I woke late after a night of strange nightmares. A creature with red spiral eyes kept pursuing me, hiding under the curtains. I woke tired.
I started work by looking again at Fictive, examining possible changes and how to put together a separate authors' and players set for it. It would be nice if I could do something with this system and am thinking of ways to update and use it, share it, but often I feel that my efforts in anything are futile. I've spent my life creating trying to share things, but constantly feel like I've got nowhere and am getting nowhere. Of course, some things are more popular than others.
There was a strange bug in Radioactive which, when 4 computer players battle, caused the first player to instantly play. This was, I think, due to leftover data in the unit structures after the initial title-screen battle. I spent some time tracking that down and fixed it. I'm ready to update it, but need Steam to get back to me regarding a few technical problems.
I had my first painting ideas of the year last night, but painting seems as futile as any aspect of my life. My mood today is full of doom, yet, at the same time eternal action, constant work. Each day, each hour, I do my best, roll my rock, strive for what is better. What is best to do in life? I would ideally devote myself to art, painting and music. Though both are ignored by the world, I can see improvement, gradual but certain with each act, and this feel satisfying but anything else; the pursuit of wealth though games or books is soul-destroying as well as futile.
I feel weak and my resources are waning. Life feels pointless, but I will keep fighting until the last hammer.
I have a plan for March, and seem to have, already in February, ticked off a lot of it. My small goals for the week are creating Spotify Canvas videos for The Golden Age. I have old games to remaster. I know that these will be ignored too, but nobody else can or will do this, and they are part of my life. It would be sad if they were to remain unseen forever, even if only sad to me.
Curiously, the Kindle version of my Songs of Innocence book is 'selling' on Amazon for the first time. I say selling, but it's free and being given away by Amazon. Before this month, it had 'sold' only two copies to Japan, but there's a renaissance in the e-book now. No physical copies have ever been sold. If only they knew that the Songs of Life is the rarity, with about 10 copies remaining from the 100-copy print run.
