The Unspeakable Trauma

Prepared this idea on a small smooth panel yesterday, with (unusually) a base layer of ultramarine violet, and painted it today. The colours are mostly pure grey, with a hint of green in the darker foreground objects:

Current title is 'The Unspeakable Trauma'. It was inspired by an image in the film 'The Razor's Edge', though parts were improvised today. The tiny figure in the foreground is Fuseli's Odysseus, the hair hanging from the tree on the left that of Kate Bush (although nobody but you, dear reader, would ever be able to determine that).

Beethoven's Immortal Beloved

All actions are social compromises. There is no such thing as freedom except as an ideal.

In July 1812 Beethoven wrote a love letter which was to become famous. Entire books have been written about the 'Immortal Beloved', the subject of the letter, but the important question isn't who this person was; it is why didn't he send it. Beethoven has an image of a rebellious loner, abandoned by society and isolated due to his deafness, wholly committed to his art. This is of course part truth, part fantasy. Perhaps here, in this relationship, Beethoven was offered the chance of a more normal life, a more domestic life, less troubled but less artistic. In this moment, perhaps, he realised he could set aside the struggles of poverty and thankless art for a more normal existence, but that ultimately he was not willing to compromise. Here, his sought-for goal of love and domesticity was within his grasp at last, but he consciously chose not to accept it.

Of course, this theory too is romantic. Beethoven wasn't free. He was a highly independent artist, but not alone, not wholly independent; nobody is. Most famously, his 9th Symphony was about freedom (or joy, something of a code-word for freedom during politicised times where the word 'freedom' and revolutionary ideas were censored and suppressed), but all of his symphonies were about this exact subject; all a struggle for freedom. This is the principle theme and idea of each of them, but by the 9th, perhaps, he realised that freedom was a fantasy only to be achieved in heaven's firmament.

As do I.

Nothing More Than Something

A song, written today. First draft.

Tell me
What did you want to be?
Tell me
What was it like to live a dream?

I wish I was there...
but it can never be.

Tell me
Would you have done it differently?
Tell me
Why did you stop?

I wish I could, perhaps
It would be nice to feel relaxed

but now I'm cold
and scared all the time
I'm burned out, but know it's still not enough
I'm dying in the darkness
and you are in my eyes
and ears, again
my imaginary friend.

One day, perhaps I'd like to hear
your real voice say
keep going,
that we both matter,
but only I
and imaginary you
will ever know.

There's nothing more
than something
that sounds like a song.

Delay Pan Update

Another day of programming, somewhat unexpectedly. I refined the Haas effect 'Delay Pan' plugin for Prometheus. This meant finding all of the songs that used it and manually changing some of the values. This amounted (unexpectedly) to about 95 songs. Doing this, and a few more program changes (to help with finding those 95), and the launch of the new Noise Station, took all day. I had a $5 donation for Noise Station which made me happy. With a few more I'd happily work on upgrades and updates. Next on my list is a pdf manual.

It has been a quieter day after a few weeks of busyness. I need to reflect and seek what to charge at next, artistically and productively.

Noise Station v1.24, Prometheus v3.40

A day of programming, mostly finalising the Noise Station upgrades. Here's a screenshot:

Waves are now resampled, so can be loaded from any frequency. Directories for various media are now loaded/saved, and the skin/deck too. Export can be 32-bit FLOAT (this has 24-bit resolution), and we have a very useful graph display.

I made a few similar changes to Prometheus, although I don't really need resampling there as I only use 44100hz waves. The resampling works better here as samples are interpolated/oversampled for better quality (it did an amazing job on an 8000hz wave, when upsampled to 44100hz, it barely sounded different to the 44100 original). I did think that I could add double precision pointers, which will allow much longer samples. I don't know why I didn't consider this before (it will require recompiling 100+ plugins, however, and I won't know if it works or what the implications are until I try this... several days work for a tiny benefit).

I also completed a few art tasks. First, created little rubber bumpers using a hollow punch and sheet rubber. These are essential door stoppers for the Kratos cabinet and work brilliantly.

Second, I calibrated my tripods. Like most camera tripods, you can rotate them, but have no clue what the angle is relative to the feet. I really need a special tool that I can clamp onto the head, but I did my best with a horizontal ruler, making it level, then marking this 'central' point on the rotary bezel. This may speed up the photography operations in future.

Artwork Assembly

I'm amazed that it's taken me a full day to assemble/frame 'Beware Of The God' and 'You Either Believe In AI Or You Don't'. The former needed glass and a mount, and both needed photography, which is the bigger part of the job for these 2.5D artworks.

All of this took until 4pm, then time to enter two competitions, with the usual hassle. Competitions in days past which were entered and judged in person were far easier to enter, and fairer. The Discerning Eye is particularly troublesome to enter, with errors on the website every year, and 2024 was no exception (I'm still unsure if I have entered - there's an idiotic 'required' question about regional delivery which refuses to accept. Idiotic because the regional delivery dates or locations are not shown anywhere so nobody could make use of them if they wanted, yet this insistent question stops final submission of the entry). Technical issues aside, The Discerning Eye is an exhibition I like in philosophy and effect.

Art Photography Day 2, Noise Station

I'm doing so much now that I'm getting too far ahead of the filing. Started today by fixing my wardrobe drawer (again), assembling the Kratos cabinet. Here's a look at the closed doors:

And finalising the new graph display in Noise Station.

Then, a repeat of yesterday's art photography, which meant dragging out and assembling the lights, the camera tracks etc. This worked to plan this time. I still need to put the painting inside that gold cabinet, and assemble the other 'AI' artwork with the Vermeer painting.

After that, I made some engineering changes to the way the lights are bolted together, to speed things up next time, then more fragments of work on Noise Station. I've added the wav loader from Prometheus which can cope with 24-bit and 32-bit waves, and generally has better (though still imperfect) error checking.

Wardrobe Repair, Art Photography Day 1

Started the day by dismantling my wardrobe drawer, gluing the base and clamping it. Then marking and drilling the holes for the Kratos frame hinges. I drilled to pilot holes first, which is vital for accuracy.

Then painting the holes black and gluing in the rivnuts, followed by more paint to touch up areas and a final gloss glaze to the doors. Overall, oil paint stuck to the metal best, better than enamel, but it took far too long to dry.

In the afternoon, the main job of the day of art photography of 7 paintings. Most of the job is taking out and then putting back the lights, tripods, photography bed, camera, aluminium tracks. This took two hours overall.

Then fitting new drawer runners to the wardrobe. By this time I was exhausted.

Then to the computer to check the photographs. Only then did I realise that I'd forgotten to set the white balance to manual. I had performed a manual white balance, but the setting itself wasn't active. This stupid mistake means that the bulk of today's work was for nothing. I'll have to re-photograph everything tomorrow.

I'm too tired to move but can't afford to rest. Tomorrow I will begin again.

Lights, Enamels, Noise Station, Morecambe Anthology

A busy day after painting. I had to adapt my lights for tomorrow's photography, drilling new holds for lower lighting, then I experimentally adapted the bolt for one light to remove the thread. This involved Polymorph and a plastic tube of the right diameter and seemed to work.

Then, a trip to buy some Humbrol enamel paints for the Kratos hinges. These really need to be dry and complete tonight. Now one has to be (or look) 25 or older to buy them. I use to paint with these as a child, and the experience was really useful. When home, painting the hinges with this paint.

Then I had time to start an update to Noise Station again. I'd like to update it in a week or two, to make the licence explicit and will use a Creative Commons licence. The next update will add a graph for the modulator/sample display, which is perhaps one of the most useful elements which is currently lacking. It's quite some work though.

In other news, I've heard that one of my poems has made it into the Morecambe Poetry Festival Anthology. I hardly ever enter poetry competitions, so this result is a happy surprise.

Underpainting Complete

Completed the Rachel Hudson underpainting with the portrait taken from a very blurry and low-res image. This was part of the inspiration, the key emotion is the romantic element of a person forgotten (this is not realistic now, this is not the sole image it was in 2004; then the case was a transient headline, a transient newspaper article).

There are AI enhancement tools which could help with the clarity of the image (with the caveat that the results wouldn't be good enough to give a likeness). This made me think that painting before mid-2023 and after will differ because of such tools. In this case, I didn't want or need them; I wanted the jpg colour fringing and blurryness, ideally to preserve the jpg blocking too. I've spent my life adding details to very poor, blurry photos, doing in my mind what AI attempts. It's a vital skill of art. At the moment, AI only really does this well on faces, it doesn't know or care enough about clouds, rocks, tree bark, leaves, and every object in the world, to add details there.

Now, I must move on. I don't think I'll start immediately on the Sleep painting, I need a break and change.

Hudson Underpainting Day 2

Day 2 of underpainting. I've completed more than this, only the central portrait remains to do.

My last painting before I started to glaze in several layers was 'Faces of Autumn' in late September 2005. Amazingly, that painting, smaller than this, took 7, 8-hour days, plus two extra for shadows, to paint. I didn't like Faces of Autumn at first, but it hung in my room for years and I grew to love it. It still enjoys the rare privilege of hanging in the house.

Angels Underpainting, Flesh Colours and Glazes

A night of constant stomach pain and tremors, like being punched in the abdomen by a million pesky elves. I started by tracing over the 'sleep' painting idea and researching various copyleft licences to apply to my free software one day, then into a steady day underpainting the Rachel Hudson painting.

The yellow background makes the flesh look more violently violet than it should (and more violet that it actually is in real life - that's auto-white-balanced photography for you).

I stuck generally to the colour study, my typical flesh tones of MH Naples Yellow (PBr24 that is, Titanium Antimony Chromium Oxide; not the historic Naples Yellow), light red, mars violet, black. Dali said that Venetian red was superlative for flesh, but I find the violets of mars violet essential at times, and the rosy pinks of light (English) red too. Some of my best flesh paintings (the hand in The First Grasp of Rebirth, the figure in The Death of Man) are simply white, black, light red. I've rarely used Venetian red for flesh. This is also because, I think, red glazes over yellow were less reliable and transparent than yellow over red historically. I often prefer a yellowish underpainting and a red glaze, if glazing. This is partly because it fits a secondary to primary layer format. If you think of glazes as transparent filters, you'll reason that all colours filter to primary. For the best glazing then it can be best to start with whites, then secondary colours (yellow, violet, cyan), then primary (red, green, blue).

Of course we don't have perfect primary hues in paint (thank the heavens!), this is a rough guide. This manifests as red over yellow seems to work better than yellow over red. There are caveats though, there are no always-correct answers. For a start, paints reflect as well as transmit, and the top most layer will give a reflection of that hue, and the best colours for this are light ones, so here yellow would trump red.

She Was Always Asleep At School Underdrawing, Studies

A full day of painting work. Started the day filing notes on writings, and a sketch of a poem. Then looked at some painting ideas for the future. One began as a work called 'Ecephalitis Lethargica' but I changed the title to 'She Was Always Asleep At School'. I drew the underdrawing. This painting, unusually for my current way of working, didn't have an idea sketch, merely an idea of a liquid cranium. I added other elements to emotionally fit with the title. Here's the underdrawing:

Another unusual thing is the lack of guidance. I sometimes use circular crosshairs to place elements, but this was all drawn freehand for a change.

Once done. I photographed the drawing (as you can see!) and printed that on card, and prepared it, and the Rachel Hudson painting, for colour studies by mounting them on wood and priming. Here's the Hudson one.

These are very rough guides to colours, and very useful. Painting any picture twice, three times, four times, makes it better. Most of the time, the first colours are the instant best, but not always, and in those circumstances, studies like this, which take perhaps an hour including preparing them, are worth it.

Lighting, Kratos Glaze, Prometheus v3.39, Fan Rattle

A busy couple of days.

I started yesterday by researching 'authority control', the reading about many surrealists from the present and past on Adam McLean's brilliant website. He needs to establish some sort of foundation or system of preserving his important work for the long term.

Then I tested different heights of lighting for art photography. I reasoned that higher lights caused more reflection or glare from the surface. I tried three different heights, about 1M, 75cm, 50cm; two lights either side of a painting. The lights were a lot brighter lower down, this was the most significant effect. I expect the brightness will be more localised. As I slide paintings sideways to take multiple images, I don't think this will be too much of a problem (ie. decay). The shadows were softer and less stark for lower lights, so it seems that this is the best option.

In the afternoon I glazed the Kraton painting, but for some reason really felt like glazing it is stark green hues, not at all like teh flesh hues of the plan. As it was/is a work about feelings, I decided to paint how I felt, so chose the day-glow azo yellow to glaze with, and created a remarkable yellow-green-red colour scheme which is nothing like I could have planned or envisioned. I knew that with this pigment there would be no going back.

I also painted the hinges in black, and today, the doors.

Today was spent updating Prometheus to v3.39, with the new screen options I've coded into Noise Station. I'm constantly anxious because my PC (barely 18 months new) is making a fan rattle noise. Rattle of the PSU fan is a reported problem on the Dell forums, and an expensive one. I had a one-year warranty - ONE! Almost every product has two years.

Noise Station Released, Kratos Doors, The Job of Art

Spent the morning finalising Noise Station v1.23. One addition was checking the screen size and setting the windows to default locations if this changes between sessions, or else choosing the preferred user settings (usually the default anyway) if not. I also did change one aspect of the audio processing. The High Pass Filter didn't sound right so I've adjusted it to work as in Prometheus and SFXEngine.

In the afternoon, I drilled the Kratos cabinet doors for hinges, and sprayed the outer side gold. Many thin coats would look better, but applying this is nigh on impossible with such a cluttered array of components, and doing this may simply have pool paint in the same way. Overall the results look as expected and it is on track. I started to paint the hinges with mars black oil paint. This works well, far better than acrylic paint on metal, although it will take overnight to dry and will need several layers.

After the intense work on Noise Station I need to work on art, but I need a firm plan for this. I must remind myself of the transience of life. Not one hour of life should be wasted on the trivial.

Most people work in a job in which, if they didn't do it, someone else would take over and do the same job. Their replacement may even do a better job than them, which is worse. Why do a job like this? For money, they would say, to survive. Survive for what? Survive to pay the bills, to keep doing their job, until they die. If this is the plan they may as well end their lives now and save time!

Art is different. For an artist, every act is something that only they can do. If an artist stops their work, nobody can replace them. Nobody can replace Mozart, or Beethoven, or even Einstein. Science, philosophy, and other jobs have this property; I class all such jobs as art here. To do such a job should be everyone's aim. Of course, some jobs are more specialised than others, the difference between these two types of job is not stark, sometimes a common job is something that only you are able to do because you are the only option at the time, but the general principle still stands. The more unique a job to you, the more valuable and more important it is.

Actual Art vs. Photographs of Art

Viewing an artwork is an interactive process. Viewing a photograph of an artwork is a voyeuristic, passive process. Seeing an image of something is not the same as seeing the thing. Seeing a photograph of a sunset is a different experience from seeing an actual sunset. Seeing a 'live feed' on a screen, even when actually present at an event, is more passive, more lazy, less engaging, less empathetic, than seeing the actual event; because it hinders or prevents the ability of the event to look back.

Noise Station v1.23

A full day of programming working on Noise Station v1.23.

First, creating new skins for the possible wider layout, and dividing the images into 5 bitmaps. Then auto-extending the number of tracks, and auto-sizing the sequencer to fit the screen. Then lots of fixes to new and delete commands. At some point in the mid 2000s I realised that the C++ 'delete' command was different from 'delete[]'; so I had to fix all of those. There were loads of NULL pointer checks which I'd ignored too.

Many other changes, including silencing things (at last) when the file requestors were opened. New commands to create events from the new menu. New icons and logo:

New keyboard shortcuts for F2/F3/F4, it's better that these open windows rather than activate output frequency (44100hz is easily attained on modern computers, this was not so in 2001). Refinements to the frequency of Middle C (which means my old NS-songs are now unique and can't be recreated), and setting this to C4. I also added half-rectangular dithering (the best sort I think) to the output. Adding FLOAT or 24-bit support is more work, it would needed new wav structures and new 32-bit buffers. I'll leave it.

All done as planned. I created a new test song and noticed that the high-pass filter has an interesting behaviour, as though it has a fixed Q which is a bit higher than mine. I'll not change it, or plan any changes to the sound processing. So much of my DSP algorithms have changed over the last 23 years, so I could technically 'improve' all of these; but changes like this might not be improvement. Noise Station sounds unique and I wouldn't want to change anything which could harm that. Here it is:

I must now prepare to distribute the program and file the project. This can wait for a day or two. Every project needs a least one night to settle. I'm suitably refreshed by this work and will now get back to painting.

Noise Station Updates

A long and hard day working on Noise Station. I didn't realise how much work this upgrade would be. All of the work is upgrading the GUI, moving and resizing the windows to fit on bigger screens. This is difficult for many reasons. Adding more to a list means adding more icons dynamically. The skins and images need to be bigger, the scroll-bars need to be bigger. The system itself didn't use defines for anything, the code is not neat compared to my code now and neatening it takes time and can introduce errors. I've had to reprogram how windows appear because the old system depended on specifically sized windows in specific places which made others vanish.

Still, great progress has been made in 11 hours of solid programming. Windows can now be moved around and the positions stored and remembered (this was never the case before, it was a get-what-you're-given layout). The list of plugins, programs (instruments), and events are now dynamic, growing to fit bigger screens, and the splash screen is now a window of its own.

The next step is new skins for everything and re-blitting new backgrounds, icons, scroll bars and tracks.

All of this for music software that I'll be giving away, but it was barely useable before, so this upgrade is important. I made nearly 3 albums of work with it, so someone may find it as useful as I did, and even though its 22 years old, it still appears to be very good compared to a lot of software out there, free or otherwise.

Noise Station Upgrades

A frustrating and slow day. I feel tired of painting, it seems like a good time to work on a new painting book. I spent much of day sorting out text projects, clearing space for a new project.

At 4pm, frustrated by a lack of productivity, I charged into updating Noise Station 1 as I'd done a few days ago. To work at its best on Windows 10/11 it needs to support bigger screens. Version 1.22 is already far better version 1.21 from a week ago, but I decided to work on it further. It's quite a big job because the code is so old. I started by removing the unreliable DirectX7 display code and replaced it with the Windows GDI as used by Prometheus, SFXEngine, and Argus.

Then adding a new Config options, so that settings can be stored between sessions, and Window positions in particular. I'll probably need new skins for sliders, new deck and a wider sequencer.

None of this is for anything except to make it look and work a little better. It's productive procrastination while I consider the important moves of art, but it will make the program more attractive and more usable on current computers. There are lots of untidy and incorrect areas of code in this 2002-era programming.

Personality As Data Flow

When you think what is it like? Words and images, but not stationary, a flow of information; communication. One part of you is talking to another part. Thought is the mobile process of information transfer. One can visualise it like the flow of many buckets of water, pouring information from one into another. In a personality, many buckets large and small are constantly pouring data to, and accepting it from, each other.

The sources of this information flow (the symbolic buckets) are data centres, units which hold and internally process information. Their ultimate aim is to receive information, process it, and pass it along. These data-centres vary in size from large to small, medium to tiny.

What we consider personality is primarily the culmination of the flow of information, a system in constant flux. It may stop at death, at which point a person has no personality, but even then their friends can gain information from them. We can read about the dead, their actions. We can gain information about them from their creations, writings. In an informational sense, death is not a simple end. Many long-dead people affect the world and our lives more than many living people.

This process works on many scales; from individual elements (brain cells perhaps), to larger amalgams of many buckets which are considered one personality, to groups of people in a collective who chatter and pass information to each other, to populations, to the entire planet of chattering information. It is by this method that a culture can evolve, that a country can act and behave like a person.

In a war, two angry ‘people’ are fighting. This is mirrored on tiny scales in the squabbles between our cells.

Where is personality in all of this? We detect personality by judgement. One personality judges another, and this applies to ourselves and sub-systemic personalities; self-analysis and self-judgement. If we were the only person in the world, nobody could judge or analyse us, but we would have a personality because our parts can judge and analyse each other. As one part observes each other, it must do so by comparison with itself, thus all judgement is partly interaction, not independent.

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings Underpainting

Painting today, the second version of 'I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings', this time on canvas panel (although the surface isn't too important). The first version had more 'detail', although the word is hard to apply to a somewhat abstracted work like this. It made me think that abstraction means simplification in practice, simplification of lighting and detail, but it could mean transformation, malformation, distortion too.

I listened to Bowie's Ziggy Stardust album, noting that the string ending is perhaps, rather than The Beatles, what has inspired the string ending in John's Beatle City. I listened to Sparks' Propaganda, and Hounds of Love. Then read about Matthew Fisher and watched a few videos about Whiter Shade of Pale. I read that he played live with Bowie with the Spiders From Mars; the circle completes.

Noise Station v1.22, Kratos Sculpture

A slow day. I'm wrestling to become focused. I started with work on the Kratos doors. There are a few ways to fit the hinges, the doors need to open widely, and have enough room for bolt tops when the doors are closed. I've cleaned up the hinge areas with a blow torch, to remove the many soldered parts.

Then I decided to update Noise Station to v1.22. For years, the icons didn't fit a Windows 10/11 (or even Vista or 8!) screen, so I fixed that. It hadn't been compiled on Visual Studio 2022, so the main motivation for the update was to do that, as file conversion of C++ projects from more recent versions of Visual Studio is more reliable. It could do with more updates, more to the GUI (more tracks, wider time display, graphs for the modulators would be nice), 24-bit/FLOAT export... but I have no incentive to do them.

Then work on the Kratos sculpture, some finishing work with new DAS clay. And finally, repairing the leaking shower unit by fitting a new part.

Overall a slow and unsatisfying day in a slow and unsatisfying August so far. I must do more. Life is short.

Frameculator v1.03, Kratos Frame

Feeling rather tired and achy these days. I wanted a rest day, and started the day by updating my Frameculator software again, to version 1.03. I realised that my standard 32mm wood, was actually 31.5mm... this bothered me so I made the software fully accept floating point variables (it already operated on them). There were some rounding issues too; I've no need to saw to sub-millimetre lengths (if I could!) but I wanted to ensure that the saw marks for each length were the same length despite rounding, rather than the marks made cumulatively.

Anyway, this was all something of a distraction. The changes are now done. I think listed the old version, Triculator, on itch.

In the afternoon I hand sawed the circuit board to make the double doors for the Kratos artwork, a hard job in the burning sun. I needed four saw blades too, it's a hard surface.

Perhaps I should have rested, I feel exhausted again, but I have to work, I find it impossible to do nothing, and there is a time limit for this artwork. I will need to drill these... I'm unsure how well this will work. The next job is to tidy and clean the boards, fill any cracks or obvious problem areas, then drill for the hinges and attach some sort of stopper for when the doors are closed.

Then, painting them. The aim of these doors must be beauty. Astonishing beauty; how can I best do this?

Kratos Frame, Caged Bird 2

Now I know the size of the Kratos painting I can start work on the frame, so I began the day cutting this. I will be a semi-cabinet work, so I had to find the right hinges. I think I'll need M3 bolts, but I don't have any so I'll need to order some specifically. I'll also need to find the circuit boards. I'll find those first so that I know how long the bolts need to be. Time is short.

This my first frame since I programmed my new framing software. It helped a bit, not much. Some aspects needed improving, so I spent an hour upgrading it.

Then, work on the 'parrot man' painting. I did more work on the frame decoration, then realised that I'll need to add wooden inserts to make it possible to fit mirror plates, so I put those in. This in effect made the painting on panel 30mm too big.

Looking at the painting, I remained unhappy with it. I decided to prepare a new canvas board and trace over the drawing, ready to paint a second version. Painting the second Kratos worked well, and was a lesson. I decided to make a lighting model with cardboard and hot-melt glue. Doing this was far quicker than a computer model and much better looking.

It's been a month of battles and frustrations so far. This, 2024, a year of destiny, but will it be joyous or disastrous? The tumult of the week reminds me that we are all adrift in a torrent of fate. The difference between us is our attitude to our lack of control. We can wrestle the paddles to try to steer and stay afloat, but the struggle is tiring and never-ending. Our efforts may be futile, but our gift of energy to the water is, at least, a mark of our existence in the grand map of eternity.

Twitches, Spheres and Droplets, Kratos, Art Classifications

A night of spontaneous twitches and inflammatory skin itches. My dreams were nightmarish and involved, at one point, huge spider-like black crabs which had escaped from a fish tank, and were crawling around the large public room, which was bedecked with tropical plants and other animal enclosures.

My emotions in the morning were of despair and misery. This was partly dissatisfaction at the parrot painting from a few days ago, and dissatisfaction at the Kratos painting (setting aside poverty, futility etc.). I didn't feel like doing anything but I never obey my feelings; those simian tricksters!

My aim for the day was to paint, but I decided to do something practical and intellectual and performed a photographic study of spheres and water droplets. The results were spectacularly beautiful on all counts.

After that, I got to work on the second Kratos painting, on panel as before. This time, I wanted more of a fleshy colour, and to set the scene in a cavern. The results were far better than before, and I again loved, or at least appreciated, a smooth panel surface (even if I prefer Belle Arti canvas panels). I listened to Berlioz as I painted, the emotions of the music helped guide the crucial content of this painting. I thought how every stroke of brush was affected by so many variables. My stoic mood really helped the painting, as did the Fantastic Symphony; no machine could oil paint to the same degree without all of this input.

I'm still inclined to repaint the parrot picture on a canvas panel, and perhaps experiment with a rougher, more impressionistic style of painting. Surrealism is never impressionistic or rough in texture. All surrealist paintings are highly detailed works, ultra-smooth, like photographs, because they are designed to depict mental images, which are stronger when clear, explicit, detailed, and brightly coloured. Blurs are foggy memories, uncertain.

I'm aiming for an overall emotional effect, so can use any technique to achieve it.

I'm defining whole new classes of painting. Consider Beethoven's works: string quartets, piano sonatas, symphonies, concertos, violin and piano works, etc. Each a different class, worked on and mastered over time. Although art has genres (impressionism, cubism, abstract etc.) those are more painting styles; effects, not classes in this definition; those types of painting are more like the 'instruments' in the musical analogy. My classes include: 1. Spontaneous ideas from a tiny 'unconscious' sketch expanded into a detailed work. 2. Improvisations in the wet (and similar in ink, my book illustrations use this technique). 3. Groups around a visual theme (eg. the ekphrastic group which used The Death of Chatterton).

Rather than my work being haphazard, I've been exploring and moving towards mastery of these classes of work ever since I started painting. Now I can fully define these, and perhaps define other classes with rules, just like the rules for sonata-form, rondo, string quartet, and so on. So much in visual art is new, not done, unexplored. I feel I'm right at the beginning of several centuries of evolution and growth.

Bush-birds and Hand-birds

Today I'm pondering the best way measure the correct ratio of bush-birds to hand-birds in a scenario of behavioural economics. I suspect that the real ratio is a little above 2. Various psychological experiments could be run to determine this, but there must also be a theoretical biological basis.

Results would, of course, vary based on each individual. As attitudes are social and cultural to some extent, they may also change over time. I wonder how many psychological experiments change by culture?

Today has been a frustratingly poor day. I've updated my website to list watercolours by year, this is one positive, and took a brisk walk to buy more choline. I looked up Ardour on YouTube. How hugely complex and inefficient it seems compared to Prometheus! It was the simplicity of Protracker 3.1b on Amiga that inspired me, its huge power in simplicity. All Protracker needs is an infinite number of tracks, better time resolution and one huge 'pattern', and audio effect plug-ins per-instrument and per-track, and Protracker would be Prometheus.

Caged Bird Underpainting

Traced over 'Caged Bird' last night, and today a long day underpainting this work on panel. The paint was applied too thickly at first, so needed battling, but by the end of the day the result is on par with the study. It's smooth and with enough detail to be considered 'finished' but another layer can be used to add yet more finesse.

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings

A steady day of work with painting. Each day focused on the task of making the best art I can. I've had many breakthroughs and changes to my art philosophy, and ways of working, in 2024. I'm full of ideas, but face the future with same same anxious trepidation that all artists do.

I started with a desire to work on the next batch of 4 paintings, with this idea:

A pertinent enough sentiment for someone who has spent 40 years working in the same room! The title that came to mind is 'I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings', from the novel, but not related; this is about birds and cages. The parrot-man reminded me of van Gogh's parrot, an image I painted in my early days, I think twice. The scene to me suggested van Gogh's bedroom painting too, and broad impressionist strokes.

The size exactly matched a panel I've prepared for an old frame, an ugly frame painted with brown plasticy paint. I started the day by stripping it down with a wire brush and staining it red. Then, a trip to Bickerton to collect my paintings. This, my only exhibition of the year in the tiny village hall. No sales, which is a trend of late but unusual historically; I've more often than not sold one there. I could do with the money, but I know that my painting is on the ascent.

I worked on the full sized drawing and painted a study on paper to work out the tones and colours:

I've watched a documentary on Constable, an artist I like. He too painted many oil studies on paper. Like him, I'm faced with the problem on matching the joyous feeling of these little works to the final result. Yet I'd find it impossible, partly because I'm a master of the smooth now, and can't help but blend and shade. I'll be painting this on a smooth panel (as this study is), which makes everything more complex, adding unique variables. Smooth it will be, like Vermeer dreaming of Leonardo da Vinci.

The next step is to prepare the panel and transfer the drawing.

Frameculator, Self Inspection At Theresienstadt, Cromwell

A slower day. I feel I'm recovering from a virus. Deb has had an awful night at work and I've been worried about her. Oh to escape. Oh for Godot's arrival. I keep expecting him at any moment.

I started with some programming, updating Frameculator. Sometimes I saw from an offcut of wood; it's quite common to start with a piece already cut, on a slope. I wanted to add a feature to add a specific length to the measurements. I also improved the calculations; before it was possible to enter an illegal triangle (eg. 200, 50, 50 as sides), now this is detected, and I've upgraded the accuracy to double, which was needed for some angles. I thought a float (32-bit) value would be enough, but some triangles were not calculated well enough.

None of this is very important. I hardly spend any time framing! The act was more of a meditation, with some pragmatic quality. After that, I started work glazing 'Self Inspection At Theresienstadt', primarily smoothing out the patchy sky. Here is a before and after crop of the sky:

The shine is due to the wet oil. The difference is huge but not evident on a screen. Then some scant work on the Oliver Cromwell painting, which everyone thinks is a generic farmer. In my mind perhaps he is, this muddy commoner father to my King Charles self.

Not much done on it, but the glazing the carrot fronds was a lovely experience. It's taken me years to know the right colours to glaze these grassy, yellow-greens; more yellow-green than actual carrot fronds, but I care not. I must move on. I must paint more.

I feel that my time is short, that my end is nigh, that doom is approaching. Isn't it always so anyway? This is good motivation.

You Either Believe Layer 1

Traced over Kratos yesterday.

A terrible night of nightmares and bad sleep. My chest hurts, feeling fuzzy as though at the end of a cold, and given my immense feelings of weakness over the past two weeks, I feel I may have unknowingly contracted a virus.

Today I painted another layer on the miniature 'You Either Believe In AI Or You Don't'. Each layer seems to improve things hugely, then when looking at the dried result it seems to require a new layer. That is the mark of oil painting.

A Drive Through The Town Release, Kratos 2

A dream of a trip to the moon in a rocket, with my mother and brother. It's a special event, a prize or unique reward. We have the silver rocket to ourselves. I can remember lining up to acquire the travel documents. It was to happen on Friday, which in my mind was tomorrow, not today.

Today it's the release of 'A Drive Through The Town', my most pop-like, and best produced album to date. About half of the day was taken up with the technicalities of release, sharing links, updating the website, making basic announcements. I'm pleased with it, and hope and aim to update and re-record older albums, and make newer ones, which I'll strive to be better as well as different. I wish I had the money for a CD verison of Drive, and indeed wish that I could sell any copies at all.

For the other half of the day, I decided to re-paint Kratos, a second version. I want the size to be 50cm or less, and the doors of the artwork need taking into account, so really I needed to make it smaller. I wasn't happy with some aspects of the first version either, so decided to work on a smaller version today. I drew it out and prepared a 20x20cm panel. My new 'Frameculator' software allowed me to instantly see how big the external frame would be.

The Beatle City production is complete after 4 or 5 full days spread over 2 weeks, which is typical to produce a song.

Kratos Underpainting

A first of the month, so a backup day, then a full day of painting the Kratos painting. It's high in detail and perhaps doesn't require a glaze. I didn't paint a colour study this time, which I perhaps should, as I didn't consider the background. In my head, it was in a cavern or cave, like Hades perhaps, but I drew mountains in the underdrawing. Time, however, is short here. My deadline for total completion is 4 weeks away.

Generally I'm feeling exhausted and weak, but life is work, time is limited. Mozart is not remembered for the days he spent resting. The Olympics are a great inspiration. In art we all win gold, but also silver, bronze, and 'did-not-finish'; for we compete with ourselves and the job is never complete, victory ever elusive.

Onwards we push.