Wonderland, Digital Art, TMBWOD, Games

A couple of days of small jobs. Updating Argus a little and completing the list of videos for Wonderland, and today a full run-through of the show. The first half was 47 minutes, the second about 39, so about right (though I would prefer to remove a song from the first half). The projector loads in order of files saved to the USB (not alphabetical!), so rather than saving one at a time I delete everything and use Irfanview's batch processing to save them.

My PC worryingly locked out for the second time yesterday. I blame the rubbish, new, graphics driver from NVidia, which I only installed because Windows Update refused to update and I wondered if the ancient (but very reliable) driver was a cause. It didn't help, and now the driver crashes regularly AND I can't reinstall the old and reliable version.

I've also worked on the look of the Aspartame frame, one of the two new black frames I've been making. These two were made as tests for a new class of frame. All tests should be pushed an experimented with. I really need more places to show paintings, only I see them most of the time and they look so poor online compared to real life, unlike the awfulness of 'digital art' or 'acrylics'. Even photographers are more like artists than 'digital artists', and photographers are generally people who think of themselves as creative but lack the skill to draw or paint, like a film critic who convinces himself that he knows a lot about film and could easily make a great film, but of course doesn't and can't, vs. the film maker who proves his worth by doing. A bad film maker is obviously a better artist than the best critic. So it is with digital artists and photographers; a scribbling child (like Cy Twombly) is better.

In other news, the new, second edition of The Many Beautiful Worlds of Death has been published. I've made the eBook free so that it might get some readership.

I'm slowly releasing Sheeky's sound effects on Itch and will continue, and probably release others. I might release old games too, but how games and sound effects frustrate me. Flatspace, on Steam, gets good reviews yet Flatspace IIk, which is almost the same game in terms of controls and style, yet with more depth, much more content and many bugs fixed, gets worse reviews when it is unquestionably far better than the first game. The same with Hilt II, which has great reviews and response on Amiga, as did X-COM (UFO Enemy Unknown), and my game Taskforce is far better than Hilt II and certainly on par with X-COM, yet gets zero sales and generally a poor reception. How I hate everything to do with games. My lifetime income from 50 games and over 30 years of programming would amount to about one year of minimum wage pay, almost all from Flatspace.

But, of course, there are many positives. Programming taught me logical thought and the power of a plan executed step by step. Prometheus, SFXEngine, and Argus are amazing pieces of software which have changed my artistic output enormously. The experience also showed me the effect of a hit in the realm of creativity, and how some things which appear to be short term often work well long term. I have great sympathy with Richard O'Brien, who probably gets annoyed at each mention of The Rocky Horror Show, knowing that his newest or next (probably failed) project is the one that gets his love and attention, when the world doesn't care or rate that. Art taught me that the world can turn. From Beethoven to Bowie, all great artworks were ignored or criticised at first.

The Futility of Protest

If there is one key part of my personality that my parents instilled in me it is that to fight or protest is futile, that when attacked or facing difficulty, surrendering and stoically tolerating fate or punishment is the only option.

Argus Modulators

A day of working on modulators. Argus, like my music software Prometheus, uses wav files as modulators, so a wave, in Argus, can move an object in any axis, or change anything else, and in Prometheus it can set the amplitude or pitch or filter or panning or anything like that. Because these are just wav files they can be far more complex than a mere ADSR envelope, and in many ways are easier to edit and manage.

Here are some examples:

Many of these are made from sine waves, because they work well, but I have angular fades and things like arcs and spikes, as well as noise and wobbles. These have been 2205 bytes or so for years, 20 years or so since Noise Station (in fact you can download the early versions of these, at time of writing, in the Noise Station distribution). My recent videos revealed that 2205 is not long enough... if you make an animation that lasts longer than 2205 frames, the result is jerky. You can't really hear this jerk in audio so much, but still, I realised that I really need higher resolution waves, so today I very carefully rebuilt all 140 or so library waves from scratch. Each needs very careful calibration, so that they start and end exactly on zero or one, or whatever, and have the correct maximum and minimum values.

To help me, Argus shows these values on the display. I've added tons of wav processing for making modulators. I can multiply two together, or append, or add, or flip in all sorts or ways, add noise etc.

The day and work is done. These days of emotionless admin-type work are satisfying. I feel the need to get going and seize each day, and I need money, but feel strangely in two minds about how or what to do, or whether to wait. I think we are feel ready for Wonderland and I played through Time, Falling on the piano. The show is in two weeks exactly.

Final Wonderland Videos

Another full day yesterday, and this morning, working on the Wonderland video projections. All 27 are now complete in a first draft. Blessed be Argus! Most would have been so difficult or impossible without it. Essentially the software places film clips, more often stills or sprites, at any 3D location on any frame like notes in a music sequencer. The position, alpha, size, frame can be easily modulated over time, so movements and flicker effects are easy. The Grim By Day video, for example, simply stabs poster images of Grimaldi on the screen every half a second or so, but these are randomly placed, and randomly sized, a scatter of images. To do that manually, one image at a time would take hours, but it was done quickly in Argus.

Some tracks, like Jabberwocky and Herr Kasperle vary musically in tone and pace so much that any video would really need to be synchronised. I designed some software last year to live 'video jam' - in case we ever get a third band member who would control images in real time, but for now the videos are more like asides to the music, not fitting with each part, a backdrop. For these complex tracks, the backdrop is simple; Jabberwocky is a glide through green mist.

One of the last was Clown Face. I simply resorted, in the end, to a long slow zoom out which reveals Max the clown. The first couple of minutes are an extreme close up, flickering and turning, almost an abstract shape.

Some videos use real film footage. Siamese Twin Domestic overlays two mirror images.

Barely time to pause. I'd like to improve these a little. We have a rehearsal this afternoon and another on Saturday. We've never rehearsed this much before.

How I'd like a new synth. This will, with luck, be the last show which includes my brilliant but heavy P105 piano. Bizarrely, Yamaha's latest model lacks any sound other than piano, so this one is still perhaps the best in its class. Though I love the heavy hammer action, the ultra-light keys on the Reface DX are so pleasing to use, they have a sort of pleasant spring. I'd now prefer a light keyboard to one of these weighted hammer action ones, for live play, though of course nothing beats the feeling and resonance of a real piano.

Wonderland Videos

A busy day, started by finalising the sketch for the third of my 'English' paintings; Summer holiday. This series might be the best thing I've made this year, and of course, not for a specific purpose, commission, event etc. Of course, I will use and exhibit them somewhere.

I then piled into making some projection videos for Wonderland. I have 27 videos to make, I'm aiming for 1 or 2 minutes per video. I haven't time to muse so I've used some edits from existing videos, like Time Falling or unused footage from Jabberwocky. I've used some old stock footage for the tracks set in the past, and made some animations in Argus.

This is one of the more interesting animations, for Asylum Flowers. It uses a spiral of daffodils vs. skulls. These animations are easy in Argus but still take more time than edits of filmed footage. I will try to make more.

I'm also watching David Bowie's Glass Spider tour on television. It's so theatrical that it's more like a musical than a rock concert. The best performances, for me, are the plainly sung ones, partly because there is so little narrative to everything. The actors jump and dance around almost for no reason other than dance itself, ever grinning in a somewhat odd way. Musically, this period is seen as a low for Bowie, but this was his most theatrical show. I like the idea of these dead ends, these ends of an experiment because there is always a further step that wasn't taken. Bands like Genesis and Renaissance, for me, could have pushed towards new territory rather than retreating back to convention. Bowie rarely unified or thematically linked work, few concept albums and a very random path.

I'm reminded what a vast amount of work goes into being an artist, a non-stop incredible amount of work, and almost always for nothing or uncertain rewards. Over time, these rewards almost always do materialise, but it often takes years and the rewards are very staccato. These projection videos, what reward will these bring?

Years ago, I made some huge projection videos for the summer solstice event at the Iklectic Art Lab in London with Sabine Kussmaul. Those videos, a full one hour loop, played all day and really lit up the event. It inspired me in video work and even now my memory of them is strong. My old art friend Stephen Barry was included, I quickly filmed him for one of the segments. He died a few years later, so is immortalised in those segments. I had only about 48 hours to make the whole hour-long video.

Again I have hardly any time to make these projections, but I must try my best in this fleeting bite.

Gynocratic Paedoparanoia Glazing

Decided to paint today. I had four paintings awaiting a glaze: Gynocratic Paedoparanoia, The Safe Box, Hand of Destiny and the new Shakespeare one which isn't dry enough. Gynocratic Paedoparanoia was the oldest, so I painted that:

The title appeared as I quickly and unconsciously sketched the idea. Its genesis was a painting about a fear of sex in a similar manner as the fear of Aspartame for the compositionally related work, but after this lightning thought, the idea was drawn very quickly as I usually do, with little conscious thought or intervention of reason. I prefer this because it creates dialogue by mystery, the enigma. It has a meaning, because it was authentically drawn from my waking dream (we always and constantly dream, but our waking mind often obscures these lower and complex thoughts), but even I can't be sure what it means.

The final painting is very close to the idea sketch:

I like how the figure and her same features in the right monolith look like internal vs. external dialogue. The half-complete rainbow (it has red, yellow, none, and blue) and second set of violet 'lips' were added during composition, partly as a second, similar, reflection.

In technical terms, the fantastic colour of the Blockx Mars Yellow Orange dominates the monolith. I've started to make more use of zinc white again, its fine dust useful for the highlights (I tend only to use it in specular highlights, hardly ever mixed and almost always in a topmost layer). My concern when underpainting was the MAMA text, but it was very easy and enjoyable to glaze.

I painted while listening to Brian's Gothic Symphony, which is epic in every way, for me, far more unified and better than the Mahler he is sadly compared with.

Framing, Summer Holiday

Two slower days. Framed When This Is All Over yesterday. I decided to roughen the edges of the frame with a wire brush and this looked excellent. The surface is far less sticky in these normal temperatures.

I had three fantastical and vivid dreams. In the first, it was our wedding day, myself and Deborah, which took place in the front room of my old house. On the way there, while walking through a dream Nantwich at high speed, I found some discarded notes of money, which I need at the moment. In the second dream, I was in or watching a Carry On film called Carry On Carrying On. In the third dream, I was in a house with Deborah in the future, our house. Cat was there to my delight and joy. All dreams were positive and lovely, full of good messages and encouragement.

I should have been working in the Fall in Green projection videos today, but I didn't feel like it, so decided to continue work on the English Triptych. I had planned on making this third, central, piece larger than the others, but for the sake of speed as well as unity, I decided to revert to the size of the others 28x38cm.

Here is the idea sketch:

And the final composition, which is more complex and refined. It has a feeling of decay so I added a fly. The pyramidal structure is perhaps influenced by Leonardo da Vinci because I watched a Sky Arts programme about his works yesterday.

I noticed today that I sold my painting Hope at Bickerton.

Shakespeare Underpainting Complete, Degas, Hawk

A last day of a heatwave. Room between 26 and 28 degrees for about three days and nights.

Completed the Shakespeare underpainting with the poppies, rather enjoyable to paint from a source rather than imagination. I watched a Sky Arts documentary about Degas, and we seem to share similarities. He preferred to plan paintings in detail and execute them in the studio, more a classical studio painter than an impressionist, also a somewhat antisocial, high-ideal perfectionist. Most of his exhibited work today seems to be studies or experiments. His portraits and figures are excellent but he perhaps didn't paint enough of them. If he had painted lots of work like his Cotton Exchange, or even mythological or romantic scenes like William Waterhouse or Bouguereau, I'm sure he would have been as successful as they.

I changed my poppies from yellow to red in my plan but neglected to note that the design of red poppies is different, the style, stigma, anther, so I had to make changes on the fly, which was fine in these circumstances as those details are not significant in this instance, but one 'ghost' poppy in the sky needed alteration.

I should paint today but need a rest and have other admin jobs to joyously catch up on.

I'm full of painting and musical ideas and I'm making technical strides. I've run out of money for the camera rig, framing wood and materials, a new synth. My paintings need to be seen more and sell more. I'm reminded how much better they look in real life than on the terrible digital screen or in a photograph.

My Chinese friend and translator has completed a printed catalogue of my paintings in Chinese, entirely on his own initiative.

Last night, from Deborah's window, I watched a hawk pluck a pigeon, swiftly and silently grasped from the air above her garden while we were there. The hawk did an efficient job, as good as any butcher, and it was nice to see one of these birds up close for some time, careful not to disturb it for fear of the tragedy of frightening it away from its moribund quarry. Four magpies cackled about it just after the kill, probably waiting some of the meat, but then, I wondered, if these local magpies knew the pigeon and were trying to help their friend.

Shakespeare, Rig Test

A second full day of underpainting Moon Over Shakespeare yesterday. So much of this painting is invented, fantasy. In some ways, it's a paragon of painting because it can't be copied, imitated, made by machine, made digitally or in any way other than meticulous oil painting; but of course this is because it can be 'anything' so is a sort of raw expression. Dali railed against this in 50 Secrets because of the madness it causes, but he did so because he too did it, and all painters do when they paint; all paintings have changes from 'reality' in them. Well, Shakespeare and the flowers are real. Here is the underpainting so far:

Today I've paused to deliver three paintings to the annual Bickerton Art Exhibition, one of the few which is going ahead. I've been informed that the Cheshire Art Fair is postponed until spring. This feels correct. At the moment I would not feel safe attending the preview, for example.

I started by calibrating some orbit spirit levels which were all wrong. The factory could have gripped the top with a steel arm, optically levelled each one, then sanded and polished the bottom smooth - but they didn't, so these are not accurate. I created a level (level enough) base with a ceramic tile, then stuck metal washers onto the base of each one with soft epoxy clay, then gently pushed them to level them as the clay set; so each one is now very level. The differences are as good as the natural wobble of the spirit, which itself is not 'perfect'.

Then I assembled a test rig with my 15mm stainless steel tubes but alas! First, the end was so rough that it was a tight squeeze to fit onto the adapter, badly scratching one in the process. Second, the tubes are not round or smooth enough to slide along. Perhaps steel itself is never round enough, which is why SmallRig themselves use aluminium or carbon fibre. The tubes wobble, slide, get stuck, all bad. That's a precious £60 wasted. I must try aluminium.

Frames and Shakespeare

A full day yesterday. I added gold to the frames. For one I applied aluminium leaf and gold dust, the other, gold paint. Both of these are like experiments, so I wanted to try a range of finishes. The (imitation) gold leaf looked better, though it was a lot more difficult to apply because I bought loose rather than transfer leaf for unknown reasons. Finished results:

I knew the gold dust would be nightmarish, so masked carefully and totally with newspaper, but even then it managed to leak. Any fragment of gold dust will stick on and in acrylic paint, even if dry. The surface of these frames remained plastic and sticky, but the day was 26 to 30 degrees, so very warm and acrylic paint is soft at the best of times. I painted both with some Ronseal Diamond Hard Varnish which is a good sealant, and this did reduce the tack, but not completely.

The results look rather like actual 17th century frames, not like the 'perfect' plastic look of modern frames. Many frames from that era use texturing or carving of the wood to add tone and variety. I wondered if no gesso and my black stain alone to retain the grain might look better. I have a big list of possible improvements or changes to make next time. I may still do more work on these.

Today I've started work on one of my larger paintings, Moon Over Shakespeare. At first I wanted to continue my 'English' Triptych, to express something about these anxious times, but I realised that I have done this anyway. My idea, a few years ago, originally had weeds or carnations spouting from the head of a pottery Shakespeare, but when developing the final drawing, I switched these for poppies, partly because some were growing in that garden and I thought, quite spontaneously, that they would make good models. When working on the colour study, I changed my poppies from yellow to red.

Now it seems somehow magical, as if it had been planned. The red poppies, with their symbolism of the Great War and the futile destruction of those battles, complete with the, now much more living, Shakespeare of England. The combination seems to somehow resonate with these times.

The First World War and those battles keep appearing in my mind as a contemporary metaphor.

I was reminded that Freud, in 1937, didn't rate Dali's paintings because their meaning wasn't hidden, but overt. This is true, a good artwork needs enigmas, and meanings and truths hidden even to the artist, which is why I don't over-plan or design work with obvious concepts or messages to convey. I think Dali learned from Freud's words. After the late 1930s he stopped making complex works with deliberately hidden or 'invisible' shapes.

Leonardo and Perfectionism

After the gesso experiments, I completed the frame with more sanding and two coats or red paint, two of black. The results are not perfect, but now I recognise that things never will be. Sometimes, on an aesthetic level, these imperfections, unexpectedly, add something beneficial. Also, sometimes it is more efficient to learn, make notes, and correct things next time rather than chase perfection in one work.

I was reminded of Leonardo da Vinci's works, so many half completed. He seems to have been a perfectionist in some areas to an extent that it stopped work being completed. Essentially, focusing on the 'perfectness' on one area created more imperfections elsewhere. A desire for the perfect, in this case, created more imperfections.

The goal of life, all life, is to reduce entropy, to order the disordered, to 'perfect', neaten, organise, clean. All life does this. Trees take disordered elements in the soil and air and make them into an ordered structure of a tree. This is not perfect, trees are scribbly things, but it is more ordered than the chaotic arrangement of molecules in soil. Humans order things more, and with our machines can make things even more orderly and neat. Knowing that repairing, tidying, neatening is the primary goal old life adds purpose to these acts, but I also know that all actions have a percentage of chaos, mistakes, accidents, disorder. This cannot be helped and is also a fundamental feature of all things; even atoms themselves have imperfections, mess, chaos in their structure. In aesthetics it is important to know this. It can help guide the disorderly parts to look pretty, as I try to in my frames.

After the frame painting I repaired my 20-year old Sony MiniDisc player by fitting a new belt. Repairing is part of the function of ordering, battling entropy, so is a satisfying activity because it fulfils the primary purpose of life.

Gesso/Filler Experiments

What is filler? A binder, like polyvinyl acetate or acrylic suspension or hide glue or linseed oil, and a filler like chalk or plaster of Paris or marble dust.

I've been experimenting with gesso and/or filler types today. I want something a little more substantial than acrylic gesso to smooth out wood grain, as well as bigger things like knots or holes. I've used various wood fillers to fill and repair or restore defects in frames but none are quite perfect, all a bit different.

I decided to use chalk (whiting, calcium carbonate) rather than mixing things with an off-the-shelf filler. I have plaster in stock, and even some super hard modern resin plaster, but I don't want a surface so hard that I can't sand it. The best fillers tend to be rather flaky and very easy to sand, but sticky enough to hold together. Here are some first results:

I started with a mix of chalk and water and PVA. The mixes were very watery at first (far right) and I wasn't impressed, but now its dry it does look rather smooth. Next to that I simply used less: 1 chalk to 1 PVA mix (which was 1:3 PVA:water). This was a little more syrupy and has held a few peaks, but still to watery to fill deep holes. One advantage of PVA is that it is sticky, and can be wetted to apply other layers (gilding). Water resistance is all well and good, but often things work better is a sort of symbiotic state of absorption and release, so I think that some water sensitivity can be an advantage to stability.

I then tried a mix of chalk and gesso itself, Golden Sandable Hard Gesso. This made a rather nice paste which was gluey and pleasant to work with. Not so liquid for a grain filling paint but good for filling larger gaps, I surmise. I'll see how it sands out. Then I tried mixes of chalk and basic acrylic paint; here a 1:1 mix of Golden Fluid Carbon Black and water, which is the supreme black paint, the best black of any I think.

A 1:1 paint and chalk mix (far left) was again very watery, so watery it was more like water than paint. I tried a 3:1 chalk:paint mix next and this made a syrupy mix, more fluid than honey, but still with some thickness. This seemed like a great choice as a general grain concealer. I used this last mix on some raw wood to dry as a bigger test.

Only the Golden Gesso and chalk mix covered the grain completely with great ease - I suppose this depends entirely on how it is applied. I used a spatula, then a sponge as a test but the sponge application was so thin (though, of course, very homogenous) that it didn't fill or conceal grain. I deliberately chose rough, unsanded and unplaned wood. The 'dots' all over the sample above are bits of this wood, not chalk particles.

In effect I'm making my own acrylic gesso. I need more of a clearly defined use to measure actual success. A primer layer for bare wood is one, and I want a secondary, more gap-filling solid filler, to cover knots, holes etc. which would be applied first. Most general fillers are too coarse for my use; the best I my favoured one is Wilkinson Fine Surface Filler, but perhaps this isn't liquid enough for a top coat.

One option is something solvent based like Paraloid resin with chalk. I may try this as a filler, as water and wood always reacts a little badly. Anything oil based or non-watery tends to work better with wood.

Itch Sounds, Gesso Grosso, Freedom Day

Another full day but it never seems that I get by daily plans done. I listed some sound effects on my itch.io account today, perhaps I can sell a few there.

I must also measure my photography setup... how much tubing do I need? Do I want a 1D or 2D set-up? 2D would need 4 tripods ideally... and a lot of room, but it should make lighting easier (more consistent, as the work won't move) and fewer problems with aligning the work.

I also experimented with finishes on my frames, applying some acrylic and leaving wood samples at various stages. The best way to get smooth results is watered down fluid acrylic and applying several coats with a sponge, the results are perfectly smooth, as good as spraying with none of the mess or problems with dust.

I then sanded my frames and applied another coat of gesso. The imperfections are still visible, most of them, but not all. The filler had helped, but even this very fine filler is a little coarse, and rather flaky. I feel that I need to fill the wood first, before this acrylic. I need something like a gesso grosso, something gap filling that will eliminate the grain. Studying guitar makers will help. Experiments are needed. My simple mix of chalk, water and PVA worked so wonderfully even when very thin.

I have paintings to do but don't feel ready to do this tomorrow, so I'll work on the frames and experiments, though I don't think I'll experiment with these assembled frames... I might work on bare wood to observe results. Even with one gesso coat on the test samples from today, the results looked very beautiful even if some grain was visible. I might stick with that for now. One option I'm imagining is smoothing and filling the wood and applying one gesso coat before sawing and assembly, then more filler on any joint areas and gesso after assembly. The moulding used by over the counter framers are obviously fully finished before they assemble them, which is why the joints are the poor part. Better quality framers will then attach corner mouldings, but perhaps over these finished (or at least partly finished) frames. Of course, the best quality frames are fully wood carved before any finishing.

As Covid-19 infections soar to record levels here, our idiotically named 'Freedom Day' beckons on Monday. The government's Covid-19 plans are crazy. Their plan appears to be to open to country to cause as many infections as possible as quickly as possible, and their primary motivation seems to be impatience; they don't appear intelligent enough to be malevolent. The Chief Medical Officer, the likeable Chris Whitty, asks: If we don't open now, then when? The sensible reply is when 80% or more of the populace is vaccinated. After 8 months, despite an obvious need to vaccinate everyone and a possibility of a need for a third 'emergency' vaccine (which has thankfully not been needed) our vaccination speed has not increased, and only about 50% of the population are vaccinated. Unlike most other countries, there are no plans to vaccinate the under 18s, as though this demographic will not catch or pass on or mutate this virus. The situation reminds me of the last days of Mussolini's government. Philip Pullman's prediction looms large.

External events have a habit of laying waste to any prime minster's plans and term. Irrespective of 'boosting' Britain, or doing anything else, Boris Johnson's only job will be managing Covid-19, and his only legacy will be how he managed it. Even setting aside his illegal proroguing of parliament, the probable break up of the United Kingdom due to a broadly unwanted Brexit, and the many scandals, how will the world remember his actions in respect to Covid-19? I suspect, poorly.

Art Fair Cheshire, Art Photography Rig

A full day, preparing and checking paintings for September's Cheshire Art Fair. The work needed string that was close to the top as per their instructions - this is generally to prevent a frontward lean when hanging paintings, a common problem, especially if the work is away from a wall. My solution, in the past, is to hook the string around a second U shaped loop at the top of the painting, so that the painting, even when suspended in the middle of a room, will hang vertically. This time, however, I obeyed the guides and re-strung the work with string very near the top. The downside with this is that the inverted-V shaped string can poke out of the top, making the wall hook visible. This can't be helped.

I've submitted 8 works, plus one as a 'donation work' where the commission for the charity is a lot higher. Everything needed at least some adjustment or new strings, which is a lot of measuring, drilling, screwing. A few paintings needed more work on the framing itself...

Except For The Hatred needed a backing board; this is basically bare canvas, but it's more professional to have a board on the back and a label. Plus, the organza material needed holding in place neatly:

Secondly, I've decided to show Flesh Vase With Stone Flowers, a piece which normally hangs on my wall, and has rarely ever been shown, but now it is time. Its frame needed a backing board too, but also it had black screws in the side. These are barely visible in their shadowed place, but now I prefer a smooth frame, so I removed those and started to fill the holes. This is a fairly complex restoration job. It can never be perfect, I know that from experience, but it should be less visible than the old screws.

Each greetings card I aim to exhibit has to be listed individually, and images for everything prepared. The cards themselves needed cellophane bagging. All of this wrapping and admin work took until 17:30.

I also received the parts for my photography. See this L-plate:

It can very usefully be configured so that the camera fits on the outside like that, rather than on the inside of the L. Unfortunately, the holes in the plate on the back are spaced at 11mm, and the holes on the 'SmallRig' double-tube adaptor thing spaced at 9mm (duh!) so the two do not fit. I can fit it via the central hole(s) and manually adjust though. So, I can make something like this:

To point the camera exactly down, when running along a rail (or sideways for a vertical rail). I need two more of the rail things for the ends of the rail, plus some rails (15mm tubing) and spirit levels to ensure everything is calibrated. That should be it. That system, plus two tripods at the end (I have two very cheap and flimsy ones) should cost £100 to £150 in total, depending on the cost of the rods.

Songs of Saint George Underpainting

A night of stomach cramps and sleeplessness, slept only 3 hours or so, so woke late and in poor condition for painting. Still, painting needed to be done so I got to work on Songs of Saint George. Here is today's work, without the harp strings:

The original idea, in my mind, was simply light grey with a black cross, but I thought some morose colours would help. I rarely use greens, so I decided to experiment a little. I painted two colour studies yesterday, changing both. The second version had yellow-ish or pink-ish flesh tones for the 'floor' object and a green cape for the figure, but a green floor seemed best.

Painting today was very slow and arduous, perhaps due to my tiredness and inability to eat or drink optimally. There are few colours, cobalt turquoise green and Harding's Naples Yellow (titanium antinomy chromium oxide) are the main colours. At this point my plan was to leave it and add the harp strings during a glazing phase, but I was undecided whether to glaze at all; many of the fine details here are extremely fine and complete.

Would the ultra-fine harp lines be finer in a glaze? Usually, yes, but perhaps not certainly... one advantage of adding them now is that the background colours can be used to block in around them, making them finer... matching those colours later might be difficult.

I was genuinely unsure about whether to add the harp lines now or later. For the Aspartame painting, I added the spirals for the eyes during underpainting and those worked well. The finest eyelashes and eyebrows in a portrait I tend to add during glazing only.

I started painting at 09:30 and finished at 19:30 after a day of irregular breaks of around 20 mins each, less than normal. This painting was very time consuming and arduous, despite having relatively little detail.

It was fun to paint details on this knight, however:

I paid homage to Bosche's original by including the relief of the spur.

More Photography

Spent the morning framing The Starcrossed Escape.

This took hours, particularly the careful treatment of the glazing. It looks a lot better than it did in 2010. Most of my thoughts have been about improving my art photography system. Here is the camera block I made, done this way so that the hole (through which the horizontal bar goes) is exactly vertical:

And it is. The camera points away to the right in this pic, but the back (this is the 'top', the thing points face down), as you can see is very uneven. I could make this flat by getting something flat, wood would be good because it would adhere well, then gluing it on the back, but it would need to be done very accurately, so will need a guide, but also the glue itself would need to be more like filler, like a jelly or putty so it could be minutely adjusted as it set. So I've experimented with making a putty-like glue from PVA and whiting/chalk/calcium carbonate. It worked well, I might use this for jobs in future.

This is one of three exact right angles needed to recalibrate the system. The second is a square fitting in the hole itself and this is a problem... the 20mm square tubing only just fits. I began to wonder if this is the best option, perhaps an expensive, off-the-shelf rig might be better. I wondered if two rails might be better than one rod. Video camera rigs use 2x15mm tubes. This tubing is even available in stainless steel (at an expensive £50 or so for one 1.5m length, amazing considering a 1m length is under £20 - can I cope with 1m of movement?). One advantage is that everything, apart from the tubes is fairly small and dismantleable.

There are times to ponder and times to act. If I want a good, ideal system then I must spend time and money on experiments to determine the best soloution. I have ordered some basic bits to fit to the camera and experiment with. I will also compare any results with scans to made sure I have the best quality of image possible. If in doubt, take action. If there are several options and you can't decide which is best, try them all.

Now, I must paint a colour study.

High Resolution Art Photography

Photographing my recent paintings today. I could paint better and work better if I could focus on that alone, but there are so many other jobs, the filing, framing, and this, scanning/photography of the work.

My technique is slow, complex and still not perfect. All of my days seem to be frustrating and imperfect. I can only aspire to get better with better procedures and techniques, based on logic and careful application rather than relying on mere knowing, which can come and go.

Ten years ago I used a £30 Canon 'Lide 30' Flatbed scanner which I'd modified to remove the plastic edge, leaving a glass pane to place the art on. This worked well, and produced better results than my current Epson scanner which is so poor quality (banding, not calibratable) that it's almost useless for art. In my experience, Epson make terrible scanners and printers, and Canon the best. Scanning always has some problems with banding or sensor quality, so this is not ideal. A huge scanner, the size of the painting which can be calibrated might be ideal. Perhaps museums use this, but who knows, it would need to be a rare and custom built machine, and kept in almost sterile conditions to stop dust, and of course, a room that is at least the size of the painting.

Now I use a Canon DSLR camera and photograph in segments, about 1.2m away from the work with a 50mm lens. The camera points down and the painting lies flat, facing up. The problem is being able to move the camera but keeping it 100% perpendicular to the painting surface. At the moment I use an aluminium rail for vertical motion and slide the painting itself for horizontal. This works reasonably well, but the vertical sliding of the camera can vey slightly change the left/right angle, and even a slight movement can upset the image accuracy. This is also rather time consuming, as everything needs to be set up very accurately. Because the painting moves, the lighting will change for that section, so I take a photograph of a plain white sheet and use this in post processing to lighten the painting correctly.

The results are good, but only perhaps as good as the old 'Lide 30' system. Photography does give a slightly softer look, which can look prettier, but doesn't seem as detailed. Generally the colour matching is a lot better on camera, almost instantly perfect, and of course there is no banding or graphic artefacts which are impossible or very time consuming to fix on a scanner. Scanning an artwork in sections was also very time consuming, it probably took longer and was more dangerous. Today, for example, I photographed The Starcrossed Escape which needed 6 sections, two works which needed two, and 4 works in one, and this took only 90 minutes or so (for the photography, the subsequent computer work took several hours). One single, multi-section work using the scanner often took an 8-hour day.

So, I need to develop an even better system, certainly a rail that locks the camera in pure vertical mode, and perhaps that can slide horizontally too (a tripod on wheels?).

Cosmonaut Frame

More work on the Cosmonaut frame today. The hard part of cutting the beading, hard because I don't have a mitre saw so must do these complex angles and measurements by hand. I first made a paper template of each corner, then did a test cut of the beading. Marking it from the top, rounded, edge was nearly impossible, so I quickly abandoned that idea and decided to mark the flat base. This meant making a sort of cradle on my desk from blu-tak to hold the long beading in place while I hand-sawed the angle with a coping saw. A small Japanese pull saw would have been more useful I think, but I don't have one. The blade had to be a fine-tooth metal blade, as the wood blades were too coarse.

Then it was a matter of sanding the angle to the correct slope, again by hand. A circular 90 degree sanding table would have made this easy, but I don't have one and it seems excessive to buy one for one frame. Still, a mitre saw and these tools are tempting. Of course, I don't really have room for those. I must fit my life's possessions in two rooms. My studio is my bedroom.

The beading fitted reasonably well and looked rather nice, especially pleased with the smoothness and gloss:

It looks and feels as smooth and nice as any commercial framing, which is my key lesson of this. My frames at first were knocked together with minimal care, the simplest way to display the paintings, but have gradually increased in complexity and beauty. I can clearly see the pyramid of artisanship which leads to good quality frames and am aspiring towards the best, rather than considering these an afterthought. I'm sure that with a 3D printer I could make frames as good as Frinton's, with lacquered, solid wood sides and custom embellishments. Of course, this would take me as long, if not longer, than painting, with far less artistic merit other than an exposition of craft skills. I have no plans to make frames for other artists for this reason.

These past two days have been really tiring, working on this triangle frame, which like the painting itself is a cross between my skills of now and my skills of 2010. My next job on this work is to scan/photograph the finished painting.

Beading, Frames

All day working on the two wooden frames and the beading. I've painted 4 gesso caots on the beading, which was difficult, the wood so thin and long that it was difficult to avoid mess, dust, hairs etc. I then made a custom sanding shape with wet and dry 400-grit paper and epoxy clay to mould it to the exact contour of the wood:

It wasn't perfect, the paper is too stiff and the details too delicate, but over the full 2400mm of wood the block did sand it to an even finish, better than I expected. I then used wire wool, which felt better at evening out the finish, although both probably helped. Then three coats of Golden Fluid Acrylic: red, brown, gold. The results are good, all slightly streaky and 'distressed' which is what I wanted.

The white frames have had five coats of gesso, and three sandings. The results are still far from smooth and perfect, each coat was very thin. I can imagine taking 15 coats on these which seems like too much. I don't think there will be an easy shortcut. It would be nice to have an acrylic 'filler' which is stiffer for the holes, dents, knots etc. Next time, I will use wood filler on areas like that; the knots and joints. My Wilko filler powder is good but very flaky and powdery, not fine. They do make a fine-detail filler which is ready mixed, I'll get some of that. The last tub I had dried solid with almost all of it unused.

My next job is marking and cutting the exact lengths and angles on the beading, this is for an isosceles triangle frame, and I have no mitre, so my plan is to hand saw near the joint and electrically sand to perfection.

Days like this are a little break from painting, very physical rather than the sedentary work of painting, but I find it harder to stop. I could potentially stop now and paint tomorrow, but it would be nice to finish the beading job.

Bunting Game, Frames

A full day yesterday underpainting Bunting Game, the third painting in an 'English' triptych. Here is the Bunting Game colour study:

And the underpainting, which is so finished it might not need a glazing layer:

After painting, I immediately left for Deb's for a nice meal of ribs with plum sauce, star anise, and other wonders. We watched Jabberwocky, the Terry Gilliam film, which I haven't seen in years. The black knight, played by Dave Prowse, had a shape that cropped up in many subsequent Gilliam films. I've yet to see his more recent works; Tideland, The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, Zeroth Theorem. I must do so one day.

Today I've been working on the two frames. I first decanted the Golden Sandable Gesso into a sauce bottle. This is a little easier, less messy, to use than dipping in the tub, but perhaps more importantly will keep the tub dust free and at the correct viscosity. I've painted some beading for the Cosmonaut frame, 3 coats so far, but this is difficult. It's hard to paint the very long and very thin wood neatly, and the ridge makes it hard to sand. I'm wondering if I should custom make some sort of sanding block of the correct shape.

Painting the frames is hard work too. I've painted three coats so far today.

Sanding between each, though the wood is still visible, and I might need many layers yet. They do look beautiful. The wood I gessoed before sawing looks far better now, so perhaps I should apply a couple of coats first. As you can see, one is bound with cling wrap, to clamp a fragment of wood which is gluing.

Spree Killer, Frames, Paper

A full and tiring day. All of my days are tiring because I keep working until I can work no more.

I started by completing the glazing of Spree Killer. I changed the colouration of the underpainting slightly, using normal greens rather than turquoise for the floor. For the 'rocks' I used the very lightest of touches, tips of the brush yet miraculously this evened everything out well.

I've appeared in the local newspaper thanks to Nantwich Museum and my Neorenaissance exhibition there.

In the afternoon, I cut the wood for framing which I glued a few days ago. I decided to apply a coat of the new Golden Sandable Hard Gesso before cutting the wood. This is quite gloopy, more liquid, by memory than the Lascaux. Easy to apply with a sponge, but the water slightly bent the wood away, so it's probably better to apply only after the frame is made. I cut the frame too big - adding the rebate amount rather than subtracting it in a stupid error. I've made 200 frames or so. I was reminded than success comes at the cost of many prior mistakes.

I cut a second frame from the other wood, then recut this one smaller, to fit the Aspartame painting:

This moulding does look rather beautiful. I will probably make my frames in this style from now on, but it is more expensive and more work.

Glazing Spree Killer

Decided to glaze Spree Killer despite the prediction of a rainy day; it was rainy but easily light enough.

Detail painting is an expression of confidence. You tell the viewer: "You think you know where this crease, or this eyelash, is? Well, here is where it is. Here exactly."

In surrealistic (hyper-reality) painting, the clarity and details reflects a clarity of thought - real things are absolutely clear and lucid; the dialogue of the art is not about what something looks like, the dialogue is about what the idea means, the subject on an intellectual level. In an 'impressionistic' painting, the gaps in what is finished creates the dialogue; the viewer fills in their preferred details on a visual interpretive level.

Perhaps then, detail painting is the diametrical opposite to 'abstract' painting where anything can look like anything. Perhaps things come full circle in surrealistic-dream-style painting, where inkblots look like different things to the viewer.

Covid, England Triptych, Lollipop Turbine

Very anxious about the current Covid-19 predictions and the government's seemingly idiotic strategy of letting the virus run wild from next week. What a comparison we have with the New Zealand government. My energy levels need to be directed at my work, and away from myself or any cause beyond control. The immediate future; like entering art competitions which might require delivery or transport in July or August seems uncertain and too risky. Our Knutsford performance, 6 weeks away, may be in jeopardy if cases double every 9 days (as is the case now) during this time. Essentially, I've decided to cancel entering everything and avoid going anywhere, and focus on art creation. We will keep rehearsing for Knutsford. I hope this will go ahead, it's something we've waited over a year for, but if the risk is too great, we can, again, postpone until a safer time.

I've continued to work on the paintings, two art generally prepared. I've decided to draw some tone studies again. I've done this a few times but not for a few years, perhaps I'm used to doing this on the canvas, but, there is merit in pre-planning, the adjustments are, at least simpler. Here is a study for Bunting Game, the third piece:

I've prepared the canvases, toned in Burnt Sienna. Now I regret this, as I'm thinking of greeny or yellowy hues for the works generally. Perhaps I should trace over a work only after these studies. I was going to plan a painting about Rachel Hudson, something I've wanted to do for years, but, again, I've stopped. The themes are disturbing and sad and I feel a change of mood is needed in my art.

In techniques, I'm wondering if I could underpaint something in browns and yellows, then glaze in any colour. This might be pretty.

I had an idea for a type of turbine based on the Tesla Turbine, which uses discs rather than propeller blades. These are only efficient at certain speeds and sizes which are impractical. I wonder if a spiral 'groove', actually a raised edge not a valley, could be used to control the flow of the steam/air/liquid at different times. This spiral could be bent for different optimal speeds and be raised more on the inside (or on the outside if this works better) to also extract as much as possible a constant force. This improvement might make the turbine more efficient at lower speeds. I hereby christen this design the Lollipop Turbine after the red spiral in a big lollipop.

England Triptych, Barcelona, Gods

An anxious night, slept only a few hours. The government's actions regarding Covid-19 seem idiotic, the result of a impatience, inefficiency, stupidity, the rejection of reason. I drew three painting ideas on the state of Britain, all quick 'unconscious' sketches, as is my usual technique.

I'm already a little overwhelmed with paintings and ideas, on this, my most productive year in years, yet, I feel that these need painting as a matter of urgency. I must get things done. So, today, I prepared papers for these, and the ambitious Rachel Hudson painting. I have other, large scale ideas. I must try to aim for the larger and so more impressive works first, but, these take longer and are more work, so can hold up several smaller ones.

The first and last of the above paintings will be a mere 40x30cm, as I thought these were quite simple visually. I have expanded or changed them a little. The figure in the third was, in my conception, partly made from prostheses, as in the sculpture Boy, Oh Boy, am I Living!, by Bruce Lacey, which I saw as a child in my Robot Book, and in person during a school trip to Tate Liverpool; and a few Dali images too. So I created a Poser image of these and sourced material. The first image needs something too, I have a plan.

I need to work on studies for these. Normally I work only on colour studies, but I now think that a shaded pencil study would improve the quality of things.

In other aspects, I'm thinking of the framing wood I bought. I glued two parts today. I considered how to smooth out imperfections and pits, recalling how, in a guitar factory, they use a foam-like wood glue. Perhaps wood glue, water, and whiting, or, I thought, I could use whiting, Paraloid resin, and solvent. But, then I thought this would be a little silly, as the gesso I intend to use is made exactly for this anyway. I wondered about covering the shaped architrave with cling film, then epoxy clay to make an inverse, a mould of the perfect shape for a sanding block. I may do this.

I have also proofread The Many Beautiful Worlds of Death to the end today and will order a third proof. I like to have three creative jobs at once. Four is too many, but three is optimal because when bored of one, a second can be worked on. So, no more music for now. I have three.

I've watched, again, a documentary film about the wonderful Freddie Mercury. For me, Barcelona is the saddest of all songs, even more than anything by Roy Orbison, or The Carpenters, or Patsy Cline. Barcelona, despite the joyous music and mediocre but happy words, is filled with heartbreak. It is clear that Freddie knew, when recording it, that he was dying. My life feels short and perilous. I must work at my hardest and best.

In an insight last night, I realised the origins of gods. People relate to all things as other people. We have relationships with our favourite cups, cars, places, and mourn their losses and/or gains as much as, and in the same way as, other people. This is the nature of our minds. I noticed that groups are also thought of in this way; we can love or feel connections to, for example, all trees, or a certain country, or Christmas, or any abstract grouping; and this relationship is akin to a personal one, so, as in Taoism or Shinto, one could say that the 'person' we sense is the 'spirit' of this abstract grouping or entity. We can feel a personal connection, for example, to time itself as a construct, and our brains would sense the connection as one to a person, which we might consider the god of time. Thus all of these things, great and small, are what we might think of a spirits, and these sensory shadows are also the connections we sense in other people, and animals too; so, spirits and gods in every sense.

Wonderland Rehearsal

I was disturbed by an article on the dire expert predictions of the current Covid-19 wave, which our government seems keen to ignore. I find this alarming, but I focused on a job at hand and proofread a few more chapters of TMBWOD. I feel the need to paint something on Covid anxiety.

In the afternoon, another Fall in Green rehearsal. Less in depth, as we focused on a few complex tracks rather than the whole set. A little better than before. I need to memorise so much. The instrumentation etc. is finalised.

After that, a trip to B&Q to buy some wood for framing. I bought some 21x46mm pine, and some15x58mm 'torus' moulding, which is a pretty shape with a ridge at the narrow end which should be good for my favoured style of Dutch/Flemish framing. I've ordered some Golden Sandable Hard Gesso, which seems to be a good type for priming solid framing like this. I have both whiting (calcium carbonate) and titanium pigment, so could make my own gesso with either acrylic medium, PVA, or even rabbit skin glue if I felt crafty and a little masochistic due to its complexity. The PVA has appeal, as water would then make the surface gummy and ready to gild, but it would dry very quickly, and besides, would need colouring before the gold anyway.

I think an off-the-shelf acrylic gesso will do, but what is the best way to apply it? For panels, I use sponge rollers and this works fantastically. For colouring wood with acrylic paint I use sponges and watered down paint, which also works very well, but here I might need to use a brush. I feel that pouring some of the gesso into a bottle for dispensing will keep it fresher and be easier to use than dipping into the tub.

Framing The Cosmonaut

After feeling so zapped of energy over the past few days I decided to have an easier day today, but fate thwarted this! I decided to start work on the frame for The Starcrossed Escape Of The Psychological Cosmonaut. I had made a frame for it a few years ago but was and am considering new framing options for this undoubted masterpiece. A new frame with a fancy moulding might improve the painting, but having looked at my frame, it was in good condition and rather nice. It needed some work, however.

I started by distressing the wood to remove some of the current vanish and give it a matt black look. Then did the same for the outside, the frame is in two 'steps'. The hard part though was the cutting of the glazing. I cut a backing board relatively easily; the painting panel fits so well for the frame, that it was a matter of marking the board (HDF in this case) and sawing it. This fitted exactly... to the millimetre. I use this to mark the Perspex with a Sharpie marker (of course, this is covered in a plastic sheet to protect it). Working with any plastic glazing is nightmarish... it's very easy to slip when using a normal knife, very easy to scratch it. Even leaning on it accidentally can cause scratches or marks, so exceptional care must be taken. Dust is always a problem, but that is a matter for final framing. Today I was only cutting it to size and I decided to use a jigsaw, having had many bad experiences with snap off knives and plastic sheeting.

I experimentally sawed a part of a corner with the jigsaw. It's fortunate that I did this as the piece shattered into huge splinters of 1cm or so. I switched to a fine toothed hack-saw type blade, this worked better. I put wood on top to support the saw, avoiding any marks on the surface, then started to cut in the blazing sun. The plastic sometimes cut, sometimes melted due to the speed of the saw. Alarmingly, at the end, as the sheet vibrated, it started to crack and shatter, but fortunately in directions away from the sheet. I had to pause and rest the flapping sheet on a stool with a weight on it, but this meant moving the saw down something like an alleyway, like the Death Star Trench, flying my shaking saw, full of worry, along the tentative line. I managed the cut. Then, with care and deft gentleness, dismantled the stool, jig, table, clamps, and turned the plastic to cut the other side.

Now, to cut from the pointed or dull end? The pointed would probably vibrate less, but it would mean not seeing the line correctly or sawing left-handed. I cut from the dull end and tried to hold everything in shape. By this stage I was so hot that my glasses had filled with water. Halfway along the glass cracked, chipping off a 10mm lump into the visible area, but fortunately, I have about 20mm of leeway because the frame has a large recess. I reached the end, exhausted with tension and the effort.

I took the sheet to the frame and found it to be too big! The few millimetres of drawn edge made it a tiny bit too large. Fortunately I could cut along the smooth base to fix this, rather than revisit the fraught and jagged edges. I sandwiched the base between two 3mm pieces of wood and removed about 3mm. But alas! This was still not enough. The wavering edge was too problematical, so I sanded the convex edges by hand and, after 90 minutes to cut this one piece of plastic, it finally fitted. Cutting the spacer from mount board was trivial by comparison.

So, glazing, spacer, backing board, and painting are complete. The frame would benefit from some extra decoration, I think, perhaps some gold beading like a 17th century Dutch frame. These black and gold trimmed frames are my favourite. I will investigate beadings. For this, I can decorate and cut the beading before committing to stick it to the frame so I have some leeway.

The frame is resting under a dust cover, it must be protected in its perfection at all stages. Almost all of my paintings in the house remain wrapped. Those in storage tend to be individually bubble wrapped, ready to be moved or displayed, this keeps them generally safe. Most of those on the wall are cling wrapped to protect them from dust, but some remain visible...

It's a Fall in Green rehearsal day tomorrow, so no painting.

Self

The issue of self is a perhaps more complex than it appears. People are composite beings, made from lots of tiny animals called cells. I've read that every seven years, we are new people, as every cell in our bodies has, by this time, died and been renewed - I can't be sure if this true, as brain cells or long term information storage must persist. This aside, most of the cells in our bodies are not our own, do not contain our DNA, but are bacteria, coming along for the ride. Of course, even our cells have slightly different DNA and an individuality of their own. We also carry molecules of all sorts; fragments of plastic, dust, other creatures, and every chemical of life which we may breathe or eat or absorb.

When we use objects, these become part of us too. Mentally, our clothing is considered part of our bodies, and studies of the brain as well as psychological tests, have shown that using prostheses or objects, like a tennis player using a racket, incorporates this into what we consider 'us'. On a wider scale, our social connections also become part of us, to a greater or lesser extent (this is the essence of identity in peer groups, nationality, gender, species) as does every interaction and connection.

We are not only made from small individual entities, but are entities ourselves in a vast sea of life.

So, where do you end and not-you begin? The borders are ever shifting and uncertain. We are not the same people we were seven years ago, and not the same people as were yesterday.

Self can be seen like a wave in an ocean. We can identify a wave and consider it separate from other waves, but all waves are part of the sea. Sometimes, among a panoply of other waves, a wave can be lost and reappear later. Egotists should remain aware of the illusion of their self as separate from others or the world.

The Arrow of Space

The arrow of time appears to be a fundamental part of the way the universe workls becuase over time errors accumulate in a one-way direction. Information theory, where errors can occur during the transmission of information over a distance, indicated that there can be an anlogue with space. I wondered how this could be illustrated.

Chinese Whispers is a game where a phrase is whipered from person to person in a room, eahc time accumulating errors. This game could be replicated on paper, where a drawing is made, then on the line below copied, then, while concealing the first drawing, that copy copied etc. After several drawings the errors in copying will be clear, showing the whole process in an instant. This is a space analaogue of the time in Chinese Whispers.

But both methods still use time. Can we say that time was a certain factor in errors in Chinese Whispers and not in the drawing game? Would copying the lines more slowly introduce more errors? It would seem that copying faster and more hurriedly would introduce more. Time will always be involved in copying, and it is copying that may introduce errors. Are there entropic processes that do not involve copying or the transmission of information?

Entropy in the entire universe is a complex issue. It seems ridiculous that black holes could destroy information or absorb light, or anything at all, forever, as these would effectively be, then, permanently destroying part of the universe. This would ultimately evolve the universe to a state of absolute nothing from something. As I've written before, I consider black holes to be not objects which suck matter in, but boundaries to the universe, and hold that nothing ever falls inside, merely orbits the edge or hovers tentatively close to the event horizon, retaining as much geometry as possible in a 'boundary' which is, counterintuitively, convex.#

Hand of Destiny Underpainting

A day of painting Hand of Destiny, an idea from years ago which I've painted, very roughly, twice before but was never happy with it.

It original idea was about information and entropic decay, holding on to something that is disintegrating. It had gold writing along the right edge, but I've never painted that version. The idea also seemed to be about new growth and destiny too. There is a definite element of time, the drips and decay of the past, but new shoots of the tree object. The composition itself seemed somehow odd, too simple. I have added a phoenix here, an echo of the tree. I wonder if I could or should paint the original idea too.

I've felt very tired when painting, I feel exhausted, and at every break keep wanting to sleep. I can reflect on a productive 2021 so far, with three album releases, Fictive, as well as some other software updated, and many paintings so far.

Scott Walker's The Drift arrived today. It's a good album, perhaps more easy on the ear than the similar Tilt. Both are heavily focused on words, the melodies are not pronounced or strong, and without the lyrics it would be difficult or impossible to discern the meanings and themes of the songs. These are almost like avant-garde operatic performances of wavering, almost monotone, vocal lines with sound effects every so often. There is drama in periods of silence and loud noise but this is so unexpected that it's not really a climax as such. Most of the words and phrases repeat often. The downbeat material, blackness, and monotone reminded by of David Lynch's Crazy Clown Time. I was also reminded of Francis Bacon's paintings, there is a lot of meat, bone, dirt, ugliness. There is intensity, intelligence, artistry, perhaps it lacks moments of beauty. Perhaps the source material isn't supposed to be beautiful, but, even ugly subjects should be, I think.