Sunday, October 02, 2022

Rilke Translations

Today, I started by translating some Rilke poems for our album, which was a fascinating experience. I'm blessed that Ursula K Le Guin translated 'The Flower of Farewell', as this meant the original German was online, so I've translated that and 'Let This Darkness Be a Bell Tower'. It's amazing just how different each translation is. Poetry translation is far more like art than science. For Bell Tower, for example, here's the first stanza:

Original:

Stiller Freund der vielen Fernen,
fühle, wie dein Atem noch den Raum vermehrt.
Im Gebälk der finstern Glockenstühle laß dich läuten.
Das, was an dir zehrt,

Google translate says:

Silent friend of the many distances,
feel your breath increasing the space.
In the entablature of the dark belfry, let yourself be rung.
what feeds on you

Joanna Macy and Anita Barrows translation is:

Quiet friend who has come so far,
feel how your breathing makes more space around you.
Let this darkness be a bell tower
and you the bell. As you ring,

Another online version I saw:

Silent friend, of plenty distance,
feel how your breath fills the room.
in the face of the clocks, so real rings
the thing that makes your doom

For me, the 'many distances/great distance' is important, and Silent is a better word than Quiet. In the second line, there are many images and references, already the flow of a bell pushing out and in, but also a widening out psychologically, a letting go and breathing out. For these lines I decided on:

Silent friend of many distances,
feel, your breath extends your space.

I chose 'extend' because of the rhyme, perhaps a poetic fancy; the Fernen/fühle is a rhyme lost in translation already. Next, I much more favour Google's translation, but wanted to set the atmosphere too, so I chose:

In the shadows of the belfry, let yourself be rung.
That, which feeds you,

And for the rest I translated as follows:

becomes a strength beyond food.
Change in and out.
What is your greatest pain?
If drinking is bitter, become wine.

On this night
from the overflowing magic, be at your senses' crossroads,
sense their strange encounter.

And if the earth shuns you,
say to the silent earth: I flow.
Say to the rushing water: I am

'Change in and out' has so much of bell in it! The 'overflowing magic' line was the most difficult, it is something of a mouthful, but this matches the original closely. I used "senses' crossroads" because I didn't want to repeat the word 'senses'.

After this, I started on some music for another Rilke poem, 'The Flower of Farewell'. I started with a guitar inspired by The Coastliners song by Genesis, but the music is more relentless, pounding, constant, like the flow of pollen in the poem. At the climax the music collapses into a piano solo that reflects the main Salomé theme from the start of the album; so this is a perfect last track for the project.

The music was recorded and completed today, apart from Deborah's vocals.