A strangely lost yesterday. This year has been a diversion to music, video, and programming largely due to Covid, but I feel at something of an end; perhaps there was something more direct or cathartic in visual art, and of course programming is an emotionless distraction which has pros and cons. My plan for 2020 was to release one new thing each month. It's unlikely I'll release more than The Intangible Man now; this was always the case. Music takes time to prepare and I have no more written work.
Yesterday I watched a documentary about Peter Green, and played some guitar afterwards to the first half of the Renaissance live album, perhaps my only happy moment of the day.
I awoke from a nightmare at 4am.
A pretty young woman with auburn hair had a powerful, domineering and jealous husband. He asked his best friend, a small and meek artist, to protect her, as he suspected that she was having an affair. The artist and the woman were having an affair, and she wanted to escape her husband but was afraid of him. The artist gave her a ring of a strange design, it had a gold band but a large ceramic top, blue and white porcelain in a sloping-ring shape, like a lower segment of a 45 degree cone. Amber was set into the sides, at first one oval stone, flat like an almond, and some other gems. The woman was away from both men and she died, drowned in a pond in an unexpected accident. Two amber stones were now in her ring, on opposite sides. It was as though the presence of the stones were part of her personality. I thought in the dream that perhaps these represented the artist and her husband.
I paint with amber. Perhaps the dream is a reference to a need for more art, but there are many levels.
I slept again and dreamt of a couple, a older man and young woman. The man was a some sort of new-age guru of meditation, a cult figure, and the woman was his adoring disciple. He spoke to me in a white room of a trendy Bauhaus-style house, where the walls were painted with words in black curling script, each a sort of spell, a type of meditation. He told me that he can practice lots of types of meditation but that Death Meditation (I clearly remember the D) was to be avoided. I thought that the only meditation that matters to me is a basic peace meditation, the first in the room, something like 'a basic Omm' but I don't know if I said this out loud. There was some sex videos that the man had made with the woman and his teenage son; these were on YouTube, the pair said that there were all fake to bypass the censors. I found them disturbing.
There was a small kitten in this dream too, about the size of a bee, carrying a wooden lance, like a 20cm long cocktail stick, near the ground. I followed it and tried to help it but when I touched the lance the kitten had turned into a spider which jumped at my face and, hideously, terrifyingly, into me, beneath my skin. This happened twice in a row - two spiders. I tried to wash my face to cleanse away the spiders. Kittens in my psyche represent appeased or acknowledged fears, and spiders general fear.
Today, monthly backups, a day early due to house rennovations tomorrow.
