Record May Heat, Frame Gilding

Too hot to work, though I try. Went out this morning to join Deborah, and for most of the day read more painting research. Rehearsed one tune for Wednesday and packed and wrapped artwork for delivery, plus measuring and weighing it all.

Also applied artificial gold leaf to a frame which I've now sprayed twice. The spraying looks fine, but the frame is badly crackled with varnish and the paint is not adhering, just a slight knock can cause it to flake off. The gilding is poor, it looks ugly and would not adhere, and it's impossible to mask off for accuracy as masking tape will peel off the spray paint. This frame was intended for 'The Empty House', but it's too meagre and too poor for such a good quality painting, so I'll throw the frame away and make another. Of the frames I've restored or improved, two were failures and this is one, no bad loss as these were cheap charity shop frames. This one has served its purpose as inspiration for the painting. I'm now more able to make my own frames which loom substantially better than found ones, though of course there is a cost of materials for a custom frame.

Glazing The Blood Of Winter, The Works

Glazing 'The Blood Of Winter' this afternoon. I rarely enjoy glazing and never look forward to its chore. It always improves a painting but it feels like I've already done the bulk of the creativity. Here you can see the underpainting and glazed result, though you'll never appreciate the subtlety of the layering in a digital photo. The shadows are grey in the underpainting but have blues and greens in the glaze. The glazes are very thinly rubbed on, delicately affecting the colour. If glazing with the same colours, the result is simply smoothing the underpainting, not special. A principle is to glaze warm colours over cold and vice versa, but in general we're adding colour itself, new colours, more variation and more intensity than on the underpainting.

Half of the day was taken up with preparation of some watercolours for Knutsford and helping my father with his stamp collection. I listened to Queen's The Works for the first time today too, a good album. I must aim to write my songs more with Freddie's voice in mind as it's a range that works for me. In the past I've been too limited, I was growing in voice and still very much am. The songs which use these higher notes sound better now, or will sound better if and when I re-record them.

One of my early songs, inspired by Queen's 'We Are The Champions' and from 2003, is called 'I Won In The End'. It feels too self-triumphal to sing, too reminiscent of 'Tomorrow Belongs To Me' from Cabaret. Last night I thought that it could be simply changed to 'You Won In The End', making it instead a tribute song.

Writing Oil Painting From Beginning To Master And Beyond

Decided and managed to paint an underpainting yesterday, the speed and joy of working on a small painting. The idea, The Loneliness Of The Sun, was from a few years ago. Perhaps I should have painted today, I have 'The Blood Of Winter' and the 'H Beam Piper' paintings to glaze, but I didn't remotely feel like it.

Instead, I read more of Max Doerner's book and started the big job of reordering and writing my own book on oil painting, provisionally entitled Oil Painting From Beginning To Master And Beyond. Already at 45,000 words, although this draft is very haphazard. The 2025 draft covered everything in a tree-like structure, but I want to rewrite and re-organise it all. I must make it more personal and more entertaining, warmer, but still contain as much as I can about the crafts and skills I've learned.

Frames Spraying, Singing

Sprayed some frames first thing as I was unhappy with the violet look of the 'Hope and Death' frame. Looks much better now.

Then singing practice for the first time in a few weeks. How good it feels, and how much better at singing I am now than before, than ever before. Listening back to tracks from Secret Electric Sorcery, from a mere 4 years ago, fills me with shame and horror at how bad my vocals sound compared to my abilities today. This is a good thing of course, we should be improving over time. I know and always knew that this vocal phase of my music, from around 2019 or so, was one of growth and study, but this means that, over the many albums of this era, I'm rarely happy enough with the results to promote or share them.

This fills me with energy and optimism. I know I can do so much better now, so am as eager as ever to improve the many older works, the long process of re-recording. Some albums which have already been re-recorded once, like Burn Of God, could also sound much better today - though I must hope and assume that I'll feel the same in 5 years about today's albums (assuming my life circumstances are broadly the same, which is in doubt).

Painting holds less appeal for me because my improvements in painting, though there is certainly some, is not as powerful as the improvements I've been making in music, singing and mixing. It can be harder to find challenges, to see the taller mountain when we reach the peak of each smaller one. The tallest of mountains in all things should be our goal, and once attained, taller mountains must be located. This challenge is my principle fire.

Art Photography, RBSA Summer Show

Today, photographed 'The Empty House' and 'Can There Be A Refuge From The Terror?'. The process takes a few hours, setting up my lighting rig, the photography flat-bed, tripods, 15mm tubes for the camera rig etc. Glad to get it over with. Heard that I've not got a painting into the RBSA Summer Show. 900 works submitted, 200 selected, so it's not easy to be selected on a purely statistical basis. I used to enter the RBSA regularly. Of my last attempts, 2 in 2019 and 2 in 2018, nothing was selected. Prior to that, my last entry was in 2014 at which I was selected and 'commended', and before that I tended to always have something selected. I suspect that there are more artists now, and that the choice of entries each time is more random than any other factor - those who are selected now are just as likely to not be selected next time.

I'm disappointed by this, but not hugely so as the work to reframe Descartes and the cost of the trip is considerable. Perhaps the most frustrating aspect is that 'Self Inspection At Theresienstadt' is, I think, a brilliant work that is as relevant now as ever, relevant and important on many levels, and yet it's been rejected from three different competitions. It's also an excellent painting on a technical level.

Daisy Underpainting Complete

Second day of underpainting the daisy painting. I've started to like to add elements whole painting, beyond the plan. In this case The pièce de résistance was adding a glimpse of van Gogh's 'Wheat Field With Crows' (with a hint of a face) at the base. This is actually in mars violet, red not purple.

It made me think of a maxim: Paint every painting as though it were your last!

I didn't enjoy painting today, it was a chore. I listened to Queen's The Game and A Kind Of Magic as I painted, a slight contrast to yesterday's 1st and 3rd Brahms' Symphonies. The grass greens match Wyeth's well, all with Harding Naples (Titanium Antinomy Chromium Oxide - the top has cracked, a mark of this generally shoddy quality brand; this colour is excellent however, certainly better than Winsor and Newton's version - if only Blockx made it!), black, white, and a hint of chromium oxide via the lovely Blockx Lamoriniere Green, which is certainly more beautiful than any other chromium oxide I've found.

After painting, dashed to Tesco and back at a speed of about 5 miles per hour, which Google commends as a good run for a beginner (I walked). Then photographing some pages of my father's stamp collection.

Daisy Underpainting Day 1

First day of underpainting 'The Earthly Concerns Of A Telepathic Daisy'. The day started with two small disasters; the vertical for the day/night division was accidentally missing from the underpainting, and the Polymorph head for my resting (maul-like) stick snapped as if brittle - this the first time that Polymorph has ever broken, it's really a super-plastic. These small mistakes were bypassed.

This is my first big canvas work in years, since 'Revelation' in 2017, and before that 'The Cusp of Love and Hatred' in 2015. I'm out of practice with larger works, but there's little difference in technique when working larger. The brushes are scaled up; I don't have too many large brushes. Today's size 12 hog from 'Art Discount' worked well. I find that bigger brushes can be too long, and thus too floppy. Ideally the hairs would be a thicker and stiffer too, just like a small brush scaled up, but this is not the case.

Another difference is the amount of paint, judging this can be difficult, and the larger amount of mess. A good degree of the skill of oil painting is learning to stay clean and keep things neat; this is harder when working with more paint. Finally, the surface is different. I love working with all surfaces. This 'Top Gun' canvas has great tooth, but is not at all absorbent; both good attributes. I tend to have to put more paint on than most surfaces, the canvas pits seem to require filling, so much more paint is used, but the result looks better and is easier to blend and modify; an overall more resilient result.

In progress, 82x82cm.

Humdrum Jobs, Spotify Streams

Packed works for exhibitions over the weekend. Today, an eye test and taking stock of works in progress. Scanned two more finished works, with two more to photograph this week in preparation for future competitions. I feel exhausted often, but perhaps this is due to lack of charging into a big project; I relish challenges and tight deadlines. There is much to do this year in programming and music, but the paintings in progress need to dry a little between layers. There is always more to do if I seek it, but choosing which is the best use of my limited time is never easy.

I noted today that The Myth Of Sisyphus has had a few Spotify streams, my first of 40 or more albums to have any. This is probably because I've promoted this album a bit on social media. I've never tried this before, even now it's very time consuming. I'll continue with future releases. In actuality the boost to my listenership is a very gradual climb over years rather than a rapid and recent one. At this rate it would still take centuries for me to have a hit, yet there is a quantum-leap factor here; energy builds up in silence then leaps up rapidly. As Fall in Green we've also had a few listens too, particularly the recent album.

Kafka: The Even Sadder Half Of His Double Face Underpainting

Today, underpainted 'Kafka: The Even Sadder Half Of His Double Face'. Took from 09:00 to 20:00, but it felt good to complete in one day. The painting is rather segmented into shaded sections, a slightly cubist. This, plus the earthy greens and browns certainly give the painting a look of something from the 1910s; all good.

Dr Who's Robot, God Being Killed Frame Refurbishment

Watched the Dr Who episode 'Robot' last night. I can't remember ever seeing it (I remember seeing a few Fourth Doctor episodes as a child). While watching I remembered an ancient memory of going to a Dr Who exhibition in Blackpool as a child, seeing the robot in real life, and a grey Dalek with black spots.

Awake most of the night. During fragments of sleep I became the Fourth Doctor. In my dreams I'm often Doctor Who, and when so, I am usually Tom Baker's incarnation. I dreamt of lying in my bed as him, my room in the same arrangement but decorated differently, lined with crude red bricks like a bunker or cellar, the bed made from simple planks. I found this disturbing and I woke twice like this before sleeping  and becoming the Third Doctor. This time the room was the same orientation, but with different decoration, more baroque and fitting to Jon Pertwee's incarnation.

I slept an hour, perhaps two all night, so was too tired to paint today. I had hoped to paint the Daisy painting. Instead I painted a colour study for the Kafka painting, and painted the edges of the Assassinated Strawberry (so, this canvas board can now be hung on the wall directly). Then repainted the original gold frame for the first (and probably only ever) God Being Killed print, which I aim to exhibit in Cotebrook Village Hall on the 6th and 7th June. It will be for sale for £300.

Don't Talk Framing, Art Prizes

The days has flown. Started with software updates, then framed 'Don't Talk To Me About Love'. Photographed the framed work and the underdrawing to the Franz Kafka portrait, then prepared the panel for that and traced it over. Then printed two smaller copies of the underdrawing: one primed on a panel for a painted study, one on paper for a pencil study. So much work, and for what but hope... hope of what? To create something better than before. I can certainly paint better than before. I was reminded of this today while refreshing 'Sun Set Free' from 2014 in preparation of its showing in Bickerton this year. 12 years ago, yet seems so recent; I'm definitely a better painter now. What use is this skill?

This year I may enter 15 competitions and open exhibitions, more than ever I think. These then are an incentive to paint. Even I were to win them all I'd not make much money, even top prizes in art are small. The prizes have not increased since I started painting in 2007/8/9. Painting prices too are around the same, and many open exhibitions award no prizes. When I started most did; and commendations, most had some awards of merit. This still happens, but it's a relative rarity now.

Truth In Art

There are things that are true that feel true, there are things that are true which don't feel true, and there are things that aren't true that feel true. The most compelling art portrays that which is untrue but which feels true, but such art is transient and superficial. It is the true things that are the most powerful, and perhaps the things which don't feel true the most so.

Art Motivations, Kafka Drawn

A slow day. Perhaps I'm painting too many works. Works are useful for entering into open competitions, exhibitions to showcase my work, to promote myself as an artist and my art on sale elsewhere. There are only so many competitions, however. I can paint works for sale directly, although I have many existing brilliant works that can stock an art shop. It's also good to be painting for self-improvement, skill improvement, and to embody being a painter. To have works on exhibition and for sale, yet be working on music or books may send a wrong message, and time, skills, the sunlight is limited. I can't paint in winter, the iron is hot for striking. This is a rare year where my painting is getting attention and support. I should make the most of this.

I've never need 'inspiration', to wait for an idea. If I need an idea I have 100 to hand, so this isn't a factor. I could paint forever, for as long as I have health, food, shelter, and art supplies.

At times I feel that I've created a lot, many games, many books, many music albums, many paintings, and yet, so far, nothing has yet been successful. Nothing popular, profitable. Some things are more popular than others, this is true, but nothing that is a 'hit', yet. Perhaps my work isn't promoted enough. I am naturally solitary, not a promoter. I know that I've made some good works, things I'm proud of, and things I dislike or know that I can do better. Critics or others can like or dislike anything. The judges in competitions are wrong to not show the works that I love and know are brilliant. As a judge myself once or twice, I know how haphazard this process is.

I remind myself that many great artists of the past faced the same problem. Almost every artist considered great long after their lifetime, Vermeer, William Blake, Van Gogh, countless many, were ignored in their lifetime and revered years later. Lack of success can be, with this hindsight, a sign of success - because it's happened so often to so many brilliant artists.

Small jobs done today. First, listening to the radio about Otto Dix, one of my favourite painters. His works lack accurate perspective, a cubist-like look of different surfaces, one which shows what's important to make the point and nothing more. A rare disunity of perspective. Excellent colouration. I re-absorbed some of his paintings.

The small canvas offcut I tried to stretch the other day was today glued to a 6mm piece of MDF which by coincidence was exactly the right size, making a large panel of about 61x86cm, an ideal size for an epic centrepiece of a wall. This is glued using PVA, section by small section, unrolling with glue applied. Trying to stick it in one instant would create air bubbles, and the glue dries too quickly for this anyway. All good.

I had hoped to paint another layer on 'Love And Fragility', but I think it's too soon since the last layer, so went for a fast walk instead. After that, marked the paper and drew out most of the Franz Kafka portrait.

Earthly Concerns Of A Telepathic Daisy Oil Tracing

Today, toned the large canvas for 'The Earthly Concerns Of A Telepathic Daisy' with a fine wash of acrylic colour, my imprimatura. Then transferred over the basic drawing.

For this plastic canvas, and other surfaces which resist tracing like acrylic plastic or metal panels, I use oil paint and Polydraw polyester drafting film. For the first stage of any tracing I'd normally use a 0.5mm Uni Pin pen, but for this I used a normal automatic pencil because I wanted to be able to erase the lines. Then, flip the sheet and paint over the lines with a mix of raw umber and titanium white without any zinc. The paint is scrubbed very thinly, as thinly as can be painted. Then the sheet is flipped again and taped to the canvas, and a fine-tipped embossing scribe (like a sharp point with a tiny pin-head-ball tip) is used to trace over the lines. The result is a perfect transfer of the drawing in oil. I have used this technique in a painting itself, as it's a great way to 'paint' ultra-thin lines. It's more difficult when the target surface is full of wet paint, of course.

The drawing above is 80x80cm. Of course, once transferred the drawing will take a few days to dry, so I can't paint immediately (unless I want to include those outlines; I could theoretically trace over different colours for different parts of the painting, or even shade parts).

After the transfer is done, I wipe the paint off the Polydraw and erase the pencil lines, as this material is expensive and tough enough to be reused. The lines remain visible, embossed. The sheet is very slightly distorted, and it's also impossible to wipe the paint perfectly away, so this used sheet is not perfect, but this beautiful material can at least be reused once or twice.

Gloves, Benatar, Canvas

A stressful and dramatic yesterday due to family issues. In a strange analogue of the drama, my mother accidentally took my brand new £120 designer German black leather gloves (a Christmas gift only recently cashed in) to a charity shop after she found them apparently discarded on the table. I still don't understand why she would do such a thing. I'd only worn them once! It's so rare for me to find any gloves that fit. These were a one-off, irriplacable.

In work, completed the second Pat Benatar panel underpainting, then attended the Hopes & Beams Literature Open Mic. Today stretched the large canvas for the Daisy painting, and did many other little jobs including listing paintings by frame, attending to my phone contact, updating my will, recycling a pile of ancient phones.

There was a 66x92cm offcut of canvas after the Daisy segment was cut, so I decided to try and stretch this on a 60x86cm stretcher. Not easy, I really need it to be at least 10cm bigger not 6cm. After an hour of work, the result is so-nearly acceptable, yet not quite. Too wrinkled, too imperfect. Such a shame, as I may never stretch a smaller canvas, so using this large offcut will be difficult. I'll have to dismantle the whole thing.

Now exhausted physically and emotionally. Next job, to tone the surface for the Daisy painting and transfer the drawing.

Canvas Preparations, Pat Benanatar Banana Underpainting

Yesterday evening I cut a section of canvas and assembled the stretcher bars for the Daisy painting. I bought 10M of canvas in 2011 for £165.54, and another 10M (knowing how great this 'Top Gun' material is) in 2015 for £200.28. Now the same canvas costs £300. Top Gun is 100% polyester and is wonderful for painting, far superior to cotton or linen.

One downside to Top Gun is that it can't easily be drawn on, so I use oil paint on tracing paper to transfer the drawing, except that I don't now use actual tracing paper for large paintings like this because it wrinkles like crazy, it is very hygroscopic, and those wrinkles distort a large image more and more. I use polyester drafting film, which does the same job without wrinkling, and is so strong its unrippable (it would probably make a good painting surface itself). It is 4 or 5 times the (already expensive) cost of tracing paper; 10M of polyester drafting film was £69 when I bought it in 2012, now it's £190. This time I hope to re-use it. It should be easy to wipe down after use, but of course, I could only re-use it comfortably if it is for a painting of the same size. Making paintings all an identical size would be far cheaper and efficient, but much less artful. Each idea seems to demand a certain size and shape.

I haven't stretched the canvas, but it is cut and waiting. After that, a sleepless night, probably due to the first sweet thing I ate last evening after my dental operation. It mead me realise how not eating deserts is perhaps always the best option for health.

A steady day today, underpainted the first of the two little panels now known as the Pat Benanatar series, this 'Beware of the Banana Surprise':

An odd painting in many ways, and it looks even odder now. I rarely paint with violets as there are no opaque ones. Here I used cobalt blue and manganese violet, which are semi-transparent, but opaque enough in grey. The face isn't trying to be realistic but stylistic, cartoon-like. The figure had a few problems, partly because it was realistically proportioned. Sometimes, false proportions look better on little figures, fatter arms, stockier build; but also the pose was too simple, too stable, so I modified it into a startled run. The whole painting looks strange to me, even though it matches the plan. Of course, all of the colours can be changed at whim when glazing.

Another £85 of oil paints arrived today, 7 tubes. I have enough paints for many years now, unless I start to paint larger or in impasto. Tomorrow, I'll probably underpaint the other painting of this pair, 'Sisyphus Rolling A Coconut Dangerously Towards To The Critical Mass Of Pat Benatar'.

Colour Studies, Bigger Telepathic Daisy

Three colour studies painted today, for the two Pat Benatar paintings and the Telepathic Daisy painting. These are so useful, and were especially so today. The colours for the Benatar portrait in particular were complex, as her dark clothing required a dark coconut on top, plus many flesh options.

The Telepathic Daisy painting was originally 30cm square, then made a little bigger at 40cm, but I liked the idea more and more while painting the colour study and have decided to double the size to 80cm, the same at the Abandoning a Friend painting, and the Self Portrait as Philosopher. I have some 32in stretcher bars, so this works. This will be my largest painting in a decade, since Revelation. The afternoon was spent working on this much larger drawing. The little Wyeth houses now have (or can have) much more detail. The only element that has moved slightly is the disturbing object on the washing line, which is more obviously out of place on the bigger scale. A small painting blown up always works compositionally.

It's largely done, but there is a lot more preparation work of the canvas, stretching and preparation, and tracing over the drawing using oil paint. The brilliant polyester canvas I use is waxy and does not accept pencil.

Panels, Silver Diver

A slow day, wanted to take the day a bit easier. Toned the panels and traced over the drawings for the Pat Benatar paintings. Then got to work repairing a sculpture which Paul gave us a few years ago. It was bought second hand, and pardon the pun that it was sold without a right hand. It had broken off in its earlier life. I decided to model a new one.

First I filled the arm hole with Sculptamold, a mix of plaster and paper fragments which is a wonderful material to use. Its only downside is that it has a rough, oat-porridge-like texture, it can't be perfectly smoothed. As a gap filler it's wonderful, and it's very tactile and easy to model with. Then, modelled a hand from grey Milliput. I remember buying a pile of it cheaply, but it's rubbish stuff. The only good Milliput is the fine white, and even that isn't very good. Milliput is often flaky and dry, and a nightmare to mix. It remains flaky and stiff, and can crack and behave in generally horrible ways when using it. It sticks to everything , except itself, and stains everything badly, so it ruins gloves and tools, while falling off the sculpture that it is supposed to grip. I may throw away the lot I have.

Air-dry water-based clay is a little easier to handle but shrinks badly. This doesn't stick to itself (and will fall apart when dry) and has far too many other flaws to be useful professionally - but I use it for lighting models because it is cheap. Oil plasticine (or other oil-based clays) are by far the best thing to model with, but they don't dry. I'd love an oil-based clay which dries very slowly like oil paint. Perhaps a mix of clay, a linseed oil (stand oil?) and a resin, like Laropal A81 in some solvent, might make an interesting material. Would Laropal alone make a clay? It may be too sticky, and this would set by evaporation so may also shrink.

Anyway, the hand was modelled over a few hours to an adequate degree.

It's impossible to match the mirror silver finish, so I've painted it with oil size mixed with mars black, then applied artificial silver leaf. This gives a wrinkled, tin-foil type of finish, but may look better when all dry and cleaned up. While working on it, I pressed too hard and the hand came off (proof that Milliput doesn't stick well, it's also rather weak as a material; almost every other epoxy clay I've tried has been smoother, stronger, and stickier). I glued the hand back with viscous superglue. Now it's all drying.

Banana Pat Benatar Sisyphus, Philosophy of Drawing

A somewhat slow day. I've developed the ideas for the paintings for the two small frames I bought last Wednesday. I'm unsure if they are good ideas or not, or, if good, are worthy of larger compositions, and if not are worth painting at all. The eternal choices. My original vision was a pair, this pair, and the aim was to develop them for the two new frames. I still need ideas for them - if the ideas become 'too good' and so worthy of larger frames, that process could continue forever! So I'll stick to the original plan. If an idea is good, it is good at every scale. Small means, at least, faster work, and the small panel completed yesterday (a similar size to today's ideas) is beautiful and no worse for its size.

So, an hour or two drawing out the paintings, and this evening sawing two panels, as the small size would suit a smooth panel better than canvas. The portrait of Pat Benatar is tricky due to the flat lighting in the photo. Painting from a photograph is no easier than painting from life, and when harder it is because details one knows are there (like the edge of a nose...) are invisible. In this case, the eyes, nose, and lips float in white space, making placement of these features triply difficult.

Andy Warhol would trace this, but the aim of painting a portrait isn't to duplicate a likeness, just as the aim of singing isn't to hit each note for the correct duration - the aim is expressiveness. An artist like Bryan Ferry or David Bowie is great due to expressiveness, not technical accuracy. Freddie Mercury was highly accurate in pitch and timing, yet (even setting aside his brilliance at composition and piano playing) it was his expressiveness which made him a star singer. The same is true in drawing, which is why it must be done by hand.

I feel I should have done more today but have felt tired and lazy at times.

Love And Fragility, Don't Talk To Me Glazing

My mouth seems to be healing correctly. I must hope that it does so. I can't wait to be able to eat and clean my mouth normally.

Painted today, the final bit of glazing Love and Fragility, then later the glazing layer to 'Don't Talk To Me About Love'.

I added more to Love and Fragility. The smoothness of some areas made them a little too flat and boring. I referred to the idea sketch and tried to move the painting towards its mood, I think I did.

I'm no longer a surrealist, although I was this only rarely. At first I'd design paintings carefully, then at some point developed instant unconscious ideas as sketches. These were and remain the root of my paintings. At some point I aimed to stick to those ideas explicitly, as in 'Malformed Phoenix Embryo' for example, which was the idea sketch blown up and nothing more. In a way, this is the pure expression of surrealism, that unconscious idea without consideration or filtering.

I don't do this now, but compose paintings carefully with thought, in the same way as I compose poetry and music. This is because creating 'any old thing' as instantly as you think it is too easy; it especially makes bad poems. In painting, there is the skill of execution, but it's still easy compared to a well planned artwork. Now, my paintings are crafted, with visual themes or other symbols or elements, each carefully considered. This takes longer, but hopefully produces better works. The new H Beam Piper painting, and 'The Howl Quakes The Empty House', are better for having been thought of and considered over several days, and I've done this with Love and Fragility too. After pre-planning paintings for years I'm now adding elements and making adjustments as I paint, and today I did this.

There is a balance of smoothness and detail, and I think the male face in that painting would technically benefit from another layer. The source image was/is so poor that it defies an ideal. It may suffice.

'Don't Talk To Me About Love' is definitely prettier after a second layer, a work on smooth panel really benefits from layers.

Apart from smoothing and enhancement to elements like the sea, I've changed the second cross a little to look more dagger-like, as this was ambiguous in the idea sketch.

Goodbye Tooth, Painting Works

A terrible night of stomach disturbances, awake for much of it. In the morning, made a dental appointment, then performed monthly backups. The appointment was at noon, and by 12:20 the tooth which had caused 5 months of troubles was gone, so I am now in recovery from this operation.

I managed to glaze a little on Love and Fragility, in better spirits despite the soreness. I mixed magenta with transparent mars red to create the most beautiful shades of transparent scarlets, and every red between. These hues became the 'tie' in the painting. I've sketched a few ideas. Two new frames bought on Wednesday were beautiful, although small. I plan on painting a series of two for them, also inspired by Pat Benatar, whose music I also purchased on the day; 80s power-rock, just my style. The two paintings, if I decide to paint them, will be feminist scherzi.

Love And Fragility Glazing

A strangely horrible and miserable day glazing 'Love And Fragility In The Age Of Perfection'. I awoke feeling tired, lacklustre and unmotivated, but pushed myself to paint. The painting process was slow, the results largely on track, but my mood remained persistently poor. Perhaps my swollen mouth is contributing to this, perhaps this is an abscess not a mere gum injury.

The painting is about half complete. Unsure if I should paint under these circumstances again, as I'm sure the quality if affected, but I must do something. Backups tomorrow, but may paint later.

Music Pages, Hope and Death, Painting Thoughts

Today, updated the music pages of my website to include a Spotify embed, and removed the smaller booklet page images, and track list except for albums not on Spotify. This simplifies the look and the logic of the page's code:

Also submitted a track to Tom of Aldora Britain Records for a 50p promotional album to be distributed with other artists. I sent an image of my 'Abandoning Someone' painting for use as the cover. Later, glazed the small 'Hope and Death' painting. It's much better looking now and only took about 60 to 90 mins to glaze, but it took about an hour to become enthused for this necessary job.

I'm still reading Kafka and wonder if I'm like Kafka or being bent towards him with his words. At times I feel squeezed out artistically, but and yet perhaps don't. I'm eternally creative and eternally busy; it is Kafka who writes about being squeezed and when I feel these slight periods of stoppage, I recall his words and being. I tend to pause only for a short time before darting on a new and more alluring tangent, like the router table. Today I thought of darting out for wood to make the inner bevel, the insert, for one of the frames I have - yet I have no painting for that frame, so it would be a waste of time and money in the short term.

Perhaps even the router table is or was a waste of time, yet my instincts seem to work well, and many follies or diversions tend to become invaluable over time. My painting abilities, my music abilities have grown because of a drip drip of hundreds or thousands of little innovations, many fractions-of-percent's of improvement over many years.

As I age I find I have less solid focus on one thing. Years ago I would work on one game for months or years (The Heart of Aorkhan, Arcangel, both multi-year projects on which I did nothing else - to my detriment, I should have given up or expanded on other bow-strings). Now I dart between more jobs, yet this darting leads to more refinement. The process is like adding the fringes on a fern, or the last stages of evolution, compared to the solidness of the leaf and core design. Ageing itself and evolution seems to echo this. Animals from millions of years past seem to look smoother, be less detailed, somehow. The universe too, older stars are more crude and chunky, the newer ones with a wider range of elements, more detail. I am struck by these links between the micro and macro, the body and universe.

So what must I focus upon? What should my goals be?

Music Animations, Exhibition Entries

Spent this morning making 24-second vertical format videos for every music track on The Myth Of Sisyphus and War And Nuclear Love. In the afternoon, entered the next RBSA open exhibition, and prepared labels and details for the other three local exhibitions I'm taking part in; Bunbury, Tarporley, Bickerton. My mouth remains swollen and in bad shape. I felt too tired and somewhat dopey after 3pm to do much.

I should ideally prepare a study for the Telepathic Daisy painting, and start to glaze existing works now. The Good Vibrations event on Wednesday means I can't paint, then so can't paint tomorrow on a big work either.

H Beam Underpainting Complete

Completed the H Beam Piper underpainting today. Challenging due to the glazing of the text areas but I'm hopeful that challenges can be overcome.

H Beam Piper Painting Day 1, Tooth Pain Returns

Started early today by cleaning the gilding on the H Beam Piper portrait, then began the underpainting. Painting oil portraits is challenging, made more difficult by painting on a smooth panel. This was made more difficult still by being larger than life, and by having a poor resolution black and white photograph as the primary source, and made yet more difficult by the need to change the expression from mild delight into to worry. I met this challenge.

A good day of painting but tainted by tooth/gum pain, seemingly a recurrence of my problem from February. The pain has grown after lunch into an unblockable ache at time of writing. Back then, my dentist could do nothing except offer a mouth shield, which I've worn diligently each night. It has had absolutely no effect. My only choice is to cope with the pain. I pray that it will subside soon.

Cat Bat Nightmare, H Beam Piper Transfer, Framing Descartes Again

A sleepless night. Awoke at 2am and remained awake until about 7am, then slept into a nightmare. I was pursued and tormented by two witches who were perhaps my mother and another relative (both young however). They were undead and chasing me around a house and laughing. Our cat, Cat, back from the dead was there, now malevolent, and could transform into a long thin bat which had a sharp claw at the lower end, which would flick out to attack a victim. I knew this this sting was deadly and had to dodge its whip many times. I spent much of the dream running a hiding, being discovered and running again.

Cat was perhaps in my mind as it was recently the 6th anniversary of her death; she once caught a bat in out garden. The bat in my dream was primarily inspired by an object in the Telepathic Daisy painting I drew out yesterday, a shape representing the spectre of death inspired by a rag of clothing in the wind in Wyeth's 'Christina's World'.

I worked today as I could. First, tracing over the H Beam Piper drawing to the new panel. This time I transferred the book text using a laser print on newsprint. This thin paper jammed the printer every time (I tried thrice) but perhaps because of this, the toner was not set and remained loose and dusty on the paper - perfect. I pasted GAC100 on the substrate and stuck the (mirror image) paper down. Once dry, it was easy to wet and rub away the paper for a very good transfer of the image, and archival, flat, and suitable for oil painting over. When drying I applied gold size and new gilding, so the panel is now ready to paint.

Then, work on a new frame. I've decided to enter the Descartes painting into the next RBSA exhibition (my first attempt at an entry there since 2019 - I say attempt, but I've been lucky in getting something in every time I had tried at that liked gallery - I can only hope for this again). Its frame is shared between three paintings of the same size, including the Cromwell portrait which will be in Nantwich Museum at the time, so I need to prepare a new frame. An ideal time to test my new router one my think - but no; I have no money for wood, yet do have some old framing wood in stock, so have decided to use the last couple of lengths to create a new frame. Two 2.4M lengths are needed for this big frame, so I started the first step of gluing the decorative flat front piece to one behind, leaving a 10mm recess.

After that, tracing over the Telepathic Daisy drawing. I'll paint some portraits for next years RBSA Portrait Prize. I wonder if this Descartes painting would have counted? Perhaps. Many of my portrait ideas will be surrealistic looking, of course, such as the Kafka.

Painting Struggles

Something of a frustrating day. I didn't want to charge into painting as the last few days have been tiring and long. I started with simple admin, documenting the router table, then looking at a few art ideas. Suddenly enthused, I scanned two: the Kafka portrait and one called 'The Earthly Concerns Of A Telepathic Daisy':

I prepared and drew this out but the composition had problems. The square shape and central face made it too flat and unexciting. I needed to add more, so did this and have referenced Wyeth and Van Gogh - both relate to the subject. I've sized it for 400x400mm, a little larger than in the past few years. I'm starting to size things larger this year.

At times I don't know why I'm painting what I'm painting. I seem to walk the line between too arty to be decorative, too arty to be 'liked' or imagine placed in the middle of a stylish wall; yet not arty enough to win a contemporary art award or attract serious collectors or critics. This said, the 'contemporary art awards' I see favour pretty decoration anyway. I look at some of my works, like the long awaited, long dreamed of, Rachael Hudson painting and wonder who would like such a thing? Only me perhaps. I don't feel it would win an award, or even be selected for a competition, despite its uniqueness. Indeed it hasn't yet been chosen to be displayed. I have similar issues with the Kratos cabinet, the AI Vermeer. Too arty? Not decorative enough? Not arty enough? Perhaps I could add more to the Hudson painting, make it all better. I have plans, had plans, for a whole Rachael Hudson installation. It would take my pointless, uncommercial, undecorative art to an extreme.

So, I'm starting to imagine a setting, a wall, a competition. I've not done this much, I chiefly consider how 'good' the idea is to me, and that's all. One offshoot of this thought is the desire to paint larger. I now have a few exhibitions and competitions in mind, so can think of what to create for those.

After lunch I started work on the text element of the H Beam Piper portrait (a painting ideal for such a competition). I stuck some collaged book pages to the panel and didn't like the texture. I became more seriously worried about the archival stability of the old and scented newsprint of this ancient yellowed book. I felt sure it would have become browner and browner, and ruined the painting. So, I scraped it off and decided to try an image transfer of the text instead, in the more permanent medium of laser print.

My test transfer on a piece of wood worked, but alas the actual transfer didn't - it melted the acrylic priming, and worse, heated the glue of the surrounding masking tape so much that it became permanently gluey and mixed with the acrylic priming. Essentially, the panel was ruined; and with it, two days work of preparation and gilding.

So after that, I found more more MDF, and sawed a new panel. I've just prepared that. I am unsure, however what to do about the image transfer.

The RBSA Prize Exhibition has a deadline of the start of May. Could some new work be finished? I fear that most of the competitions have deadlines that are so close that I can barely make any. I started my painting year in April. Most competitions need work in May - hopeless.

We can but try our best in the forlorn trudge of life. Let us roll our rock, eye on the horizon. We have far to go before the eternal sundown.

Life and Dreams, Router Table Day 3

One brilliant thing about the film Midnight Cowboy is how it shows one truth; that we spend much of our lives aiming for a dream, in Rizzo's case a warm place of comfort and peace by the sea, but how that, in reality, we end up dying before this dream becomes a reality. In my case my dream is a house of my own, a place to live and to work. A house with an art studio, a workshop to create my inventions, devices, picture frames and sculptures, a music room, a garden to enjoy with Deborah and our dream cats. It can seem at times that this dream is getting closer, even just at our fingertips reach, but a certain critical moments it vanishes in a puff of reality.

Felix Mendelssohn spent his life trying to please his disapproving father, and died failing to do so. Kafka wrote about 'the eternal torments of dying', a description of the general job of living. The tragedy of life is that all things are dying, everything in the universe. The cruelty of entropy to those aware of the transience of data integrity. Dying is data loss; loss, loss. Losing grip of what once was. Life melts into mist like one's dreams.

It's now shortly after 3pm and I've just completed the bulk of the work on the router table. The cradle and it's holder drilled, and rivnuts fitted. The main guide bolts fitted, the table tested, then a 36mm hole drilled in a pile of wood for the vacuum cleaner holder. This is the last remaining step before the initial plans are complete. I may need to add some wheels to hold the wood down, or make other modifications.

Anniversary, Router Table Continues

Yesterday marked 10 years since I first met and interviewed Deborah on Artslab. We spent the day together to commemorate the day. I managed to enter a new exhibition in Cotebrook near Tarporley.

Today, charging into a list of jobs. Entered the Morecambe Poetry Anthology competition, but most of the day was spent working on the router table. First, marking verticals, and some thoughts about a hoover attachment. For this I decided to cut a 100x21mm slot in the lower wood, and I'll make a box (which will fit the hoover pipe) which will slot into this.

Then, drilling the ends, and recesses for fixed nut ends. Then, glueing the rollers. These need to be precisely placed, so are best glued then drilled and screwed. The 21mm ends were then glued to the base, and the right and lower bars glued to the router cradle. I might need to design some sort of firmer clamp for this to hold the router solidly.

I've glued the wood with the hoover attachment slot partly cut so that it can be placed accurately. Once set I'll make the final cut.

Router Table Plans

I mused at the possibility of a 'day off' for a few minutes last night, but no, this can wait until old age and infirmity! I started the day with my regular exercises. For more than a year I'd performed a sit-up for each year of my age every other day or so. Yet, today, I hardly need have.

I started the final planning work on a router table. It will be a fixed slab of wood with two channels with rollers facing inwards to guide a length of wood down. These sit 35mm (later amended to 36mm) below the baseplate of a router fixed into a cradle. This cradle will be removable, so that future tools can be used. In mid-morning, the little wheels arrived in the post, so only the wood remained, so I dashed a mile to B&Q and picked this up; then sawed the main parts, including precision cutting an oval for the router base-plate.

There are a few key part. The first is the cradle. For this I've cut a hole in 6mm MDF to match the router base plate. This will hold it firm, and will have taller edges glued to it to give a snug fit. The router will sit on a 10mm wide and 15mm deep shelf to float in the right place, 300mm down the 400mm long track.

The second consideration is the mechanism to move these tracks in and out, the adjustment for exact placement and width of the wood to tool. I'll use long M6 bolts. I couldn't decide the best option. Screwing them to fit may be easier, but there's always some looseness in that, so the blots will slide instead and use two nuts, one each side to exactly clamp it into place. There are 4 bolts for the 2 tracks, so I expect setting up will take some time, but many jigs and tables like this take time to set up.

The wood parts are cut:
1x 12mm MDF base, 280x500m.
2x 15x15mm pine track lengths, 400mm.
2x 36x21mm pine lengths, 400mm.
2x 70x15mm pine lengths for the router shelf, 230mm (this doesn't extend the full 400mm length of the track, only needs to be long enough to hold the router (or future tool) cradle. 230mm is generous, only 146mm is actually used here.
1x 6mm MDF plate for the router cradle, 252x146mm, with hole cut to exact fit the router base plate.
2x 15x15mm pine lengths for the cradle top/bottom edges, 210mm.
2x 46x15mm pine lengths for the cradle sides. These are wider than 15mm to fit the bolts which will make this cradle removable (you can glimpse the cradle so far in the top of the third photo).

Plus: 10x draw casters/rollers.
4x long M6 bolts.
And several nuts, rivnuts, and screws. Much will be glued to an exact place first, then drilled and screwed for extra strength.

I may need a vertical roller or two to gently press the wood down, but this may be overkill. There's room in the design for some.

The Blood of Winter Underpainting, Laropal Wood Stain Ideas

Three steady days. Added gold leaf to the H Beam Piper painting on Thursday. Yesterday and today underpainted 'The Blood of Winter':

Last night, after the step above, went to the Hopes and Beams poetry and short story open mic. This event is unusual in that about half of the readings are stories rather than poems; last night more than half. Awoke a little dopey, but completed the Blood underpainting this morning.

Detailed though this is (the skull eyes are perhaps 10x10mm), I'll probably glaze everything. Also today, the H Beam Piper novel has arrived, which I may use on the painting. Text can distract the viewer, so I need to consider this carefully.

I've ordered £90 of oil paint, but annoyingly have a rogues-gallery of colours I've bought to test but won't use. I'm thinking that these may be useful for making wood stain. I think a mix of oil paint, alcohol, and Laropal A81 will be a good formula for wood stain. It seems that only a tiny amount of Laropal is needed to form a glossy layer, most of the cost is the alcohol. Today I'll perform the density calculations so that I can produce some test recipes in tiny amounts.

Miners Of Economic Worries Forging A Path Through H Beam Piper

A night of fantastic dreams. In one, I had the ashes of Deborah's father, Ernest, who was a painter (among other things, but I think it was in this context that he was in my dream). These were in a cylinder, like a pencil perhaps, though a little wider (a magic wand?). I had to launch them into space, into low Earth orbit for some special action, exposure to certain rays. I recall trying to work out how to do this. A second dream involved a huge building of silver and glass in the sky, like a futuristic library with echoes of Birmingham Library. I managed to fly up to it, and in through the closed window (in my spectral dream state). It was busy with business people or administrators. At one point an ensemble practiced Beethoven's 9th Symphony and I, working nearby (or pretending to, knowing that I was imposter), sang a key note which was rather loud and slightly flat, to the amusement of those rehearsing.

Today, a full day of work on the new painting: 'Miners Of Economic Worries Forging A Path Through H Beam Piper'. I've decided on a somewhat large format of 337x437mm, the face larger than life size. I'd thought of 335x435, and by chance found an MDF panel of 357mm wide, so ideal for this. I started the day by sawing the panel, then drew out the portrait and general plan.

In the afternoon I sealed and primed the panel with ridiculously expensive Lascaux Primer, but it only needed about 3 teaspoons of paint for two coats. By this evening, this complex composition was finished, although I've not checked the likeness of my hand-drawn outlines. Perhaps this matters less. Like hitting a note in a song, this isn't the most important factor; the correct expressiveness is what matters. I have to modify the facial expression to one of worry anyway.

It's somewhat, in style and genus, like my Charlie Chaplin painting, or 'Escape', the Nazimova one, or others like it ('Five Thousand Years Of Tears'); a modification of an extant image in a sort of hand-painted collage. I'm considering underpainting it in greys, it would make the process easier as the source photo is grey. It'll probably take 4 hours to trace over the drawing.

Empty House Underpainting Complete, H Beam Piper

Completed the underpainting to the Empty House painting, then went to grab a few art supplies from Alexander Paper Supplies. Developed an idea about H Beam Piper, which I may enter the Three Counties Open with (portraits are always good for competitions), but I'd need to rush, there is only 5 or 6 weeks until the end of the deadline. With oils, drying time between layers is a big factor. I want to paint it on a smooth panel, inspired by medieval and Renaissance (Northern and Italian) portraits; plus it needs text from one of his books, so I've ordered the cheapest I could find on eBay (the more tatty the better, I want it to look and be old). It was Gunpowder God - perfect for this idea. It will include gold leaf too.

I've also ordered more pieces for the router jig, will build this soon.

Tomorrow, drawing out this portrait idea. On we charge.

Empty House Underpainting Day 1

A good day underpainting 'The Howl Quakes The Empty House'.

A Joyous Refuge Glazing

A huge and joyous contrast of painting experience to yesterday! Awake since about 1am and hardly any sleep, yet the first hour of glazing was almost miraculous, I loved the experience and felt in complete command of the colours and process. How these strange contrasts emerge. I must remember that the glaze should, or at least can happily, appear too intense; but that at the end, that intensity will seem to magically fade away once the entire surface is glazed. Also, that the colour and a compliment (not necessarily an exact compliment, any other hue) should be around to dart between the two at whim, including the raw tube colours.

Occasional highlights in an opposite hue are the key to local drama. I listened to Jean-Michel Jarre's 'Rarities' from his album Essentials & Rarities and noticed a link between these shocks of colour and minor-chord dramatic hits with filter-sweeping sounds.

Here is my updated double-dipper, complete with watch-glass. Already a useful item:

In the night I designed a new jig for my router. I had designed one with two tracks of wood on which the router can slide, but in the night thought it was more efficient to keep the router stationary and slide the wood. This will need lots of little wheels, like drawer wheels, to guide the wood and help it slide, plus some springs to gently hold one train of wheels against the wood (the other is locked into the correct place). The whole thing will only be about 250x500mm, and could support other tools (jigsaw?) for other work on these long lengths.

I'm in the mood to do a lot and make a lot. I'd like to publish all of my remaining old games later in the year, and complete the sheet music to the last three vocal albums, then I can start to work on the electronic instrumental albums.

For now, I can celebrate the signing and end of 'Can There Be A Refuge From The Terror?'. Some of yesterday's elements, the sky, the central eye, were brightened up today, to good effect. It's now certainly better than when merely underpainted.

Nantwich Open Exhibition, Glazing Can There Be A Refuge Day 1

A tedious and joyless day glazing 'Can There Be A Refuge From The Terror?'. I find it hard to get motivated to glaze. It always improves a painting in smoothness and appearance, brightness of colours, and the tiny details, but it's more like polishing than creating, and there's often little joy of discovery. It can take many hours to make only a few percent of improvement. I was also a little tired after a nice day and evening at the opening event for the Nantwich Open. I'm honoured that 'The Unexpected Return Of Oliver Cromwell In 2020' has been given a prime hanging spot in the middle of a wall.

Yes, I wore my cavalier hat. Of all places and occasions, at Nantwich Museum to see my Oliver Cromwell portrait seems to be the best for a cavalier hat.

Anyway today began with one innovation. I sawed off one dipper of the metal double-dipper I used for solvent. I only ever use one anyway, so thought that in the space of the other I could fit a holder for the 55mm watch-glass I use for oil media. I'll fix this later.

Most of today was glazing the green sky, tiny amounts in viridian, raw umber, transparent yellow ochre; and a delicate blue glow around the angel. Painting the cat and distant eye-sun. Painting the small copper butterfly, and some flesh glazes on the angel, although I'll generally leave her be, as she is smooth enough. All of this still took all day, perhaps at the same speed as the underpainting. The painting is rather dull in colour terms, actually less bright than the underpainting as the amber eye-sun was a little too bright, so I dulled it a little. I may brighten up the sandy parts tomorrow.

The Blood Of Winter Starts

A general health check yesterday, passed with a slight deterioration which I must aspire to reverse. After that, composition work and main drawing for a painting idea called The Blood Of Winter. Here is the idea sketch:

These ideas are often more of a mnemonic, but here (because it was made so long ago I can't remember the spark of concept) a seed of a feeling. It needed more poetry and linkage. If surrealism is adding 'any old thing', this is not sufficient, it needs links of expectation rewarded or thwarted; a comprehensible structure of its own. Objects build on their relations to each other.

The painting was drawn out at 448mm across and today I'll work on the colours and surfaces. Last night I dreamt of a painting, an image and a title. I think the title was 'The Science of Sleep'. It was a hollow black isosceles triangle with one section on fire, burning into blue sky. The background had no colour. I'll paint this too.

Claire Luce Returns

A night of nightmares about my future and anxious insomnia.

A day of painting; the second Claire Luce portrait, underpainted last year more successfully than the other version, yet still today was a struggle and I remain dissatisfied with the results. These paintings are tests, training, for good reason.

The finish is smooth, the colours adequate, although the hair stands out, not natural, this is partly due to the black and white source image where the hair can be hard to locate - a monochrome copy would solve this. The result perhaps looks like a colourised photograph for this reason. The likeness is not good, though on par with, perhaps a little better than, the accuracy of several other similar portraits of the past; annoying, but not a certain step backwards. The colouration is on par with previous works too, perhaps better than average. These works are always difficult, and are thus rewarding as training. The poor quality of the blurry and black and white source image is a key problem, I have less trouble with good source images, several are better and it's best to know the sitter - one can't determine a likeness from one photograph. I strive to add detail and crisp outlines where there are none, so perhaps an exact likeness is impossible in such circumstances. I could easily copy the blur, though this may defeat the object of the exercise.

There are some steps I can take to improve the accuracy. The face shape itself must be the first consideration; the face here is slightly long. The eyes are slightly out of place, but all is relatively close. Contrast could be improved perhaps. The hair is lacking in many details, I don't care so much, this today was a secondary concern.

I will work on it more perhaps.

New Tax Year, Assassinated Strawberry

A new tax year begins today, so spent the morning filing my annual accounts. For years I've stored business income, personal income, investment income (like bank interest) as separate columns, and the same for expenditure. As an artist I am my business, so separating these isn't always easy (last year I had zero 'personal' income, my income is what I can make, sell, do). Personal expenditure however can be things like my internet or phone, which, although important, perhaps vital, for what I do, is personal too... it's mine as much as a business expense. I also divide all income and expenditure based on where it comes from: visual art, performance, books, music, games and sound effects, freelance services, other; then I can calculate the relative strength of each of these bow-strings. It can massively vary each year depending on my whims, the stochastic flows of the economy, how much work I put into each area etc.

From this year I'll have slightly different columns to help make everything easier for future filing, as the government seems keen to make everything digital. I'm far from the threshold to be required to do this, even reaching the basic income tax allowance is a pipe dream, but I should do things correctly to be prepared for future success.

After this, the shredding of the documents from 7 years ago, which for me this involves a lot of memories. I rarely reminisce or ever think of the past, we should always be looking forwards, but I do this once on April 6th, to glimpse 7 years ago. In my accounts I file birthday and Christmas cards, memories of trips, holidays, art exhibitions etc., so this day is one of happy memories.

After all of this, I did a little painting, the 'Assassinated Strawberry' painting. I thought about making this into a sculpture which hangs from a gallows-tree, but I've changed my mind. For now, it can simply be a small painting, complete with hole to hang by.

Pine Frame Underpainting, Argus v1.66, Paint Brands

A slow day. Painted red over the four pine frames I have. The red, mars violet, caput mortuum, is a base coat for future spraying (or gilding) as spraying into recesses or deep parts can be difficult, so it's good to have a base which is designed to show through these areas. This only took an hour or two. Also, updated Argus to v1.66 a little, mostly cosmetic neatening to thee menu items.

It's hard to focus today as tomorrow is the first day of a new tax year, thus I'm preparing for that full day.

Have been looking at some paint brands new to me, with horror! I knew from testing how Michael Harding paints are outstandingly yellowing. Anyone who proudly grinds delicate ultramarine in linseed oil is committing a crime against art. Some of these so-called rare and artisan oil brands would, I can tell, be hugely inferior to staple brands like Winsor and Newton. Of course, none can touch the subline Blockx, which is by far the best paint I've used, a clean step better than the next best.

Love and Fragility Underpainting Day 2, Roxy Music and New Frontiers

Underpainting of Love and Fragility complete. During painting yesterday and today I listened to the first five Roxy Music albums, which have a surprising similarity, though each gets a little better. Bryan Ferry's latest album Loose Talk is spoken word over music. Not as good as Fall in Green, so at least here we have leapt over that great artist. I'd like to capture something of early Roxy.

At times I feel at a false artistic peak, in that new things seem harder to discover and become excited about. This feeling lasts only a day or so before I discover some new insight or challenge. Every artist, it seems, stops growing, stops getting better, but I hope, by force of will and careful and constant analysis, by seeking new frontiers with new binoculars, to keep getting better. Now I see my past work as think how bad it is, and how much better I can now do, how much better new work in paint and music can be. My enthusiasm and excitement for these new brilliant things, these new ideas and aesthetics, these new skills, is greater than ever. My primary limit is my health, and of course the eternal angst of money.

I've been gifted lots of chocolate for Easter but I don't want it. I fear its fat. I'd much prefer a luxury gift of olives, or olive oil, or sun dried tomatoes, or cocoa powder, or even sparkling water. There are so many healthy luxuries.

Hope and Death, Love and Fragility Underpainting

A day of painting. Started with a small idea called 'Hope and Death'. It needed a little work as the idea was initially too simple. Some people write any old words, improvised, and call it a poem, but a poem requires more (sorry bad poets, sorry Duchamp!). A poem must have structure, linked rhymes or themes which can subvert or reward expectations, or some special imagery which sets it apart from the prose of ordinary reality. In short it must be crafted, and have the depth and intensity of artistic command. This is the difference between a work of art and just 'any old thing'.

The same is true in visual art, which, after modernism, is now (joyfully) mature as an artform, like poetry. Any painting of a scene or thing which can be seen by a person or photographed is not good enough; this is no different from a poem of 'any old words'. Art must be crafted, given more. It could have repeating visual themes in different areas, such that the thematic copies (shapes, objects) reinforce the ultimate object, the key one which the viewer will ponder (in a poem or piece of music, this is the ending or start - either way, the 'thema'). It could subvert expectations in other ways, with a surprise or unreal element. It could also include bioforms. Humans are very receptive to faces, more than any other pattern, then figures, finally other organic forms such as animals or plants, or biological shapes which look living. Even with a lifeless scene of rocks or mountains, for example, the rocks must have some element of being alive applied to them, the rocks made into a face or figure, or somehow imbued with an organic or biological reality. Lifeless painting of rocks are rare. Most landscapes include figures, or trees, or animals; perhaps for this reason.

I pondered on this philosophy and added more to 'Hope and Death'. Here is the initial idea sketch:

At first I imagined a simple scene; the distant sun, and somewhat misty mountains, rather like my 'Infinite Tiredness of Ageing', but the idea too simple and twee, a first draft needing refinement. More was needed. Here's my underpainting:

The sun is black, but not just black, is has become an eye, the clouds partly a face, the mountains partly a mouth. Expectations subverted, and bioforms included. I also noted the coincidence of painting a crucifix scene on Good Friday.

This took only an hour or two. After this, began the underpainting to the Love and Fragility painting, a painting of sufficient complexity already. Here it is so far:

Backups, Good Vibes, Frame Filling, Router Jig Plans

Quarterly backups on the 31st, a day early as it was the Good Vibrations event in Congleton Library on the 1st. Then traced over the underdrawing for 'The Empty House'.

A nice Good Vibrations day yesterday, and a relaxing visit to Sandbach for some supplies on the way back. These 4-weekly events are our social breaks, my only day off, although I aim to practice performance skills, of course. No activity is, or should ever be, a rest. While alive and able, we must do.

Today, slowly trying to enter painting mode, trying to inspire enthusiasm. I launched The Myth Of Sisyphus pre-sale on Bandcamp, a week before the album is released. I started work tidying up four solid wood frames which have a few dents and blemishes. I tidied up these with a little chalk, water, and acrylic paint to made a very sandable filler, which does the job well. I aim to spray these black, although I feel I'm distracting myself a little with excessive focus on frames.

More distractions too as I developed plans for a 2.4M long router jig to allow me to cut rebates, or make other router cuts in long lengths of wood. This is a simple design: two long L tracks of wood, like a slot, to hold the router. Beneath, a few slats, like the planks in a railway track, which will hold to wood to cut. This will be held by M6 bolts from the side. Not difficult to make, but at 2.4M and about 20cm wide, it might be difficult to store. This, however, will allow me to cut rebates into any length of solid wood, or even apply bevels or other decoration to the outside with fancy router bits. With my other skills of applying gesso and angle cutting, this seems like a logical step to making better frames, although I do now enjoy finding old existing frames.

Plus I need to remember that the paintings, not the frames, are the important thing. Why do new ideas feel exciting and alluring, and old, if superior skills seem less attractive?

I've drawn out a little idea today too called 'Hope and Death', an old design from Scrapbook #3.

Gilding, Colour Studies, First Day Of Painting 2026

Two days of painting preparation. More re-gilding of the frames yesterday. This helped, but the bevelled inner frame still looks inadequate. It may be easier to cut a new one.

Painted two colour studies, for 'Love and Fragility' and 'The Empty House' - both paintings were inspired by the film I'm Your Man.

Today, my first day of painting, on a work called 'Don't Talk To Me About Love'. I didn't paint a study for this small work, partly because I knew it would only take a few hours to paint the whole thing. As a result, however, the colours were unexpected. I instinctively seem to have a grey-yellow-brown on buff image of paintings in my mind. The results were very different to that. The painting, a relatively old idea, has dagger-crucifixes and features a vocal and hurt, and sad/reflective faces on a Janus-like monolith.

Frame Gilding, Empty House Studies, Art Preparation

A busy day but not as efficient as I'd like. Am moving towards painting mode.

Started the day by gilding the inner edge of two frames with imitation gold leaf. Horrible stuff, too shiny, too yellow, too creased and sharp edged, crackly. I'll bin this and try to find transfer leaf (vowing never to use loose leaf) and a better tone. Ordered £75 of new canvas boards.

Then photographed and printed the new underdrawing to 'The Empty House', which I worked on with occasional changes until late last night. These little tweaks can really help, but there's always a moment when we must let go. It's impossible to say if a painting will work, be good or bad, until it's painted, even then, it's impossible to know, it might take years before the realisation of mastery, or lack thereof, hits. So, the best course is not worry too much, not waste too much time thinking like Leonardo da Vinci; just do, and move on, hoping and aiming to improve over time.

Completed a tone study. I now prefer to make two studies for each painting, a tone study in pencil (most useful) and a colour study in oil on cardboard. Both together help eliminate uncertainty.

There are downsides though. This can eliminate spontaneity, some of my best paintings were painted in one go without planning (eg. the Toad) and there is the 'first look effect'. In music I find that the first time I hear a piece of classical music, eg. my Beethoven symphonies, that first recording is my favourite, the archetype, all others inferior. If I listen to an album that's been remastered, the first version I hear is, again, the best. This can be true in painting. These studies can, sadly, sometimes be a best version that the actual painting fails to live up to. For these reasons, a study must deliberately be unfinished in some way.

Prepared the canvas for this, and printed the drawing for 'Don't Talk To Me About Love', which I now intend to be 22cm wide, small.

My audiobook How to Organise Your Computer Files was also approved today.

The official start of summer tomorrow as the clock go forwards. Time is short. Life is short. I must remember this and paint as much as I can while I can. Owards we charge.

The Empty House Begins

Work today on a painting called 'The Empty House'. Here's the idea sketch:

First step is to decide on a size, then draw up the full sized version. I thought that a model for lighting might help, so spent a few hours making a model from cardboard, then skinned with air-dried clay. This 'terracotta' clay (it's more like traffic police orange to me) was a gift, I'd normally use white, and normally DAS. This one was too liquid and sticky, and stainy. Awful to use, but I thought this would be a good job for it, to use it up!

Did lots of image collection too, references of textures and objects, all visual materials to set a mood; classical paintings, lightings and textures. Each of these source pieces will seep into the work as I paint it.