A slow day, though, as usual, one where I don't stop. Such is life.
I listened to the album carefully last night as a final proof, and all is well, so I started by filing the album today. I'll certainly release a single, and need a plan of how and when. Ideally I need a video, and I have an idea, but need a location and some actors.
Sometimes my dreams seem like pipe dreams, many artist's ideas art, but I tend to plan and finish when I decide it's worth it. Still, I have so many ideas, most do assume the character of a dream. We all dream of escape, that magic moment; 'winning the lottery' or when Godot finally arrives. When will he come?
After filing, I worked on Flatspace and updated it to v1.12, making it better at accepting extra music. The opens up the possibility of adding the original 'music packs' to the game, so I spent the rest of the day until now locating those and checking everything. I file these as albums, so they're well documented, but sometimes only the basic tracks, and one only had the final wavs in 22050hz format. So I spent the evening re-rendering them, re-locating the original song files and doing this sort of thing.
To release them on Steam I need to make the Steam store art, but also, ideally, make a booklet about them (I bet nobody reads, had read, or bothers with it, but I like to do it, it's a sign of quality). I appreciate the work that the Japanese author of the Sekaiju MIDI editor has put in to his documentation.
No sales so far this month and the overwhelming anxiety of money is ever-present. I feel as obscure and ignored as ever, worthless. At times I wonder if I'm as bad an artist as Chris Godber, the depressive whose claim to polymathy is to lack every skill equally, but I'm still full of ideas and recognising that I have many skills, several as good as ever, and that the fluctuation of abilities and achievements is ever churning. At least, even when exhausted, I'm never tainted with depression or a lack of drive. I love life at every moment.
The role of every artist is to keep working. I have no guide to what is welcome, but we never have. We are free, yet it's odd that I still feel the urge to please, to become popular. Please who, I wonder? I wonder if this self-urge is harmful to my art? The only thing an artist can do is express his or her being.
I thought last night about new music. This album was intended as one of snappy pop songs; not themed or particularly avant-garde, or emotional, but I'm starting want to do something more emotional. I'd like to re-record The Dusty Mirror this year, then release something different. And paint, of course, though incentives there are low at the moment.
I perhaps need some videos or Spotify Canvases for the new album, and to record the lyric-reading videos. I can't do much more without a release date and plan. I can't wait long; with each day and week, the album becomes a little more stale - but not very. If I'm a good artist, it will be timeless.
I shared 'Cat Covid' with Mike Drew and he was very complimentary about it, which was nice.
I'm a little directionless. The horridness of programming. The horridness of games. The horridness of anxiety. I will, however, work stoicly tomorrow on the music packs; these will take a full day. In that day I will do more than those on holiday. More than the retired, the ill, the sleeping, those with steady jobs, more than monks.
Onwards we move with joy and love.
