I went to bed at about 11pm after listening intently to the album Scott 4, woke at 5am or so but unwilling to get up, then struggled to a headacheful sleep until about 8am, then dragged up like a marionette at 9am, battling through a fog-like mood of grey walls of liquid that needed to be pushed through.
Most of the day was spent promoting the Jabberwocky single online, here and there, a task I dread, like all 'art marketing'. There's even an art marketing association - an awful concept. Art exists to share, but the idea of battling with other loud artist voices to be heard is horrible, I hate and dread it so much that I actively avoid it, and can't help but avoid it, yet sometimes we must try to make ourselves heard, in case there are one or two people out there who might like our creations.
I've ordered a Yamaha Reface DX synthesizer, seemingly a nice little toy with digital (FM) sounds that I don't have in my arsenal. My aim with instruments is live performance, and a new small synth to augment the Microkorg will undoubtedly be useful. A new tool or instrument is always an inspiration but there are limits - this excitement must result in new creative work. My goal is efficiency; efficiency above all things. I can't hoard instruments or anything else, and throw out anything that is unused for a certain time. I'm no fan of software synthesizers either, though Kraftwerk use these exclusively now, I suppose for their sort of performance this makes a set simple, but I love the feeling of real instruments and the expression of a keyboard and the different timbre of different amplifiers and location for each instrument. I prefer a quieter, more intimate setting too. Of course, Kraftwerk are no Romantics.
As a consequence of the Reface order, I spent a few hours organising equipment. Nothing else done. I know that my aim is to rework The Infinite Forest. I can do a better job than the first time around but the music is still very simple. I feel that everything I've made before is childlike and poor, but this is because I know and feel that there is better to come. My voice is coming along. I will, no doubt, rework Burn of God and other vocal albums one day - but there is so much new work to do. So much. I must keep remembering this, my goal at times like this is that horizon of gold and awe that I so longingly yearn for. There is so much good work to create.
I must cling to this, push and battle and smash through the walls of liquid fog, complete that which is half complete and always keep pushing for better and better. Every apparent peak is but a new start, a new base of a new mountain. To see the future peaks can make today frustrating, but we must build today's path upwards, slowly, and with great care, match-stick by match-stick, step by step, with solid, angelically perfect, foundations.
Tonight I have listened to Beethoven. I must do so again.
