A slow and difficult day. I prepared a list of series' of paintings, a surface for 'Part 2' of 'All The World Will Be Your Enemy', but these paintings have no goals, no competitions or opportunities to be seen, shown, and they are not remotely commercial. My work is increasingly groups, but groups are unshowable, useless for almost any practical purpose apart from a 'high art fine art' exhibition of the sort I've never taken part in. So many of my paintings are unseen. This is the case for many, perhaps most artists, but it remains demoralising.
I tinkered with some music and some of the songs in progress and sketches, trying to organise them into forms or albums. Most of the pretty songs, like P-L-Astic, I Think You Love Me, Do You Know Where Your Heart Is?, are pretty melodies but light lyrically and emotionally. None are like the music I want to make, music of emotional depth and brilliance, so why work on them? Yet, the pretty melodies are alluring too.
None of this, or any of my work is commercial in that it's not commissioned, or for anything, or has any realistic hope of financial gain, popularity, or critical acclaim; my motives are, in any case, my own satisfaction and learning (and will always be), yet at the same time I'm dissatisfied with the music as art and frustrated by it. Well, I must keep working. Keep rolling this rock until some gold is glimpsed.
"Do You Know Where Your Heart Is?" sings the song. It's feeling rings true today.
