Art For Me Vocals, and Rembrandt

Vocal recording for Art For Me and Rembrandt today. My singing has improved hugely over the last year and is still improving, showing small and tentative signs of something stronger. When I sang 'We Shall See' for Sisyphus, those high notes were a pinnacle of my achievement at the time, but I can now sing the song in a notably fuller voice compared to then, and Always in the Morning is much stronger too.

I expected this would be the case and remain pleased to have done things this way. Doing the same thing over and over again results in improvement; but one must monitor results, analyse, and work at weak points. It amazes me when people do the same thing for their entire life and seemingly never improve or change. I could have practiced in 'silence' for these months or years, not committed songs to albums until I felt 'ready', knowing that I would improve, but the defeats the aim of art - to do, not to muse or ponder. Things should always improve. I paint to the best of my ability, knowing that my skill will be better next year.

In music, I've held off from CD editions of my vocal albums, allowing the possibility of re-recording parts. That process could continue forever, there is always some sort of trade-off. The Modern Game and Burn of God will do as they are.

Art For Me was joyous to sing, but also nightmarish due to the strange timing. It's basically 4/4 with a strange hint of 3/4 in the rhythm. Here are the drums of one measure - the purple dot is the bass drum, the pink the snare; the blues are all ride cymbals:

I recorded about 5 takes for each verse alone because the lines seemed to jump in at the wrong moment, and each line seems to jump in at a different time. In scale the song is as epic as an Edith Piaf or my other song Out Of Date.

Rembrandt is different fare... easy in some ways but the tones and pitches are a little awkward. It starts almost at a gentle whisper but there are (emotionally) strained higher notes which are challenging to fit.

Here are the lyrics:

I touch your hair
with tender care
my Saskia
as I roll you in crisp linen sheets to sleep.
We have no money.
I haven't got the nerve to tell you.
Money!
The curse of human industry;
so sleep my darling baby,
dream of happy pasts,
I will lie awake
and worry
for us both.

I press you near,
release a tear,
my Saskia,
as I pray to god for providence to shine.
I wish for money,
I don't know how we're going to make it.
Money,
the jester who controls us all,
so sleep my darling baby,
the silver of the glass,
the amber of the lake
will speak
when you wake.

Cotan Solo, Art For Me

A full day of work - joy! Production can be measured by minutes at the sequencer. I started by focusing on Cotan, a problem track because of certain complexities. It has a rather lovely melody and chord arrangement, but an odd structure so that the melody shifts a lot and doesn't particularly repeat, close to an ABCBA structure, although the second B ends in an explosive alternative chord and (typically) epic guitar solo. I recorded the guitars today and remain so happy with the wonderful Brian May Guitar and the Yamaha Amp.

The song feels too short for its epic and monastic quality, and chord complexity, at a mere 3 minutes. I've tried to expand it with a vast, yet-more-epic pipe organ. The awe works, but it stands out too much in the song. It's problem now is a beat which is too plodding, perhaps too simple, yet this very plodding nature creates the monastic, reverent mood, so I don't want to change it too much...

Perhaps three minutes is enough. Or I could work on the organ solo, and score it and re-write parts of it rather than use it as recorded (it's essentially a 'fantasy' in several chords and keys, not all of which fit the song exactly or work exactly, but overall it has quite an effect).

I've yet to record the vocals and, from the very idea of the song, these were in a very breathy, almost monstrous whisper, but I'm unsure whether to sing them or simply use the noise vocoder I imagined. I don't want to grate my voice dark-metal style; the mood is sacred or one of cowering awe, not ugly or intended to scare.

I paused on this and started to work on the music for Art For Me. This is simpler, an AAA structure... I need something between those A's! So have added a couple of chord stabs which remind me of Sorry Mister Wilson.

Peter came for his piano lesson, and in the evening I worked more on Art For Me. I decided to add a section in verse chords, inspired by the strings in Sorry Mister Wilson; but rather than build up to a finale, segued into a final verse which is quieter. There may be more to do.

In other news, I've ordered a new PC, my first in 13 years. I can barely afford it, but I do need an upgrade. The new machine is, apparently 14 times faster than my current computer. I don't need the speed or power, but my current machine is so old now that it can barely run contemporary software due to Operating System compatibility issues rather than speed, and many applications are now incompatible. 13 years ago, computers used lots of energy and generated lots of heat, then they became cooler and more energy efficient, but ironically, this one is power hungry and hot... I'd prefer something simple and calm, but chunky desktop PCs are now rarities designed with 'power users' in mind. I, as a game programmer, artist, digital musician, video editor etc. fit this profile, but I tend to work so efficiently that my 13 year-old machine can still do everything a new one can; apart from run Windows 10 (or 11) without complaining about 'unknown' errors. My music can generate/synthesize and play in real time even now. Well, I hope that the new machine will be reliable and usable. For me, stability, efficiency, simplicity are the key factors in a computer. Everything about upgrades and computer hardware causes me great anxiety.

Autumn's Shadow

A frustratingly slow day, but refinement of a new song, written last night. It began as an improvisation on two chords 'strummed' on a virtual harp, creating a mood like a Gymnopédie by Satie. The words were inspired by the feeling of an imagined third party completing the story of the Girl Reading a Letter. Here is the current draft:

Autumn's Shadow

I am standing in your shadow,
hiding from the world,
frightened by my thoughts,
frightened by your thoughts
or silence (silence);
I am sorry (I am sorry)
for my letter (I am sorry).
for my thoughts,
for your tears.

I was a leaf, lost in the wind.
I needed someone
to protect me from a sky
that was broken by someone else.

In my transparent form
I can kiss with loveless lips,
wish comfort for your tears,
say sorry for my secret
goodbye (goodbye).
I am sorry (I am sorry)
I lacked courage (too afraid)
to tell you
when last we met.

I was a leaf, now I am autumn's shadow
You will remember me more than I you.
Seal every good memory
in the acorn of these words.

Female artists tend, in general, to feel one thing and express that feeling. Men inherently have two emotions: a public emotion and a second, hidden and 'true' emotion. This is necessary among males of many species, humans included, to permit a bluff during combat with other males - a heartfelt intent to fight, defeat, kill. It's far more efficient to prove a victory without fighting, so the ability to 'prove' an emotion is of great utility, so a great advantage to have more than one. Of course, no person is pure male or pure female, but generally, female artists tend to express their feelings, and male artists express any feeling, and most typically express an abstract emotion, taken from a life experience, a drama. I say all of this because, in this song, the truth in the feeling comes from myself as the letter reader, not as the protagonist. In the shadow of reality that the song depicts, a letter was written to me, but, in reality, it was, alas, not.

In terms of the musicality, the recording I've made of the harp sounds wonderful and expressive, but when I try to sequence and time it, so much emotion is lost. To compensate, I made something of a complex timing in the melody and then a second melody using the gaps in the music to emulate something like an M. C. Escher image in music. I'm unsure which is best.

Christmas, Art Thoughts

A quiet Christmas day with my parents. Beloved Deborah has been exposed to Covid-19 at work, so we've decided to avoid meeting for a few days. This means we can't exhange gifts and will celebrate a second Christmas at a future date. I, amazingly, know four people who are spending the holiday in hospital. Even one friend in hospital over Christmas would be a first. So, the fates welcome me into my 5th decade.

I've done some music admin and work on the painters album today and yesterday, but I'm full of doubts and feel tired, slow, and lacklustre. In art, why is the most important question, and I'm unsure why I'm doing what I'm doing - other than the universal call that it's better to do something than nothing, and that life and time is finite. Unlike some artists, I don't care about how I feel regarding inspiration; I simply do what is needed, but I do need a certain direction and plan. Perhaps my lack of enthusiasm for music is a good sign, that the steep slope of learning is levelling off, the gains fewer and fewer for the energy expended.

Today I've recorded the guitar solo to the Tycho Brahe song, and a gentle solo afterwards in a modified DX7 instrument which sounds rather lovely. How I love these synthetic sounds compared to samples. It's odd how much I dislike cold and automatic sequenced music, yet I create it all the time. Deb commented that The Girl With The Pearl Earring sounds like Depeche Mode, and indeed it does, with all of the implications of sound quality and horror. I know, however, that I can add more feeling.

The whole album is now 21 minutes long, but feels near an end, which is not very good. I keep waving between disliking all of it and every album I've done since The Dusty Mirror, and liking it all, recognising the progress, and seeing the output, optimism, energy, and art.

Artists, no matter how inventive, end up specialising and producing the same sort of thing. This can't be helped, and is mainly because too much variety requires too much energy, and always means waking up in a new desert, a new battle in an obscure world that cares nothing for one's new ideas. Artists become successful when their work becomes all the same. Picasso and Edward Hopper didn't change their style for their last 50 years. Paul McCartney charged into classical music and found a new desert there; people wanted his old pop. Artists who change 'a bit' rather than radically are considered the best.

I'll keep doing what I've done, instrumental, and vocal music, adding bits here and there. In visual art oils will remain my medium, and in writing prose and poetry of a unified sort. All works must be unified structurally... now is the time to add this to this album. The albums which are not structured or themed; The Dusty Mirror and Secret Electric Sorcery were made as training grounds, and feel artistically weak to me now, if produced well.

Christmas Eve, Musical Introspection

Christmas Eve, but a normal day of work here. A busy day of work on music. I created a new SoundCloud profile for Oldfield 1 and uploaded some tracks, then some tracks to mine.

Then started on music once more, new backing vocals for The Girl with the Pearl Earring, and The Laughing Cavalier. I used a new technique for these. The Engram Watergate plugin can gate/vary the volume of one track based on the output of another. I've used this before for a 'fast duck' effect, making some tracks go quieter as the vocals go loud, a common audio effect, but today I did the opposite. I can set independent volume levels for a 'match' to the trace volume as well as a 'mismatch', so today I used the volume of the main vocals to trigger the backing vocals so that they exactly track the lead vocal. This works remarkably well. I also experimented with using the same trick by making an artificial lead trigger the lead vocal itself. This was fun to try on The Laughing Cavalier, but the main vocal there is bouncy and full of character as it is.

I did a bit more work on Franz Hals, Tycho Brahe (this is nearly done, but I need a solo, and perhaps something afterwards...). Then added some guide vocals for Rembrandt, which sounds good already despite the parsimonious arrangement.

I've done a lot on this music, but I'm unsure if I'm proud of it, and keep questioning why I'm doing it. The new changes to my software, my improved techniques, playing, singing, which grow with each release are good motivations, these are worth something, but I want more. Are these artistically relevant? Will these get me anywhere in any way? Endure? Be noticed at all?

I've now spent two and a half years work mainly focused on vocal music; The Dusty Mirror, The Myth Of Sisyphus, Nightfood, Secret Electric Sorcery, Heart Of Snow, and Remembrance Service, as well as a lot of remastering and re-recording of older albums (five or six or seven albums) and two new Fall in Green albums. A productive time, and each is indeed better, and better, but I keep questioning the artistic merit beyond this.

Perhaps that is and will alwyas be enigmatic. Perhaps David Bowie or Sparks in 1990 questioned their last decade (I've made as much in the last 30 months as perhaps they did in the 1980s - though Sparks were ever-productive).

Next for me, on this album, is structure. I've neglected it, yet this is my love and focus, and this for me defines my best work. it is the structure of Nightfood, as well as the emotional impact and narrative, that makes this my certain best and favourite album since Shadows from Cycles & Shadows. It's interesting that Nightfood, Cycles and Heart Of Snow are all roughly structured, yet half-sized as albums. These seem to work better than the other structured works of Burn Of God, and Sisyphus.

I digress. I must now think of arranging these painter tracks, then I can structure them. Generally the narrative flows through day, and night, to dawn again, so this is a start. Can I add more musical links...

Art For Me

Steady work on music today, a good day at last. Here are the draft words to the latest song, the recording of which started today. It has a complex chord sequence and strange timing. The lead melody is essentially a simple 4/4 song with 60 B.P.M. but there are strange jazz overtones and a 6/8 sort of rhythm in ride cymbals which gives it a very odd and jerky feeling. Everything about it is unexpected; the next note, the next drum; apart from the mood which is sleepy to the Nth degree, like something from a late night, smoke-filled, whisky-filled, jazz club where everyone is wearing sunglasses.

My problem is how to extend it beyond about 90 seconds, and as you can see, the structure is rather simple.

There's no time, for me
There's no place, for me
There's no love, for me
There's no life, for me
There's no hope,
of escape, there's only
art for me.

There are no people, for me
There are no friends, for me
but there are passions, for me
and pretends, for me
There are dreams of getting better,
being seen within the
scene of me.

There's no sleep, for me
There's no money, for me
There's no rest, for me
Only worry, for me
There's no end
except infinity, there's only
art for me.

Music Filing, Cotan and Rembrandt Songs

Onwards I push with the days that seem ever short! The P.R.S. reveals that some of my compositions have been streamed over 1,000,000 times, such as Starscape. I took advantage of these pre-calculated statistics and published (on social media) the "top five" globally streamed songs for the past quarter, these are:

1. Starscape from The Anatomy Of Emotions
2. Loneliness And Divine Love from The Love Symphony
3. Closure from The Anatomy Of Emotions
4. Waltz Of The Forest from The Infinite Forest
5. Jabberwocky by Fall in Green from either its single release or Apocalypse Of Clowns

I'll aim to publish the top five each time, though I expect no response from any followers or the world. I generally feel like the most reclusve, isolated, and eccentric artist in the world. The famously reclusive Kate Bush posted a Christmas letter to the world today. I can't imagine doing that myself! Still, to me it is the art that is important. Perhaps, when I'm retired, like her, I will partake in such propaganda.

I noted that part of the popularity of my music was due to SoundCloud, a platform which abounds with spam, and has seemingly few plays and appears to be of no use at all. I hadn't valued it at all before today, and have this year deleted lots of music from there, with the aim of using the space there for fragments and experimental sound-clips; but today I saw the folly of this and was kicked into a panic, wanting to instantly restore my deleted tracks. I will, henceforth, put one or two key releases from each album on there. I must do it in chronological order because there's no way to sort tracks there, and I don't want ancient music (even these top five are ancient to me) clogging up the space of the better and much more important new releases.

I can't add them all in one lump either, a steady drip always works best in these circumstances, so this frustrating process will take a couple of weeks. I seem to spend too long, waste too much of my life and creative time, doing this sort of thing; filing or listing or promoting old work, otherwise entering its data into some dark and massive database. This all acts like a tiresome barrier to new work. I can quite understand, in these circumstances, the exact mood of Beethoven when writing his Last Quartets. Their dour and spartan emotion at times exactly matches my mood - but, I'm sure you know, dear reader of distant futures, that not all of the emotion there is dour and spartan.

In the afternoon I turned the slow ship of the day back to new music and have worked on the structures to Cotan and Rembrandt. These songs are more emotional than the frivolous others. Rembrandt dates back many years, actually, but I'd only written the first two lines and had a clear image in my mind of a tango-type rhythm. I've recently written the rest and this evening recorded the guitar strums.

The days seem miraculously short - really miraculously so, but I effectively started on the music at 1:30, and must finish by 5:30. How can a day be just 4 hours of 24? I must study my calculator more closely. The world is set for Christmas and a holiday; I wish for more hours, more time to work, less holiday. Even at full speed my progress seems achingly slow.

No time for singing practice today, and a rest day is important. I'll work again tomorrow. Onwards we must charge. I feel, in music and painting, that I'm just beginning. I must manifest this feeling, prove that what has come in the past 15 years is but a prologue.

2022

I start today with a sigh. I feel that the year has been unproductive, yet at the same time a tireless struggle of constant daily work which is not reflected in my output.

The year started with a promise of an album each month, as training, as a boost in output, to transform and shape my future art, a new path of sorts. Things feel as though they gradually ground to a halt. I completed and released Secret Electric Sorcery, and then wrote and recorded Heart Of Snow (holding off on the release until November), then Remembrance Service, which is good, a small but certain step forwards. The new synthesizer took up a lot of time, the sampling and learning of it, and the sheer number of new options and waveforms slowed things down.

I've also published my music for the first time, or at least, started to arrange it for sheet music; made much more progress in learning to sight read, gained a first piano student, and performed live music more times than at any time since 2019. About 6 weeks of the year have been spent upgrading Prometheus, my vital music software, some of the changes a consequence of the new synthesizer. The key features added were a new spectrum analyser of whole songs, to allow a degree of auto-balancing in a final mix. Several auto-loop options for samples, and the ability to mass-load multisamples. Those features proved vital for sampling the several hundred new sounds I added to my sample-bank in 2022. I've added a few more MIDI features, like the ability to group and sort manually recorded notes, and control and automate MIDI controller messages, but the biggest update was adding 10-octave support and new dynamic allocation of temporary variables, making the program smaller and faster, but with more features than before.

I wrote and published How To Organise Your Computer Files, which was worthwhile, and charged into painting, but managed to complete only a scant few paintings; all of which were partially complete the year before. Plus, I finally staged Neorenaissance (and published the subsequent book), though at the worst possible time due to Covid restrictions, and entered a first few art exhibitions since the pandemic began, as well as being accepted into the Society for Art of Imagination, though with scant few new works of quality to contribute so far. I've written 60 or 70 new songs, including the ones for special events like the Bob Dylan and Ukraine Benefit performances.

At least two months, perhaps three, were spent on the Lou Salome album, probably my best work so far of the 'lieder' albums; and Fall in Green's releases and performances keep growing in terms of attention, as well as quality.

The Modern Game, and Burn Of God were re-mastered, with re-recording of guitars and vocals as required; so a lot has been done, though much on 2022 feels like covering old ground, or (in the case of software, singing training, and sight-reading training) preparation for potential new ground. I am reminded that art is a mix of creation and the shoring up of existing works, and perhaps my charging forward in previous years was at the cost of this important shoring up.

Well, I have a few weeks of 2022 left, and will keep working on the 'painters' album. My music work is now taking longer and longer, costing more and more in time and money, so I should start each album only with high and lofty aims, to prove my best, but I can't... I must really behave with my art as I always have, to make what I want and choose ALL options when faced with a choice, to charge into the full fold and do all of it. It is only by doing this that the accidents of great works can emerge, because nobody can identify those before the fact - though we must try.

My life began at 34 when I joined my first art club, when I decided to 'take art seriously' - but perhaps that is dramatic, as I've had several re-starts. 2002 was a year of starting; the start of IndieSFX and Cornutopia Software. 2012 was a great year for art and success. The pandemic, perhaps, has taken two years off... so 2024 should be the next year of renaissance? Well, all years must start with the best of intentions, the greatest dreams. Life is short, our days limited in number, so each day must contain something new, a new droplet to fill the bucket of our lives.

The Allure Of Truth

The most important thing in life is truth, that is, absolute informational integrity. We are always on a quest for things which posses this quality. True things endure, because false things collapse. We cannot for certain create or know truth, it exists, like scientific knowledge, only when it fails to collapse, fails to be disproven. Thus, creativity is important because creativity can create a better truth by inducing a random factor to extant knowledge.

Tycho Brahe Vocals, Lyceum Square, Economics

An eclectic day that has flown by. I awoke at 10, so the 8 mere hours, this fragment of a day is all I've had for essential work. I re-recorded the vocals for Tycho Brahe, given them much more of a rock personality. I also noticed for the first time that the 'solo' part isn't there at all1 I need to record that, but it will be fun, so I'll do that later.

Then, I recoded the Channel Mixer effect, which moved one channel (left, right, front, back, up, down) to any other, and perhaps inverting the amplitude. This can be used for unusual stereo effects ("outside" the stereo field) but I've never done that I don't think... one must be careful of phase inversion. Still, I added a Wet parameter, to permit partial inversion.

Then I started to sketch out the melody and basic lines to a new song, Rembrandt.

I had call from Janey about the Lyceum Square commission. This development, long stalled, is now due to go ahead next year, with myself and David Jewkes working on two public art pieces. This is exciting, my first major public artwork. There will be some colour constraints I think, but that's fine. Limits are usually better for creativity than no limits.

Then, an email from a postdoctoral researcher about Economics in Virtual Game Environments, with Flatspace as an example. I don't think I'll be able to help; Flatspace is very limited and simplistic, but this is a subject which fascinates me. I've done lots of experiments in simulated economic environments.

ArtSwarm Fifty and Back to The Golden Age

Saturday was by 50th Birthday Celebration, which took the form of an invite-only ArtSwarm event... perhaps many people would call such a thing a party but it was different in many ways.

I had a 10th birthday party, which I remember clearly. Simon came and brought a copy of 'Eye of the Tiger' by Survivor (the 7" record, of course) which my father duly taped. For my 50th, Simon sent me a message the day before to say that he can't make it, that he had a cold, and that his friend who was due to give him a lift had Covid. This saddened me greatly. In fact, I was slightly heartbroken by his message. He's my oldest friend, but also one who repeatedly seems to pull out of things, and I expected that he would make his excuses and not attend. Deb and I went to see him on his 50th birthday, and had planned a special trip out. This time, I was painfully aware that he's never, in the 40 years since that 10th birthday, wished me a happy birthday by card, message, or otherwise. This is his nature; he is withdrawn, not misanthropic, and I should not get upset by such gestures - who am I to demand well-wishes!? Yet, I was. I was reminded that I invited him and his best friend Aidan to my 18th birthday; a first, adult visit to the pub. Again they did not turn up.

Several people couldn't attend on Saturday, over 10 people cancelled in the last 48 hours. The weather has been awful, and many are ill, and I'm sure his lack of attendance was as honest and valid as it was expected, but this, and his lack of any form of message on this milestone of a birthday saddened me.

This momentary tang aside, the event itself was lovely and it was special to see some rarely seen friends, including Andrew, who travelled from afar to be there, and is, of all participants, the most prolific ArtSwarm contributor. I didn't have enough time to speak to everyone. Despite the party atmosphere; cake, drinks, it was more of a gentle evening, partly because Christopher Gilmore couldn't cope with noise, so the musical montage interlude was suitably muted. The chocolate cake was a dense and lovely as chocolate itself - as a chocolate fan (I eat it every day) I loved it. Everyone there apart from my family and Andrew, has known me only since 2012 at the latest; all of my social life began when that door opened on 25th Sep 2008.

Deb and I performed Money, a version of the Pink Floyd song in King Charles' voice, and later Mr Tambourine Man. The other acts can be perused on the ArtSwarm Blog, newly updated. I hope that this will be the first of a new series of live ArtSwarm events.

A parade of birthday cards:

The night wasn't too exhausting, despite a LOT of carrying, jumping, hosting, because I ate and drank a lot more than usual, and the hall was lovely and warm. I spent much of yesterday resting, recovering, packing, filing, and trying to summon energy for art. Deb suggested in an instant and off-hand that Boxes should be the theme for the next ArtSwarm on Feb 18th, so it shall be. This will be a public event technically, although in practice, nobody except those asked in person actually come.

So, yesterday I did write a song about Boxes, inspired by the Little Boxes folk song (which I knew only via the Russ Abbott parody). I also wrote, in early draft, two new songs for the painters album: Art For Me, and The Glory Of God (the former of which is like Lap of the Gods by Queen, and the latter like Da Da Da by Trio).

Today, I've sung a little, but never enough. The vocals for The Laughing Cavalier are great fun to sing, and very high in pitch - these are ideal training for both reasons. I've also sung the Girl with the Pearl Earring vocals, and again tried Tycho Brahe, but remain unhappy with them. Backing vocals seem to be a key element which I need to add.

On we charge!

The Girl With The Pearl Earring

A somewhat busy day, thankfully just a tiny bit warmer, though there was still ice on the inside of my window when I awoke. How slow the work seems and how poor my levels of production! I remind myself that, in the field of recorded music, many albums have taken months historically, and that I've recorded and released four or five this year. I'm making great progress technically, and my singing is better with each release and each month, as I focus on this, and on music engineering and composition (as well as sight reading, piano playing and the other activities of the year). The joy of sequencing, this era, is that it creates a furtive ground for composition. The sheer lack of expression in the written form, as with Bach, forces creative use of the writing instead.

I've worked today on The Girl With the Pearl Earring (knowing that the painting is correctly titled "The Girl with a Pearl Earring"). The song, in my head, has a samba rhythm, a mood like the Brazil song by Geoff Muldaur, and Dedicated Follower of Fashion by The Kinks. It starts in a minor key and I had to avoid making it too much like my old tune Office Life (obscure and unheard as that is anyway). It was great fun to make. There are lots of layers, all with their own dancing rhythm, and very electronic; the main instruments bounce like a Commodore 64 tune, which seems to add to the fun due to the sheer contrast of styles.

This is also one song where I've not changed the words (since the original writing back in Feb 2008), they're great as they are, full of comedic rhymes, summing up the exuberance of the song itself:

And so I sit
in the dark for a bit.
I give a glance,
you see my face, not my stance.
My head's a whirl
but soon enough it's clearing.
I am the girl
with the pearl earring.

I look ahead
clad in my blue and yellow,
and not in red,
so specified that fellow.
And with a curl, of his brush
he makes my face endearing.
I am the girl
with the pearl earring.

The men may gaze
like staring is in fashion,
but I'm not fazed
I will dispel their passion.
I'll give a twirl,
and laugh away their leering.
I am the girl
with the pearl earring.

The rhythm is also regular, 120 B.P.M. - all rarities for me these days, but variety is good. In a day, it's almost all done, but it's a tad boring structurally, and will need a solo or something after the second verse. The first builds layer by layer, introducing instruments to match to words a little; starting 'in the dark' with a single bass, then adding a layer for the 'glance', then another for the 'whirl'. The second verse has almost everything playing, with a few more proverbial and actual bells and whistles for the third.

This album is much better than expected, though it's primary aim is fun, training, exercise.

As an artist I feel increasingly obscure, ignored, eccentric. None of these things are bad if I can struggle along a living, but more importantly, produce good work, work I'm pleased with that shows progress in some area; technical, imaginative. I think this is happening. Being good at art is, in many ways, mastery over a very long period, and perhaps even ideally in obscurity and eccentricity, providing the sufficient grounding is left to be objective and critical to the correct degree, rather than a reliance on third party 'feedback', 'market forces' etcetera. Not everyone has this facility, I appear to be among a few, but some artists have, did, and do.

My dreams are full of visual art, new paintings, me as a painter and among others.

Birthdays and The Star Maker

Yesterday was my birthday, a full day without work, of efficient plans and trips with Deborah. It was a strange day, that began with great cold, of 12 degrees here, and a chilly waking which demanded hot tea. At one point I thought I had hypothermia, which I aml prone to - my normal body temperature seems to be one to half a degree below 'normal'. I awoke to presents and cards, far more than usual, due to the special birthday. A message from Ché and a hand delivered card from Donna, yet many friends were and remain oddly silent, and for the first time since its genesis, Social Media had no congratulations or messages. This, I think now, was rather strange or sad, but yesterday was generally busy and joyous. Deborah, her divine and lovely presence, made the day special, magical, uniquely happy. Before her, I tended to ignore birthdays. Now, they are to be enjoyed for explicitly no reason. The whole day was spent with her, with a lovely visit, and gift of a painting, from John W in the late evening.

I had a few wonderful gifts; a stylish leather trench coat. I'm still amazed and overwhelmed at this luxury gift, but also Star Maker by Olaf Stapledon, which has been on my Amazon wish-list for years, and which was spotted by Bruce.

I've started reading it and am instantly awed by it, partly because it reads so like my own work and my own voice. It's extraordinarily like certain sections of The Many Beautiful Worlds of Death. So far the book is a crystallisation of awe.

Much the today, otherwise, has been low and slow. I awoke, at 7am, to temperature of 9.4 degrees in the room and ice on the inside of the windows. I wore full pyjamas with long sleeves in bed, but also socks, fleece pullover, wooly hat, plus the duck-down duvet and fur throw. This was enough to keep me warm, if I had energy, but I could feel it flowing away. I got up for a warm drink, and this was a great help. It transpires that it was minus 9 degrees outside. I felt sleepy and lack-lustre, and have developed a headache and sore-throat. A cold perhaps. I took zinc, and hot drinks. The room is warmer today, but the cost of heating huge. This is forecast to be the coldest day. There were so few birds; I wish I could feed them, but my mum is sceptical about helping in case this encourages dependency (which I think is ridiculous, lives are at stake). But, this is not my house. I am as subordinate as I am (ultimately) dependent.

I've renewed my membership to The Society for Art of Imagination, and wrote a simple samba melody in A-minor for The Girl With The Pearl Earring and began the sequencing. I must rest, drink, stay warm, hope, than my cold will be minor and that I'll recover enough for Saturday's busy event.

The Laughing Cavalier

As you become better at an art or craft, perfectionism becomes not a tool for improvement, and at the same time a paralysing disability.

I've spent almost all of today crafting tiny details on The Laughing Cavalier. I started with each part of the multi-part drums during a fun harpsichord 'solo' which I played and recorded late last night on the synthesizer. I converted that to MIDI and imported it into Prometheus. I have a few options now... I could have re-exported it to the synth and used that to play it back, but the simple (and bright) harpsichord sound I've used seemed to work better, so I've used my imported sequence and retained the velocities as played.

This had 'key up' elements, Note-Off, 'Kill' events. On the MODX these can be used to trigger sounds too, and it does add something to the sound, to made a sort of 'scrape' noise at the end of each key. I thought it would be fun to add this possiblity to my software, so programmed a new feature to replace Kill events with a new note (of any desired instrument). This was easy to add and pretty quick. Then I felt to need to change the speed of my stroked chords, to make the spacing divide up nicely by divisions of 3rds... this was very time consuming. The strokes sounded fine before. Everything sounds a little over-clean and artificial, but not too bad. I will jiggle things up later - 'noise' (temporal, velocital, any other) is easy to later, and this is the way it should be in any art. We start with the Platonic perfect, then add noise at our command, not make things messy to start with.

The actual melody and majority of the sequence is the same as it was yesterday, despite 20 hours of this work.

Now I'm finalising the end verse of the Franz Hals song. If sounds good so far but my vocals need something more.

Snowdrop, Jiggy Stardust Dream

I went to bed at 10:22, or so, too cold and dark to work late. I woke at 3am and lay I awake. I wrote a poem:

I see cracks of pepper birds
in my mind's sky
yet under this frosted sea
I burn
romancing the snow to cry
and its flakes dream of the ocean
and the crows become angels.

And this morning, updated it:

Snowdrop
I see cracks of birds in my mind's sky
yet beneath this frosted down, I burn;
teasing the snow to cry
awake, into an ocean's dream
of crows summer'd into angels.

I remained awake until about 7:30, then slept and dreamt of David Bowie. I was with a man who made sets for music shows, and he was making a new 'rocket' or 'crucifix' like thing for a new Jiggy-Stardust style show. The resulting rig looked like a wooden X or sorts, make from webs of wood like windmill sails, though the two legs parts were closer and had huge firework rockets behind. It was brown and painted with white an orange logo in the centre, where David would stand. He (dressed as Jiggy) climbed up to test it and he loved it. There were a few other people around, other people who were part of the show or crew, as was I. The contraption was in my house, or a larger version of it, where the rooms were huge, much more like artist studio or workshop rooms. I started to watch a version of 'Antz' the 3D animated film, but it was very different and full of startling scenes. In one scene, a train of giant stream trains tore down a London street, smashing through the facades of the white, Georgian buildings. I shouted David to come and see, that he was missing many amazing sights. I rewound the video, but perhaps too far and the train scene didn't seem to appear.

I awoke at 10am to a 12.1 degree room. It's misty today and very cold.

Cotán and The Laughing Cavalier

Working on two songs, Prometheus seems stable - joy!

The difficulty with both is adding enough emotion. Emotion in music comes from variation in pitch, tempo, volume. All are heavily regularted now. Since the 1980s, the voice has stoof alone as containing almost all of the emotion in song because these variations are present, but in the last two decades even the voice has been rigourously constrained.

Cotán is a boording song, it needs a lot of work on subtle changes in tempo. I've added some marching strings, which sound deliberately electronic, like Kate Bush's in Under Ice, using these rather than drums.

I've also started on The Laughing Cavalier, which is a fun waltz, reminiscent of some of Freddie Mercury's songs, like Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon. I've found a nice synth harpsichord on the MODX and strokes here seemed to fit the music, so this song will be short and simple. I've added a middle section to give it some heart.

Painter Album Work, Lacy Adventures

A full day of music work generally. Last night I found a small Prometheus bug, so have updated again to version 3.01.

Today started by sketching out the basic chords and melody to the Cotán song. The melody is rather complex and atonal. By the second half I was unsure of the octave for the vocals, so may turn them up an octave there, as the low start may suit the plaintive mood. It sounds a bit mechanical so far, I'll need to soften and craft this over a long period.

I then started on The Lace Maker, a simple piano tune from seven years ago, written for a performance in the old Handel's Court Gallery in Chester called The Life Of Johannes Vermeer, which took place on the 16th of October 2015. This may not seem like long, but it was a lifetime ago in my piano playing ability and compositional style. The music is really simple. My plan is to speak the words over this piano background. I recorded the piano part and have added a few strings.

After that, I added the Fall in Green music to our Bandcamp page, so our albums are now available to purchase as downloads from there.

The weather is a little warmer, by observation, but the room here has still not reached the heady heights of 19 degrees. The persistent cold isn't good for my health or mood. A gamer night was scheduled for tonight but H has cancelled, due to potential ice and a sick child.

My artistic concern now is about painter songs. I have (had...) many lined up, but many are frivolous or surrealistic. Emotional power comes from relevance to reality, a connection to the soul. The songs that lack this are fun but somewhat disconnected, rather like the Sparks songs from albums like Introducing Sparks. They are interesting, but their emotion tends to be the pathos of connection with the writer rather than an interest in the songs. Here, by example, are a few verses from Lacy Adventures:

We're obsessed consumers
and we like wearing bloomers
and maybe its bad
to be a little bit mad
but we can't deny the rumours.

Today we're feeling racy,
because our pants are lacy,
and it gives us a thrill
to feel a bit of a frill
Do you think that makes us crazy?

Fun... but what has this got to do with the world now, with me, with people..? So, I'm seeking songs that have more of a connection with real experiences; but perhaps I'm overthinking things because this very sense of fun, this effervescence, this wild and surrealistic imagination, is part of my personality too. After all, I like Introducing Sparks for its very sense of exhuberace - even if it was a spectacular flop commercially, and even today probably remains unpopular.

Cotán

Here are the draft words to the Cotán song. I originally imagined it with no percussion, a cold and monastic atmosphere but I think I'll have to add drums. There will be something of an 80s Fairlight-style sound I think.

I'm praying
by the moonlight
the icy moonlight
that's burning through the window of my

cell, and I hear god speak
in whispered codings
the slow unfoldings
that spiral from his heaven
to my hell

in my lust
I paint his luscious bulbous bounty
before I bite it
before I bite

then in repentance
I paint his children
they light the darkness
but even their electric skin
can't soothe my soul

so I'll keep praying
by the moonlight
the icy moonlight
that's burning through the window of my
cell

Prometheus v3.00, Library Show, Cotan

Cold days. The temperature in here yesterday morning was 12.4, slightly warmer than the morning before but only because the night before began with a room of 17 degrees (vs. 13 before). This morning it was 11.5 here, a record low. The windows are getting draughty with age. When we first moved in here, when I was a teenager, I remember waking up in the night for a drink to find my bedside water frozen on top, so it's not as cold as it was, though my older bones feel it more.

So, yesterday. I realised in the night that I'd missed something in my Prometheus upgrades, from 5 to 10 octaves. Song and sample pitches are updated (effectively this turns them up by 3-octaves), but there are some plugins which use the note number. PitchPan is an example: there are two note numbers, each corresponding to a pan direction, so C1 might be far left, C2 far right. When the songs are suddenly higher notes, these pan settings are wrong, so I had to program an auto-import for these older songs so that these 'note number' plugins are auto-upgraded too. This is a bit of a pain, I'm reminded that these sort of song format and file upgrades lead to more complexity with each new version, but it's now done and Prometheus is at v3.00. It started at v2.00, so this marks exactly 100 updates since Oct 2002 and the first version.

After that, it was time to get ready and pack for the Crewe Library performance. We left at 13:45 or so, and drove to the back, but this temporary loading area was full. This is technically a loading area for the Acorn Day Centre. The library itself has no loading area, no car park, and minimal facilities. Angus, the manager, said that it 'should be okay' to park temporarily for unloading, and hand-wrote an 'unloading for library business' sign for the car, literally in crayon on a torn piece of paper. Deb had to re-park in the civic car park afterwards. I didn't particularly feel like a valued special guest at this point.

And now, a polemic diversion. Crewe (well, Cheshire) council now want to (will) demolish the old library and this car park, leaving the new library, the theatre and much of the town with no parking at all. The new library is one of the worst in Cheshire, out-sized and out-classed by every village library that surrounds it. It replaced an old library, old swimming pool, and old sports and education centre complex - three huge venues; now all fitted into an ugly small box with inadequate facilities. This complaint, I must make clear, is inspired by a recent announcement of a £75 million 'history centre', when looking backwards is Crewe's exact problem. The 'Memorial Square' is literally a memorial to a past Crewe, an homage to death which fixates politicians who dream of a mock-golden-age of dangerous and dirty factory jobs. This disease of probably common to much of the North West of England, but here is of religious proportions. I'd prefer a bigger library, bigger swimming pool, and bigger sports centre; a future and absolutely not anything historical.

The show itself started at 4pm as planned. There were 10 to 20 people in the audience. A couple of friends came but at least 75% of the audience were new, which was nice; and perhaps thanks to the library staff, the good posters, leaflets and organisation before the event. As a mid-day event, perhaps half of the people there came and/or went during the show itself, so maybe 30 or 40 people heard a part of it.

Peter, my piano student, came at the start and was a help during setting up, and his usual enthusiasm (including pressing every piano key many times). The sound quality was brilliant, one of our best shows, and everything went to plan. It was one of our best performances in that everything went to plan, almost all(!) notes and words correct. The vocoder sounded better than it ever has before. The lighting and atmosphere was poor, something like performing in an office, as the image shows. A darker space would have been better; but Crewe has no control over the lights which remain on at all times.

We packed up and I got home before 7pm. We were handed a pile of change by Angus, £27 for our troubles, and he said that he'd taken off the money for the refreshments, which, though reasonable, felt rather mean. Again, I didn't feel like a valued special guest at this point, more like Oliver Twist being handed his gruel by Mr Bumble.

It's a slow day today. I feel physically and mentally tired. Art is production... I need to create more. I've worked more on the painters album and played a simple (morose - and lovely!) melody for the Cotán song. The album feels, already, a little like my Burning Circus collection. In poetry terms, The Burning Circus is probably my best published work, my best poems after 40 years of writing, yet it's sold zero copies, never been reviewed or, beyond my closest friends, read. A themed collection, no matter how good aesthetically is difficult for people to gain attachment to, but perhaps much of the best art is. Of all her albums, I love Kate Bush's The Dreaming best, yet it remains her least popular. I think she could have gone further in several experimental areas, but she chose, for whatever reason, to backtrack and become more mainstream.

Goethe Day, Prometheus v2.99, Art

A nice St Nicholas' Day yesterday. The day that Deb (and now I too) reserve for Christmas preparations; buying and decorating the tree and special Christmas ceremonies. Each tree has a name and this year's is Goethe - strictly pronounced Go-Eth. We ate a home-cooked meal of prawns with ginger and spring onions and I made a simple sauce of Ponzu, Pineapple Juice, and Tomato Puree, thickened with a little cornflour which worked well. Tesco had no cornflour - remarkable. The shops are still struggling with stock levels of even basic items.

I awoke this morning to a room of 12.0 degrees, having slept in my wooly hat. I now know why nightcaps were invented. The day has been very cold. We've spent £10 on heating and no room has reached 19 degrees Celsius, and this room only 18.2 for about 30 minutes just after 4pm, despite a constant (but low) heat from my oil heater. The temperature is set to fall to minus 10 in rural areas, and below zero in most cities.

I feel a bit lost, stuck between projects. I'm just emerging after Salome and the live performance events of the second half of this year. I did revisit the painters album, and have updated Prometheus again, to v2.99, after finding and tracking down a bug which may, just may, have been responsible for the crash a week or so ago. My temporary 'utility' variables can be wiped when playback is silenced. In the old days, when these were a fixed array, they were not wiped, only initialised once when creating the engine. Now that they are wiped routinely I'd forgotten to then initialise them correctly. Some plugins do this themselves via a specific 'prime' call because not all values start at zero, so this is now fixed. It only affected track engines and live-playback. I can't see how this might cause a crash, but the unexplained single crash did occur during live playback, and perhaps after silencing things, so at the right sort of time.

Anyway, I made the change and have filed the new version.

I have three tracks in half complete stages (almost all complete apart from the vocals) and many more on paper but no further. Peter came for his piano lesson in the afternoon, and we did some work on note timing and some initial work on trills.

Everything is packed for the show tomorrow. It will be a very cold day, so the warm library may attract visitors. Libraries have become a hub for those needing warmth. It's cheaper to sit in a café and buy drink than sit at home and pay to warm it.

After this, I'll continue with the painters album, and some Fall in Green tracks perhaps... the main motivation is arts' sake, that these songs need creating... and self-improvement, which is the goal of all art. I can't imagine any of these tracks being hits, but I aim to improve my skills, and will produce a mix of albums. This will be as much my art as my paintings, which have similar goals and motivations. I may not be a major recording artist, but I can produce work that is as good, and, if the muses and gods are willing, create a legacy as good as any in visual art. Still, it would be nice to create something popular enough to fund my life and creative works.

It's been an odd year; a mix of art exhibitions, music, live performance, and a book. A bit fragmented, and my income has all but dried up, but I must remind myself that this is the first year after a pandemic which has paralysed the country and world. Prometheus has been updated well, and I've started a music archive, and to notate my music in preparation for publication. I'm still full of painting ideas but still as lacking in exhibition or sale opportunities as ever. Crewe is a non-place for art. I see hobbyist friends in cities who are in art guilds, art clubs, art groups; but there is nothing and no art here. I may as well live on an island. My motivations must be my own, my goals my own, but such is life, and many city-artists of the past lived for decades in similar situations. There are pros and cons to every situation.

After tomorrow's performance, and perhaps even more-so after the ArtSwarm event on the 17th, I can refocus and charge at the world with my usual vigour. This will, at least, keep me warm. Onward!

Strange Creatures Dream

I dreamt I was at an event on a steamship. A large and bright, white-walled room set out like an expo, with stalls and bands, and Deb and I had one, or we were possibly simply guests on this Spartan, but clean, ocean liner. The room was reminiscent of a gallery, or the virtual art gallery I exhibited in with the Society for Art of Imagination. There were a few other people, but it was not busy. In one corner was Jean-Michel Jarre, in sunglasses. I approached him to talk and we exchanged a few words. I noticed that he had strange texture on his face, light-fleshy lumps like Rice Krispies, and that the wall behind him was also infested with these. He looked awful, as though he had leprosy, and I backed off fearing contagion. The lumps, it was revealed, were an infestation of ants which were behind the walls.

I found myself outside, on the towpath by a canal, looking at the dark water with some other people in the sunshine. There was a swan on the water, and another bird with white feathers and a black head, but shaped like a moorhen. In the water I saw a platypus and it swam up to me then turned away, its beak suddenly changed into a trumpet shape as it gulped a mouthful of black swarming particles in the water. A young woman next to me reached into the water and pulled out a snail with a long tube-like body. She said that these sea-snails were deadly poisonous, then tore off its shell, keeping hold of the squirming penile body. I remember thinking that the poor creature may be in agony at this. She then put the torn end in her mouth and started to bite, but her husband grabbed it from her and told her that she didn't want to do that, inferring that she was insane. He threw the snail body back into the water.

Two Selection Box Rehearsals, Marley's Ghost

A good couple of days, though my mood at times has been low and dark, I know that mood is pointless and irrelevant to the world. Only actions matter. When moody, ignore it for the irrelevance it is, and simply keep doing as planned.

This said, yesterday morning was bright in mood and action as I sang the words to the three extant painter songs. Girl Reading a Letter is and was a constant problem. Its base note of C was either too low or (grew to be) too high. When low it just didn't sound good, no matter what, and though much better high, it had a medieval quality like the shrill voice at the end of the Blackadder the second. I re-wrote the melody hastily; I sang an alternative counterpoint instinctively and used that. I'm still unsure if this works. The other two songs appeared to be fine.

Generally in singing I seem to hit a sort of nasal wall, which is probably good and seems to sound better, but it doesn't really feel better. It feels sort of nasal and blocked, like the voice of the cat in in Roobarb and Custard, or a parody Ken Livingstone. This is where many singing voices lie, John Lennon and that Oasis gentleman. It is more 'resonant' to an external ear, but feels odd as I voice it. The sort of threshold here seems interesting. I wonder if this can be expanded.

Then, a second rehearsal of Selection Box and a few instrumental changes. Each rehearsal changes something. Deb will be playing a Stylophone solo.

The final act of yesterday was to see "A Christmas Carol – as Told by Jacob Marley (Deceased)" in the Crewe Lyceum Studio Theatre. Deborah was invited to review it: an ideal choice. She has seen and knows well every film version and about 10 different book versions, and watches many versions each Christmas - she even has the Scrooge quote about honouring the spirit of Christmas on the wall as a permanent fixture. I know this story backwards too.

This version, performed and adapted by James Hyland was, of all things, a masterpiece of acting and physical presence. Mr Hyland jumped from character to character with skill and fluidity, immense power and clarity of speech, and great energy to build an on-stage presence larger than his already big self. Starting initially as Marley, the story was generally told by every character, each portrayed in voice and form by the single actor with the sole aid of a skeletal wooden chair as a prop. Everything else was conjured in the imagination of the audience. There was a credit for composer but I didn't hear a sound. The (outstanding) costume and make-up were the only tangible guides to the tales' world.

The story was not radical and stuck closely to Dickens' text; abridged here and there, slight connecting strokes here and there. The shortening was welcome, the 75 minute tempo was just right. My overall memory was of slight fear, perhaps as expected of a tale told by a powerful, and halloween-clad, figure. This, I think, is the right mood. A Christmas Carol is more ghost story than one of Christmas cheer. Scrooge was frightened into being good. Does this mean he really wanted to be?

It made me think of my own Scrooge-like friend. Even Ebenezer, in the depths of winter, would put one lump of coal on the fire sometimes, and even Scrooge, when seeing his grave, cared for his own life; perhaps nobody else's but at least his own - unlike my friend who cares for nobody and nothing - not even money. The years of Christmas and Birthday cards given to him by his friends, his proverbial 'nephews', result in a lifetime of no reciprocation.

Today I programmed in a few inconsequential, code-neatening changes to Prometheus, taking it to version 2.98, then a third and final rehearsal of Selection Box which went well. We are now ready.

Informationism

Pain is caused by a lack of informational integrity. Either the unknown, or the loss of that which was known, whether this loss is or isn't detected. To some extent, all injury is informational injury.

Library Visit, Painter Music, Mr Tambourine Man

Started the day by revisiting the half complete songs for the album about 17th century painters and paintings. Three tracks are just about finished but need vocals.

To my sadness, Prometheus crashed! Such a rare thing, so must be due to my recent changes, but I can't work out why or how. It happened not while playing a song but during live pressing of keys and program editing. I wish I could remember the exact key combination or what I was doing... this is the key to solving any bug; reproducing it. This is must by rare. If it were more common, it would be much faster to track down. The last major bug was caused by not resetting the lpplugin pointer when an instrument was deleted or an engine moved, causing the buffers to 'over clear' their space. It was very rare and plagued the program for years, it took three years at least to track down, until by chance I noticed that the error occurred when playing just after deleting an instrument which had been played. Here again, I might have long wait to discover the exact key combination which caused the crash.

After this, I went to Crewe Library to drop off some Post-It notes for our 'Fifty Words For Snow' wall, and I had a lovely tea with Deb and her client.

Back at home, I added more finishing touches to the painter music, though always anxious about the bug, and frustrated by this old computer. I looked at some music stats. A few Fall in Green songs have had zero plays, in fact, most of our entire output has been heard live more than streamed on Spotify (though other platforms may be more popular). This is also testament to the large amount of live shows we've done, 31 to date. My music has been streamed far more than I'e played live (with Loneliness and Divine Love receiving over a million streams) but for so little money that I've probably made more from the Fall in Green events, even considering that most were for free. What a strange world.

In the afternoon I sequenced our new version of Dylan's Mr Tambourine Man, adding some acoustic guitar chords and a frenetic electric guitar solo at the end. It's exactly how I imagined; which is odd-sounding, zombie-corpse-chords, and an opposite to the happy words, which is the intent. The only pop analog is the cover of Money by The Flying Lizards.

Salome Release Day, The Day The Music Died

A steady day of generally admin duties. It's the release day of Lou Salome Empathy With Daisies. I've made a few general online posts about this, updated the website(s), basic linsk etc., and shared the new review by Kev Milsom.

I've also made more props for next week's show, and finalised many Christmas presents. I feel tired and worried about money, but this is normal when I'm not furiously focused on a project. I (and we) need to record a new more Fall in Green things, some pieces that we've performed live often but not yet recorded, we have at least an album worth of those. I need to work on my painters album, and the many other exciting ideas. I must relentlessly focus on production quality and quantity, as any artist must.

I need a new computer too, this one is 13 years old and, throughout its life has been barely able to run my own (simple!) games. It's a sad state for a game developer to be in.

The day the music died wasn't when Buddy Holly died, but when the BBC decided to end Top of the Pops. The British music industry used to lead the world, and Top of the Pops was a world-renowned famous part of it. No other channel decided to bother about contemporary music, and since the death of that program, nobody cares about contemporary music. I love music, and certainly think that eras have changed with the demise of a physical format (as I've said many times, I think the world needs one); but in some ways that 1950-2010 era was anachronistic in the long history of music, and our era now is as it was from 1800, and the ending of exclusive royal patronage, to 1950 and mass recording. This is exciting, we creators are free again, free agents, yet, there are no curators except for casual, amateur, random in every sense, 'influencers'; social-media commentators with agendas, bloggers, vloggers.

For 12 years now, musical culture has stood still, worried, uncertain, anxiously seeing trends and claiming 'this is good, this old Kate Bush tune'. This is unique, culture does stand still sometimes, but normally it is the new which in exciting, hip, cool, the in-thing, but we have no guides to the new or the current now. There is too much, the quantity of content is growing and the return from it, economically and culturally, diminishing.

I need to work harder, and be bolder, but I have been wroking every day for over a decade now. I want to found 10 bands! But I'll wait. Like Beethoven, I must be deaf to the world, and consider what is difficult and therefore what is good, and what is new to me and my experience.

Shops, Neitzsche, Xmas FIG

Two very busy days. Spent most of yesterday darting from shop to shop with Deb, enjoying every moment. I also did a bit of work on the Tycho Brahe song, and it's nearly complete, as well as notating our version of Mr Tambourine Man. My greater focus on sheet music this year has really helped me musically, I find I can much more easily make and refer to notated notes now, rather than my simple lettering mnemonics.

Today, my regular filing, as it's the first of December. This took longer than hoped, because I had a lot to back-up. The Prometheus changes are, I think, complete. One new plugin change I've made today is an addition to the panning to boost pans to the side a little, apparently 1/sqr(0.5) is a common boost to give an 'even' impression of equal sound power from any location; equal power, 3dB. To me this sounds too strong, but my new changes permit any setting, even dynamically altering this.

I've heard that our Salomé CD, which is released tomorrow, is now part of the Nietzsche Foundation Archive about the philosopher, so our first work in a museum, and my second after the Chester painting.

The rest of the day has been spent working on the Crewe Library Fall in Green event. I've made a new 'wreath hat' for The Ghost of Christmas Present, designed a few more instruments, and written a melody for 'I, Snowman'. Deb will perform a live Stylophone solo, fed thorough the MODX to add a few effects to make it sound better. It's not a bad instrument, I much prefer the stylus control than a finger ribbon control, but it needs more octaves.

We've had an unexpected amount of interest for this small Christmas show. It's a shame that the venue has no lighting controls, so we can't use lighting or projection, and for a free event we have little incentive to spend a lot to make it a good show. Still, we'll have three full days of rehearsals and will spend about £100 on new props alone. I've suggested to Angus that library visitors can write a 'word for snow' on post-it notes throughout the week, but it's Friday tomorrow and I've not heard back about this idea. Both of us can't help but put everything we can into each event, even if after each event I wonder why I've worked so hard for nothing. Some artists seem to love performing, the roar of the applause, the joy of performing; but to me it's hard physical and mental work. The challenge of doing my best and getting everything right is my joy, just as I've always enjoyed exams or tests; the opportunity for self-improvement.

Prometheus v2.97, Selection Box Rehearsal

Well, I spent a few hours in the night thinking through my recent changes and have worked out the necessary fixes for Prometheus. The problems weren't serious. The tracks have buffers there, ready for instruments. When playing, the instruments are copied to the tracks (not over the buffers). So, when stopped, the tracks have a record of the last instrument to play... the size of buffer they want is stored there and might not be the maximum, but if I zero the buffers based on those then that's still enough, actually optimal - there's no point in zeroing the areas of the buffer it doesn't need.

The cause of the crashes yesterday, was old and invalid pointers in the save file... pointers to the 'last instrument' of a long-ago played song. It's a certain fix (and good practice) to wipe these upon loading. I've never referenced those pointers before, so it's not been a problem, and indeed I've removed references to them anyway, as well as wiping.

One last problem was a strange 'pop' noise when live playing, but I think this was down to not clearing the newly reserved track buffers. The pop occurred fairly predictably (a godsend!) and on a track with a band-pass filter. It has no buffer but does use a few utility floating point variables, which are reserved. The buffers are wiped when an effect uses a buffer, but not for these new 'utility' effects, so I've now zeroed the buffers no matter what. It seems fine now.

Perhaps my changes are complete, this intense chapter of my life this year. Programming drives me crazy with its obsessions for perfection, its fear of bugs. It was this anxiety more than anything that made me give up programming: programmania nervosa.

After this, Deb came round for a first rehearsal of the Crewe Christmas show.

I, amazingly, seemed to remember all of the music. Deb remarked that it's exactly a year to the day since we rehearsed for the Crewe Tree of Light ceremony, and our commissioned work, Sky Robes of Celeste. We played it again today. It was a difficult rehearsal though. The new synth means all new sounds for many of the pieces, all new arrangements. Every show we've done has new arrangements and usually different instruments for almost every track; amazing. We're the sort of duo who would drag a double bass to the show for one 2-minute use of it, and use something else for the next performance.

Now, after Prometheus, this show can be my focus, and back to the painters album. I've done some work on 'Tycho Brahe the Noseless Astronomer' today.

Programming Woes

Well, I was hoping for a restful day. It's been a frantic 15 days updating Prometheus. Programming jangles my nerves. It feels more like defusing a bomb than something constructive. You can add features, but the worry of accidentally breaking something which works fine, lies on the very edge of comprehensibility, and has taken years of painstaking work, causes great stress.

Today, during playing a tune during testing I heard an unexpected 'blip'. Perhaps I needed to clear the new variable buffers (although, in retrospect, I can't be sure if that was the cause). Still, this made me take a look at doing this and then I had a panic moment. The buffer size each effect can sometimes be larger than that needed... but I didn't store this 'actual' size anywhere. The routine to currently clear the effect buffers uses the size the effect needs rather than the full buffer.

But really, I should be storing the actual buffer size used somewhere. I didn't, and haven't stored the sizes of the utility arrays. So, I added this, and then slowly recompiled all of the 234 plugins. Any change to the structure needs that, and this is a boring process of renaming, compiling, renaming, copying. It takes hours.

I did this, and made some changes to keep track of the actual buffer size. It seemed to work but the day has been plagued with unexpected and unwelcome crashes and errors. My worst nightmare. It is good to add these extra values, so that, is a plus point, and good that I've realised this now rather than later; the horror of having to develop a new format!

But I feel battered and filled with programming anxiety. The changes over the past weeks have varied in complexity, but the buffer changes are the most complex and danger fraught. It took from 2002 to Dec 2021 to fix the last buffer bug, and the program has been stable since, but now, everything is uncertain again.

I can't really go back. The 10-octave range is useful. The memory efficiencies are great concepts, but they need to work.

Prometheus Upgrades Complete

For the first time in a few weeks I have a spare moment! I've just finished the long-awaited upgrades to Prometheus, to version 2.97. These were arduous. To recap: I have 117 plugins and many use 'utility' variables, an array of floats which can be used for any sort of thing. Until this version they were a fixed array of 256, but I never needed all 256 variables, very wasteful, although the reverbs used 100 or so (so much to store and keep track of with those, filters... cycling oscillators).

This new upgrade set a value for each plugin so it can reserve only the size of array needed. That was hard enough. It's complex when you have duplicate arrays; consider a plugin used by an instrument, you can quite legally have the same instrument playing twice at the same time in a song, so each instance needs its own array, the 'boxes by the roadside' in my other analogy.

The tedious bit was locating every array index and making it a 'define', so floatutility[0] becomes floatutility[F_COUNTER] for example. This makes it easier to change how many variables different versions of the effect use... but with 100+ variables (and 117 plugins) there are a LOT of copy and replace operations, all of which need to be correct. So this has taken me days of tedious and meticulous work.

Now, it seems to work. The program is a lot more memory efficient now, perhaps better than ever since the first version. This is a good time to do this, as it's near the end of a year and so, a major backup. This change comes on top of the new 10-octave upgrade.

This year I've updated Prometheus a LOT. Partly due to the new synth, which is now part of my audio set-up, and due to a new focus on music as a primary art-form. My sheet music work was also a factor. Some of the changes were MIDI based, for both synth and scoring purposes. Some for sampling, looping and revitalising my sample bank.

Now it's done, it'll be in testing for a few days. I can't afford to pause though, I must develop instruments for the Crewe Library Christmas performance, and I have a lot of musical ideas to record. I'm considering an official cover recording of Mr Tambourine Man.

This upgrade makes me nervous because it affects the file format. If something is wrong (or missing, forgotten), it has the possibility to corrupt older sequences, which includes all of my old music; 20 years of work. I must tread gingerly.

Defines

A full 12 hours of solid programming, mostly tediously and mechanically updating each plugin with defines rather than ordinals, in an effort to save memory with separate 2-channel vs. 6-channel effects. Everything is now working apart from those optimisations being applied to reverbs, which are complex as these use multi-channel delays as well as filters. The reverbs (I used about 8) will probably take all day. That should be the last step on this Sisyphean program update.

Plugin Coding

More programming today, updating the 120 or so plugins for the new 10-octave, and memory efficient, Prometheus. One new thing I hadn't foreseen was that many plugins use (or can use) more temporary variables for the 6-channel version compared to the 2-channel (stereo) version. The old versions (that is every version of the program up until now!) simply used the maximum, but now I could selectively compile the separate 2/6 channel versions to use just the amount of space they require.

I can't resist making this efficiency, so am slowly updating each plugin with #defines and #ifdef statements to enable this. The filters and reverbs in particular are cases in point. Filters filter each channel separately, so can save a 4 floats for every unused channel, and reverbs use all sorts of things; many delays and many filters.

Still, at the moment, I have about 60 plugins complete. It feels so good to make things neat and efficient and nice. I'm a natural organiser.

Peter came for his piano lesson too, we covered and revised some chords, among other things.

Song for Zimmerman

Here are the words to my 'Song for Zimmerman'

Hey there Dylan
in your house of wood and bones
How's the attic keeping?
How's the telephones?
How's the times these days?
and how's the blues; are they still blue?

How are you?
How do you do?
Are you still doing what you do?
Hello from Congleton, and Crewe.

Hey there Dylan
How's the peace these days?
Are the sunsets looking pretty
like the milkwood from the olden days
are the sea sounds
sounding jangly; like an old guitar?

Is that sand in your voice
in your veins now,
or trapped in the treads of the tyres of your luxury car?

Does the never ending trek
come to an end?
Are you blowing in a wind
made by a billion unknown friends?

Still rough and rowdy?
Or do you play the joker?
Are you hiding a wildcard
in the great game of poker?
Are you riding the tracks
or are you the stoker?

What would Alfred
and his dynamite say?
Would you blow his mind
to kingdom come and far away?
Who is left
in the cave; when you roll that stone away?

What did God say
when his night
killed your day?

There's no need
to answer. Let the
mystery hang in the sky, like an apple of why

Let this no-one
send you a slice of American pie
a salute from the moribund
to a man who'll never die
How does it feel
to say; a happy goodbye?

How does it feel
To say a happy goodbye?

Dylanning

Showtime yesterday. I started with a quick run-though the pieces I was involved with, then posted off some Salome albums to Italy. Then, left for the library near 3pm to prepare for the evening. It was already dark and cold when we arrived, but the rain was lighter than forecast.

The set-up moved relatively quickly. It is such a joy not to have to carry amplifiers, mixing desk and take care of that sort of thing. John Miller, the bassist and sound engineer, who clearly knows his stuff, did a great job on the audio. This, again, is a luxury and important for a good event. We rehearsed before the show. This too, seems like a luxury, but I don't like it... on one hand it feel like cheating to practice on the actual stage before the show begins (although, true, the public were not there, perhaps this could be seen as a perfectly valid dress-rehearsal). It does feel unprofessional to practice before the event... but, perhaps my objection is that I prefer a quiet time, a mental practice, a calming, but this was denied me by the social activity of a run-through, with the band. My solo pieces were my challenge, my ensemble contributions trivial. I did a few bars of my songs by way of a sound-check though, and this was very valuable, but I felt that I didn't want to spoil anything with a preview, much less a rehearsal.

The night started at 7pm on schedule and ran to plan for all acts. I was reminded how samey Dylan's music was. My ears seemed to want more variety to the looping 3 or 4 chords that, it seemed, all of his compositions consisted of. Andy Stubbs' attitudal piece was, of course, joyous, and it was nice to meet Mike's writing partner and hear the equally otherworldly Forrest-Dick Band.

Our Fall in Green piece went to plan. Times Are Stayin' The Same was scrappy and imperfect, I wasn't happy with it, but there were good and bad points for this, my first song performed while playing the keyboard, after many years of playing the piano or keyboard in various performances. There is no substitute for repeated performance in a live situation.

Song For Zimmerman was better, despite the guitar being a new instrument for me. Perhaps the postural aspects helped. This song was filmed by Deb, which was an excellent tool for improvement. It's odd that the aspects which, on the night, I was unsatisfied with, were generally fine, and I saw new things to change instead.

My playing on Gotta Serve Somebody involved wild improvisation on the organ, at last a showcase of what I can do. This went well and a few people commented on it. Quinn the Eskimo was fine, although I forgot to play the closing flute riff, to my shame at the time. That was entirely due to lack of rehearsal of that part. My first rehearsals covered only the chords, and this ensemble song had low priority for me.

The acts varied a lot in quality. There was inspiration everywhere; people to aspire to be like, people to avoid being like. Tickets, sales and donations raised just over £800. John's related event earlier in the week raised £200 or so to a total of £1040 raised.

I arrived home at midnight or so, aching and tired, which is unusual for an evening I thought light work, certainly less exhausting than the Midsummer event. I expect that I didn't eat enough. I did some hurried packing away in the dark and cold house, then fell into dreams of food. I dreamt of eating at a restaurant with John Lindley, and of Fox's biscuits. In another section, there was a tree, or some sort of cage, of white-blue furry animals including a small (and stripe-less) tiger, and an owl.

Spent a few hours this morning typing up this event, and compiling more Prometheus plugins.

Rehearsal Day Two

Second day of Dylan rehearsals, and some for the 'darkwave' version of Mr Tambourine Man. We made room for a birthday visit to a friend, and some local shopping. It was also the launch of the Steam Autumn Sale, so I announced this too. A busy day, as usual.

The last choice is outfit designs, I started with sunglasses, and will choose a red/black combination.

Dylan Rehearsal, Times Are Staying The Same

A full day or rehearsing the songs for the Dylan night, and wow did I need this! I wrote the words to Times Are Staying The Same some time ago; Jun 2020, but only had a rough idea of the melody, more of the rhythm, a sort of 3-time tango or pasodoble (x.xxx.x.x.x.), inspired by the roll of energy in Dylan's song. After a week or two of nailing down the chords I finally worked out the melody today, sequencing this to give me an idea of it.

Playing it on piano while singing and while reading the words proved to be a huge challenge, and not something I'm use to. Playing the bass/chords and main melody, plus singing and staring at the words or mic... it was a lesson in humility, and wonderful practice, but with only 2 days until the performance, a little panicked. Playing Song For Zimmerman on guitar wasn't much better... but a second run through really improved things. Most errors come from uncertainty, or areas which could do one-thing or another, up or down an octave, for example.

I decided to forget trying to play the melody and sing it, this inevitably leads to one instrument chasing the other. It's easiest to play chords on the higher part of the piano and use a bass arpeggio for the rhythm. I have added more chords, for variety, a couple of D-minor and A-minor sections. I'm struck by the fact that Dylan generally never has or did, and doesn't seem to care about the music, and just fits the words to a simple looping chord arrangement throughout. It would make my life and playing easier, but I at least want to add something good to the music... to push a limit, as I always try. I've jumped up a key for the last two verses to G and D rather than F and C as with most of the song. This will have no bass.

Similarly for Zimmerman. I experimented with a solo part and programmed a groovy bass loop there. I've also got a pretty pad sound for a possible synth part, but I only have two arms, so will play it all on guitar. I've been blessed to discover a nice enough B-minor chord on the guitar.

All the way, the words have changed, ever so slightly. Here are the final lyrics... so far:

Times Are Staying The Same

The sky is blue the leaves are green
tomorrow looks like rain
A wise man said that times are changing
but times are staying the same

There's a sense of unease in this year's breeze
it's looking for someone to blame
everyone thinks the world is unfair
that times are staying the same

The old man sees what young won't hear
and the sense of grievance is crystal-ball clear
nobody wants to be right here
something better was promised;

but everyone hopes, even politicians
for a better world, with no prohibitions
for since god died, we've all lost our mission and every soul's heading for flame
so the cry is us (meaning you) against 'them'
because times keep staying the same

Hunters throw stones
with their weapons of bones
the old earth has seen it before
while the poor burn their homes in protest
in a plea to attract the law

and the stupid ones with the loud voices
seem to float to the top of the game
while the ones who talk sense aren't exciting enough
for times that are staying the same

So you'd better get used to injustice
and you'd better get used to greed
and get used to your insignificance
because you're the last person the universe needs

Get used to hearing and ignoring advice
Get used to kings without brains
because it's been like that for ten thousand years
and times are still the same

You're going to make a difference
but not in the way you expect
The best we can do is look after ourselves
and protect the weak ones from the rain

we can pity the fools with an ego
who can't see that we're on the same train
as we watch the young people battle to change
a world that will always be the same

More Upgrades, and Electric Milk-Crates

A busy day yesterday. I released the sheet music to The Anatomy Of Emotions on itch.io, and packaged up the old Noise Station, and put that up there too.

Then, at 14:30, mum and I had a mile walk to the railway station, to Warrington, and two miles to Paul's house. We arrived just as his removal van pulled up at 16:00. I immediately got unloading the boxes, books, bed(s), and various things. It's fortunate that I'm used to lugging heavy loads, all due to music performances. Those huge amps are great weight training. In 30 minutes of near-running pace, we were done. I gulped down to lukewarm tea and saw that it was 16:40. I thought that the train back was due at 17:10, so mum and I marched back at pace, not wanting to miss this. We arrived at the station at 17:06, and expected the train to be late, but it was actually due at twenty-something past, and was late, so we had a frosty 20 or 25 minutes to wait on the bleak platform of bleak Warrington - truly a dismal town.

Then, the walk home, but I went on to Deb's, so another two miles or so. I was aching a bit by this time but happily so, not exhausted. Some live performances use more energy than this.

While walking I was thinking of Prometheus. The different plugins use effect buffers, which can vary by plugin. Some use none at all, but some (delays) use big ones. Now, all have 'utility' variables, which can be floats or longs. There are 256 of these, a fixed size.

I explained this to Deb in visual language. The audio effects are like cardboard boxes in a row, each a different colour, and the sound bounces from one to the next, changing as it goes. Each box has a milk-crate inside with 256 holes for milk bottles. The effects sometimes need to remember something, so they make a note on a bit of paper and put the note in one of the holes, looking at it later when needed. Most of the effects don't use many holes, and in fact no effect uses all 256, the whole milk-crates worth. Some don't use or need any holes.

So it can be a bit wasteful. There are 12 effects per track and per instrument, but the songs use some too, and those 256 empty slots add up to 2Mb or so with song of a lot of instrument and tracks. The best option is to make each box the size that's needed, so that each effect can specify how many 'holes' it needs, and for Prometheus to only reserve that many. The downside is the complexity of all of that.

But, this is the best solution, and I always aim for an ideal. Before now, I never really considered a dynamically sized 'utility buffer' like this, only aiming for a 'good maximum', but now is a perfect time to program something so radical because I have a new song format and any future upgrades will need to automatically update and import older formats. Over time this import feature will only ever grow. It's best to leap to an 'ideal' as quickly as possible, and after 15 years, the program must, surely, be evolving into something good by now.

So I've spent today upgrading to add this new feature. It is rather complicated because a track needs to store this 'box size' twice; once for the track effect, but once for ANY instrument that might play on the track, because you might play, say, a drum on any or all tracks at once. So, I need to calculate the biggest 'crate' of any instrument, and keep that space there, waiting for the musical instruments that pass by... this is a bit like the cardboard boxes running down a road - but this time it is empty, so uses the milk-crate by the roadside as its storage. These 'roadside' milk-crates need constantly updating: when you load or save an instrument, for example. They need to be big enough for the requirements of the biggest box in the song.

Incidentally, we can't go reserving space 'live' as the boxes appear, that's far too slow.

Well. Much of the coding is done, but it is exhausting and exacting work, like operating on an anaesthetised patient. This software is so massively complicated, perhaps my Magnum Opus. I move slowly, a little change here, a test there, but there's so much to change that I need to work fast enough to hold it all in my head at once. Only by seeing everything can errors be averted.

The next big step is recompling all of the plugins... again. That will take at least a day; but I know that I must actually practice the Bob Dylan songs, as I'm due to play 5 live on Wednesday and I've not gone through them yet.

Prometheus v2.96, New Note Schemes

Well, after 3 days, and probably another 3 in preparation I've completed the update to Prometheus 2.96, perhaps the biggest update in 5 years because I now have new formats for the songs and the programs. The software now uses an ISO 10-octave range from C-1 (which I call CX) to C9.

The changes were prompted by the recent music notation and MIDI file conversions, some notes were simply being chopped off, but the change has been several months in the pipeline, as my new MODX synth had lots of multisamples from across the keyboard, and those were stored using the MIDI note. Before that I used to store my sample bank by Prometheus notes, but this was always a little awkward when it came to notes below my octave zero (which is MIDI octave 2, note 36, relatively high). I tended to pitch things into a useful range, so a bass may still be in Middle C, if that's the most useful pitch, but, it generally best to pitch things exactly as they should be on the whole musical scale. So this upgrade solves that problem too.

Generally, such an upgrade would increase the size and requirements of things, but the fact that the frequency tables were part of the song file structure meant that I could save something by making it global and then removing other instances of song structures. It's better, from an organisational viewpoint, I think, to have them global, so this change was the tipping point in my choice for this one-way upgrade; but it's only one way in that older versions of the program won't be able to load or use any newer songs (again, this is the first time in 5 years since that happened). Of course, all older songs will load fine and be automatically re-scaled to fit.

One change that was needed was the display. The old one used a dot for the note pitch, but 10-octaves reduces the effictiveness of this, My first change was simply to represent the semitone, but I didn't like that C3, C4 and C5 looked the same... when octave sized arpeggio jumps can be relatively common. I've come up with a new scheme that can represent any of the 121 notes in a tiny 3x32 pixel spot:

That pretty dance of dots shows the octave, semitone and instrument of each note at a glance. I don't need to actually see it all there, but I can, which is rather good. Here's a close up:

The vertical black stem indicates the octave, with a line in the dead centre for octave 4, where Middle C lives. The current track (in the middle here) has a horizontal guide in the middle so that this octave is more apparent. The dots indicate the semitone, so there are 12 from bottom to top. The dot in the middle is an F, and the black notes have little black marks too. it's remarkable easy to work out the exact note from C0 to C9 at a glance, which is rather amazing.

The yellow line is a KILL command, note off. This, like many events, now hovers, so that notes that might be behind will be visible, to give a visual indication of the order. There is already a separate event list which shows everything explicitly (its in NoiseStation 1 too, which at time of writing is still a free download on my website).

It was all hard work but I must now stop. I've got to design some new instruments for the Dylan event, and for our new Christmas event in Crewe Library, which has a pathetically low £2 entry fee, but this is infinitely better than zero.

I'm busy tomorrow helping my brother with house-moving activities, and much of next week is rehearsals or other visits. It appears than my next 'free' day is the 26th. On we charge.