Day two? I feel like these blog titles at this extraordinary time deserve a dramatic title, perhaps even setting a target date, 'Day 1, 365 to go!', for example, but what date? People seem to be clinging to an idea that this will last a few months, or a year, and blow over, when it will last until a vaccine is developed, tested and administered, which will probably be many years. There is a uniquely massive effort and incentive for speed in this case, though. Perhaps my stoicism can lead to pessimism at times. I am prepared for a three or four year timeline.
I felt calmer yesterday, more settled and certain about future events. Mum went shopping in the morning for some supplies, which were panic-bought out the day before. I went to Aldi myself at 11am or so, for my regular soya milk. It was packed full; itself not hygienic at these times. People were not 'social-distancing'. Everyone was buying more than they need, and some stockpiling, buying huge amounts. I, with my three milks in hand, was the only person with less than a trolley full.
It felt a little unnerving to be among so many people. I was constantly aware of each of my breaths, my touches of which surface, and of my face, but, my rational mind knew that here in Cheshire at this early stage, Coronavirus remains rare. It boosted my confidence itself to be around people in such a way. I returned home in the lovely spring sunshine, washed my hands, then face, then hands again. I don't mean to brag or anything, but I've been doing this for years and have a Howard Hughes-like attitude to hygiene; I already have my own specific cup, plate, towel, etc. This might explain why I've only had about two colds over the last decade, and I'm sure that my recent sniffles (cold two of two) were not caught from someone else but somehow endemic and released by the complex mine of my avaricious tonsils. Now I wash hands more often, after times of potential infection. Maybe this is a good habit anyway. I wouldn't use 'hand sanitiser' or bactericidal chemicals or anything like that. Ordinary soap is effective as well as satisfying and enjoyable in sensation terms.
I came back and rested in the garden bench, sunbathing. It was actually hot enough to do that. I has imaginings of my grandfather who, apparently, had T.B. and recovered in a sanitorium in circumstances like this.
I spent (wasted?) a lot of the morning and day on social media, perhaps trying to help people. The social media experience didn't make me anxious, although the television news, which I tried to avoid, did. Death rates; though interesting in a morbidly curious way, and certainly to historians, are not remotely useful to us potential victims. I think they should stop reporting them.
Perhaps they will soon because I appear to be ahead of the action curve. After my complaints that the government were invisible and bad at communication, leaderless; the prime minister yesterday announced that he would give daily briefings, so I apologise for my slurs of Boris Johnson in yesterday's post. He's still not inspiring in a Bill-Pullman-in-Independence-Day way, or a Churchill way, or a Kennedy way, but, he, who knows, might become so.
It was announced that we are to avoid gatherings; pubs, theatres, museums, cinemas. I predicted that would be a good measure - this virus is so very pervasive because it can infect people for up to five days before any symptoms appear. Imagine if everyone you've met over the past five days turned blue, and if everyone they meet for the next five days turned blue. How often would it be before the 66-million strong country turned blue? A few short weeks.
It was probably sad news to every landlord and café owner, every actor, theatre manager, and musician, but at least the staff would be safer, physically if not financially. Ordinary people are to stay in, except for essential trips; I could go shopping. I anticipated this two or three days ago. The shock of me having to suddenly take over the household, of which my mum is the bedrock and mistress, was the cause of my anxiety. From Saturday, those in vulnerable categories, like my parents, will be asked to stay in. I will have to stay in too, though this doesn't bother me at all. I hardly left the house in February anyway. If anything, I'm likely to go out more now, after a lifetime of never really going out. I always seem to be the opposite of everyone else.
I did little in the day but reflect and rest. I had a bad headache due to lack of sleep, so found it hard to do anything. In the evening I went to see Deb, the first time in weeks. I wasn't sure if this was technically a 'necessary' liaison, but seeing one other person is hardly social gathering, and she will stay in too so I can be sure, but never certain, that we are both uninfected. Even in the most calm and casual and intimate of settings, I feel we need to keep a distance. I expect that, at work, she will have to stay in with her clients.
I deliberately walked to her house, aware of the need to exercise, and avoid an unhealthy 'hide away' mentality. I did feel a little nervous at this though, the cool, damp air conjured in me scenes of dancing virus particles, multiplying in tiny water droplets. I guessed that I would see nobody during my 15 minute sojourn, I rarely do anyway. Everyone is locked in their hideous cars. I saw three people, all walking dogs. We drew little circles of a metre or so as we passed on the narrow pavements.
My sniffles are still with me, but only a tiny fragment, when walking outside in the cold especially. This made me sniffly when I arrived at Deb's, and my recent anxieties made my chest ache and made me imagine a tickly throat and the need to cough, but I did my best to relax, aware that this was probably fabrication.
I awoke sweating in the night; a fever? It was probably anxiety. I slept again for the first time, but still feel a mild pervasive anxiety. Today I'll consider new art of some sort.
I listened to Brahms on Radio 3 (I never really liked Brahms, his musical emotions feel forced and fake, rather than natural expressions of his feelings). I became aware that regular annual institutions like The Proms, like Wimbledon etc. will be cancelled this year. Then I became aware that it might well apply to next year, too.
