A slow and low day yesterday. I've largely finished the muisc in progress so it's time to start on new tracks, but I became stuck, trapped between options. I want the album to be unified musically as well as thematically, so I will start to re-introduce music and fragments from the existing tracks into any new ones.
Today I've written and recorded a new song, The Problem of Suicide, which is the only comment (so far) on the Camus essay. I've created it in a 'visual' way; so started with a knock on the window, which opens to reveal parts of the starting track backwards in the wind, as though we are hearing or seeing a distant Sisyphus. Then some heavy guitar chords stab, which are a mix of the main riff from the first track and the chords in 'I Care'. An acoustic guitar appears, gently strumming between two chords to create a sleepy atmosphere over which the words are improvised, then this grows into a similarly sleepy guitar solo.
I think about suicide, every day
it is the reflection, of death
that fills me with joy, as I roll
my rock in the heat
in the rain
to the best
of my ability
The recording process here, lots of layers, is also relatively new to me; I prefer to plan and have a template. All of the layers apart from the initial sound effects were played live rather than sequenced - I think this is the first time I've done this. There are a few problms with this process. The lack of planning lends itself to repetition of the same old musical paths and chords etc. a general lack of complexity and cerebral content to the music, and also it's difficult to extend or insert sections - once it's done, it's done and to make changes you have to, ideally, re-record it all again. The plus side though, it is that it can capture a mood instantly and easily.
The improvised and drone-like nature of it gives it a minimalistic, ambient atmosphere. It feels to easy to me, too simple. I'm also worried that it's accidentally too similar to Bowie's Rock n Roll Suicide, so I must, at very least, ensure that this is better. I wrote more words, which are at present unused and help explain the philosophy more, here:
For I am master, of my domain
And an alternative, of oblivion
is infinitely worse, than any toil
and knowing this
sets me free
from humanity
And I find love, knowing that
All of my actions, are indelibly
branded upon the universe
And that even my most casual exhalations
make a difference.
Yet I haven't included them, yet. My instincts tell me to gradually add more layers and fade up to noise, yet perhaps I could subvert them and explode into something new, or leave it because this mood is rare and unusual for me... but it's not unusual for art, for other music, and it is that which I'm escaping from. I will keep working at it.
