Awoke filled with sadness at the death of my painting. I feel I haven't painted anything serious or seriously in years because I have nowhere to show my work. The lack of selling isn't as debilitating as the lack of people to see it, but, I fill my time fully and as best as I can.
Sad now that my head is full of a beautiful symphony in the Beethoven or Haydn style that starts with a single note then expands into falling scales which are fugued and end in joyous majors, like the start of Beethoven's 7th, the most joyous of music. Yet nobody will hear this and I am unable to do anything about it but make a few notes, as I can, which I've just played on the piano. The music that fills my head, the entire symphony is so wonderful. How sad I am not to be able to share it or do anything about it. I feel trapped by the mediocre work I must drudge through when even this is for no reward.
Music filming set for today. If I am to release this Marius Fate music, it must be done but I wish it were over already. Filming takes an interminable time and the results seem so poor, and it's an artform I don't care for at all due to its sheer forgettability, it ages so quickly due to technological factors. It is, however, an outlet and possible for people to see.
Ate badly yesterday after a day of stomach pain and awoke in pain again, but less so than yesterday. On I must trudge, focus and do my steady best today.
The important thing is to focus on quality. I can paint or make music at any future time. So much to do, so little time. Time will always be limited so the key thing is to keep working at an efficient pace and with care.
