

Painted two colour studies, for 'Love and Fragility' and 'The Empty House' - both paintings were inspired by the film I'm Your Man.

Today, my first day of painting, on a work called 'Don't Talk To Me About Love'. I didn't paint a study for this small work, partly because I knew it would only take a few hours to paint the whole thing. As a result, however, the colours were unexpected. I instinctively seem to have a grey-yellow-brown on buff image of paintings in my mind. The results were very different to that. The painting, a relatively old idea, has dagger-crucifixes and features a vocal and hurt, and sad/reflective faces on a Janus-like monolith.

Frame Gilding, Empty House Studies, Art Preparation

A busy day but not as efficient as I'd like. Am moving towards painting mode.

Started the day by gilding the inner edge of two frames with imitation gold leaf. Horrible stuff, too shiny, too yellow, too creased and sharp edged, crackly. I'll bin this and try to find transfer leaf (vowing never to use loose leaf) and a better tone. Ordered £75 of new canvas boards.

Then photographed and printed the new underdrawing to 'The Empty House', which I worked on with occasional changes until late last night. These little tweaks can really help, but there's always a moment when we must let go. It's impossible to say if a painting will work, be good or bad, until it's painted, even then, it's impossible to know, it might take years before the realisation of mastery, or lack thereof, hits. So, the best course is not worry too much, not waste too much time thinking like Leonardo da Vinci; just do, and move on, hoping and aiming to improve over time.

Completed a tone study. I now prefer to make two studies for each painting, a tone study in pencil (most useful) and a colour study in oil on cardboard. Both together help eliminate uncertainty.

There are downsides though. This can eliminate spontaneity, some of my best paintings were painted in one go without planning (eg. the Toad) and there is the 'first look effect'. In music I find that the first time I hear a piece of classical music, eg. my Beethoven symphonies, that first recording is my favourite, the archetype, all others inferior. If I listen to an album that's been remastered, the first version I hear is, again, the best. This can be true in painting. These studies can, sadly, sometimes be a best version that the actual painting fails to live up to. For these reasons, a study must deliberately be unfinished in some way.

Prepared the canvas for this, and printed the drawing for 'Don't Talk To Me About Love', which I now intend to be 22cm wide, small.

My audiobook How to Organise Your Computer Files was also approved today.

The official start of summer tomorrow as the clock go forwards. Time is short. Life is short. I must remember this and paint as much as I can while I can. Owards we charge.

The Empty House Begins

Work today on a painting called 'The Empty House'. Here's the idea sketch:

First step is to decide on a size, then draw up the full sized version. I thought that a model for lighting might help, so spent a few hours making a model from cardboard, then skinned with air-dried clay. This 'terracotta' clay (it's more like traffic police orange to me) was a gift, I'd normally use white, and normally DAS. This one was too liquid and sticky, and stainy. Awful to use, but I thought this would be a good job for it, to use it up!

Did lots of image collection too, references of textures and objects, all visual materials to set a mood; classical paintings, lightings and textures. Each of these source pieces will seep into the work as I paint it.

Art Working, Love And Fragility In The Age Of Perfection

Out first thing, bought two more cans of spray paint. Then, some gold spraying, finalised a couple of frames which are now dry, then made a short animation of the blue girl, 'A Book With A History', for social media.

Then, sized and sorted out some ideas for paintings. So many, all seem good enough. Many ideas span many years, but this can prove their power. A good idea should last decades, it should be universal and always relevant. I feel overwhelmed and tired, so many ideas and I want to do them all! Most of the ideas are medium sized, 40 or 50 long side. I've marked and sized the papers for these, and scaled the tiny idea sketch drawings to match., The next step is to trace these.

One other job was some underdrawing changes to the last of last year's paintings, 'Love And Fragility In The Age Of Perfection'. The panel was also a little too large too, so I trimmed this down. This was developed for one of the frames I've worked on today.

Another thing I'd like to do is print out some paintings as postcard sized image for people to take away. I did this years ago. Now I have a space to show work, it seems like a good idea and most of the newer work (last 8 years) isn't printed in this way. Of course, these prints will take at least a day, maybe a few, just to prepare, size etc. Most creative work for most artists is promotion of the latest thing, not creation or new things, this plus filing or record keeping of even older work. It's amazing that any individual can manage the workload.

Painting Season 2026

Music is done, time to charge into painting. It normally takes me a day or two to change modes. I started today by updating Argus, as the logical thought of programming can help calm me before a change of direction. Annoyingly, Windows Defender flagged the Steam-wrapped exe as a virus, this is the first false-positive I've encountered on this PC. It meant submitting the file to Microsoft (in hope) and telling my computer at least to accept it.

After this, I decided to look at the frames I've got and those bought over the last year or two. It can be hard to find an incentive to create art without a deadline, competition or opportunity. This year, unlike any, I now have the support of a loving gallery with the Oil Art Advisory, with Zoe and Max, who despite their differing personalities I seem to feel an affinity with both. So, I have the opportunity to show my works - this is a massive, transformative help for my art. Still, I work best with ambitious goals and tight limits, so I've decided, this year, to aim to paint something for each of the new frames I have in stock. This amounts to 10 paintings from tiny to huge.

Today I spray painted several frames, and the results were brilliant, much better than I'd hoped. The all-gold or light frames look so much better darker. I think now, my most favourite frame stkle is black (or very dark brown, warm black) with an inner border, inner bevel, of gold.

The frame top left there was gaudy flat gold, but when the inner part was masked and the outer sprayed lightly, the result is amazing. The elaborate resin cast frame in the foreground was actually a sort of cream with brown highlights. Again, it looks fantastic in black/dark brown.

Other frames were worked on. The dusty 'velvet' frame had a flaky insert in faded gold. I've sprayed this with thin black to great effect. I'll add gold leaf at some point soon (as I will to that resin frame above).

I also attended to the oak Victorian frame. This had a gold leafed beading insert which was so loose that it had fallen apart. I've since glued it. I was in two minds about the frame, whether to leave it in its dusty and aged state, or try to make it look new again, and whether to make this central beading removable, or replace it, or refurbish it. In the end I re-stained the frame in dark brown, so the frame looks like new again, and I firmly glued in the insert without updating its gilding. It was, when I took it apart, held in place with some wooden wedges which were newer than the frame (and the watercolour in it was c. 1950s, so that shows the age of this). I thought of using Polymorph plastic to create firmer wedges, knowing that Polymorph is not adhesive, and is reversable, so I did this, but the results were messy, and still rickety due to that lack of adhesion. I decided, in the end, to use hot melt glue, to permanently fix the beading into the frame. This is better than epoxy clay (which I used for the Tiger Moving Nowhere frame), but it looks a little messy and sad compared to the majesty of the old wood. The frame is a little bent, the insert was very bent, so perhaps this extreme plastic work will, at least, add a lot of needed stability.

A glance at my ideas books has already liberated several ideas, plus those left in progress from last year. I have quickly assigned ideas to frames. One called 'All The Broken Hearted' for that elaborate frame. 'The Empty House' for a plan wood frame which will now be black and gold. I've assigned one called 'Don't Talk To Me About Love' to the Tudor-looking Spanish oak frame

Whether the frame is Tudor or Spanish is anyone's guess, but it looks that way to me (oak and old it certainly is). The idea, as you can see, is rather simple however. Again, there's a Catholic-ness in there.

WANL Videos Complete

Another full day, which began by dropping off paintings to Nantwich Museum for the open. Delivery is from 10:00 to 16:00 over 4 days and we (quite typically) arrived at 09:58 on the first day.

After that, charged into more video work. I had a few changes to make, but much of the long day was spent rendering and processing the video data. Each video takes about twice as long to render as to play, then about the same to convert from raw to mp4. I needed to convert some videos three times: once with subtitles, once without, and one in lower quality for archiving, and that assumes that a first version has no problems or things to change. Ultimately it took until 16:30 to complete the final drafts of the 6 videos, at which point I could start work on the Spotify Canvases.

It's now 20:00 and all videos are complete and uploaded. The full album project is now complete.

At times during the day, while waiting for FFMpeg to chug through the video data, I worked on some framing. I changed the glass on the 'Home Life' painting, and tidied up two other frames, including one I bought today in Nantwich.

War And Nuclear Love Videos

Spent much of yesterday on art admin regarding the six paintings I took to the Oil Art Advisory. Today I reflected on the fact that my painting prices have about doubled in the past 5 years, that they had doubled in the 5 years before that, and that they're probably 10 times higher than when I first started to exhibit 15 years ago. Part of this is due to greater professionalism; more spent on more costs for higher quality work, more people in a bigger chain who take more of a cut. Another of yesterday's jobs was tidying up a very old and flaky frame bought with a glass painting intact and (oddly) a velvet lining, taking it apart for future use.

Today, charged into making videos for War And Nuclear Love. The results are all very colourful and glowing, like an electric pinball machine. The fundamental idea uses horizontal red lines and yellow stars which move and dance to different instruments. What was a red 'slice' on the cover art became blue. The result evokes an American flag, which it perfect for 'Radioactive' and the title track.

I took a video of myself for 'War and Nuclear Love', using a mask to add it to the animation, and did something similar for the 'Post-Apocalyptic Playground'. This track is perhaps little too bright, for the tune which is, in my mind, rather grey and dreary in mood, like The Night of the Living Dead. 'After The Battle' uses out-takes and clips from Jabberwocky. It's now 20:30 and I've just finished the first drafts. I expect that I'll spend all day making little changes and finalising the Spotify Canvases. These must be as good as I can make them given my time budget.

I've also posted my first animation to TikTok and will start doing this regularly, as I do with paintings on BlueSky.

War And Nuclear Love Finalised, Poetry Night, Knutsford

Two full days. Finalised all album admin yesterday; War And Nuclear Love is now scheduled for release on 3 July 2026. Then started work on some full frame videos, incorporating the subtitles. This stage is complete.

In the evening attended the Creative Crewe Poetry Night. Carol is always a joy to meet and full of enthusiasm. If the aim of a performance evening is excitement, showmanship, and pzazz, this had none - it was as dreary as a Catholic funeral, and about half of the poems were poor simple rhymes by simple folk. No amplification meant that the poets were too quiet, many completely inaudible. Despite this, several of the poems and performances were very good. One highlight was a prose poem by Iain Chalmers who with great brilliance described a vehicle crash of books, with each genre of book; limericks, 'chic lit', medical encyclopediae; affecting the description of the event. The inability to hear the poems, and the incredible slowness and poor organisation of the night, which overran by 30 minutes, were downsides, but the warm company and meeting friends there a highlight, and perhaps this is the main reason for such events anyway.

Today, a visit to the Oil Art Advisory, which is always a joy. Delivered 6 paintings to them and collected 4 frames to fill with something.

I also realised that my 'Monsters of Spring' painting on BlueSky was flagged as a sexually explicit image, and hid it, which I found annoying. Some slight 'nudity' of a computer model true. Such labels may harm my reputation on there, I'd have happily deleted the image instantly if I'd have noticed this label. I'll avoid any hints of nudity from now on.

One small job today, updated Prometheus to allow floating point beats-per-minute. Of course the program uses floating point speed internally anyway. There are occasions when this setting may be useful, for example if you need to half the tempo of a song which is 135 BPM. This change was pretty simple to implement but isn't fully tested.

WANL Album Admin

A satisfying and full day of work on War And Nuclear Love. First assembled the sheet music for publication and finalised the lyrics booklets, then made a slight lyric change. Some words in the title track were:

I take my fuse
And masturbate as I muse on

I changed this to:

I take my fuse
And I think of God as I muse on

The word 'masturbate' would label the song, and therefore album, as 'explicit' and would limit the scope of its release, which was something of a factor in my deciding to change it, but the primary reason is that the word was a distraction in the song, overly strong. The more subtle (yet still implied) second version is a better lyric.

This change meant re-singing that line, which I did today, and invisibly blended it with the older take. With this, the music was complete. The album was listed in draft on Bandcamp, sent for release, and updated on my website. Also added more artwork pages, so now the iTunes booklet will include the lyrics. Filed and deleted the temporary files, the vocal recordings etc., created the MP3 stub files (if I ever need MP3 versions), proofed the music, burned an archive CD, and lots of other important admin work.

Most of the album is now complete, but I still need to create Spotify Canvas animations, full screen animations for YouTube, and register the music with more music authorities. I can do that when the release is approved.

This evening, made some preparations and announcements for the sale on Steam.

War And Nuclear Love Work

Final day of sheet music for War And Nuclear Love. At times I think that nobody will ever play any of this, and that my days, week, years of working on this tedious and difficult sheet music is pointless - but this is not certainly true; there are two main reasons. First, that nobody else bothers, and second, that data integrity has been shown to be an important driver of success and civilisation. I file and record my work in great details because such work is part of the purpose of life itself. Either way, if I'm ever to play these live I really find this useful, so a couple of days work to transcribe an album isn't so bad. I managed to transcribe the complex guitar parts in 'After The Battle' today, and the music for 'Post-Apocalyptic Playground'.

By 3pm the draft scores were complete, but I had lots more art to create, at least for the booklet and iTunes booklet, so I really needed to make a few more full CD booklet pages, and a CD surface while I'm at it, although there are no plans for a CD at the moment.

One other job today was launch the Goodreads Giveaway for The Many Beautiful Worlds of Death. This week-long promotion give away a free copy of the Kindle book, with kind requests for a review from the winners of this lottery.

War ANL Sheet Music Day 1

A full day working on the sheet music for War And Nuclear Love. Started with the more difficult tracks, first 'Radioactive', then 'Remembering Hans Blix', which required hand transcription, then the long songs 'Written on Rice', and the title track. More tomorrow.

More War ANL

A full day and evening of work on War And Nuclear Love. The tracks needed some essential final changes to the start and end parts of each track. This morning I extended the start to the title track to blend it with the prior 'Radioactive'. This won't be the case on the stream version though, only a future (and perhaps unlikely) CD version.

I then went into the garden and recorded the old rusty luggage trolley, which can fold out. Flexing this resulted in a suitably creepy metal swing sound, perfect for the zombie park on Post-Apocalyptic Playground. Then, finally recorded the vocals for the title track. I've changed some of the words. Verse 2 now reads:

Look at the switches
The flashing lights
There's something of a Christmas morning here

Handsome generals
Encourage me to play
And I've nothing better to do today

I pray and hide
God tells me he's on the side of

War and nuclear love etc.

Added the new vocals to the song this afternoon, and added some harmonies for the 3rd lines of these verses (though not the Christmas line, this sounds better without the harmony, it's more conversational than musical). The final step was the 'solo' for this song, which I'd forgotten about. I grabbed the guitar and spent an hour experimenting. Playing chords to the part seemed to sound better somehow, but nothing was quite right. I took a break at 3pm, then decided to record power chords for the final chorus (easy to play now the key is up, simply E-min, C-Maj, A-Maj, E-Maj/Emin). Then played a simple lead solo in an instant for the proper solo part. Thus, the song is complete.

I've noticed that many tracks have a slight tendency to be stronger on the left, perhaps due to my preference for that ear. I've adjusted Post-Apocalypse to match.

Overall, I'm happy with this EP, particularly the new tracks. My singing and production skills have never been better, nor has my keyboard and guitar playing, not that I've ever been much of a guitar player. So, this is a good time to at least create some music, and I am keen to get that old song of 'Written on Rice' out there; and the war theme seems to be culturally appropriate...

Some slight cover changes:

Tomorrow I'll charge into the sheet music, this may take two days.

War And Nuclear Love Progress, Purpose of Music

A busy 24 hours working on the new album. Last night I had to decide whether to work on a full album, or an EP. An EP would mean 6 tracks or fewer, but there is little time for an album; that would probably take up at least another full month and I'm already getting bored with the project. My key motivation was to produce something to enhance and match the Radioactive theme and 'Written on Rice', good tracks that are ageing away and ready and ripe for release. The 6 track limit has been reached, so I decided to call it an EP, and ditch the possible additional tracks. One called 'Einstein', which was in the earliest of stages is now filed, along with a heavily electronic pop song currently called 'Every Day and a Day', which is largely complete apart from the lyrics. The gentle track called 'At the End of Life There's Hope' is again filed away for the future.

It also means there will be no room for the original mix of Radioactive from the game itself. The version on here is a new recording made in Prometheus rather than Noise Station. The bass and high squeals are a little more under control in the new recording.

So the track list will be:

1. Radioactive
2. War and Nuclear Love
3. After the Battle
4. Post-Apocalyptic Playground
5. Remembering Hans Blix
6. Written on Rice

This morning, extended the Hans Blix song, and have extended the intro to 'After the Battle' too, then got to work on the cover art, starting with new photographs. The result looks rather like that Albrecht Durer painting, quite unintentionally.

I need to finalise the music as soon as possible, but 'War and Nuclear Love' still needs the final vocals. I'll have to work on the sheet music and Spotify Canvases as quickly as possible, all to be ready for my self-imposed deadline of next Saturday. It won't be released for some months though, until after The Myth Of Sisyphus has run its course, so I can defer this work.

In other news I've sold my first works at the Oil Art Advisory, and have sold my first copy of the new Many Beautiful Worlds of Death audiobook, both sales welcome and needed. My music remains an obscure backwater in my oeuvre, but this is the case for most artists today. This won't stop me trying my best in this artform (though I will of course continue to do my best in painting and writing too, and soon).

I was asked on Bluesky what I aimed to achieve with my music - a pertinent question, and not something I'd even considered. Art is, for me, a goal in itself, so my key aim is to represent something meaningful, do my creative best, that which is a bit better and hopefully a bit different from what has come before. My goals can't be social, as my music is largely, but not wholly, ignored by the world and I'm unlikely to ever to receive money or recognition, but I know that this was often the case for many living artists of the past. There are many obscure but brilliant artists that I wish had made more art while they could. I don't want to be like them, so while I have health, eyes, ears, it is something of a duty for me to create at my best.

War And Nuclear Love Vocals

Okay, two slow slow, but progressive days working on the War And Nuclear Love album. Found space to record vocals for 4 tracks yesterday. This always takes a bit longer for new tracks compared to re-recording vocals for older songs, as no matter how much is planned there's always a degree of experimenting with layers.

'After The Battle', and 'Rememebering Hans Blix' are pretty much complete.

I found 'Post Apocalyptic Playground' a little annoying as it hovers around E3 to A3, rather low for my range. In mood, and range, it's a bit like 'The Cat Phone Song', so I reminded myself of this. It also has elements of Bing Crosby's range, so I listened to some Bing while I thought about how to do it. An amusing and light tone is just right for this ironic song, which on the face of it is a romantic walk through the park, but the title and the somewhat zombie-like thumped piano solo taints it all with something darker. After recording these simple vocals, they seem perfect. I've added a harmony layer for the chorus, and some fill vocals here and there.

The vocals for 'War and Nuclear Love' are more complex to work on. I was reminded today just how hugely Jean-Michel Jarre's album structures loom large over my music. He tended to start with quiet, or at least long intro tracks, then at some point added one 'single', a highly melodic tune which seemed to be designed exactly as a single release, then obscure ones which were almost an opposite. I seem to have one pop-type, single-type, hit-type song, which leads into others which have less of that feel. Here, the single is 'War and Nuclear Love'. In production terms it reminds me of 'We Built This City' by Starship from 1985. The backing is very synthetic, and the verses are spartan apart from a bass and pumping synth stabs. My track is loaded with more energy. It may be finished with these first take vocals, but I'm unsure. They certainly sound thin and lonely compared to the fat and rich vocals in the Starship song, yet, mine seem to say enough. I've layered up the chorus with harmonies, and a planned vocoder.

Anyway, the Hans Blix song in particular seems to bend this album towards the present, so I feel I must rush to finish it, though I constantly wonder why I push myself so hard for this.

Onwards we charge like a rocket!

After The Battle

A day of work on this war music. At times I'm unsure why I'm doing it, perhaps over-pushing to work on this music despite the lack of a muse. The key factor is that it must be sufficiently new, sufficiently different from before, and ideally a tiny bit better too. My motivation, the original reason I started any of it was that the Radioactive theme (titled 'Radiation' since I wrote it in 2001) and the old song 'Written on Rice' are complete and worthy of a proper release, so I needed to make something to unify the release.

Yet, I underestimate the work of such an endeavour. I'm now keen to get all of this music done as quickly as possible, but with that caveat of originality or quality. Both are difficult.

Much of today, like yesterday, was spent on 'After The Battle'. Today I added a new synth guitar solo, this time recording the MIDI - I needed to redo this as yesterday's part only covered the first half. This gives the song much more feeling. Then I added some synth strings, here influenced by 'Running Up That Hill', as my constant chords and incessant beat made me think that song and I was interested in how energy, drama, contrast can be added by backing which seems to be mellow and regular. Kate's music is always more dramatic in my head than the plain written music seems. Here are my words so far:

After The Battle

The ash of my parents
Flavours the breeze
Over the dawn of winter's weeds

The guilt of the damage
Shakes me cold
The moon, cruel and new
Says goodbye to the old

To whom now can my love and loss be told?

Fragments of people
Seeking out fire
Can any stranger see my mood?

Life goes on
Says the sun
And the moss, four billion years
But little is lost

Unsure of it all at the moment. I must keep working and doing my best, by analysis. What does it need? More drama, more imagery, more emotion, stronger everything. Analysis analysis; but as I keep saying, time is short. I should be making things of depth and power, of brilliance. Can I do this here? I'm keen, by April, to move towards new visual art.