Jabberwocky Art, Tim Burton's Alice

Woke reasonably late. Took initial photographs of the Jabberwock model but the lighting was too strong and too intense. Later took some daylight photos with the PC monitor behind showing an image of trees, and those worked better. Then started on lots of variations of cover designs. I wanted to include image of us, if possible, and I added some text too... in all things there is a balance between the raw and organic, and the perfect and digital. If things look too digital, artificial, things need to be roughened.

I'd like to get this over with quickly. Other jobs are to do the covers for I, Sisyphus, and Apocalypse of Clowns.

Sang daily exercises for 40 minutes or so. Progress is evident, but slow, and often needs to start from scratch again each time, yet I can feel new muscularity, as well as reach new notes. I can reach a high C now in falsetto. This note seems like another new register almost, like new guitar strings, which is interesting. I am not aiming to expand my vocal range. This expansion is a natural part of strengthening a normal voice so there is no need to, and no benefit from, pushing for these things.

My mood remains stoic. I feel so much more capable of painting better than before. I'm amazed that I painted the Dadd painting a whole eight years ago. It feels like the majority of my work was done before then too. Now that I can paint better than ever, I've almost stopped; perhaps the challenge is gone, but also I want to learn and master new things. Perhaps this is my flaw, yet, many artists excell soon and then slowly decay, I'll never do this. I must work, logically calculate and record my techniques and progress, and improve, improve. I will paint great masterpieces one day, if the gods grant me the time, and the same with music, and books. I can spend each day doing the best I can, growing, creating. Perhaps I'm getting too focused on these little details like album artwork; yet, isn't that too part of art?

I watched Tim Burton's dreadful Alice in Wonderland last night, a rape of Lewis Carroll's story. Most American films become an Apocalypto-Christian battle of 'good vs. evil' and the 'good' people 'win' by violently killing the evil side. It is also filled with noise and about 100 characters who do just about anything to get attention. The whole film is like a tartrazine-fuled epileptic seizure designed for people with 'attention deficit hyperactivity disorder'. The only emotion in the entire film came from the knowledge that star Johnny Depp has recently been shown to be a 'wife beater' in court, this fact gave the film its only pathos. The computer imagery was universally poor and very artificial looking but it was, however, very pretty and had good sound - like all contemporary films.

One other thing struck me; that Dickens' A Christmas Carol has been made countless times for film and television and always tends to stick very closely to the story. Alice in Wonderland has also been made countless times, but almost never sticks to the story, and The Looking-Glass, which was (I think) even more popular as a book, has hardly ever been made at all.

Jabberwock Model

More work on the Jabberwock model today; etching using my vibro-etching machine from Aldi which is good but is very noisy (even when wearing the maximum strength 'Peltor Optime III' ear defenders, it's noisy) and it vibrates so much that I must use lots of gloves to avoid tissue damage to my hand! It is ideal for these scales though...

Then, after a damp walk in the park, the painting. Initially a coat of dark brown to sink into the cracks, then reds, then golds. In retrospect, I should have used a lighter hue after the brown. I've made so few of these sculptures in my life that I'm still learning. Here's a close up:

The model is rather dark, but it is probably good enough for the music artwork.

I painted it as I listened to Queen's Greatest Hits II. Singing along, I managed to hit all of the notes in it (I think!) although, of course, nowhere nearly as strongly as Freddie. The greatest vocal challenge is probably It's A Hard Life, not a great song at all, but amazingly sung. The best song, for me, is The Show Must Go On; so poignant, though Barcelona remains his saddest, if not one of the saddest songs ever recorded. Perhaps no song here is as good as their early work.

In other news, I appear to have sold another print; print 4/50 for my Tiger Moving Nowhere.

I was struck with melancholy earlier, at my long awaited Nantwich Museum exhibition next year, three or more years waiting, and it will happen during the pandemic. All of the special events I had planned or hoped for; poetry readings with local artists, music performances of unique and newly created work, cinema shows with projections... so many events, all now cancelled. The show would have been new, different, my best exhibition so far, and yet, now it will be a mere exhibition of paintings. Hardly anyone will see it and I might not even be at the opening event, if there is one at all. It felt like some sort of ending of my visual art, which is of course nonsense, but I was struck by an arrow of sadness just the same. I've stopped painting this year primarily for pragmatic reasons; I had lots of musical and computer based work that I needed time alone inside to do, so I did that. The only gallery I'm exhibiting in is the Macc Lounge and all exhibitions and competitions have been cancelled, so this year has been about music instead.

It's been a good year in that regard: War is Over, Burn of God, The Dusty Mirror, created and released, plus remasters of Synaesthesia, and Animalia. Plus Apocalypse of Clowns recorded ready for next year, plus learning to play guitar to a useable degree, improving my audio production and engineering skills and studio equipment, and starting to learn to sing... as well as other things; finishing The Burning Circus, the Chinese translation of 21st Century Surrealism, Flatspace, Taskforce, etc. None of these things have been a success as such but with each thing I've learned something and pushed some limit. The Burning Circus is certainly my best poetry yet it has yet to sell one copy. They are all important seeds. The best art, historically, always appears like a seed, unseen, that grew slowly. All art is about making, learning, growing, and doing that over and over.

I must live each day, month, year, as though it were my last; push, strive, fight, battle, aim for the best, highest; the transcendent. Excellence is necessarily a solitary path. Our friends are the transhumanic gods, and our encouraging angel friends, the great artists of the past and present who are counting on us to continue their important work. My duty is to them.

Next plans: To finish the Jabberwocky cover art, and the music video for it.

Jabberwock

A busy few days. It's time to prepare for the release of Jabberwocky.

Deb recorded the vocals for the B-Side, 'Humpty Dumpty's Whimsical Semantics', which is (unusually for any music single release) a play for two characters. This will be an unusual piece all round. The subject material is in the character of Humpty Dumpty as in Through the Looking-Glass, who is quite an ascerbic character - many of them are a bit negative. Here Humpty discusses the nature of English and the philosophy of language and how one word can mean anything because each of our vocabularies are unique to us, so any word can be swapped and mean the same thing, to us.

Musically this is a challenge because the material is highly cerebral rather than emotional. The music can't easily compliment the mood, because there isn't much of a mood, apart from the uppity and patronising tone of Humpty... so I've decided to be equally cerebral. I started with a simply 6-note theme, the notes 'BADEGG', and at the end, made an anagram of these in the same way that Humpty does with his words, thus musically illustrating the theme of the text.

After Deb's vocals (she plays both Humpty and Alice), we took some photographs for the Apocalypse of Clowns album. We have several good ones.

I'm also still singing daily, working through various exercises. This, if anything, is my new fad and passion. I started to do this with guitar at the start of July, and I regret not doing this years ago, yet, I didn't feel I knew what I was doing until now, I seem to see the path and what is needed. I've started to create some exercises for myself, generally different forms of scales and vowel sounds. I can see/hear what is needed, which are useful, where progress is made and where progress is slower. I will rewrite some of the Sisyphus songs to better use my range.

Next, I must finish with the Jabberwock model and the cover for the single. We also need to create a video for this 6-minute single soon, probably next week.

Jimmy the Jabberwock

More work on Jimmy the Jabberwock today. I decided to break open my store of natural things and the seeds from pine cones looked particularly good...

...but I ran out. Not sure how many more to attach as too many could obscure the shape of the monster entirely.

Then vocal practice, and at 2pm I went to the park to hunt for more pine cones but could hardly find any. These must be very time of year specific.

After that, I did an hour of P.R.S. admin. There's no much admin to do in music! To keep everything correct it seems that each distributor and authority asks for duplicate admin, which is a bit of a pain.

Next jobs: To record the Humpty Dumpty vocals tomorrow, and take some Fall in Green photos for the album (and possibly single) cover.

I've decided to hold off on vocal recording for a few weeks because my voice is improving daily, so I'll write music instead, and record perhaps in December or January. I also have another album to remaster anyway... 2021 is already lining up to be a good year for music. I feel excited and full of energy and anticipation. I feel I can do so much and have a lot of new and exciting things to explore, create, and show.

We Shall See Production, Cheshire Art Fair 2021

A slow day yesterday, wrapping the last of my Christmas presents, and preparation for today's Steam Sale.

Today I worked on the production for We Shall See, a lovely song and focused in a higher vocal register in the key of F, with a high G (G4?) in there, Queen's Nevermore (by my ear) reached C5 for the 'see' line, though I might have got my octaves wrong. I can hit the final A 'youuu' in Roy Orbison's crying, which the sheet music lists as A6, but I would have thought it is A5, if C4 is middle C. Anyway, the 'We Shall See' backing is fairy simple piano with a few strings, a mix of Nevermore and The Invisible Man. I wanted it to relate to The Invisible Man to add more musical unity to the album; coherence and structure is always my focus - unity, unity!

The Jabberwocky model is still drying. I'll continue work on that tomorrow.

Days are slow steps forward, always taking too long. I keep being distracted by the desire to re-record my earlier songs, knowing that I could do a better job now. This may be a constant case. Perhaps I'll do this one day, but will leave it for at least a year or two as the next couple of years will, I expect, be a period of growth in singing, guitar playing and other recording and performance techiques that were only just beginning with Burn of God.

In other news, I had confirmation today that I'll be taking part in the Cheshire Arts Fair in Macclesfield Town Hall next September, which I'm excited about. The last one was fantastic. That will be my second exhibition of 2021, coming after the, long awated, Nantwich Museum exhibition, which I hope can be delayed for as long as possible, ideally until late summer. The impact of a forthcoming Covid-19 vaccine might, with luck, be evident in the second half of the year.

Song for Greta

I wrote this folk song a year ago about Greta Thunberg (remember her!?) and the words came to me last night. Will I record it? Who knows, but I will share the words now. Consider them a first draft.

Song for Greta

Jesus, John Lennon, and Kennedy said:
"Shoot Greta Thunberg! She's better off dead."
but nobody shot her, they ignored her instead,
except for publicity reasons.

And a million protestors clicked 'March' on their phones
then ordered a pizza, delivered by drones,
and a public opinion written by clones
for on Twitter it's hunting season.

And a high-horse in its ivory block-of-flat-tower
shut the door after bolting the city
It retired from the farm, and the circus, and track
to become a professional object of pity.

And the grass sang a song
to the stars in the infinite sky
and the melody was greener than the green that it had
and the only words were why, why why why why...

Well the birds shook their heads, for the early-worms died
when they urbanised countryside
and the scarecrows were booted off to the seaside
and their services sold and bartered.

And the herring argued fishing rights, anxiously red,
for the trawlers in power had to keep the world fed
and the rest of the fish thought they'd all end up dead,
and none of them shot and martyred.

And with an air of regret
the sun winked and set;
it had hoped for something better,
so it joined Instagram for free
and didn't notice the irony
when it decided to follow Greta.

Jabberwocky Modelling

Diverted from work on Sisyphus today as I realised the time elements for our Fall in Green Jabberwocky release. The single will be released on 27 Jan 2021, the 189th birthday of Lewis Carroll, so at least the B side (if we have one) and the cover art needs to be ready a month earlier.

So, today I've continued modelling work on a Jabberwocky model. I began with a wire armature (was it a month or so ago?) and added some Milliput (the horrid yellow stuff) to the big tangled bits that won't move. I like Milliput as a modelling material, particularly the smooth white type. It's not ideal; it tends to get very hard when not used, and it very difficult to mix on cold weather. I wish it were softer generally, yet this is probably my favourite sculpting material, the perfect mix of smooth and easy, yet hard and tough after a slow set of a few hours.

Today I applied two more favourite materials. Sculptamold, which is a mix of plaster and papier maché, and then plaster bandages. Sculptamold is great, it sets very quickly and is very easy to mix and handle, and it's strong. The downside is that it is rough and lumpy and always results in a porridge or lumpy-rock like surface. It's impossible to smooth, but this makes it good for some types of texture (like rock, like dinosaur skin). I used it for the 'volcano' frame for my painting The Bully. Plaster bandages are great too, and made a smoother finish, but you need a lot to sculpt with them. They work best when covering an sculpture, or an armature made of mesh, like chicken wire.

Here the model by mid-day:

And at the end, so far:

Sculpting a face or details is nearly impossible, but, as in painting, things can be removed later, and added too... when it's dry, more details can be added.

I had considered making the whole model poseable... after the wire stage I could have put the skeleton into a fur skin, or any other sort (rubber?) to make it pose, but I don't think I'll bother animating it - it wouldn't look as good as it could and it would be so much work to make that posable rubber skin...

This will move a bit (it may crack, but I can paint over those). My main aim is to pose it for stills for the cover artwork.

A lot more detail is to come yet.

Trivial Electro-pop

Despite the difficult morning it's been a productive day. The way I work to create is to learn and push, creating as I learn, so each new album (each new painting, each new film, book, or anything else) should hopefully be better and different. Burn of God and The Dusty Mirror already feel like creative tutorials and future work should see progressive improvements in vocal and guitar work.

The Myth of Sisyphus is themed around isolation and working in the wilderness. The original idea was to unify a few older, unheard but worthwhile, songs: The Invisible Man and Light Blue Evening, but also I think this is a contemporary resonant feeling, particularly in the social media era. Musically the album will rank along side my recent complex productions; prog-rock, art-rock, surrealist-rock.

But I have a bit of a problem in that I also have a new remix of the Plastic Superman song, and a re-recording of the Burnout Theme, both ready for some sort of future release. I've also got several sketches for similar catchy electro-pop songs, tracks in a similar mould to my (our) old Gunstorm music. The music is fun, but is very different from my other work, which is more like avant-garde rock now. Can you imagine if Pink Floyd, after releasing The Dark Side of the Moon, then released Barbie Girl by Aqua? I'm unsure what to do with them. Not everyone likes 'serious' rock or arty music, and vice versa. Showing off eclecticism is valid, and, of course, these songs too have emotion and artistic merit - if they lack anything it is that they are pre-sequenced electronica of the 'easy' sort that I don't really appreciate myself as 'art', they lack Romanticism, - yet, these tunes can be fun, can be catchy...

Perhaps the answer is to ensure that the music, lyrically and musically, is creative enough, new enough, add more live and emotional elements, or perhaps some unifying structure, perhaps other tracks that feel more 'real' (how I hate the fake-ness of contemporary pop). Another possibility is to form a new group... perhaps with Tor, and we could re-record our existing work. A new brand, name, band, is always an uphill struggle, but the music I made with Tor feels different enough from mine that it might be beneficial, and the idea of forming a Yazoo-style band is attractive (Tor's voice is so like Alison Moyet's that we could even release a cover version).

I've written a melody for 'We Shall See' today too, a simple sketch in F. I must keep working on this Sisyphus project and get it done quickly, yet, I've decided to hold off on the vocal recordings for a week or two to ensure that they are as good as they can be. I rarely rehearse, train, or practice my instruments of voice academically but now is right the time to do more of this. No shortcuts. There are merits in spontaneity, being arty, avant-garde, different, but things must also be done correctly, masterfully and professionally, the best we can, never easily. What is difficult is good. Everything that is worthwhile must necessarily be hard work.

Stomach Pain, Nevermore

A terrible night of abdominal pain. Ate at 6pm, a stodgy stew akin to salty cement. My stomach soon felt like I'd eaten golf balls or lead lumps or plasticine. By midnight I was pacing in pain, drinking water constantly, while listening to an interesting podcast about Billy Wilder's film Fedora. By 2am my pain was still strong but I took the risk of going to bed and trying to sleep while sitting up. Ay 6am, my meal was still being digested, with occasional kicks and twitches earthquaking through my torso. This is a standard occurance of my I.B.S. which seems to be of the blocking and twitching sort. Drinking and waiting is my only option, the only medication that seems to help is occasional magnesium citrate, taken tentatively as this can sometimes do more harm than good.

I barely feel able to work today, but have penned a simple melody inspired by the Freddie Mercury song Nevermore, one of my favourites. It's a vocal tour deforce with a high C on the 'see' line. I wonder if those vocal chords in the backing reach beyond that?

Let's see what the day holds.

Humpty Dumpty

A quieter day today. Practiced vocal exercises and guitar, and some tweaking to the cover art for the Sisyphus, album which so far is only an experiment, but it already looks pretty.

I've spent a lot of time working on the B-side for the future Jabberwocky single. Deb has written a two-character script for it rather than lyrics. Have any songs used a script format? The material is very cerebral, about the meaning of language itself. For the music I had the idea of using vocoded vocals spoken over a regualr beat, like 'Strange and Unproductive Thinking' by David Lynch, so I've made some electronic backing. I'd like to add more emotion to the music somehow and will build in some sort of climax.

Recording The Problem of Suicide II

A full day yesterday recording the second version of 'The Problem of Suicide'. The start was similar; 80 B.P.M. and couple of acoustic chords, but then the tune explodes into some heavier guitars in the same chords as the first track. I added a somewhat wild synth lead over it all. The end vocals uses wailing distant vocals with spoken vocals pre-empting them which works quite well. When I started to use vocals, for Tor's music back in 2007 or so, I simply cut the bass and used a bit of reverb, but now I'm more open to experimentation. As in all things the emotion is the key element.

One useful tip was the use of a leather guitar pick from Timber Tones for the acoustic chords. It sounds similar to a strum with the fingers but more consistent and accurate (I could probably do this with my fingers, if I had more practice at it!)

It's 10:44 and I've only just woke up and got started. I must keep pushing.

We Shall See

Sketch for a new track, We Shall See.

Take my hand
Follow me
along the paths
to obscurity
You might think that
you're lonely
well we shall see
about that won't we?

See that grave
over there
it is the family plot
going spare
You might think
that you don't care
well we shall see
about that won't we?

See that note book
full of dreams
perhaps it's more than
what it seems
perhaps a life
has died upon its reams
but we won't see
about that will we?

Kate Bush Dream, More Production

A productive day. I'm determined to finish this now, at least complete the tracks in progress. I hate projects dragging on; time is precious! I was enthused in the early hours with this idea, filled with energy in bed, yet managed to get back to sleep.

I dreamt of Kate Bush who visited the house for some reason. She mentioned that she was old and is getting dementia - which I thought was nonsense, a quest for sympathy. She said that she has age-related pains and discretely mouthed 'vagina'. We talked about music and she mentioned that she has written a song called 'Time Rising' for a hobby band that she is in. I mentioned that we've recorded a song called 'Time Falling' and I talked about Fall in Green. She asked about my work and was impressed by my many talents. I told her about my paintings, and took her to a room where my paintings were stored. Overall, a positive dream about one of my musical inspirations.

I started the day working on the the vocal production for 'I, Sisyphus'. Good progress was made, I don't think the song needs any extra vocal layers (or at least none that I can provide - a choir of gospel singers might be useful) but I do need to record new final lead vocals for it. I can't easily sing or practice here, surrounded by noisy neighbours and knowing that my parents hate my work and my music. This is a continuing and great source of frustration and sadness. Still, I can grasp at certain moments when I have space to myself. Everyone has limits. I must do the best I can in the circumstances rather than hope for an ideal which may never occur.

I had an idea to improve the Zeitraum effect, fading the two waves into each other like a cross-fade loop. This was, I now recall, how the original effect was supposed to work, but it didn't quite. I implemented it today, but the result was only partly successful. I produced a smoother sound with some settings but more tinny and boomy, and more buzzy with certain settings. It's about the same as the current effect.

Then I continued work on the backing track for the final Suicide track.

So much more to do. Next, I think, is that Suicide track, which needs finalising, and those vocals for Sisyphus, when I have a chance to record some. I also have the cover art etc. Lots to be done.

The Zeitraum Effect

Have spent all day programming a new audio effect which I call Zeitraum. It's a modification of the old oscillator synchronisation effect, designed to emulate that sound which works on analogue waves, but using samples. A simple oscillator runs and when it resets, the sample pointer is reset to a former point. This works well to create the 'hard sync' synth effect, but I've never actually used it despite the Oscillated Sample effect being in Prometheus for years, probably over a decade. This is partly because the effect is very synthetic and sounds best with pulse waves, and the effect didn't work with looping samples...

Yet, it has the added bonus of shifting the pitch and duration of a sample in real time. It can sound somewhat garlgy, but rather pleasant and interesting. The effect uses two waves that overlap, one applied with a sine 'dome' and one with the inverse of that, a spike. Today I upgraded the effect and experimented with using two 'domes' instead, but it didn't really improve the result while making it sound a little more boomy. I also experimented with four overlapping waves (at different moving windows) but that didn't really change the sound. This new updated effect does now work with looping samples, and it also supports anti-aliasing. Here's a quick logical breakdown of the effect:

1. Set point X to the start of the wave. Reset the 'dome' sine wave to its start. Set the main oscillator to zero.
2. Output the current sample and advance the pointer for this, the primary (alpha), wave.
3. Output the secondary (beta) wave and advance that pointer (the same data is used for the two overlapping waves but they have independent pointers).
4. If we've passed the start of the beta wave (halfway through the main oscillator cycle) set the pointer for the beta wave to that of the alpha wave.
5. If the main oscillator is complete, reset it by subtraction, restart the secondary dome oscillator, and set the main alpha pointer to point X. Advance point X by a fixed amount (I used 44100/MIDDLEC*8.0f).
6. Advance the main oscillator pointer relative to your desired pitch.
7. Step the 'dome' oscillator. You did use this to attenuate the values in 2 and 3, didn't you?

I've created three variations: Zeitraum uses the sequencer pitch and note so one can play and design instruments with it. Monotone Zeitraum plays at the same pitch irrespective of note, allowing you to tweak the pitch and speed independently. This is useful for vocals, drums or other unpitched samples. Monotone Stereo Zeitraum is a stereo version with independent left/right channels. I also use up/down/front and back channels, and so left, up, and front, are linked; and right, down, and back. If I ever start to actively create in hexio (Prometheus works natively in six channels so all of my music is hexaphonic anyway) then I'll create a six channel version of this effect.

I'm exhausted now. Time to rest.

Sample Oscillator Synchronisation

I focused on practical things today; posted my Christmas gifts for distant friends, it's probably better to get this over with in November as I expect December will be somewhat manic in the post office. I also framed print number 14 of 100 of The Paranoid Schizophrenia of Richard Dadd, and finalised the new artwork for Bites of Greatness. Here it (finally) is:

Then I decided to do some program updates to Prometheus. When I programmed it, I'm sure I read that Middle C had a frequency of 261.63hz, so I used that I didn't bother to check it. Yesterday I checked it and found that it was only an approximation. The real number is 2 tothepowerof -0.75 * 440 = 261.625565301... hz so I've modified my analogue wave generators to that frequency, making my software that -tiny- bit more in tune.

While I was at it I looked at an old, and never used, effect I developed called Oscillated Sample. This is a sample-based version of the oscillator synchronisation effect that is common on analogue synthesizers, it simply runs a second oscillator at a certain pitch and resets a chunk of the sample when that oscillator resets. The result is very gargly, but it also changes the pitch of the sample while preserving the duration, so I can use it for vocal harmonies (I'd never thought of applying it to vocals before). The gargle effect makes the result sound a bit like Bowie's vocals in Scary Monsters, and it sounds very aliased, but I have already found a use for it in the new Nick Drake song.

I must complete the production on the existing songs of this album, only then can and will I write new ones.

Meandering

I slept well. I feel relaxed, having calmed down more each day for the past five or so. I'm unhappy with everything I'm doing. Is this the price of relaxation? I often feel like this on these slow days.

Incorporating vocals still causes me problems. I've recorded the Nick Drake vocals today, I want a sound like Scott Walker's reverberative tones on albums like Scott 3. I need to be bigger, I need a body 1.25 times bigger. How slow growth is. Learning to play the piano and the guitar to a basic level of expression and beauty were easy, but singing involves the physical transformation of one's entire being.

I've also started work on a new guide track for The Problem of Suicide. This is certainly a better way to make high quality work but it is a lot slower and will sound less spontaneous (although that very spontaneity is why things can sound rough - such production techniques are a gamble).

The Nick Drake song itself sounds good. The album so far is about 23 minutes now.

I'm starting to feel lost artistically. Should I revert back to visual art somehow? Is music satisfying as painting, even in a vacuum? I imagine spirit guides, angel figures behind and around me, musicians who are my inspiration and sources of encouragement. Progress must be made. Life is short, I must have something to show for each day. Creative action, the true essence of art, is the mastery of impatient ambition vs. patience.

Drake Production, More Cover Work

A day of focused rest, I decided to do less, but still managed to complete most of the production on 'Nick Drake' today (should I call it Song for Nick Drake?). The main notes are G and E so I've recorded a guitar strum of EAGGEE, which plays throughout the song.

Also did more work on the new Bites of Greatness cover:

Will it ever be finished? I think this one does match the music well.

I also heard that Time Falling (or more correctly, 'Time, Falling') by Fall in Green made it to number 12 in the new Distrokid Folk Playlist. These are voted for by lots of little song vs. song battles.

Sisyphean Steps and Click Tracks, Nick Drake

A low slow and frustrating day which felt like an agonising chore, due in part to eternal stomach pain. Perhaps I'm simply eating too much for my limited activity. Yet I pushed on and have made progress on the album. First I recorded the vocals for 'I, Sisyphus', these seemed to go well. I've not incorporated them yet and may need to record more.

Then I faced the song 'The Problem of Suicide' - which I could retitle The Problem of The Problem of Suicide! It's one of those occasions where the completed song is not quite right. It bothers me that the second verse is rather squished in, and the ending needs more drama or a more definite conclusion. I think it's a matter of pacing. It's annoying because it is nearly good enough, but elements of it very slightly bother me and I'd like to improve it, but the only option is to re-record most it of entirely. The long sections of acoustic guitar chords were made without a metronome and the recording is not long enough... actually, the very irregularity of this adds something more emotional to them, which is another complicating factor. I've started make something of a click-track with the verse melody in.

This made me think about this. Click tracks and regular rhythms have been part of recording techniques since the 50s... but this technique can make the whole song very regular. I noticed that most of the music in my collection is rhythmic and often starts with a rhythm... I've started some songs from no rhythm and many of my improvised piano pieces have great drama by having no regular rhythm, so is that always needed so much? The best songs often vary a lot in tempo: a lot of Queen songs or those wonderful Kate Bush songs on The Dreaming. I wonder how Genesis recorded their complex works... did they jam together first to produce a template to record parts to (I think Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody used a 'live' piano template), or did they all play together? I think, suspect, that they recorded small sections as completely as possible, then stitched these together. This is evident in some tracks where the edits are imperfect.

Well I've started a little on my click track but remain unsure about it. To distract myself I continued work on the new Bites of Greatness cover, which I've also been tweaking for weeks. Both of these activities, and my eternal stomach pain and inability to eat, led to an afternoon of dismay.

The evening was better though, and I largely produced the music to the Nick Drake song. This is very unusual and at times discordant. I thought I would try to write a song that uses just one note for all of the melody. The song depicts the scene of Nick's death, so the music is very still, stationary, and a funeral dirge, so one note is ideal. Each semitone appears in 6 major or minor chords, so I've used those. For the chorus and limited highlights I've changed my one note.

Music Continues

Really pleased with the way this album is going; it will be an album now. It almost feels like a Carl Orff moment, wanting to destroy everything I've done before, but, of course, this has only been made possible because of everything up to now.

Have completed the Suicide song today. Not many changes, although I experimentally created a second version which was more complex, the mood of the first was better. I have managed to include the second verse. Now working on the music to the Nick Drake song, and have done some photography for the cover concept.

Here is the most vague of beginnings:

On we march.

The Problem of Suicide

A slow and low day yesterday. I've largely finished the muisc in progress so it's time to start on new tracks, but I became stuck, trapped between options. I want the album to be unified musically as well as thematically, so I will start to re-introduce music and fragments from the existing tracks into any new ones.

Today I've written and recorded a new song, The Problem of Suicide, which is the only comment (so far) on the Camus essay. I've created it in a 'visual' way; so started with a knock on the window, which opens to reveal parts of the starting track backwards in the wind, as though we are hearing or seeing a distant Sisyphus. Then some heavy guitar chords stab, which are a mix of the main riff from the first track and the chords in 'I Care'. An acoustic guitar appears, gently strumming between two chords to create a sleepy atmosphere over which the words are improvised, then this grows into a similarly sleepy guitar solo.

I think about suicide, every day
it is the reflection, of death
that fills me with joy, as I roll
my rock in the heat
in the rain
to the best
of my ability

The recording process here, lots of layers, is also relatively new to me; I prefer to plan and have a template. All of the layers apart from the initial sound effects were played live rather than sequenced - I think this is the first time I've done this. There are a few problms with this process. The lack of planning lends itself to repetition of the same old musical paths and chords etc. a general lack of complexity and cerebral content to the music, and also it's difficult to extend or insert sections - once it's done, it's done and to make changes you have to, ideally, re-record it all again. The plus side though, it is that it can capture a mood instantly and easily.

The improvised and drone-like nature of it gives it a minimalistic, ambient atmosphere. It feels to easy to me, too simple. I'm also worried that it's accidentally too similar to Bowie's Rock n Roll Suicide, so I must, at very least, ensure that this is better. I wrote more words, which are at present unused and help explain the philosophy more, here:

For I am master, of my domain
And an alternative, of oblivion
is infinitely worse, than any toil
and knowing this
sets me free
from humanity

And I find love, knowing that
All of my actions, are indelibly
branded upon the universe
And that even my most casual exhalations
make a difference.

Yet I haven't included them, yet. My instincts tell me to gradually add more layers and fade up to noise, yet perhaps I could subvert them and explode into something new, or leave it because this mood is rare and unusual for me... but it's not unusual for art, for other music, and it is that which I'm escaping from. I will keep working at it.

Light Blue Evening and Invisible Man work

Most of today has been spent working on Light Blue Evening and The Invisible Man, tracks I'm happy with now. These have been many years in the making, written about 10 years ago, but they suit the solitude theme of this album and they deserve a release.

There have been lots of production changes to both tracks, generally adding more, more strings and middle frequencies. Light Blue Evening was little more than drums and bass, but it was far too musically sparse. The Invisible Man now has a long, Gary Moore-style guitar solo in the middle.

I've also worked a bit on the design for the new Bites of Greatness cover artwork.

Next; an ending which uses the end of The Invisible Man and leads into the start of 'I, Sisyphus'. I also need music for the Nick Drake words, and to complete that. That will mean 7-tracks, probably (depending on length) an album rather than an E.P. - if so I'll be in the exciting area of adding more, new, work.

It's now 8:30pm, I must aim to relax and calm down. I've been to filled with nervous energy in recent days and weeks, and my days of working until 9pm are a probable cause. I've not played guitar for pleasure (ie. casual training) in about two weeks. Time for darkness, peace.

Life in the Mirror Lyrics

The song is complete today. Here are the complete lyrics.

Life in the Mirror

That's me in the mirror
those broken bits of face
without a smile.

That's an empty room behind me
where my parents used to live
when the candle used to dance
on its frightened cake.

But I'd rather forget.
Nothing is perfect.
We are always missing bits,
broken bits,
smashed away.

What I could have been if...
What I would have been if...
What I would be if...
Who I would have married if...
What would I have seen if...
Where would I have gone if...
What could I have done
or acheived
if I'd believed or been believed
in the world in the mirror
in the pool of the morningtime
of life.

Life in the Mirror Complete, and an Analysis of Sisyphus

I posted a congratulatory note about the presidential election to America on Twitter. Today my feed is full of people congratulating Joe Biden. I realised how insane this is. Millions of ordinary people everywhere issuing well-worded decrees and notices to the world as though they are secretaries of state for their own little country. Fred the milkman, Jane the dentist, congratulating the president elect by neo-telegram issued to the press and world at large. This itself helps explain the rise of the populist.

I hardly slept last night, burning with energy and anxiety, so doing anything in the day was a battle, but I managed to complete the final part to my unusual song of 'Life in the Mirror'. The ending falls to very gentle vocals, sung in almost a choir-boy style. I'm pleased with the inventiveness of this track.

I must also refine and check the 'The Invisible Man', and will create a new ending which references Camus. He indicates that Sisyphus is happy in his eternal labour, but because he is master of his fate and in control of his work, which seems like a strange argument. For me, Sisyphus is only enduring a torture when he thinks and expects his work to end when he reaches the top, only to turn and see the boulder roll back to the bottom. This pain is only effective once. If he knew his task was eternal then the rolling or the falling, or any other aspect would be no worse than any other. He would be emotionless, not tortured, his work would simply be work. So his torture must inevitably fail, unless his memory of his labour is wiped after the boulder falls and he reaches the bottom of the hill; yet, if his memory is wiped, then one roll is as effective, as painful, as an infinite number.

Anyway, I will end the album (or E.P.) with some sort of loop, so the last track, after The Invisible Man, must lead back to I, Sisyphus.

Life in the Mirror, and Biden Wins

Lots of work on Life in the Mirror today. I started by re-recording almost all of it. The song is piano based and begins with smash sounds, lots of random explosions over the keyboard, which coalesce into a chord and tone. I thought this might need more melody. The song also ends, or evolves into, more explosions, I added more of those on the piano too.

After this, I decided that the original version was better, but still used the end explosions, so it shows that sometimes re-recording can help. Generally, a first take or first attempt is best, but I've learned, especially due to poetry, that one shouldn't just accept that but that it's always good to explore everything you can do with it to improve it, swap things; add things, remove things. This extra layer of quality control really helps.

I'm not sure what I think of this track at all; it's so different and atonal, but I'm starting to like it. I recorded a guitar part at the end which is a broken version of the main riff in the preceding I, Sisyphus. I feel very confident with the guitar and with my voice now. It's been a long day of working in this song which seems so simple, almost minimalistic in production terms - piano, some smashing glass, some guitar and vocals which are almost monotone, yet this had taken hours to get just right, and many pauses and independent listens. One thing I have done is panned the second version vocals hard right to distance them from a sound in the left (they describe a room 'behind me', so it seems to make sense). I'm unsure about this as it can sound odd, but perhaps that's why I should keep it.

I still have the ending to do though I've sketched a melody for it.

Joe Biden has been confirmed as U.S. President today, a welcome restoration of normality after the extremism of the clearly mentally unfit Donald Trump. Brexit, an ultimate populist policy, will also fall, it is just a matter of when.

In politics there are a few populists making building up followings of people with various extreme, and always false, viewpoints, from David Icke with his 'lizard alien' theories to Nigel Farage and Covid-19 deniers, and, well, many more. These are not, however, elected politicians, but self-important Napoleon-Hitler-type egotists. In an age where knowledge is easily accessible, it's amazing that such people can gain traction with their claims. I suspect that Donald Trump would not have been elected initially without the help of the Russian state, and unchecked online media such as Facebook, Twitter, etc. which, now, has at least some small amount of editorial control.

Enough of such inner thoughts. At least today, things seem a little happier. Mr. Trump may rant and evade, but The Republican Party can't afford such self harm and will probably force him out quickly.

Solitary Unhappiness, and the Start of Life in the Mirror

There is no purpose or benefit to unhappiness or happiness when alone. There is nobody to help or sympathise or to uplift. So, why would we feel anything when alone? Are we hoping for sympathy from another part of ourselves, or are we preparing for contact with other people at some point? I expect both reasons are valid.

A slow day today. I've felt particularly isolated; yet, ironically, I know I'm not alone in this. Work must be broken into rational choices and feelings set aside. Irrespective of Mozart's success, poverty, acclaim, rejection, popularity, isolation; his work days remain remembered by and branded upon the universe, and his days doing nothing are forgotten.

I've started work on a new song, Life in the Mirror. I've started with the words, which is often the case now, I refine these as a poem. Fall in Green taught me that even complex and atonal poetry works when simply spoken to music, and music lyrics are often poor poetically, too constricted. Perhaps poems can be (and often are) constrained or changed to fit a song structure, but this still tends to create better lyrics than starting to write with that constraint. Here are the opening lines:

Life in the Mirror

That's me in the mirror
those broken bits of face
without a smile.

That's an empty room behind me
where my parents used to live
when the candle used to dance
on its frightened cake.

...

Now, for the music I've taken a radical approach and ignored any semblance of rhythm and little structure. I began by hitting the piano at random like notes of broken glass - the image is my main focus - image, the music must describe this explicitly to the listener. This smashing grows into a chord of G-minor (or B-flat major the exact opposite of E-minor from the preceding song). This is very much a work in progress.

Nick Drake Lyrics

Nick Drake (1st draft)

Shadows of amitriptyline
drift on the waters grey
behind the sun
it's dead today
again

And the fog radiates a voice
somewhere among things like trees
or people, standing stones,
that echo unthought thoughts
about being alone
forever

Sometimes there is no hope

The rain tastes of angels
that comfort as they play
behind a sun of silver
and a rose moon of zen
they're dead today
again
they're dead today
again

Platonic Solids, Toroid Universes, Sisyphus

Awake for hours in the night. I mentally counted the number of triangles and faces in the platonic solids, hoping to discover some deeper connection. I became aware that a plane of tessellating tiles can't wrap onto a sphere neatly; try to wrap a football in wrapping paper and it will always distort and wrinkle. Yet, one can wrap a tube, and then bend and connect the ends of the tube to make a torus, so a torus can wrap perfectly. Perhaps the universe is toroid for this reason. Is it important that two dimensions can extend into three without distortion? Could the distortions create irregular rips, like black holes?

I realised that I had the wrong settings on the guitar for yesterday's three parts, so re-recorded them today. The improvised melodies are complex, perhaps more than I would compose, but this is the essence of live improvisation. The key thing is mood; I aimed for this but I'm never that satisfied.

Listening to some Queen and Bowie songs, to analyse the way guitars are handled. Like vocals, they are often layered and duplicated. I didn't notice, for example, the clear acoustic guitar in 'Jesus', or that the main central guitar parts in Diamond Dogs is a double layer, with extra in the left ear (Tony Visconti tends to put these main rhythm guitars in the left ear; the same is true on many of the songs on The Man Who Sold The World.

I think the music to 'I, Sisyphus' is done, but I need vocals. I revisited "I Care" and like it as it is. Now I have another track to work on. I had planned on merely four for this project, but perhaps I'll make an album. We will see. It seems that my ideas constantly shift; first an EP just of old songs, then of sounds about isolation or being ignored, then about Sisyphus, but each new idea seems to invalidate previous tracks - it would be amusing if I didn't include any of the old songs which was the initial motivation for doing this!

It's lockdown. I was reminded that the conditions of it are the same as I lived my life with from the age of 16 to 36 - although I met one person indoors then, perhaps twice a year on average, to play or discuss computer games. My only real social contact was by letter, and later email, but I counted work and my computer as social interaction. The days were spent battling complex problems of programming.

Final news the new cover to The Arcangel Soundtrack is complete and submitted:

Guitars and Donald Trump Self-Rule Politics

Some new guitar recording today. I think, after three days, I've completed the guitar parts. Things are not 'perfect' but sufficient. When painting, I usually paint as well as I can, and then leave it. Generally, if I'm unhappy with a painting (I'm never satisfied completely) I will throw it away and start again, I never correct my paintings. I think now, I must enter a phase of music where I record in single takes and accept this - this should remove anxiety about perfection, and, over time, lead to better performances - even if by the shame of poor first takes. Of course, rehearsal and pracice of a part is important. Perhaps the luxury of multiple takes as a home studio has this downside; the ability to keep trying, like the digital photographer with a million shots available rather than a film-roll of 24.

In the afternoon Deb and I went for a nice garden visit, a last social call before lockdown.

It is also American election day. I've been thinking about Donald Trump and his phenomenon.

Due to social media, the free and democratic world has turned into one where people expect, or desire, to rule themselves via these media. This leads to a form of self-empowerment that bypasses the important checks and balances of a democracy, which were often many decades or centuries in their evolution. Donald Trump is a representation of the self-centred rule-by-media, rather than rule-by-parliament people. He doesn't need to implement the desires of his supporters, but merely convince them that he is one of them, that he is doing what they want. This is why he is not thought of as 'a politician', but as an 'ordinary person'; in a way, this is true, he is a representation of a mass-ego of his supporters. Of course, there are other people like him who both represent and exploit the ordinary citizen's desire for power via 'mass-media will'.

This form of rule is ineffective, because the casual wills of a large number of ill-informed people will miss and ignore crucial details; and because it is the quantity of the self-imposed leaders, that matter, not their level of competence or ability to deliver. People of all political perspectives participate - this is not a left/right, black/white, conservative/liberal, issue. People recently used this power to implement the political desire, seen as moderate and left wing, of footballer Marcus Rashford; people would in no way consider him or his proposals as Trump-like, yet they were exactly so.

This new political reality is one that affects the whole world.

The answers are complex. There has been a recent (since 2007, the start of the social media era) explosion of dictators, and most control the media tightly, perhaps a reaction to this concept of group-rule. One could regulate social media, and perhaps this would be enough. Both world wars were ultimately caused by the international press, first great media explosion, which was unregulated and generally unchecked; but social media platforms are easy to create and could be created in an 'underground' manner.

Guitar Recording

A busy day of sequencing after a slow start due to lack of sleep.

The difference with this song is that I began only with bass and drums and so had to invent the next, guitar, parts without the luxury of hearing those as I sequence. I've got two main guitar parts and one sub-part. The main riff is a thick and deep sound, a bit like the guitars in You Ain't See Nothin' Yet by Bachman Turner Overdrive, or Hammer To Fall by Queen, or All Right Now by Free. This is augmented by a slight, single string, second guitar in the opposite speaker to give it a bit of a thicker sound.

I've also added a higher lead guitar to almost all of the song. This had a repeating riff which I sequenced first using mock-guitars as a guide. I'm unsure if this is the best way to do things; I could start with the bass/chord and improvise. I was also unsure where to add all of the guitars throughout the song. Do we want the thick sound everywhere? Without a whole band to try and play with, the only way is to time-consumingly experiment; record a bit, put it in the sequencer and see what it sounds like.

The real guitar lead, in the end, was more complicated (and better for it) than the guide, it has a bit of a wobble like Black Sabbath's Iron Man riff. I improvised lots of long and winding lead guitar bits over the whole song; unsure if this was too complex, or fine as it is.

What issues do I have? How can I improve efficiency?

Playing while listening to the guitar and backing track is great, but it can take a few clicks, a lot, to get the right part of the song to play from. Also, there is a lot of hum, which seems proportional to my distance from the speaker (or is it the computer?) - at about 2M away, things are a lot quieter, but, trailing a pile of cables and having to click on the backing track often makes the process quite complex; not conducive to easy playing. The music is simple here.

The hum can make the guitars a little boomy, but they seem to work better when band compressed so I've done that anyway. Listening to Free now, their guitars are so very clean (noise gated?).

I thought that the volume levels of the guitars would be generally consistent, as the guitars are distorted by the amp, but this isn't completely the case. They seem to sound more even with a bit of compression, which I've unusually done in the sequencer this time. Of course, this can also boost hum or other quieter parts. This is a relatively minor issue.

I've made 3 A4 sheets of notes, with the chords, noting what part is where on there. This is rare, I can normally easily keep track of the song in the sequencer. This is to know in advance what guitar parts are needed, what has been recorded and what to record. Could I use guide music all of the time? Perhaps my inexperience of the variety of guitar sounds and how to layer these and what they will sound like is making things more complex. I guess a lot of bands and producers fall into similar patterns and styles.

It's only when the guitars are done that other instruments can be added. I've added rock organs but have so many at my disposal.

Also, multiple layer vocals could work in this epic song, which will also complicate things. The mixing is relatively easy so far despite many voices.

I've sketched out an approximate structure for this album (probably E.P.) and written some words for the next track, a quieter song. I'm learning a lot and so enjoying it a lot. My goal here is to learn these new production techniques, improve, push my limits.

Vegetarian Thought

I thought last night that becoming vegetarian to help animal welfare is like becoming an atheist to help reform the Catholic church.

Sisyphus Guitars and Richard Dadd Print 12

A solid work day. First finalised the Sisyphus composition and the words, changing the song structure a bit. Nowadays, a simple verse chorus repeat isn't enough for me, I normally have three or four components which interchange to add variety. One thing I've learned from poetry is the essential point of dramatic contrast which all art needs, so I think of that key part of the song, and aim for lots of other contrasts and mini-dramas too. I've realised that I actually tweak and change songs a lot, sometimes over months or years, so this is an unusual example of checking it and finalising it thoroughly early on, which is a necessary part of a song with lots of live recorded bits.

I recorded the rhythm guitar parts in the afternoon, using a splitter lead so that I could hear the recording as it was happening and the backing track; this really improved how it sounded as it's impossible to hear the exact tone when listening in the room, so this was an important lesson. One challenge will be to mix these guitars. Unlike my (albeit great sounding) electronic guitars, these recordings can vary a lot in tone, strength and level. Variety is good, it's emotional variety, but the tone will differ between each song and performance, so it's more variables to learn to juggle. The tuning is also a bit of a problem. Tuning the guitar on its stand doesn't work as the tuning changes when one moves the guitar to playing position, yet, even then the tuning seems to be correct for individual strings but the performance seems a few cents sharper. Odd (and it doesn't seem to be the 'intonation' via the bridge screws). But then, like a voice, no real instrument is perfect and it this isn't all bad, it adds an organic quality and I can't 100% be sure if the pitch IS right, except by ear - so it can't be that bad.

I probably need more backing guitars. I've not quite worked out the production because how these would sound was and remains an open question. I also need to record lead guitars and add those. Then I'll know what the mix sounds like.

I want to work quickly and get this done, fast lessons are always better than slow lessons.

In other news I've sold print number 12 of The Paranoid Schizophrenia of Richard Dadd. I'm certain all of these will sell and future ones will feature new bigger and more expensive frames. The problem is that the print is currently in the closed Macc Lounge. I am anxious to get this from the shop and to the customer before the lockdown on Thursday. I had planned, last December, to make a new English white-oak (and 18ct gold, and some jewels too) cabinet for the orignal painting this summer, but these were laid waste by Covid; but this has led to a very musical 2020 instead. Art will continue.

First Day of Sisyphus

First day of Sisyphus production. I start with the drums typically, then bass, and sketching out the melody line along with this. The drums and bass are crucial to the feeling. I've an idea for a main guitar riff.

I Care was the first song where I sketched out a rough guide for this... for my songs so far I've tended to sequence everything, except, since The Anatomy of Emotions, piano, which is often pre-played. I can sometimes struggle to integrate the two methods, as the piano is often very loose and never exactly planned, yet as of this year and perhaps specifically The Jabberwocky, I've started to know what to put in where and how long it should be, and an approximate or exact melody line. So I'm effectively following a standard stuido practice at last; making a skeleton track as a guide and following it with each recording. Until now, only vocals were added in this way, and so always added at the very end.

Now I want to add real guitars. I bought my beloved guitar at the start of 2019, speculatively, though I did love the look and design of it - I knew nothing about guitars, but only recently had to desire to play (or time, but one makes time when incentive is there). As with piano, I don't worry about getting things perfect. Instruments are about personal emotional expression. My 'live art' performances taught me that doing -anything- is valid, so using any sounds a guitar can make can be useful for a song.

Now, for the first time, I can play well enough to use real riffs and segments, so I am doing so. I must get used to using and mixing the different tone and tones. Today I recorded some test tones with different pickup settings. The volume (and so distortion) also changes the sound a lot, and this all with my cheap 'Blaster' amp. I tried recording with no distortion and then adding the distortion later in Prometheus. The results were different again, but the amp has a nicer, softer, distortion, and importantly, the hum, fret noises etc. enchanced too much when post-distorting a 'clean' guitar.

I must avoid procrastination and will get to work on the full song length tonight and record the first real guitars tomorrow. The downside with live recordings is that the timing has to be finalised, so the tempo, at least, must be finalised before I record anything. For this song about Sisyphus, a relentless and perfect rhythm seems appropriate, but I try to avoid it because it can make music sound mechanical and thus less emotional. It can be nice to speed up a chorus, for example.

On we push!