An anxious night, slept only a few hours. The government's actions regarding Covid-19 seem idiotic, the result of a impatience, inefficiency, stupidity, the rejection of reason. I drew three painting ideas on the state of Britain, all quick 'unconscious' sketches, as is my usual technique.
I'm already a little overwhelmed with paintings and ideas, on this, my most productive year in years, yet, I feel that these need painting as a matter of urgency. I must get things done. So, today, I prepared papers for these, and the ambitious Rachel Hudson painting. I have other, large scale ideas. I must try to aim for the larger and so more impressive works first, but, these take longer and are more work, so can hold up several smaller ones.
The first and last of the above paintings will be a mere 40x30cm, as I thought these were quite simple visually. I have expanded or changed them a little. The figure in the third was, in my conception, partly made from prostheses, as in the sculpture Boy, Oh Boy, am I Living!, by Bruce Lacey, which I saw as a child in my Robot Book, and in person during a school trip to Tate Liverpool; and a few Dali images too. So I created a Poser image of these and sourced material. The first image needs something too, I have a plan.
I need to work on studies for these. Normally I work only on colour studies, but I now think that a shaded pencil study would improve the quality of things.
In other aspects, I'm thinking of the framing wood I bought. I glued two parts today. I considered how to smooth out imperfections and pits, recalling how, in a guitar factory, they use a foam-like wood glue. Perhaps wood glue, water, and whiting, or, I thought, I could use whiting, Paraloid resin, and solvent. But, then I thought this would be a little silly, as the gesso I intend to use is made exactly for this anyway. I wondered about covering the shaped architrave with cling film, then epoxy clay to make an inverse, a mould of the perfect shape for a sanding block. I may do this.
I have also proofread The Many Beautiful Worlds of Death to the end today and will order a third proof. I like to have three creative jobs at once. Four is too many, but three is optimal because when bored of one, a second can be worked on. So, no more music for now. I have three.
I've watched, again, a documentary film about the wonderful Freddie Mercury. For me, Barcelona is the saddest of all songs, even more than anything by Roy Orbison, or The Carpenters, or Patsy Cline. Barcelona, despite the joyous music and mediocre but happy words, is filled with heartbreak. It is clear that Freddie knew, when recording it, that he was dying. My life feels short and perilous. I must work at my hardest and best.
In an insight last night, I realised the origins of gods. People relate to all things as other people. We have relationships with our favourite cups, cars, places, and mourn their losses and/or gains as much as, and in the same way as, other people. This is the nature of our minds. I noticed that groups are also thought of in this way; we can love or feel connections to, for example, all trees, or a certain country, or Christmas, or any abstract grouping; and this relationship is akin to a personal one, so, as in Taoism or Shinto, one could say that the 'person' we sense is the 'spirit' of this abstract grouping or entity. We can feel a personal connection, for example, to time itself as a construct, and our brains would sense the connection as one to a person, which we might consider the god of time. Thus all of these things, great and small, are what we might think of a spirits, and these sensory shadows are also the connections we sense in other people, and animals too; so, spirits and gods in every sense.
