Saturday, March 07, 2020

Sniffs and Songs

Another very sniffly and sore-throated night and couple of days but able to work, if not do anything involving vocal performance. This annoying thing has been dragging on since a blister in my mouth appeared on February 17th. May it begone quickly!

Meanwhile I'm writing song lyrics and working on music with remaining energy. Working on the Clown album bit by bit, plus another four albums in progress, although most are re-workings or re-masters of existing material.

The two Flatspace Soundtracks and the Flatspace IIk Music Pack 3 are also approved today. These will need a little publicity.

Friday, March 06, 2020

God, Birkenhead and Bullet Trucks

Delivered two paintings for judgement today to the brilliant Williamson Art Gallery in Birkenhead. I've entered my God Being Killed painting, the painting that became the cover of 21st Century Surrealism, in its new and very glittery gold frame. The painting has rarely been exhibited (only, I think, in my own solo exhibitions, and at the Macc Art Lounge) and the new frame has never been publicly exhibited; it was one of my last major sculptural projects, so I hope that it passes the judges grade.

I've also ordered the first batch of Burn of God CDs. I've said it often; physical music, especially high quality albums with beautiful printing etc., are more important than ever these days. I'm reminded that everything I spend is an investment (or a bill). Art is a long term investment but I know it will easily return handsomely.

I found a tiny white feather at my my feet. The angels are with me.

In other important news for humanity, I was thinking about the canal system, how it revolutionized Britain in the 1800s, now we have trucks, trains, aircraft, and cargo ships. I thought that a better option would be a full automated tube with rails all round which would fire trains of freight, like bullets, across the country underground, and internationally. A purely robotic 'hyperloop' for goods. These could be fired at high speed, inspected by machines, and powered electrically to stop the environmental damage of current transportation systems. This is clearly a superior system for the transportation of goods than the current one and would revolutionise the economy. With current technology, from tunnel boring machines to robotic inspection systems, this is more than feasible, it is easily done.

Thursday, March 05, 2020

Flatspace Music Pack 3

Last night's Judas presentation by John Lindley in Congleton Library was inspiring, a talk with videos and slides about a crucial few years in Bob Dylan's life. Dylan was a born musician and performer, and yet, when he switched to electric instruments, continued to perform against a tide of criticism from fans who didn't seem to understand him as an artist. He had a public perception as a folk singer, a protestor, a messenger of youth, yet, none of that image his doing, it was an incorrect perception by a press who prefer sound-bites and pigeonholes. He was a composer and performer like any other, wanting to move on and showcase his latest work, not his older work, and yet many fans wanted the older work; a problem exacerbated by the re-release of older records alongside newer work. One thing he particularly didn't do is communicate this; he didn't seem to explain why he was doing what he was doing to the audience. It seems he didn't care at all, about his perception, the audience, his fame or fortune or lack of it, just wanted to sing; yet an artist's job is partly to communicate with his audience, and even 'theatrical' type performers tend to need to do this to succeed.

It was nice to see many relatively recent friends at the library too. I feel blessed to know such people.

I felt a little weak and cold-filled yesterday (I defied W.H.O. rules by going!) and am still every bit as tired and sniffly today, perhaps less sore inside. Onward we push.

I completed the music for the Flatspace IIk Music Pack 3 today, I added a special edit of Paragon from Animalia. I struggled to balance that track originally, when I composed it in 2004. Today I made a few swift tweaks and it instantly sounded a lot better. I find this engineering side of music much easier now. I would like to go back and remaster/rebalance many of my old albums. Some, like The Spiral Staircase, I'm happy with, but I feel I could improve almost all of them now.

This ache to correct old artwork is unpleasant, it feels like a pointless, neurotic obsession, even if the desire to improve these old things is a true feeling that may have merit. An artist should be creating new work. I rarely used to care about such things, instead inspired by the next wonder, but then my writings and poems were considered complete in one draft. I know now that more drafts often improve things. Everything takes longer, but it must, if it is to be better. There is no point in producing work that is merely as good, or even similar, to that which has come before.

I've also created a document about the music pack and completed the technical set-up for a future release on Steam.

I've also worked on The Intangible Man book, after receiving a foreword from John Keane, so a few things of good quality are ready for some future release.

Next I must work on the Clown music... but part of me would like to tweak old work.

Wednesday, March 04, 2020

Flatspace IIk Music

Still feeling rather ill today, sore inside. The global COVID-19 anxiety doesn't help feelings of fitness. I fondly remember the last months of Beethoven, images thereof from the excellent Anguish and Triumph.

I've had the energy to create, and played and recorded two new pieces of (largely piano) music for the forthcoming Flatspace IIk Music Pack 3. Flatter Space is a gentle variation of the main Flatspace theme, and The Dying of the Stars is a dramatic piano piece with strings, these will contribute well to the new pack. Other tracks on there will include an edit of Jellyfish and a version of The Palace of Skeletons from Burn of God, also both done today.

I'm off to Congleton this evening for a performance in the Library by John Lindley. Perhaps I'd feel more comfortable in bed resting, but my 10-year old affliction, though it is at its worst at the moment, will not infect anyone, and my mood might be better raised by going, and I want to support John and Mike.

Determinism and Will

I've been thinking recently about the nature of free will in a deterministic universe, so have spent a few hours today putting this together.

I believe in a deterministic universe, one where the future is pre-set, laid out. If the past exists for certainty, the future must exist too. If time is a dimension, then the future is no less real than a distant location. If time is a dimension, then the universe is necessarily one, multi-dimensional sculpture, and we, as beings, appear to be flying through time from past to future (although this feeling of motion is illusory, I've written on this briefly before).

This creates problems for will, our sense that we are doing something by choice; that we can change the future, make decisions, and are responsible for our actions. I postulate that all aspects of will can be explained in terms of ego, our sense of self-importance; that when things happen, we sometimes attribute these actions to us, and we consider those actions wilful, but that those actions, in reality, occur irrespective of us: the aspect of will is an ego-driven belief which occurs after the act, not a cause to the effect of the action.

We act in many ways. Some things we do are considered wilful, conscious choices. Some things we do are not wilful; unconscious movements, autonomic functions beyond our control (eg. our heart beating), acting without thinking, or doing things without thinking about the consequences. It seems that some actions are considered more wilful than others. We might carefully consider doing something before doing it, or make a quick choice, or do something without the notion that we are choosing to do it. Importantly, everything we do changes the universe, but only a small number of our actions are considered wilful by us; actual choices or activities that we, ourselves, have done.

In a deterministic universe, every action is inevitable, so I postulate that for willed actions, things that we think 'we do', we consider that we have made that thing happen after, or during, the effect. Crucially we haven't caused the action at all, but we egotistically consider that we have. We like to feel in control, empowered, and that empowerment is not a fundamental attribute of the universe; no one part of the universe has more power or control than another, we merely feel powerful as an egotistical and social construct. We might feel others are powerful too, but there is no intrinsic power over any action. Power is a belief.

Consider an example. We might want to raise our right hand, and then do so. Firstly; the desire to raise a hand was first implanted. We might see, from that initial suggestion, that we are already going to raise a hand. We might internally argue that it was our choice to raise it, or that we are otherwise happy to do so. We don't consider the hand, or the concept of its raising, or the person or faculty who suggested that we raise it, our master. We feel in control. When it raises, we consider that we did this.

In a deterministic universe, the hand was always going to raise. We, as people, use complex arguments to convince ourselves that we were responsible and in control of this act. If we did not raise our hand, this again was inevitable, and we would convince ourselves that it was our free choice. Every wilful act is one of self-deception.

There are other types of will. We might feel that we are pressured into doing something. This social action might have no direct physical link. 'He made me do it' in a moral argument is considered weak because we are considered to have more personal will than social will, but I would argue that this social will is identical to our personal will. We are composite beings ourselves, and we consider some of our actions more wilful than others. Our feeling of being coerced might genuinely be stronger than our own will to do something.

We feel in control of certain things, such as the ability to raise our hand, and less in control of others. We might feel free to change job, or move to a new country, but perhaps this feeling of control is less strong than the feeling of our ability to raise our hand; we are less confident (confidence is a social construct of relative empowerment). We might feel able to complete a complex task, perhaps with help from friends. We rarely feel able to cause the sun to rise, but if it did rise, we are able to feel that we caused it, if our ego and feeling of empowerment were large enough. Events can happen that we feel that we have caused in which we have had no impact or ability to cause; this itself might be the origin of mental illnesses such as post-traumatic stress, or a guilt complex. Events might also occur which we are unaware of, but which a third party might think we have caused in some part. One could say that a new exhibition of van Gogh paintings was caused, in part, by Vincent van Gogh, even though he would, in his life, could never have been aware of causing this exhibition.

To reiterate; things occur as they always would. For some events, we consider that we made them happen, we attach our will, our egotistical credit, to these. Perhaps this is a factor of humanity, that we like to feel powerful, and will itself is an expression of this. Our importance is relative to our feelings of being in control, of feeling powerful, of feeling wilful, yet this is all illusory, as we can attach or detach our will to any action; even raising our hand. If someone else should take our hand and raise it, we might feel that we are letting them, but that we remain in control, or we might feel that they are in control of the situation. The action is identical even though the feelings of will are different.

What of choice? We are sometimes faced with a choice, perhaps a life-choice such as what to subject to study in school. The choice, I would argue, is always destined, and we convince ourselves that we willingly made it. Each micro-argument along the long path of a complex decision like this is made and set, a winding path of arguments and conclusions, each bend of this path is self-credited to our will, even though its course was inevitable.

Of course, there are many implications to this.

In morality, free will is of paramount importance. The difference between a murder and an accidental death is only one of will; a murderer wants to kill someone, a person responsible for an accidental death didn't. Consider a criminal, who in court argues that his crime was inevitable, that he had no free will, that his fate was to become a criminal, and thus deny responsibility. This might be a valid argument, but the court itself is a unit of ego and social power, and, believing itself to have power over the universe (in particular over the criminal, and the whole populace), its social arguments would defeat the criminal's wider philosophical ones. If the court should accept the criminal's argument that determinism exists, then it would also have to accept that its own free will does not exist, and so a judgement either way is unimportant, and that the criminal justice system itself is pointless.

The court, however, is part of human society, a social construct, so its actions are socially made; not based on physics or the fundamentals of universal truth. Court decisions are social decisions based on social truth, which are ultimately the feelings of morality in a population.

These same feelings are inherent in us, which is why we feel guilty, responsible for our actions, and empowered, even if in actuality, these feelings are not a reflection of reality.

Our feeling of being in control of any aspect of our actions is simply a feeling. We feel that other people have more or less power than ourselves; also mere feelings. If we wish to ascribe the rising of the sun to our will, we may. This is no different from the belief that we can raise our hand, as can be illustrated by the burden of proof: can anyone prove that any act is due to will? This very question has never been answered and has mystified philosophers, yet here, I argue that its lack of proof proves that will does not exist except as a social, egotistical construct.

Let's consider another of the many implications; on physics and multiple universes. In a deterministic universe, everything can be calculated, yet quantum events are fundamentally unpredictable. There are theories of multiple universe, each of which represents a different possibility. For me, the universe has a solipsistic element; if time is relative to the observer, then space is also, knowledge is also, and reality is also. If we could travel through time then the universe experienced by us would be necessarily unique to us. Every viewpoint is necessarily unique, so each viewpoint must necessarily depict a new universe, of sorts, but, crucially, this is different from a universe of possible actions; each of these universes of viewpoint would be deterministic, total, pre-set, and finite in quantity. This view is not in conflict with a universe devoid of will.

Tuesday, March 03, 2020

Text

A rather sleepless night, throatsore and sore inside, this regular thing. Must push on.

Have listed Burn of God on MusicBrainz, an essential filing activity, and converted the new book to ePub format; somewhat early, as it's not been proofread yet, which will certainly mean making some changes later. However, this conversion job does need doing so might as well get done now.

Monday, March 02, 2020

Book Work

A long day, adding the illustrations to The Intangible Man book, and converting The Burning Circus for Kindle, both rather time consuming and exacting tasks.

This month marks the 10 year anniversary of the infection that so devastated my life back in 2010, though it was hardly serious, it has remained with me as recurring sore throats, sore chest and sniffles in cycles of three or four weeks, never too harmful, but a constant drain on my energy. Perhaps this is a positive, an adversary to fight. I can never rest and today it is the sore phase; it will be transition soon.

I'm very pleased with The Burning Circus, as a poetry collection and artwork in itself, but poetry books rarely change the world so I'm not inclined to make them for any reason except as an exercise in writing, or a showcase of what I have written; which is still better than hiding such works away. Perhaps these are the raw rock face of art for that reason; more than any other artform, it is one that anyone is capable of doing, so is the most difficult as well as the easiest.

Today feels like a trudge, despite the lovely spring weather, truly the best two days of what seems like months of drear. I feel that I have no friends, only a panoply of enemies and silent monoliths. I feel the need to move on. Smash the ironclad foes beside me, wrestle free from the crowd, and run free, alone to new pastures while my legs are able.

Sunday, March 01, 2020

Intangible Man Illustrations

Start of a month, so regular backups today, an old habit.

I then wanted to complete things; complete The Burning Circus - the book is ready, but I thought today that I'll probably need to make a Kindle format version, MOBI, ePub. This takes a day or so. I use software called Calibre for this.

Complete The Intangible Man. I wasn't sure if I wanted illustrations, but it would add to the book, would improve it as an artwork, so I've spent today drawing in Quink Ink with my favoured nib, and brush, then scanning and filing this work. Here is one of the few large illustrations:

I love pen and ink drawing, it's so expressive. Portraits and figures are a specific joy in this.

It will take at least another half day to put these into the book; maybe I could work on the Circus e-book this week too, but there is so much to do. I need to complete the Clowns album, and make some music videos. I noted today that Burn of God is now on Apple Music.

I feel a sense of urgency, a freneticity, a panic, yet one controlled enough to sustain quality. Perhaps this is the ideal. I have no time to engage with the world; I am a comet, a flying, weeping Pierrot.