Multiple Mice, Tuesday Practice, Feelings

A gamer night last night with Simon, H, and Aff. A mix of results from MarioKart, a game, like any driving game, I'm pretty useless at. The enemy is the track, not the other competitors.

Today, I made a slight change to my game engine, adding support for multiple mice. If I update Outliner, it would need this feature. I did some research into the latest input API for Windows, called GameInput. My problem with Windows APIs is that they just keep appearing, always more new stuff that needs constant updating when the existing stuff works fine. We now have lots of versions of DirectInput (1, 3, 5, 7, 8), XInput, and now GameInput, and they all do the job. There was/is no advantage at all for me to use any newer API than DirectInput - the only tiny advantage is that GameInput can support two keyboards - but nobody uses two keyboards on one PC, partly because Windows fundamentally doesn't support more than one, except for games when using this API!

I also added the vocals to 'An Autumn Tale', and in the afternoon put together the backing and sheet music for 'Out of Date', and 'Warm Comfy Sofa', the two tunes I aim to perform on Tuesday. I looked through our two Fall in Green tunes too. By luck, our 'Silk Merchant's Song', was recorded live at the Knutsford Music Festival, so I could use that as reference. We performed it a lot in that year, but rarely since, and I've not noted the sheet music (or, of course, studio-recorded it).

Tomorrow will be a full day of quarterly backups.

After that, I could continue with more programming, that may make the most sense. Let's see. What I feel like doing is nothing, resting, sleeping! But in life, the most beneficial things are the things we don't want to do, or the difficult things. Progress can never be made doing what is easy, or doing what we 'feel like doing' because feelings are a continuation of the status quo. It is disruption that creates information and demands new energy. Obeying feelings is, therefore, a gradual decay.

Bool v1.07 Complete, Cycles CDs

Completed Bool v1.07 today, a few final tweaks and little things. There are a few tiny things missing, notable the particle effects but those take minutes to add. For the moment, the game play is as it was 10 years ago, but with new graphics and game engine.

So, in the past week I've updated three games. Martian Rover Patrol, for example, took nearly 2 weeks to update just that. That game, like Roton, was very old and buggy (Moon Buggy?!).

My games now are at the stage where a mere Steam release of their ancient versions would not be enough. These games need improving too. I've come up with some ideas to boost Bool a bit. It's hard to add 'character', a human factor in games with abstract entities like 'bats'. I've been reminded of my comedy script for 'Troff', a Tron parody which featured a breakout game.

Character aside, there are things that can be done. Gunstorm II had characters, and game worlds, and a plot. I can at least add those, as well as more obvious gameplay updates like new types of ball/target, and ball/weapon. I could add a selection of bats or characters, RPG elements. It would be nice to add an element of choice to the progression of things, but making that look and play elegantly isn't easy in an arena-based game like this. After a level, we don't really want to jump to another screen type or 'map'.

It can all wait.

I'm now tired, feeling exhausted after a busy week. I don't know what to do next or where to go artistically, creatively or in games. I could update other older titles; Firefly for example should only take 1 or 2 days to get working, as would Outliner. I can't really add much to Outliner, but I could release it as-is on Steam for a lower price-point, perhaps add bonus content, or make if free with bonus content as DLC.

I need to get back to work on my album too, and prepare for the Tuesday's open mic. At the moment I have nothing to perform, and I need to transcribe more sheet music. Again, a hard job of work for no obvious reward, in the short term, that is. I seem to work tirelessly to do nothing for nobody - but no. This can be an artists' feeling at any stage. The modern world is about making 'content', and this is an artist's job and life too, and I do this every day, and have for most of my life.

So where can I express my genius next? Can I do something in games akin to a Vermeer painting? Is such a thing even possible?

There was one other job today, burning the first batch of Limited Edition Cycles & Shadows CDs. Here's number 7:

I really didn't think they would take a month to dry! But all were tested and burned successfully, so the ink did no harm (as expected, these are good quality discs).

Bool Milestone, Painting Muses

A long and hard day at the end of a long and hard week. My job for today was, first to fix an alt-tab bug in Fallout Velocity, that was done by 9am, then to rework the Bool graphics, reorder and retexture the objects, then fix the man little bugs and niggles in the main program. This I have managed.

At 11am I felt pretty exhausted, actually dizzy and unable to concentrate. This constant mental work can be punishing and stressful, and I put my symptoms down to this. The job of creating the textures was confusing at first, I needed to work out what was where in the original textures, and where things should go. In this version, the order is crucial, so I had to divide things up.

In the afternoon I had to fix the little niggles and problems evident in the game. First, some letters used to vanish. This was due to old and invalid pointers to things like the cueball or the player's bats, objects which had since been destroyed. Fixing this was a matter of clearing the pointers, complete with relevant NULL checks whenever those objects were actually used. The menu had a problem with the camera because I'd got the storing and recalling options from the menu mixed up.

Then I had to fix up the high score entry and its display, and finally the screen fades. The screen changes are not very elegant, and the camera just sits there when there's no cueball, but the game is just about where it was in v1.06, when I started, yet with a full 2024 engine update and all new graphics. It might be good enough to release even now, but it could do with more.

There is one thing it lacks, the particle effects, but those are easily added. Basically now it's a matter of upgrading what is there, not fixing. A good time to file it all as complete.

It's been a hard week, but feels productive even if there's nothing sellable to show for it yet.

I've heard that I've failed to get into the Cheshire Art Fair this year, which was disappointing. My focus hasn't been on painting for months, that art is at a nadir for me. I have no gallery or incentive to paint, though I feel that I can paint better than ever, and I am still full of art ideas. Ultimately, I'm only one person with limited time, and the work on games and music this year has been full to overwhelming, there's simply no room for painting. I'll get back into it when the time allows.

Oh for money! Then I could forget these games, publish them for free and move on to arts and improving the world culturally - so I'd like to believe. For now, games and music are my focus. I'll stop working on Bool now and get back to music tomorrow. I've reached a plateau where a few old games are ready to be updated, but I need a plan of what to add, what to update.

Fallout Velocity Updated, and more Bool

Bah! Now that Breakout Velocity was working, there was no way I could not update Fallout Velocity too. I may have reasoned that the changes between the two were minimal, but I needed to keep things orderly, so I got up at 7am and started to update Fallout too.

Another thing that bothered me is that Breakout Velocity was always known as 'Velocity' and Fallout as 'Fallout'. I made this year before the more famous game Fallout, but still, I wanted to make names consistent too, so I recreated a new project for Velocity called Breakout Velocity; again for the sake of neatness, an annoying obsession, but maintaining neatness and order, as I've said many times, is the key purpose of life. The work was done quickly, and by 9am I had the projects 'BreakoutVelocity' and 'FalloutVelocity' working - in record time! Actually, there were quite a few changes in Fallout. One is that the level designs were external, in text files, and so editable.

Working on both games was useful for other reasons. I found and fixed a few little things in Breakout, and I fixed the additive glows. These early games, Bool included, didn't store the DirectX blend-mode in the 3D object, but the later (and current) games do. This realisation helped me add the pretty glows to the two breakout games, and solve the problem of the black squares in Bool - so the logic of order proves its worth!

It took until 12:30 to finish the work on the Velocity games. Checking and filing everything takes longer than just getting it working, but all is done now.

The afternoon was a lot slower. First, converting the Bool objects to include that blend mode. This meant 87 load and save operations that I couldn't automate; tedious, but only needs doing once. Then work on new table textures. The old table was split into 4 quarters and 4 objects for some reason. The Future Pool and Future Snooker tables were discs, but there's no need for that; I can use a square and simply make the corners black. Then, drawing the textures (in Genetica). This aesthetic part takes ages. Here's a screenshot of the game so far, with a new test font:

I need to redraw and re-texture everything next. If I hadn't updated the engine to the 2024 standard I wouldn't need to, but the update made the objects sort by texture code, so I need to retexture everything. While I'm at it I may as well increase the graphics resolution, and therefore need to redraw everything.

After that, there are a few minor problems with how the game works, but it should, at last, emulate the 2002 game soon.

That will only be the very first step. I need to add more depth and complexity to it all and I don't know how. I'll do one more day of work, then back to music until next Wednesday. I need to rehearse for Tuesday's open mic, well more than rehearse... I need to work out what I'm actually performing and make the music for it. Monday is a major back-up day (this deadline was another incentive to update both Velocity games), so no time for programming then.

I've had four soloid and very full programming days. I must rush to get these over with. I can't afford to muse or dawdle.

Breakout Velocity Updated

Another busy day of programming. I realised last night that Yinyang actually used DirectX8, an older version of my game engine. I didn't bother to do a full upgrade to my latest engine (which is also out of date anyway, DirectX9, but many other parts are newer). Ultimately, the DirectX bits are for setting up the video and audio, with the game parts being generally the same anyway.

This realisation was good news. First, it meant that an upgrade of Yinyang is largely not needed (though there are things I could update, like the new Options system). Secondly, it reduced the pressure for updating Breakout Velocity to the same degree as Bool; I could do a small Yinyang-style update, so today I did this, retaining its DirectX8 core, and simply updating the other aspects: the start-up and error processing, the options, the main loops.

In effect though, I still needed to swap a lot round. I'm blessed that Yinyang was available, as most of its code could be slotted in. At around 4pm Breakout Velocity ran for the first time in over 10 years. Here's a look at 1280x720:

The screen is stretched. It doesn't have any of the fancy aspect ratio processing, but it does now support wav audio and dds textures, plus the new options regime, new report/error processing, alt-tab and screenshot support, and the stable video and audio initialisation of Yinyang and Radioactive (both are DirectX8-era games).

I couldn't get additive glow to work on the objects, this may be a problem for Bool too. I think that its connected with the render order of objects rather than anything fundamental.

As a game, Breakout Velocity is still rather good. It's different from a plain Breakout clone in two ways. First, the wall slowly descends like the block of enemies in Space Invaders, and secondly, lone blocks (blocks without an adjacent neighbour) will fall down and possibly smash into the player. There are plain blocks which are destroyed with one hit, some metal ones that need a few hits, and indestructible 'gold' blocks, and that's it regarding special blocks. There are also no pickups or special abilities other than bonus points, which drift down like glittery fireworks.

The game is sufficiently fun to merit examining upgrade possibilities. It already has bags of short-term playability but it needs much more in terms of plot, depth, and features.

For now though, I'm pleased to get it working. I've no plans to release it anywhere for now and will muse on what to do with it. There's no point in me updating it's sequel Fallout Velocity, as that game is so very similar. In that game, all blocks fall when hit, the music is a gentle version of the same tune, and the background shapes are different, but that's it.

This evening I've got back to Bool, and have fixed that 'horizontal bar' bug; it was a faux-ball. I need to re-texture all of the graphics so that everything is sorted correctly, then create a new font. I estimate that by this time tomorrow, the classic game, but with my latest engine, will be up and running.

More Booling

A full day of programming, updating Bool. I'm amazed at how much work it is because so much has changed in my game engine since.

One example is that the old sprites used to be a fixed array, big enough for every object on the screen, so the player bat and ball, the 127 balls in the arena, and the arena itself and each letter. Unfortunately, I used the indices of these objects to know what was what, and even specific indices were printed in different orders so that some items overlayed on others.

This is not how things work now. Now I have a dynamic linked list, so that sprites are only there when needed and on screen, and these are printed in the order of the texture number, so I can use lower texture numbers for objects like shadows that need to be in the background, and higher numbers for highlights or glow effects. The new system is a lot better, but it's a lot of work changing the old system to the new one. There's more than just these bits too; the menu, text handling, even the sounds have all changed.

Still, I'm charging though this and today at 4pm, the game stutteringly ran for the first time. It took another half and hour to get the menu up and the font displaying at all. The shadows and specular highlights don't work, and the screen goes black sometimes, but now we have a first glimpse of Bool 2024:

I don't know what that horizontal blue menu line is or where it comes from! Or why it says bool three times in there, but faulty flashes, glows and other special effects aside, the game itself is playable.

My next step is to recreate new graphics and reassign new textures.

Breakout Velocity also uses this array system, which is a problem. It means that the work of getting that to work even on a simple level is also large, and probably means that I have to update its graphics and fonts just to get it running. Firefly should be easier. Oddly, Yinyang also used the separate PARTICLESTORM class, which I simply kept there. For Bool, I've removed it to use the newer EMITTER class.

I'd hoped to have all three games up and running this week, but it might be closer to a week per game, and longer to fully modernise them. I haven't had many insights from Bool as to how best to upgrade the other games, it's just naturally going to be a long process. Well, I'll do it anyway, as fast as I can.

This resurgence of my interest my old games is a direct consequence of my PC upgrade last January. It feels good to do it though.

Bool, Firefly, Breakout Velocity

A long day updating Bool, one of my oldest games, but rather a good one. The code and general way it works is so old (circa 2002) that much of it works differently to my latest engine. It used DirectX8 (Trax used DirectX7) but the text routines and sprite handling, which are core parts of the game, need completely refitting. There are lots of inklings of future changes, particle systems, text file handling etc. but every is so old that it can't really be update, but must be replaced, then the program adjusted to the new way of working.

Just getting the code, made in Visual Studio 6, to run on Visual Studio 2022 was hard enough, that took an hour. As a result, I decided to update Firefly and Breakout Velocity at the same time. It would probably be more efficient to do this now, so that I know what problems to expect and what fixes to make. There is a sequel to Breakout Velocity called Fallout but the changes between the two are so small that it would be easier to adapt Breakout Velocity than update the ancient Fallout code. Breakout Velocity is as old and difficult as Bool, though Firefly is a little more modern.

Step 1 is to convert the audio to wav and the textures to dds format. Then, getting the correct libs, directories and Visual Studio settings so that it will get past the first pile of compiler errors. That part is easy and done for all games, but none will run yet. I think it's because the old Ogg Vorbis libraries don't work; I had to remove them sometime after 2012 because they crashed whenever I used them, and never worked out why except that they were the cause.

After 8 hours work, the 22-year-old Bool still isn't in a state where it will compile, but I'm making steady progress.

I've no plans to update and release Firefly or Breakout Velocity, but it will be a worthwhile job to get to the stage where these will work with their original graphics and sound.

After this, the only other games of mine which aren't available or working would be Arcangel (which is 2D, this might make it easier to update), Trax, which is so old it uses a prototype of my game engine. That game isn't great either; it would probably be faster to re-make the game from scratch rather than try to update its 3D engine. Finally there is Outliner, which was updated in 2015 and compiled on Windows 8. As a result, that game should be relatively easy to update.

I expect it will take all week to get all three games working to a basic degree, and perhaps another week or two weeks to update Bool. I need a new name for the game I think, as 'Bool' is so common that people may struggle to find it even when they know about it. That can wait.

Random Delay Fixed, An Autumn Tale Revisited

I have more space on the album, so I've had a look at some old, largely complete and unused songs I could use.

One was 'An Autumn Tale', one of my oldest songs, from the explosive year of 2002. I started to write songs in that year, and about 100 songs flowed out. I've recorded or sequenced very few of those. Two from that early time that did make it to release were 'AI' and 'Open Your Eyes' as used on The End And The Beginning. 'An Autumn Tale' was added to The Harlequin Kings album, along with 'Incomplete Version', and several others that made it onto The Dusty Mirror, but that album was deleted a few years ago with no CD copies being pressed, and this is a pretty song so I could easily re-record some vocals to magic up a new version. It has a gentle and atmospheric feeling, a little mysterious, perhaps like Norwegian Wood (recalling that I'm musing on Revolver for this new album), but with more energy.

Now, looking at that old sequence from the early days of Prometheus, I found that there was a 'bug' in it. It used an engine called Random Delay, but in 2016 or so I changed that engine to accept 4 rather than 3 parameters, and that had the effect of breaking it on all of the sequences it was used in. I'd never do that now, but perhaps then I didn't have the facility to see which songs used what... now I do. So, I looked up which sequences used it and a whopping 136 do, and the vast majority used the old 3-parameter version, so over 100 tunes were a bit 'broken'. It's not a serious 'break' - the program wouldn't crash, but the sound for those tunes isn't generated correctly.

This led to a bit of a crisis moment, partly because there was no easy way to see which sequence used which version of the Random Delay. Basically, I had to load each tune and manually adjust everything, so I got going on this today. After some time I realised that the audible effect was minimal, and that the whole effect was superfluous. It was designed to stagger the timing of the notes a little, to make the instruments sound a little more 'realistic' (ie. to de-quantise) but it didn't really work because it would only delay, not move sounds forwards in time. It didn't work perfectly with layered sounds either because a new sound would stop any trailing notes from a previous sound, so, for example, I couldn't create a sound with 3 bells, each of which starts at a random time, and have the trailing bells from the old sound flow into this one.

The same effect but better can be easily achieved by simply staggering the start times of the notes themselves, a literal de-quantise, and I now have that option. So, I decided to delete the Random Delay altogether.

I then updated Prometheus a version (to v3.32) to remove the multiple nags when loading a sequence with many out-dated plugins. Until today, I had to click once per plugin in this scenario, which could mean 10, 20, 30 clicks!

After all 136 tunes were fixed, I copied them all back with a batch xcopy command, then copied over any that had changed in my albums. Unexpectedly, two recent songs used this archaic delay: Do You Know Where Your Heart Is from We Robot, and the 1st version of Cycles III - in the first case, the instrument was actually unused - the delay was there because that sequence is over a decade old. The 2024 of Cycles III didn't include it.

Then, work on 'An Autumn Tale', so that now, and 'Incomplete Version Of The Writer' are ready for vocals, and those two old songs are resurrected.

Revisiting Incomplete Version Of The Writer

More constant and full work on the album. Each song takes me about 3 full days now, when the writing is all set out and complete, so it should perhaps annoy me less that an album takes so many months, when 36 days without a break would be an average time. Still, I feel tired at this project, though the music so far is good, certainly my best so far.

I've got 25 or so minutes complete. As the album is a collection of songs rather than explicitly themed, I thought about including a few older songs, and remembered 'Incomplete Version Of The Writer' from the old Harlequin Kings album, the album which marked my first experimental attempt at vocals. I've re-used half of those songs to date, but left this one as it was in completely the wrong key. Back then even this low key was at times too high for my voice, but yesterday I re-visited it and upped to key from C-Major to G-Major, a 7-semitone leap, to a much more comfortable and better sounding area.

The introductory 'guitars' were problematical. Based on an SY-85 sample, their timbre necessarily sounds very different shifted so much, and the strings too needed a lot of work for this reason, but I'm ready for the vocals now. I'm singing more than ever, party because of the regular open mic nights, and my singing, piano, and guitar playing are regularly improving, for what such things are worth.

The Taskforce v1.07 update was released yesterday. I thought about some sort of sequel. I need to make more games this year, in a quest for more income. Playing Taskforce reminded me how clunky and slow it was, and how silly some aspects were, like the lack of deadliness of a shotgun blast to the body. One advantage of a Taskforce sequel is that I can use all of the existing graphics and most of the engine, just create some new missions, and change some of the aspects of gameplay to speed it up, perhaps smaller maps, fewer action points, more deadly weapons. I'm unsure if it will help, as the game was a flop, though I must remember that Hilt II (and the ancient Amiga Taskforce) were very popular. I rather liked my move/fire phases in Taskforce Amiga. This idea (like the concept of the game itself) was based on the dice games I used to play with my brother with toy soldiers.

At the moment, the Action Points and opportunity fire in Taskforce works really well though so I'd probably leave this unchanged in any sequel.

The problem is that all things take time. I've already got lots of sequel ideas, none of which particularly appeal or have finished designs. Still, games, music, and books are all growth areas relative to my visual art, so I must keep going. Of course, I'm always busy on one or the other.

I'm unsure whether to bother updating the Yinyang engine, as the game is unpopular, and it works fine as it is.

Taskforce v1.07, Paul Parish, Nigel, and June

A full day of programming today, a change of pace. I have lots to do here this year.

Today was spent updatign Taskforce a version to 1.07. I thought this would be easy, but it's taken far longer than expected, perhaps because the game is so large an complex (my biggest game). Many of the stock routines I used were modified, making replacing them a slow difficult task, as each new component needed to be checked that it worked as it should.

To some extent, I may have been better leaving things, but this will speed up any future changes that are needed. There are a few positive changes though; new lens flares and mouse pointer, the new 'robustinit' and 'fixaspect' flags improve compatibility, and the 'Campaign Completed' Achievement is now fixed a bit, so that players have to at least complete each mission to earn it. With v1.06, you can obtain the Achievement simply be completing the last mission.

The options are also now set to the new standard of two files; Options.txt for user settings (which are loaded and observed, but not saved) and Bank.txt for the persistent program settings, generally things set in the game menus.

It's take all day for this, but I had a break in the middle of the day for an eye test. My distance glasses need updating, but all is well.

This evening I've practiced guitar for a few minutes, working through the 'How To Play Guitar In 14 Days' book. I'm ignoring the 'open tuning' option, so it sounds wrong, but I don't care about that for now. After 4 days it's still very basic, but even 'easy' practice requires a lot of repetition to master and can be done better or worse.

I've also listened to some music by Paul Parish, who played at the open mic on Tuesday. His songs are really nice, they remind me of Crowded House a bit, just really well written, performed and arranged (there are few production and balancing elements I'd do differently, I must retain a critial eye on all other music I encounter). Both Nigel Stonier and June Holland from the open mic ensemble have new singles out tomorrow.

Wasp Payment, Mister Moan Vocals, Open Mic

I've finally been paid by the Macc Art Lounge for the Wasp painting. Rather than an apology for the weeks of stress over this, I was blamed and shamed for the asking for the money. I've probably sold 30 or so works at Macc Art Lounge and, unless I happened to be there, every payment has taken several weeks or months and repeated reminders. I'm relieved that the issue is now resolved.

A day of singing yesterday. I recorded the Mister Moan vocals. It's a fun tune to sing, with a challenging melody and a few higher notes. There aren't too many harmony layers. I've added a second lower layer for parts of the chorus and may add more. For some reason I sang it in a slightly strained American-like accent, a bit like Elton John's vocals. It seems to work, but I'm unsure.

The open mic at the Red Cow was really nice. It was a little quieter than normal in numbers, but still busy and all of the music first class. New performer Paul Parish was nice to discover, we were treated to the first live performance of June Holland's first single release 'Old Fashioned' - she's an amazing singer and music artist, I'm sure destined for great things. Steve van Niekirk performed a few solo works, one reminded me a Rush quite a lot because it was so complex musically and lyrically. My two songs went to plan, and Deb and I performed At Freud's Lecture, and Velvet Gelt.

For the first time I assisted as I could with the sound mixing, and took part in the finale tunes of The Wonder of You and Stand By Me. These were both in the key of Bb, though I had to discover that and pick my way though the songs as they were being performed. As usual in these situations, I felt I had it by the time it was all over.

A good night.

One immediate thing to do today is fix up my MODX music stand as the 'hole' at the bolt point is causing problems. I had the idea of using a flexible plastic sheet with elongated holes, so it could flex and slide. One downside is that it's awkward to drill the no-assembled stand. This sort of thing should really be part of the original design, but this screw-on part was designed before I knew about that hole...

Little Jobs, Mister Moan Production, Open Mic

First, an odd dream last night.

I was taking part in Celebrity Big Brother, but I felt ill, and so was running late. I joined the cast late and remained quiet and unconfident. One other contestant was Tracey Emin, and she remarked that she had hoped that I'd be a fellow artist companion, but that in reality I was not artistic. I felt irked and slighted, but held my tongue. One challenge was to apply fake tan, and many of the contestants did, and one put tanning cream on my face. It was white and porridge-like, and it covered my face rather than tanning it. Later, my right arm erupted in horrid haemorrhoid-like lumps, then at my joints other huge oblique lumps like mussel shells. I said that I had smallpox and everyone ran from me. We tried to contact the people in charge of the show, to escape, to seek treatment, but we could find nobody. The place seemed to be a like a huge warehouse, with cupboards of equipment inside, but no people.

I then awoke.

A full day of little jobs. Started by writing yet another enquiry about why, after at least 6 weeks (the painting was sold in January), I've not been paid by The Macc Art Lounge for my painting sale. This is a continual source of annoyance. It may be rudeness on their part, it may be incompetence, or even (doubtfully) malevolence, but it could also be innocence misunderstood due to a lack of communication (albeit an inexcusable lack, in my opinion). I must think well of Ché, but the situation is not good, and I have and would never treat someone I owe money to in this way. Never. There comes a point where someone is so unreliable that they become impossible to work with. This threshold has been passed.

Then, assembling some poems for the Morecambe Poetry Festival Anthology, which is calling for submissions at the moment. I wrote a new poem for it, but it was rather dark, and although on the theme of rebirth, was not (I judged) the sort of thing for this, so I send a few older and unpublished poems of greater brilliance.

Then, new rehearsals of 'Hitler in High Heels' and 'Passive Aggressive' for Tuesday's open mic event. This time things worked brilliantly and sounded great. I tried to perform a completely unplugged version of 'Hitler', but it sounded much better with a backing track. I can play a few extra parts live, and am playing the main bass, the organs (and adding more to the intro), and electric lead. I've also played organs for the 'men or women' part at the end, which improves it a bit. It's odd how, sometimes, a live version can be different from, and better than, a recording in terms of composition (not mere expression). This is interesting.

All is set for tomorrow.

I/we was/were sent some photos of Saturday's event in Winsford by the wonderful and wonderfully nice photographer Peter Robinson, who was there taking pictures for the organiser, Motherwell CIC:

Then, work on Mister Moan. The intro melody, which was a piano, was changed to a flute, and I added a violin too. It took a long time to work out these instruments, then work of the music itself, which played between some strings and the flute, a double melody. I removed the section between the first and second verse, and added the strings, flutes, and violins to the rest. For the first 'chorus' (it's not really a chorus) I added a piano to the shuddering sforzando strings, then switched this for the second chorus and made the pianos march while playing the piano part in pizzicato strings.

At 13:30 Deb and I went out for a break, on this, the first sunny day of the coming spring. I bought an amazing bargain of some leather shoes for £8, which were once £55, then reduced to £25, then to £20, then to £10, and today to £8. Both smart and a perfect fit, I was lucky that this last pair were in my size.

Finally, changes to the Mister Moan tempo. I like to change the speed subtely with most songs, as this is a crucial way to create mood. A steady regular march always sounds robotic; though this can be useful, depending on the tune. 'Hitler in High Heels' works well with a robotic march for example, and I recall that Phil Collins' Mama used sequenced drums for this reason, to create a feeling of relentlessness.

Mister Moan Drafts

Started work today on a song called Mister Moan. Like many of my songs these days, it had no music and was written primarily as a poem, with the music to be added later. The words have changed a bit today. The first draft was:

Mister Moan (Draft v100)

Mister moan likes to moan
about the weather,
about the people that he'd like to know.
Likes to moan about his neighbours
his relatives and friends
he doesn't really like them
just pretends

Mister moan likes to moan
about the gov'ment,
about the lateness of the buses and the trains
He likes to moan about the telly
and his many aches and pains
he moans about the summer sun
and moans about the rains

Don't get him started!

I wonder if he thinks he makes the world a better place?
He probably doesn't care about himself or the human race.
Or realise that everybody moans about his face
When they see him coming
for to drone, that Mister Moan.

And one day, god with beams of divine providence
pointed down and out his life was snuffed
and everyone who knew him said how sad, he would be missed
but he liked to moan
he's probably better off six-feet under where he is.

Mister moan likes to moan
about the weather
about the people here in paradise.
Likes to moan about the service
as they roll angelic eyes
he's off again
it's no surprise
to them.


In my head, the music was a bouncy 2/4, something like Maxwell's Silver Hammer or, perhaps more relevantly, the oompah accordion music of Velvet Gelt which I was playing yesterday.

As I worked on the melody and backing, however, it seemed to lend itself to a piano ballad with a sad and romantic feeling, closer to Imagine (or, I may say, Calling Mister Wilson). I changed the words of the second half to fit the melody. The middle parts above were too awkward in scanning to neatly fit, so these needed re-writing.

Mister Moan, middle part (Draft v101)

...

And I wonder if he thinks he makes the world a better place
Perhaps at night he moans about himself
Does he realise that everybody moans about his face
When they spy
him on the way
to moan.

On one fateful day a holy bolt of lightning came his way
and out his life was snuffed, he will be missed (they said)
and everyone who knew him said he's better where he is
six-foot low
and in heaven's glow

... (3rd verse as above).

The touching middle parts added much more pathos to it, and the comic elements felt harmful, so I re-wrote the ending. The 3rd (current) draft is therefore:

Mister Moan (Draft v103)

Mister moan likes to moan
about the weather
about the people that he'd like to know
Likes to moan about his neighbours
his relatives and friends
he doesn't really like them
but still pretends

Mister moan likes to moan
about the gov'ment,
about the lateness of the buses and the trains
Likes to moan about the telly
his many aches and pains
he moans about the summer sun
and moans about the rains

Don't get him started

And I wonder if he thinks he makes the world a better place
Perhaps at night he moans about himself
Does he realise that everybody moans about his face
When they spy
him on the way
to moan.

On one fateful day a holy bolt of lightning came his way
and out his life was snuffed, he will be missed (they said)
and everyone who knew him said he's better where he is
six-foot low
where the
lonely go

Mister moan liked to moan
about the weather
about the people that he did not know
Liked to moan about his neighbours
his relatives and friends
We used to roll their eyes and say
he's off again


I've spent all day so far composing the words, melody, and the bass and piano parts. So far the new album is about half complete, despite many weeks of solid work on it. I now have a structural outline; a first half of character tropes and observations, and a second half with a cat sort of theme. I smiled that my Cat Phone Song may have been ideal for this album, as it would be nice to add a sort of folk jaunt to the mood for variety's sake, so I sketched out a new cat song in that mood, a somewhat saucy song with a nursery rhyme feeling called Have You Seen My Kitty Cat.

I must work solidly and get this music completed.

USB, Gunstorm v1.08, Music, Guitar

A slow day yesterday, I've worked solidly but seem to have got little done. I must remind myself that, if I have continued to work, it is good progress irrespective of feelings of completeness, or even of visible results.

I started by creating two new USB sticks for the MODX, two identical duplicates for live performances so that if one fails or if I lose one, I'll have a spare. In live music, it's a general rule to have two of everything in case of a failure.

After that I launched Gunstorm v1.08 and announced the Steam Spring Sale. I need more sales here.

Then, work on MODX instruments for 'Hitler In High Heels' and 'Passive Aggressive' for the open mic next Tuesday. So far I've used quite a lot of backing tracks for my live performances, perhaps half of the sound (on most tracks) was a pre-recording, but next week I'm thinking of playing it all live, at the expense of some instruments being missing, so a sort of 'unplugged' version. With the MODX I can still include quite a lot of sounds.

For 'Hitler' I duplicated the bass sound (which is simply two detuned saw waves, one an octave above the other), the 'siren' sound, the organ for the refrain, and a synth lead for the solo. The modulation wheel can be used to fade out the siren and organ, and fade in the synth solo on the right half of the keyboard, with the bass remaining on the left.

For 'Passive' I did something similar. Most of the tune is an acoustic bass line. I've added strings for the 'Don't be sad or sorry' part, and made those fade out too, with a mock-guitar for an optional instrumental.

It's a real challenge to sing and play these, and swap between all of the instruments. This is why I'm doing it, to improve these skills in an environment which forces such improvement.

After lunch I got started wth sorting out the new album, re-examining tracks. The first half has a sort of 'broken love' theme, and the second a a few tracks about cats. This broad idea allows me to organise them. The album reminds me a little of The Beatles' Revolver, a wide mix of short songs, not too complex or showy in themselves. These concepts and that link gives me a few clues on where to go next. The song 'Walls And How To Hit Them' is more personal and slightly different from the others, so I may save that for another album.

I need to extend 'Pictures On My Telephone'. It's only about 1 minute long and would benefit from being longer.

In the evening Deb and I watched On the Waterfront. Deb commented that it was dramatic at all times; true, and that made me think that this dramatic power should be ever-present in all art. I'll try to increase this in these songs.

One last thing I did was start some guitar practise; working though a book How To Play Guitar In 14 Days. It really means 14 lessons, as each lesson would ideally take many hours to practise and perfect. The first week uses an odd tuning, but I'm ignoring that and will ignore the end sound, aiming only for clarity and the correct motions.

Today, our Fall in Green performance in Winsford. It's our first performance of the year (excluding the open mic events at the Red Cow).

The Gravity of the Past

Occasionally the gravity of the past slows our progress but the future must remain our target; reached for, strived for, charged into. We must be pulled towards our destiny by the gravity of our future star.

What Happened To All The Good News, Tuner

A slow day because I'm near the end of the songs in my list, a time or reflection. I need to charge forwards, but need more of a plan where, so I need to decide what other songs to create; if I continue to create songs. The songs on this album are great so far (or at least I'm happy with them!) it's certainly a step up from We Robot, this is always a key criteria. They are, however, rather short.

Today I did a bit of work on a song called 'What Happened To All The Good News'. The backing began as a jazzy, slow, instrumental tune called Jazz Cats (and something else before, I forget what) which has been around for (literally) years. I thought I'd use it here. It's rather sad and discordant in mood, slow and late night.

The first verses follow an odd chord arrangement of E-minor, D-minor, then C-minor, Bb-Major, G#-Major, G-Major; but I'm stuck where to go next melodically. I don't want to continue in this mood to much as it's too slow and strange, and could verge on the boring. So, I'm now thinking of imagery and melody, and ignoring the words for now. They are, so far:

What happened to all the good news?
Did it get lost going home?
Have you seen it in the alleyways
among the foxes and the dandelions

What happened to the future?
Did someone drink it all away?
I think I saw its honeyed bottle
in a dream of yesterday

The cold cloak of the night
surrounds us like castle walls
and the orange autumn fire
welcomes ragged animals who have lost their way

The endless sky of nothing
is velvet to my calls
the fire is burning low
and we've nowhere else to go

so we reminisce about the start of spring
we watch the clouds for clues
and sleep to seek the child
of good news

This was/is a poem, not a song, so the scanning isn't quite right. I need to think of musical precidents to match and better.

I've also added the vocals to Cat Parasites, that works as planned and is now complete. So, lots of songs are finished. It's unusual for me to have got this far and still feel directionless. The shortness of the songs means I need to add more, but the lack of structure makes it difficult to see what and where. The completed songs are (at 26 mins): American Lawyer, Cat Covid, Cat Parasites, Excessive Consumption Has Laxative Effects, Go To Bed And Miss Me, I'm In Love With My Car, Pictures On My Telephone (not quite finished), Style Guru Fashion Queen, Thinking About The Cats I Used To Know, Walls And How To Hit Them.

The tuner has arrived. In retrospect I should have bought the CA-50 tuner rather than the CA-2, but the only key difference for me is that the CA-50 has a stand. I've connected it to the Studio 26c headphone socket and it now shows the pitch of any instrument (or vocal!) played on the computer; nice!

I feel that time is short. I've spent so very long, so many weeks, months working on these songs, this transient medium that pays so badly in both financial and critical terms. I feel more able than ever as a performer and producer, and I'm making better music than ever, so in a way it's a sort of duty to make lots of music now while I'm at my best; it would be silly to stop and make my inferior music of the past my main legacy, but perhaps this is a workaholic's trap. There isn't much incentive to make music but this, very solitary, feeling, so I'll continue.

I'm full of art ideas of all sorts, including two ideas for books, and for a painting series, as well as the game ideas and updates... what to do? Why to do it? In art, anything is better than nothing, and it doesn't really matter what. Everything, provided it is one's best, is good. It would be good to produce a hit though; something popular, something appreciated, something worth money, as well as being my best.

Tuners, FIG Rehearsal, John Lindley

The day started by finding a tuner to add to my audio system, which I've ordered but am yet to test. Guitar tuners are cheap and common, but this chromatic tuner is designed for any instrument, and (crucially) has a line input, so I can attach it to the output of my audio system to view the exact pitch of any sound played by the computer. This would help with guitar in particular, though it's a pity that the tuner can't be exclusively attached to the input and exclude the output. I can tune the guitar before playing of course, but the intonation, the tuning over frets, is rarely perfect, and it can be useful to find the exact tuning of any sound being played.

When buying any audio equipment I have a simple principle: if it will improve things by 1%, or even have a chance of doing so, it is worth buying. Over time, those %1s will add up. A new tool can by an easy way to get better at something, and over the years some have been transformational, from my 'Chicken Pick' guitar picks, to my keyboards, to my gold coat. At times money is wasted on useless gizmos, but such spending rarely, if ever, makes results worse.

At 11, Deb arrived for a Fall in Green rehearsal for Saturday's performance in Winsford. This will have an unusual set-up, just the Reface DX, and a Zoom recorder for some backing tracks.

Then, off to Congleton Library to see a John Lindley poetry performance, the pre-event event of the weekend's Congleton Unplugged Festival. A great show, it's his rhythm and style which gives the performance panache, but that aside the poetry itself is outstanding. It was lovely to see a few friends there too.

Thus the day has flown on these practical and social matters.

The weather is annoyingly unpredictable, except for the certainty of rain showers at some point in each day. Intermittent showers are forecast for the next 10 days, so work on the mural is hereby postponed. Painting a wall of solid colour is quite possible in light rain, but with a white on black design like this, even one water-drop on the wet paint will cause a streak, even discounting problems with mask adhesion, temperature conditions for the paint etcetera. I, and David, await a dry week in this exceptionally wet March.

Walls and How to Hit Them Vocals

I was due to paint the town mural today, but rain was upped to 48% probability, and worse for me, the temperature for the next week is forecast to drop below 5 degrees, which is the minimum recommended temperature for the paint. I only need one dry day, or even light rain with temperatures over 5 degrees, but it looks like every day for the next 10 days will be wet. Sigh; and to think I was ready to paint this in the first week of September (though much procedural box-ticking was needed).

Anyway, this frees up my week for other jobs. I need to be productive and have today recorded vocals for 'Cat Parasites' and 'Walls (And How to Hit Them)'. I had just one hour alone to snatch these vocals, and I felt rushed and uncomfortable. There is a lot of preparation and filing work for vocal recording. It's surprising how much of the job is about organisation and filing. So many takes, snippets, edits, all need working out and storing in an easy to find way. Backing tracks to sing to need preparation, often preparation for each different layer.

I've spent the day adding the vocals to Walls. I don't tend to like layered vocals, two or three of the same note, I prefer a single vocal line. This is partly because layers are a sign of vocal weakness, a crutch I don't like the idea of. Two of my favourite singers, Kate Bush and Freddie Mercury never really used two layers on a lead vocal (lots of harmonies of course, that's different). Elton John used two layers on Goodbye Yellow Bruck road, but I don't think it helped. On a philosophical level, it can interfere with the directness of emotion in a song.

The plan for Walls had one main layer all through, with more emphasis on the 'and how to hit them' line, so I added more layers there and a high harmony. Some other parts benefitted from being filtered and having a few bonus effects added. Overall, it sounds ok, better than I expected for such a metallic song.

Here are the words:

When I was young
the universe was scary
spent my time
putting up defences
wasted time
trying to protect myself
from the crushing social forces

I only wanted happiness!

Starting to become an expert in
Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls!

Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls!

And now I'm old
and everything is holding
on to hope
and money really matters
trying to cope
scraping for stability
in the cruel confusing world

I never wanted money!

All my life I've been an expert in
Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls!

Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls!

All my life
All my life
All my life

I navigate society
upon a ship of industry
and in the vast and fearful sea
I find an island me

An expert in
Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls!

Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls (and how to hit them)
Walls!

In other news, I note that the ink on my lino-printed CDs is still wet! This is a little disturbing. If it were oil paint (it is water based) it would take a week or two to dry, so I'll leave it for that long before trying again. I need to sell, share, distribute more CDs.

It's been 23 years since Synaesthesia; my first CD, and the only one to be released by a record company (REV Records) in the summer of 2001. I've re-recorded that album 4 times in total. The latest one, the 2020 remaster, is certainly the best version, and the whole album is still rather nice. Perhaps it's time I made a new CD version, my first CD pressing of the album since that 2001 one. All I need is money and the possibility of selling or distributing some.

Tomorrow, rehearsals for Saturday's free performance in Winsford.

Gunstorm Updates, Wall Preparations

I decided to update Gunstorm 1 and 2 today, so spent the morning adding inherent multiple control schemes, and removing the optional controls. Now both games will support mouse, controller and keyboard at once, at the cost of having no customisable key settings. I don't particularly like the inefficiency of checking 4 or 6 keys for each action, but it does make it a bit easier to play. The update will go live on Friday.

I had a useful email regarding tomorrow's weather, which looks like heavy rain, so I decided to postpone the mural installation until Thursday. Wednesday and Thursday look like the only remotely dry days for the next ten days (all days have some chance of rain). I have tickets to the Congleton Festival for Wednesday, and a pause after Tuesday's rain to dry things out would be beneficial. Looking at the weather, it's possible that nothing starts until April.

In the afternoon I bought some extra paint for the grey background. I had hoped to use the existing wall as the background, but parts of it are in poor condition, and some grey for other aspects might be useful too, as drips or mistakes would stain and be impossible to fix without overpainting. I'd have liked some orange for the bee, but the smallest tubs are 2.5 litres, and I'd only need about 100ml or so. If David was up to speed (his only comment is about how he hasn't been paid yet, but I'm sure he will be paid. I tell myself that I'm sure I will be paid by Ché, who 5 weeks after my invoice and many reminders and excuses later, still hasn't paid me the money she owes me for the sale of the Stone Wasp painting) he could buy that and we could share some. I'm still wondering if I should ignore the recommendation for masonry paint and get some artists' acrylics in the correct colour. The art would benefit from some colour.

At 4pm I did more work on the song 'Walls And How To Hit Them', extending it. It's an odd song in every way, and a bit out of keeping in mood and theme compared to the other songs for this album, but it, fun, bouncy, and a paragon of surrealistic music.

Onwards we charge with joy!

Mural Preparations, Cat Covid

An awful sleepless night of violent stomach spasms.

I rose later than hoped, with a full day of tasks, but have managed these with aplomb. First, a trip to the mural site to clean it up a bit, and test the adhesion of the masks. The cleaning was difficult, too much scrubbing seemed to take off the grey paint, and to merely spread the dirt rather than remove it. I'll wait until the mural is complete, then lightly repaint selected grey areas. The mask adhesion was very poor, the crumbly wooden surface and waxy paint rejected the vinyl. They hold, just, but only very lightly.

I have a few options. I could try to stick them more firmly, but the masks themselves are reasonably sticky, and adding extra Sellotape didn't make any difference - the wall resists tape too. I tried using a Pritt-Stick type glue on the wood, but this didn't help either, and it left an ugly waxy residue on the wall. I thought that dilute PVA on the wall might work, as this is a common preparation on wall surfaces. I also thought that, failing all of that, I could simply staple the masks. The tiny holes made by the staples would be insignificant compared to the rot already on the wood surface.

I also considered masking and painting each design in turn, rather than masking all and painting all, but this would cause many problems with the quick drying paint.

I returned home and tested various options on the garage wall, which is made from similar wood. Preparing the wall with dilute PVA didn't produce any better results, and washing the wall or preparing in other ways it didn't help. So, I have only two options: to stick the masks and treat them very gently, or stick first then staple them to secure them. The stapler will take a lot of extra time and work, so I'll start by applying the masks alone and see how things go, but I'll pack a stapler. The worst case is a mask falling during rollering and paint going in the wrong place. This can be wiped as best as possible, and the damage fixed with grey paint later.

Apart from this issue, everything else seems correct. Today was rainy, much more rainy than Tuesday, yet the wall was dry enough and conditions fine. Everything is ready.

I did note that the masonry paint was not recommended for wood, only brick walls, yet this was the paint I was informed to use - I had intended to use exterior emulsion paint, or an artist quality paint. Many times in the past, when working for someone, I seem to know the correct thing, to form the correct plans, materials, and methods; yet I end up submitting to higher authorities even though I know they are wrong. This is a constant dilemma when having a boss; being told to do the wrong thing the wrong way. Doing it, knowing it's wrong, then being blamed when it's done and doesn't work.

Well, what can I do. I'm sure the paint will suffice, and I believe that this is the sort of paint on the wall as it is now.

My primary, if not only concern, is the mask adhesion. I will not be able to apply two coats as recommended because it is also recommended to remove masking when the paint is wet. I can't remove the masks and paint it again!

In the afternoon, I added the vocal to Cat Covid. What a great song! Sometimes I write the same song several times. Hitler in High Heels is somewhat like Robot, which is somewhat like I'm In Love With My Car, but this isn't like those. It reminds me a bit of Take On Me by AHA, but only because it has a stroked guitar in the first few seconds. Generally speaking, Cat Covid has much more energy and surrealistic panache. The closely layered vocals have a Beatles-like effect.

Thus the day ends. Tomorrow I'll work on the Gunstorm 1 and Gunstorm 2 update.

Cat Parasites Parts, The Commitments

Well, the day has flown. I've worked solidly on Cat Parasites, adding the planned 'party' and 'drag race' sections, though there is more to add and refine (and vocals!). The drag race part started with rock drums of the right (fast!) speed, which always take me a lot of time. The drums are crucial for a song, and need note-by-note tweaking to sound remotely 'realistic' - that is with a feeling beyond that of a drum machine.

Then, electric guitar parts. There are four layers here; first a mute-guitar bass line, which was fun to play over and over. I played the guitar parts far more than needed, for extra practice, and used two takes of the mute pattern to create a stereo effect. Then some power-chords, and a screechy main lead melody, which was fun and one of the cleanest lead guitar parts I've played so far - I am (very slowly!) improving at guitar playing. Finally, a few high-pitched stabbed chords here and there, to add more spice to this section.

After that, a vibraphone solo for the party scene, which being on keyboard was more comfortable for me.

In between, during lunch and on my breaks, I watched the film The Commitments, which I'd never seen. An interesting portrayal of a band, who seem to gel together musically, despite arguing all of the time and generally being far more horrible to each other than any real musicians I've encountered in my limited way! They were offered a recording contract at the end, despite only playing 'covers'. I suspect that this would probably have never happened even in 1991.

I'm feeling tired and cold, unmotivated and run down, yet I press on. These songs seem to take years, but are they always taking longer, or did they always take a long time? Those early days of simple computer tunes resulted in music I'd now consider too simple, too electronic, too lacking in feeling. As we get better, we take longer. The drive to complete what is begun is vital in these circumstances. Fortunately I've never lacked drive.

Lots to do! I still have some programming ambitions for this month. I'd like to update Gunstorm 1 (and 2) with fixed controls so that the game controller, keyboard and mouse can all be active at once. It's in my list to update Taskforce and Yinyang with engine changes too, though the reasons for that are more a personal feeling of tidiness than anything important.

So much to do, so little time. Incidentally, the Gunstorm Soundtrack was successfully launched on Steam last night.

Onwards we charge.

Engine Upgrades, Cat Parasites Work

A sleepless night, a lack of tiredness for some unknown reason. Awake since 3am, I felt adrift and distracted. Musically I had a couple of standard jobs in the day: to extend I'm In Love With My Car, or try to, and to work on the 'Samurai' solo part for Cat Parasites. I worked on the Car song for a little, but it didn't seem to work. Perhaps the song is destined to stay at 1:49; but I won't give up just yet.

I still felt distant and unmotivated. Rather than work on music, I decided to tidy up Prometheus. I have a few plugins which are outdated now. Basic Pan, Pitch Pan, and Random Pan all have better featured newer versions: Vector Pan, Pitch Pan II, and Random Pan II. I also have the old Oxyverb and Nitroverb reverbs, which have upgraded versions.

Many old sequences use the older plugins. I can keep both new and old plugins, but it's possible to automatically update a sequence, swapping all of the old plugins for new ones. If I did that for all of the existing sequences I could delete the five old plugins. I'll never need or use them again and I dislike the inefficiency of having them around. For the pans, the results between new and old are identical (the new ones are the same but with more functionality), and similar for the reverbs. The upgrade here is not mathematically identical, but very close, the only difference being a literally imperceptible cut to the lowest bass frequencies in the reverb tail.

So, I decided to do this today, upgrading all of the sequences which feature those plugins, and this meant updating over 800 songs created over the past 22 years. The process isn't hugely complex, as Prometheus has the option to program such updates (I must be careful not to corrupt these precious old sequences), and can batch load/save a folder full of songs, but sheer the size of the data makes the process slow and somewhat precarious. I also found a couple of sequences that had even older and not-now-supported plugins, so those also needed replacing.

Overall, this process took all day until 4pm, and much of that time, pacing and waiting for the computer to churn the files. Once done, they needed re-copying over to various places, and the old plugins needed filing away, and Prometheus updating (to v3.30) too.

This felt like pointless work, though it was, I know, an act of cleaning and efficiency which is necessary and important every so often. All grooming can feel unproductive, but it is an important action of life.

Still, this task was something of a distraction from my main job of the Cat Parasites structure. Perhaps, unconsciously, I chose this job to secretly muse on the creative challenge. The songs starts morose, then enters a different zone of sweeping strings. We are clearly, musically, in two worlds. One of action: like Olympian gods we are viewing the victims of the song as we describe them. The music is concrete-y and morose. Then the lush chorus of strings, and a still somewhat lush solo, a steady march of time, like a memory or image sequence. Then another verse... then... the section I'm stuck on.

I've tried at least 8 different variations, violins and flutes, pianos, heavy rock guitars, and hip-hop style drums, but nothing seems to fit. Tonight I had an idea, that the lush solo in D-minor needs to recapitulate here, that that first sequence was a party, and that this later part can continue that narrative in the same chords, a drag race or other exciting rush by the song's protagonists, who are insanely, suicidally dangerous.

It's taken days, perhaps weeks to work out this structure, but I feel I'm ready to start.

Mural Preparations, Music Work

The past couple of days have been focused on music, and steady progress made. Some skills, I find, are easy to pick up in a flash, and some take years of tiny accretions. My personality and interests are so wide, I have so many personalities, that any accretion must form as a matter of consensus between those personalities and compromise with those skills. After a good day of singing on Tuesday I'm reminded how many years it takes to become a good singer as I make progress, drip by drip.

A sleepless night of stomach twitches last night. I awoke bleary-eyed and in a zombie-like state of irrational annoyance.

A message from my council contact said that the weather looks good for the next week and perhaps it would be a good time to install/paint the mural, this on a Thursday; three days notice! This sent me into a panic of urgent preparation. I asked David if he'd bought the paint. In September he said he'd buy the paint and we could share it, as I only need 2 litres at most, and the tubs are 5 litres. In the intervening five months he has not bought the paint. This meant I had to source it and order it, and had to pay a premium cost to get it within 72 hours. I should have bought it myself earlier; except that I have already bought a £200 high-working platform in advance, in anticipation of work on my amazing first artwork, only to have it rejected and to have wasted the £200. To buy the £50 paint in advance risked wasting that too - and the risk is real, as the recent last minute changes to the design indicate, as well as the stochastic history of this entire 3-year project.

Four days warning is really short notice for any professional, but paint aside I'm ready to go, the timing suits me. I checked the weather; it does not seem good to me. Every day next week has at least a 25% chance of rain, and any rain on the day before, during, or after would ruin it. I really think installation should take place in May or later (or, better still, last August when I'd planned to do it). Still, I am a puppet here.

It's hard to know what lessons to learn from my work on this project. I love my first design, but it was, would have been, hugely hard work, and perhaps for nothing if, as I was told, the wall will be painted over within a year anyway. I developed my second design because it was easy, and more fitting with the decor of the square as it is; which, for the record, I dislike, but at least I know now that the 'artist' may also dislike it, given that I don't really like my design. Who does like it? Probably nobody; but it is inoffensive. In public art, inoffensive is as close one can get to beautiful. Beauty will certainly offend someone, and that won't do. Anything emotional is offensive, but sterility offends every aesthete. Inoffensive art offends civilisation.

I ordered the paint. Everything is prepared.

Then, work on music. I'm reminded how many years some of these tracks have taken. I spent yesterday and today tweaking Style Guru, a song over 4 years in the making. Many of the others have been lingering for years too. American Lawyer was started in May 2020. Yet even today I'm making changes. It's a great album so far, but most of the songs are very short, a few under 2 minutes, and hardly any over 3.

The main tihng I did today was work on the middle section of Cat Parasites. A song which starts oddly, then has an epic power-ballad stlye chorus in the production style of Richard Carpenter. After that though, it seems to remain rather gentle and gentile, when it has the potential for dramatics and theatrics in the mould of Bohemian Rhapsody.

I'm making progress in my skills, but feel a little at sea artistically. What can I represent? I'm loving music at the moment, partly because my skills here are growing and life is about learning, but is 'pop music' too transient, too shallow, too artless? I feel at the height of my creative powers and skills, and could head anywhere successfully; but where should I go? Well, direction or not, I'm fully busy every day. What more can I do than that?

Tomorrow, the Gunstorm EP is to be released on Steam. The game is reasonably popular so far. I've noted a few ideas for Gunstorm 3, which, solely as a quest for money, is a possibility.

Red Cow Open Mic 4, Lino Prints

First, a nice evening of music and performance at the 4th Red Cow Open Mic night. Many good songs and inspiration. Of course, with new music it's harder to have it stick in one's mind compared to songs we are familiar with. Nigel sang The Beatles song 'Things We Said Today', a song I remember from years ago, and was reminded how good it was.

Our performances went well  (I sang My Baby's Non-Binary, and Robot; Deb Quick Get Your Lows, and 70s Lip Sync) as did seemingly everyone's. Another very enjoyable night, though I felt I somewhat antagonised Nick Ferenczy in later conversation by interrupting him to contradicting some of his points. I regretted this later. My actions were perhaps my revenge for his poem which had all of the excitement and relevance of a church sermon and none of the brevity.

Today, I spent the morning recovering and documenting yesterday's event. This afternoon, I've printed the first batch of 7 Cycles & Shadows lino-cut CDs.

The design was drawn on paper two days ago, scanned, then flipped horizontally and printed onto tracing paper, then traced to the lino surface using a pencil and a scribe; these were Essdee Lino Blocks, 152x203mm. Then, cutting. The large No. 8 ESDEE blade was the most used.

For printing today, the blank discs were placed in the CD cases and ink was extracted from the bottles using a round-edged palette knife, a Winsor and Newton No. 29, and a thin layer of ink applied to left/right edges of a ceramic tile. This was ink-rolled, although the roller would not roll easily on the slippery surface, then applied to the lino surface, taking care to preserve the red/blue ink placements. It was then pressed down by hand on each disc, inking again between prints.

The colour was not solid, due to the hard surface (slightly damp or soft paper is best for printing), but the results were pretty enough and, given the sensitivity of the CD surface this was perhaps the best that could be done with this process.

Each disc is unique, which for this art form is a good thing. The water-based ink from Søstrene Grene should be safe enough for the longevity of the audio (a solvent based ink may have been less archival). This are 'medical grade' archival CD-R discs.

Cat Covid and Style Guru Fashion Queen Vocals

A full day, a little quieter than usual, so less done, but still non-stop.

I started by updating my Chromoverb (named after Chromium, my reverbs are named after chemical elements). I added a new parameter for the amount of reverb tail before the delay. With a tail and a delay it mimics Oxyverb, although I have separate left/right filter controls here and a settable Q. Without this pre-delay value, there is a pause before the reverb, which can be useful, it can then be used as a room reflection or something.

I had an email from a boy scout asking for an autograph. I wonder how common these are in this selfie age? I expect these will be all the more valuable and rare these days.

Then, a trip around some shops with Deb.

I had the house to myself when I returned so recorded some vocals, for Cat Covid and Style Guru Fashion Queen. I started work on that song in 2020, and most of the production was done in 2021 (there's an old post here about it) so it was about time I recorded the vocals. Back then, the low vocals were easy and the high ones hard, now it's the opposite. The lyrics have changed a little since 2021, here they are:

I walk like a cat
Shine like a light
Everybody looks, can't help it

Look at the look of love in their eyes,
I get it everywhere I go

I'm a style guru, fashion queen
Always the person to be seen
Never the same as anyone else
Nobody can be like me

I'm a style guru, fashion queen
A statuesque dream machine
I'll make you jealous
I'll make you cry

I'll make you love me
then I'll wave bye bye

I don't have a past
I'm a mystery
Everybody wants to know me

Got to be brave to come and say hello
I get it everywhere I go

I'm a style guru, fashion queen
Always the person to be seen
Never the same as anyone else
Nobody can be like me

I'm a style guru, fashion queen
A statuesque dream machine
I'll make you jealous
I'll make you cry

I'll make you love me
then I'll wave bye bye

There are lots of layers and complexity here. It's amazing how much my production methods and ways of working have changed simply since 2021 and the earlier drafts of this song! Now I'm more likley to put a high pass filter on tracks, to reduce the bass generally and to raise treble. The key with song mixing, as I'm sure I've said, is the transformation of pink-noise, the natural result from a raw mix, into white noise; or rather white-ish, 'song white' tends to have a scoop in the mid-range where human vocals reside. Many brilliantly mixed professional tracks are, however, very white. Even across all bands.

I had to prepare lots of backing tracks and guides for the harmony parts. By 5pm, it was mostly done, with no work at all on the Cat Covid vocals. Tonight, it's the 4th Red Cow Open Mic.

Cat Covid Guitar, Pictures On My Telephone, Lino Cutting

The day has flown. All day I've felt rather hot and overwhelmed, physically 'burned out' I think. I must try to slow down a little. My usual speed is running. My personality is to pedal just as hard when going downhill.

I started the day with an hour of weekly admin, a few emails to address for the start of the working month, then more work on Cat Covid. There are so many guitar parts here, I needed 4 tracks (for me, that's a lot). The key change at the end meant recording some new parts for the final chorus, and I had a few solos and other parts to add. Part of this process is experimentation, playing to the music and seeing what works, what can be discarded. Generally, if you keep imagining a part after you've removed it, it is worth keeping.

While playing, my lino cutting supplies arrived. I unpacked and stored them for later. I was disappointed (and surprised) that the ink was water based - I'm sure I asked for oil based. I don't like water based inks or any art media that is water based apart from actual watercolour!

After lunch I recorded vocals for 'Pictures On My Telephone', and added them to the piano. The piano I recorded had the full melody in the lead, which wasn't really needed, so I removed it all, and used only the bass notes.

This took me to 3pm, at which point I decided to design the lino-cut CD art.

I was an interesting process, I rather enjoyed it despite these uncomfortable feelings. As a surface it's a little harder than lime-wood carving, but still very easy. I found it useful to rotate the surface to get curves rather than rotate my hand. I tended to use the 'number 8' cutter most, it was like a big brush.

This evening involved lots of guitar playing, for fun, for practise, and test doodling to these songs. I still feel hot and uncomfortable. I must try to rest. Tomorrow is the 4th Red Cow Open Mic and I'm looking forward to another performance.

Chromoverb, Cat Covid Guitar

Slower day today. Typed up several notes and ideas in the morning, then programmed a new spatial reverb engine, Chromoverb, which has separate left/right filters and delays to make the reverb tail pannable. At about 4pm I started work on the guitar parts for Cat Covid, but it's been manic and exhausting, darting between the sequencer and the guitar, trying many different tones and layered parts.

Human Obsolescence

It's only been 100 years or so since our physical labour was made obsolete, and emotionally an entire class of people have not got over the irrational feelings of uselessness this has caused. Now we're on the brink of the obsolescence of intellectual labour. It is this fact which is the most concerning effect of the AI revolution. People are useful because of their unique skills; now all skills are under threat.

People in western societies are physically unfit because there is no need to be strong. Soon there will be no need to be intelligent. If machines do the physical and intellectual work, people might not be needed, and it is utility which determines the survival of a species; this explains the difference in population between chickens and the endangered wild animals, the eagles, the dodos. Human extinction will not be caused in a dramatic war between humans and machines, but by a slow slide caused by a lack of human utility. In a world where machines can perform all human jobs, will humans be needed?

Perhaps an answer is that machines could never perform all human jobs, but perhaps this is a hopeful wish. One could say that animal artists, the elephants which grasp a brush and daub a canvas, create unique art which humans cannot. This is true to an extent, but it would be naïve to think that elephant art could compete with human art on equal terms. By this token, human skills could remain unique, personal, quirky, amusing, but ultimately and in all practical terms fail to compete with machine skills.

Prometheus v3.29, Cat Covid

A surprisingly full day given my very poor sleep and initial mood! I started by sending off the penultimate copy of The Flatspace Soundtrack on CD, just one CD is left from the original batch. It dates from 15 years ago or so, so I had to check it hadn't deteriorated.

Then, some small work on Prometheus to fix a mild bug; the renderer would continue when the output file could not be created.

Then I continued work on 'Cat Covid', a song which, like many others here, has been in progress for months or years. This had practically the same tune and feeling as another called 'Rat People'; they were essentially the same with different words. The Cat covid words are surrealistic to the point of nonsensical and whimsical, whereas Rat People was more of a social comment. The latter may have been more of a candidate for a song then, but Cat Covid made me smile and was more different surprising.

After the success of I'm In Love With My Car, I did a lot more work on the arrangement. It's not the mix, not the performance, but the composition and arrangement of a song that makes it good. Perhaps more than frequency room, time room is better, simply moving instruments out of the way to sound them when others are quiet. This has many advantages, such as the ability for a second layer to mimic and complement the first like a conversation, and it helps keep the mix clear. I added a few new parts in the gaps in the melody.

I also re-wrote the music a little. The music was originally almost all A-minor and almost all A too, even in the chorus. I changed it to a more interesting descending series of chords ending in D-Major, and expanded the post-chorus circle of chords. Then set everything out to fill out the full song, and made the organ/pad sound a little distorted. The overall song is something like Gimme Some Lovin' by The Spencer Davies Group, but faster, happier and with more fun in the mood, like J-Pop Spencer Davies (I sense that Spencer/Winwood fans just shuddered with horror).

This has taken all of the dark and dreary day of constant winter rain. There are more decisions to make, but I need to consciously find and make them to make progress.

I experimented a little with spatial placement of the drums by feeding them through a filter, a pan, a delay-pan (Haas), and reverb, then restored the original. The effect was very spatial and made me think that I could unify these into a new effect to simplify the complex chain.

March Admin, Album Progress, Lonely Premieres

A steady first day of March, with a list of jobs. I rose early, completed my monthly backups, then got some little vocal recording done, with vocals for I'm In Love With My Car. These sounded good from the outset. I also recorded some test vocals for Rock And Roll Is King but I'm unsure how best to add these. The thundering piano can easily interfere with the vocal area. Perhaps The Crocodile Rock benefitted from that squeaky organ for this reason. Maybe I need to listen to Jerry Lee Lewis, or Queen.

Then work adding those vocals into the songs. I recorded a final couple of synth parts for Car, then some work on monthly goals and general filing. One act was to increase my painting prices. A necessary step as Ché wants to list my work in her gallery for a few months. The prices on my website need to be the same as hers (or indeed any other gallery or website, I can't undercut a partner), so I need to raise mine to match.

Later, work on a song called 'Walls (And How To Hit Them)' which has been in progress since May 2022. It's very odd. A bouncy, electronic, surrealist song in every way, just odd. It's sort of like a brass oompah-band, but played on squelchy electronic instruments. Well, I finally decided to expand the single verse and chorus section into a full song, albeit one of a mere 2 minutes. Odd or not, I must finish it and move on. I pass through phases of perfecting and polishing, then other moods of 'get it done'. Without the latter, I'd grind to a halt like any casual obsessive.

At 6pm I released the Flatspace update, then watched the Cycles III premiere on YouTube - alone. I've spent 20 years making music and videos, and being the only person present at the premiere, which gave me a rare pang of loneliness. I've rarely experienced the feelings of friendship or of being part of society, so, conversely I rarely feel lonely. Being near people makes me anxious and afraid of being attacked, a response drilled into me during my terrifying childhood, and I find being alone a relief, peaceful. Unfortunately, it's hard to make headway in the world when isolated.

Enough of such introspection! Like any form of nostalgia, this is another feeling I avoid.

I must do my best with this music. Songs now complete: American Lawyer, Excessive Consumption Has Laxative Effects, Thinking About The Cats I Used To Know, I'm In Love With My Car, Go To Bed And Miss Me. The album was to be a collection of random songs in the manner of The Dusty Mirror, or Secret Electric Sorcery, but both of those were approximately themed, related to the albums which to some extent inspired them (Kimono My House, and Low). Now, I'm seeking a theme and structure, and need a few more songs to find and direct one.