An awful day. Chronic stomach pain from about 7pm last night, so intense. Many hours of pacing, I can't sit or lie in these circumstances. At 2am, exhausted, I decided to go to bed and sleep while sitting up and awoke early still gripped by pain. The pain continued until about 5pm today. I managed to drink a lot, perhaps 4 or 5 litres of water, which seems to be my only treatment. I can quite see why such pain could cause Kenneth Williams to commit suicide! I was unable to work, highly unusual for me.
I think this is a case of a torso locked with stress and cramps, paralysed by strange terror. My father greedily gobbles up all of the best food here, this causes me intense anxiety. Well, what can I do. All anxiety is conflict and the solution is to surrender.
There was a Crewe Cultural Forum meeting today which I couldn't partake in for technological reasons. This makes me feel excluded, but I know I'm not alone and that I will partake when I can. The meeting notes confirmed that Lumen 2020 was cancelled (or postponed). I felt yet more excluded to hear about it this way rather than being told, as I was supposed to be taking part. It's things like this why I'm generally mistrustful and wary of local arts. Almost every project I've been involved with seems to start positively but be silently crushed without word or warning and nothing comes of it. I wasn't confident that I was taking part either. My idea for the Pi Projection was welcomed and the technicalities were worked out, but I heard nothing more, no confirmation or contract, no installation dates or venue; nothing, except, now, reading that the whole event has been postponed.
Well, I can but try and wait with patience. It would be nice to project this, it looks and sounds pretty and some local people might like it. We are all at the whim of fate.
Whims of fate remind me that it's Beethoven's 250th bithday (well, baptism anniversary, I expect he was born on the 14th, my birthday). So, like most December 17ths, I will put some of his music on to play, and, today, play along on electric guitar to try out my new amp. The subject of this post pays homage to my favourite Beethoven book, if not my actual favourite book (although Flowers for Algernon would be a joint first).
